selfish..blowjobs

[nnjlon2]

i am a active sex person one who can have it everyday, my man will ask for a blowjob about twice a week, my problem is he never returns the favor right then and there. to me it seems like he is only about himself, and tell me that it is give and take. he never just pleases me and goes to sleep like i have to do when he gets a bj. is this selfishness on my part i feel it is , what about my needs.

 

on the weekends he will ask me for a bj before he goes to work and here iam again left out, we have sex if any two times a week he gets off more than i do and feels there is nothing wrong with that, i like to feel good also but to him i m being selfish. is this normal? yes i like to make him feel good not depriving him but i feel unliked after i do for him and all i get is a thank you it was good, goood night.

 

to the experienced people do you feel the same way and how or what do you do to over come this feeling?

 

if you have an answer and do not want to post it please feel free to email me email removed thank you

[BellaDonna]

Hi there.

 

Have you ever talked to him about how you feel about this? Have you come right out and asked him to return the favor? If so, what did he say?

 

 

BellaDonna

[jsx730]

One night before bed, ask him for oral, and if he gives it to you, roll over on him and snooze out once he finishes!

[Siriana]

Well did you ask him to give you what you want?

[Meow18]

I can understand why you feel the way you do. But you have a right to say no. And you have a right to want him to please you as well.

 

If you don't want to give without taking, then don't. It would be ok if every once in awhile he wanted without giving, but it seems like it's pretty common for him to not care about your needs.

 

You need to talk to him about how you are feeling. And if he says you are being selfish, then be selfish and don't give him what he wants.

[lunatic]

Your guy sounds like a selfish brat. Relationships are a two way street and not located on a single lane one way road.

 

If he is not giving you what you need then you have to analyze the situation and determine if this is something you CAN LIVE with. Personally speaking from my experience when the sex is gone so is the relationship not too much after.

 

Good luck and if you need to talk PM me.

 

Hub

[itsallgrand]

He might be a brat or he might just be so used to be treated like the King with a personal escort that a break-up in the situation may help.

 

You give him bjs when he asks? Stop doing that all the time.

Sometimes do it spontaneously. Other times when he wants it, tell him no.

 

Expect more. Give less.

This doesn't mean becoming selfish. It means becoming more discriminating about how you choose to share your body and pleasure.

 

And talk to him. Let him know you are unhappy. Tell him specificially what he can do and what you want.

 

If nothing changes after that, it would be time to reevaluate whether this guy can make you happy in the long run. Perhaps he is selfish in bed.

Selfish in bed usually translates into selfish elsewhere.

 

Just my take.

 

Oh, and about being 'the type of person who can have it every day'. Heh. There are lots of us like that. It doesn't mean you should make yourself that available though - that is boring. There is no mystery or appeal in that. IMHO.

[Hope75]

I, too, am curious if you have ever communicated to him that you want more reciprocation.

 

Another idea is when he asks for a BJ, start him off with oral but then jump on him and get yours once he's hard. You can be on top if he's exhausted, and everybody wins. It is a two way street, but you have to tell him what you want too!

[aviator]

in his mind, the oral policy is

1) whenever you want it, just ASK

2) getting some does not always mean giving some back

 

I suggest you follow his policy for a while (ask HIM for oral, but dont reciprocate). You might both enjoy this same policy! If you dont, then negotiate a different policy (ie.. communicate your needs)

[Day_Walker]

As long as you keep doing it and not saying anything then there is no possibility for it to change. You are going to have to tell him that this is a problem.

[TWIS7ER]

To me receiving a BJ after asking for it is not the same as receiving one out of spontanous. It really hurts my ego to have to ask for one. Maybe I'm different but I am willing to go down on her, If she is willing to please me, but then again I'll go down on her and not have to be pleased.

[nnjlon2]

you all make valid points to my issue thank you all.

 

answers to your questions:

most of the time he asks for a bj is when he has to go to work like lets say in an hour then 20 minutes pass and he is like hey what about a hummer before work? so know here is me mad as hell because he knows it works me up and i am left hanging. i do not like that then by the time rolls around for me to get mine it is a week later,

when i tell him that he only thinks about himself and not about me he tells me sometimes you have to take it for the team.

this is hard for me because i want him to be happy and not have to go elsewhere but in the same sense HEELLLO i have needs also.

to get other peoples opinion on my issue is helpful because it makes me see that giving is ok but maybe it is me and i am the one with the problem.i have thought about doing myself after he leaves i am not one for this i have actually done this two times after he leaves and i felt like all day like i betrayed him so thus i do not do it anymore and just suffer with the pain of horniness i guess,

 

thanks to all of you who have posted to this

Lisa

[Hope75]

when i tell him that he only thinks about himself and not about me he tells me sometimes you have to take it for the team.

this is hard for me because i want him to be happy and not have to go elsewhere but in the same sense HEELLLO i have needs also.

 

So is he EVER reciprocating?

 

If not.... how much do you think he prioritizes your needs vs. you prioritizing his needs? It's a two way street.....

[BellaDonna]

As I had mentioned in the PM's, I think a lot of this has to do with maturity. He's not going about this in a very polite way. You might feel differently if he was appreciative and reciprocal about it, instead of just expecting it.

 

If I were you, I would not do it every time he asked. He needs to learn self-control.

 

If you try talking to him over and over and he continues to act this way, then maybe you need to make the message clearer that you are not satisified sexually. You might have to let him know in a way that he can understand. If it were me, I'd get a sex toy (preferably a large intimidating one) and leave it out on the nightstand where he can see it. If you give him oral sex and then he rejects you and falls asleep- use your toy right there when he's attempting to fall asleep. (Either it will a.) send a strong message, or b.) turn him on enough to want to pleasure you)

 

BellaDonna

[lunatic]

(Either it will a.) send a strong message, or b.) turn him on enough to want to pleasure you)

 

BellaDonna

 

I am puzzled as to why it would have to go this far. I would say to heck with the "toy" and say no to the BJ. If you want to send a message to him that your not happy then cut him off completely till he gets it. The only suggestion I would make is to tell him that this is because your "needs" are NOT being met.

 

If this man is not reciprocating then it might be a deal breaker (to me it would if my SO was not even trying to please me).

 

You deserve better than that and I for one can tell you that I know many single people out there. I am sure there is another man out there that would make you his pleasure palace. Taking care of his lady is a priority and that lucky woman could be you. If he is not willing to meet you half way then the relationship is already dead. Think about what you want and if this is something you "CAN" deal with. I know I would not be able to deal with being rejected all the time.

[Meow18]

I am puzzled as to why it would have to go this far. I would say to heck with the "toy" and say no to the BJ. If you want to send a message to him that your not happy then cut him off completely till he gets it. The only suggestion I would make is to tell him that this is because your "needs" are NOT being met.

 

 

I completely agree with this. You DON'T have to give your boyfriend a blow job when it makes you feel as horrible as it does.

 

You mentioned that one reason you do it is so that he doesn't go somewhere else. If you are seriously worried that he's going to go out and get it somewhere else if you don't do it, then that's a problem in itself.

 

You need to have another serious talk with him. If he's not willing to give as much as you (and that doesn't mean everytime you want it he HAS to give it, but he better be willing to give as much as he's asking for you to give).

 

You do have needs. Your needs are not being met, and just because it's a sexual need does not mean it's selfish when you are pleasing his every sexual need.

[TiredMan]

Exactly!

 

Have you ASKED him for oral? If you are just expecting it without communicating straight out that you want it, then no he isn't really wrong. He has to ASK you for BJ's. Not like you are offering it.

 

If you ask and he says no a bunch of times, then yes he is being selfish.

[aviator]

you all make valid points to my issue thank you all.

answers to your questions

 

You never answered the most important question (asked at least 10 times):

 

do YOU ever ask HIM for oral?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Stop giving until you start receiving. Flat out, no more. He asks for a quick hummer before work tell him to go stand by the washing machine

[Katiebaby]

Hey honey, i have some great advice for you because this happened to me. I had NEVER had oral sex before ever. (at 20) (oh, and im very groomed, clean etc no dramas there i promise lolz)

 

And my fella kept demanding head like every time we saw each other... it'd be like hi how are you? can i get a BJ?

So i'd be like what the hey... then when i went to ask i'd get okay maybe another time, or some excuse. Turns out he had never given oral to a girl before. he was worried hed be crap, so i was like well if ive never had it then how am i going to know what good or 'crap' feels like?

He dodged it, and kept asking for head so one day i said...

 

 

GIVE AND YOU SHAL receive.

 

 

So one day he was so desperate for a BJ he threw me down and did his best. and it was great. so thats my advice, hold off. tell him to give and you shal receive. and don't fall for "okay, but do me first" tell him you'd be happy to oblige after you have ur turn. tell him what goes around COMES around. lol Sex is one thing, but fellatio is quite another

 

Hope i helped xox

[nnjlon2]

yes i have asked him foe oral , and all i get is later wheni come from work he comes from work he goes to bed, so thats out, so i just give up on that one

[lunatic]

yes i have asked him foe oral , and all i get is later wheni come from work he comes from work he goes to bed, so thats out, so i just give up on that one

 

That is the biggest BS I have ever heard of. If I were your guy and I was told that your not happy with me sexually I think I would have a heart attack. I pride myself on being a good lover and that would destroy my confidence. Sorry if this comes off a bit snobbish but, If I were with someone and she wanted oral I would be down there before she finished her sentence.

 

I believe you have some thinking to do here. Are you willing to deal with this or are you tired of being used. I personally think he is being selfish here. I don't want to hurt you but, I think he may not be happy in this relationship and is using you for sexual relief. I could be wrong but, my intuition is telling me something is NOT right here.

[TiredMan]

yes i have asked him foe oral , and all i get is later wheni come from work he comes from work he goes to bed, so thats out, so i just give up on that one

 

tell him i bothers you and tell him thst unless he starts doing it too, u don't want to do it for him anymore eithre.

[Katiebaby]

And it comes out again... Give and you shal receive... Lol

 

Good luck chicky!! xo

[Aleadragonhawk]

Nnjlon, there's something I'm picking up on in your posts that no one here has mentioned yet. It sounds like you really don't want to be giving your boyfriend oral sex. If that's rooted in not recieving pleasure in return, or his selfishness, that's part of the issue - but if you don't want to be having a sex act? Don't. It doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship for a long time, and are usually sexually active -- if you don't want to be doing it, you shouldn't be doing it.

 

His cavelier attitude in telling you to "take one for the team" shows a lot of disrespect to you and your feeling about this matter. Rather than playing games by witholding oral sex or tempting him with other sexual games, why not tell him, flat out, that you aren't enjoying performing oral sex on him? And remember, also, that you shouldn't be performing oral sex on him so that you can get it in return. Do it because you want to - no other reason really cuts it.