How do I tell my sister, her boyfriend is cheating?

[lovecrazy]

Well basically I had a feeling my sister's boyfriend was no good! Apparently I was right...

 

I am very tight with my sister. I would give my life for her, if it came down to it. This girl is dating a guy who I will call Mike...

 

Mike when I first met him I was aight with him, but something about him was off. My sister had a feeling he was cheating on her, and well she came to find out that he didnt, so I let it go. Normally, I go on gut feelings about people. And usually womens intuition is correct.

 

This guy Mike, this past Saturday night, hit on a girl I know, and who has no reason to lie. Who I will call Michelle. And didnt know Mike was dating my sister. Earlier in the night, (They were at a local bar) Mike was talking to Michelle, and by his body language you could tell he was interested. (This is what I am told) And they were just sitting and talking. Well Michelle has a boyfriend and has no reason to lie. At least from what I understand she wouldnt have a reason to lie...

 

Well My girl Hannah told Michelle to not mess with Mike because he was dating my sister. Michelle responded with, Ok I wont. Well Michelle ended up going out to Mikes car, to get a phone number from him for a friend. And he asked her while they were sitting there talking "You wanna suck my

 

Now I find both sides of the story fishy...I am not sure if I can trust this Michelle girl, and I feel I cant trust Mike. So basically I need advice on how to handle this...

 

Now some of you can say "Let your sister find out for herself" In my family it doesnt happen like that. I have my sisters back for anything, anytime.

 

What gets me is I told this guy not to mess with my sisters heart. And she actually cares about this guy. See I even told him I have resources, to do background checks, to learn about people. And I heard something like this about him before..But I let it be..Cause people change.

BUT HELL FREAKING NO...

 

HELP, I need advice on how to handle this.

 

I could just tell my sister, but she is the type you have to have PROOF!!

 

 

Plan A:

So here is my question, I can have Michelle leave with him, and go some where. And we follow her, and with my sister with me, and catch them in the "act" which Michelle wouldnt do anything, but catching him with another girl would be enough.

 

Plan B:

Or I could just tell my sister!

 

Plan C:

I could let Michelle, "trap" him into going someplace with her, give her a tape recorder, record the conversation, have a video camera, bust him (Like the show Cheaters) along with a digital camera to have a back up. And show the proof to my sister.

 

So what do ya'll suggest?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

If I read your post correct, you are going by third party information?

[AwdreeHpburn]

ummm...yeh - seems like you're making this a lot more complicared than it needs to be. Why don't you just ask him about it in front of your sister.

 

"Hey Mike - a friend a mine said you were hitting on her in a bar the other night. What's up with that?"

 

...or something along those lines...

 

The proof will be in his response.

[vermilion]

I think the whole setting him up thing is a little too much. Sounds fun though.

 

You should just tell your sister what you heard and let her interpret it how she wants and she can confront her boyfriend. Do make it clear that you don't know if this really happened though- don't make it sound as though you SAW it happen.

[Day_Walker]

If you didnt see it then I wouldnt say anything.

[Siriana]

I think you need to tell her the story you've heard but also saying how you can't be shure 100% that it's the truth.

 

If you see smoke, it has to be a fire too.(direct translation from my language - don't know your expression, but I hope you got the picture).

[BYOB]

There would be tons of ways that would hurt people. I wouldn't start off with a proof.

 

In my opinion, the best way is basically to report what you know to your sister in a conversation with her just like if you were telling any other moment of your life. If she asks for proofs, also tell her the truth; you have none but make sure to ask her if she wants you to get proofs. If you accept to come back with proofs, well you're intanstly involved and that can mean trouble coming from her boyfriend.

 

Otherwise, stay aside and...make you got your eyes shut when comes "KaBooM" ? If she refuses, I think that there ain't much more that you can do except to wait for her in your arms when she'll have her own proofs.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I was reading your post over a few times and none of this makes any sense. It sounds fishy and accusing someone of cheating without solid or tangible proof can be devestating to all involved. You do not even know this girl Michelle at all, you do not know if she has any motivation to lie or not. So how can you assess her character when you do not even know her?

 

Unless you SAW something, I would not say anything. True, this guy Mike may not sit well with you but that part is totally irrelevent at this point.

[lovecrazy]

Hey there,

 

I was reading your post over a few times and none of this makes any sense. It sounds fishy and accusing someone of cheating without solid or tangible proof can be devestating to all involved. You do not even know this girl Michelle at all, you do not know if she has any motivation to lie or not. So how can you assess her character when you do not even know her?

 

Unless you SAW something, I would not say anything. True, this guy Mike may not sit well with you but that part is totally irrelevent at this point.

 

You are right its doesnt make sense?

 

Like I said the whole situation is a bit fishy to me. The girl could have some type of motive to make trouble. Becuase at this bar, my sister really isnt a stranger...

 

and again..thanks

[lovecrazy]

Hey there,

 

If I read your post correct, you are going by third party information?

 

kinda yes...but my best friend who I am calling Hannah, was there but didnt actually hear Mike say those words to Michelle.

 

so again I am confused on how to approach this...

[kellbell]

"kinda yes...but my best friend who I am calling Hannah, was there but didnt actually hear Mike say those words to Michelle."

 

Okay, so neither you or your friend heard, let alone SAW anything.

 

"so again I am confused on how to approach this...?"

 

You do nothing, you know nothing, you or your friend did not see anything, or even heard anything...you don't have any proof. I would let it go. Now, this guy Mike MAY be jerk and your sister deserves better but there is not much you can do about that. All you can do is support her. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot force it to drink.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

You may want to let it go for now; to accuse him (and expose his alleged cheating to your sister) now w/o any concrete proof may end up only hurting (perhaps unnecessarily?) your sister and MAY cause conflict between you and your sis (bc she may take his side on this w/o anything to prove your story).

 

 

That said, I think it's wonderful you're looking out for your sis.

I would not say anything for now but keep my eyes and ears open.

If he's a cheater, he's bound to slip up again.

 

Just my two cents worth.

 

Take care!

[Ellie2006]

Oh one more thing: in my humble opinion, I would advise against coming up w/ some elaborate plan to "trap" him -- things may invariably backfire.

For instance, he may point the finger at you for entrapment, exaggerate your role in making him fall prey to a "fake set-up" and manipulate and lie his way out of taking responsibility for his actions.

[flower99]

ummm...yeh - seems like you're making this a lot more complicared than it needs to be. Why don't you just ask him about it in front of your sister.

 

"Hey Mike - a friend a mine said you were hitting on her in a bar the other night. What's up with that?"

 

...or something along those lines...

 

The proof will be in his response.

 

I like this plan. Since there is No actual proof. You can't do much else.

But your gut is telling you somethings up so of course you want to say something... So maybe ask him exactly like this, in front of your sister.....it's casual, direct & not screaming acusations, just 'i heard this..is it true' & his response will answer your questions.

[BellaDonna]

If it were my sister, I'd tell her what I heard but that she should be careful with what she does with the info because it is from a 3rd party. Essentially, I'd tell her, but also advise her to take it with a grain of salt.

 

Personally, I'd want my sister to tell me if she ever heard anything like that said about my guy, whether it was true or not- I'd at least want to KNOW if such a story was going around.

 

BellaDonna

[sharper4]

If you had enough solid proof you already would have gone to your sister instead of asking us for advice, so let it go until you know something for sure. Just my opinion.

[Rabican]

Id say you have to have a little more than a second hand rumor before you bring this to your sister. That said, id make it my mission to find out what he was up to. Get a hot single friend to make advances towards him and see if he turns it down.

[lady00]

I'd let it go. A friend of mine once told me that if I heard a rumor about her or if I heard what someone was saying about her, she didn't want to know about it. I agree with the principle behind what she said...why would she want to know about unsubtantiated rumors about herself or what people think of her? It ultimately didn't matter to her. I think your sister's bf deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt when there is no evidence that he's cheating.

 

If you tell your sis what you heard, chances are she'll react negatively or it might affect her relationship with her bf for no reason. I dont think it makes sense to cause trouble between you two or between them over something you heard third-hand and have no evidence of.