Update: on the value of not dating:)

[itsallgrand]

And not caring about it one way or another. Highly underrated!

 

I made the decision after my last tryst with my ex. It was a foolish decision, but I did learn my lesson. Won't be doing that again.

 

Does anyone else find it incredibly freeing to just be on your own?

All that energy to give back to yourself, instead of diffusing out in pursuit.

 

I feel like I've realized a few really important things.

1) I am not a relationship. -

this means my self worth, my happiness, my life does not ever EVER have to be grounded again due to a break-up or death or tragedy.

For real!

 

2) I don't NEED an SO. Sure, it's nice. But confusing wanting and needing is dangerous.

 

3) Nothing and no one is as important to me as me. That's right. I said it.

And it feels good.

I feel less angry - less frustrated - my worth is not on the line now.

I can assert much better without feeling so threatened.

 

It's the funniest thing. I am getting asked on more dates now than ever in my life, more attention more interest more of what I always wanted - it feels like it is all falling in my lap.

 

But, I don't really want it terribly right now. I feel blessed.

 

The difference is HUGE. Now I feel I have time to consider, truly consider my options.

And being solo for however long I want is a valid option.

 

Only thing is...many people really do think it somewhat peculiar a choice, eh?

I won't bother aching my head over why, but I find it a little peculiar to get that reaction.

 

Anyhow, just an update on my healing. Though I will always care about the well-being of my ex, I feel like I am truly 'moving on'. A new life cycle has begun. And it feels great.

 

peace all.

[radioheader]

good for you! i always thought it would be like that if my husband and i split up after our 15 years...i wouldn't want to date...just be me and be on my own...but we've got 2 kids so i try to work and make it thru his infidelity...but i do know that i am not one of those who would have to fall into another relationship right away! enjoy discovering yourself!

[Portage]

It is awesome to know that you can enjoy being JUST with yourself. I love my own company. I think you really grow and understand what, who, when, how, you'll make that next jump into giving to another.

 

I eventually want to tread lightly into that scary dating pit, but in the meantime, God, I LOVE ME

 

you are not alone

 

Loving yourself is so vital to the makings of a strong relationship down the road. Something i never realized until fairly recent.

[quietgrl]

The saying goes that singles should embrace their singlehood.

[pinkelephant]

Congrats, itsallgrand. I hope I'll get to where you are soon.

[HurleyBabe6917]

It's extremely freeing.

I don't have to worry about everything I do now.

Who I talk to, what I wear, who I hang out with.

No one can control me anymore.

I can just be myself.

[Psylocke]

I know I'm there right with ya itsallgrand!!! 8) 95% of the time I feel the exact same way. Life is so much simplier this way.

[run_little_rabbit]

Yay for you!!

When you are ready for a relationship again, I think you'll be able to enjoy it so much more, if not on a completely new level.

[Batya33]

That's so great for you! I never felt comfortable taking a long break from being in a relationship because of the ticking biological clock but it is great to see that you are getting into a serious happy relationship with yourself - more power to you!

[TheRedQueen]

Hey grand,

 

I know exactly how you feel. A year ago, I too had very similar revelations, but yet again found myself distracted by men, or rather, "a man". Minus this one major mistake, I've been able to regain my focus, attention and affections on none other than moi!!! As far as the "love dept." goes, I do happen to have an SO, but he lives out of state, and I've known him for almost 7 years. Am I in love with him? No. Do I love him? Yes. Is this by all means and measures the lowest maintenance relationship I've ever been in? Hell yes it is.

 

I'm a hermit by nature, and every once in awhile it is important for my sanity, to have close human intimate contact, IRL of course. Regardless, most of the time I live my life alone, and I'll tell you what, I'm some great company!!

[itsallgrand]

These replies are awesome, ladies.

 

It's weird, because I didn't actually think of myself as the type of person who needed a relationship or who defined herself by what was happening or who she was with.

 

Well, after this last break with exy, it hurt so bad and happened to catch me at a time when I was already primed for self reflection. It was just...time.

 

And, well, looking at my history, there never really was a time as an adult where I either was not with a man or aching because of it.

 

One day of course I'd love to have another relationship. But for now, biological clock or not (and i hear it nowadays on occasion) , I know truly that I would drive any man nuts. I'd just make a mess of it.

I need this time to myself.

[Portage]

Way to go, Itsallgrand!!

 

Some women would ignore the signals and cling desperately to any man.

 

You should be proud of your independence, and when you're ready for another relationship, it is just an extra bonus to a fulfilling lifestyle of your choice