ramsickle1369 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Let me throw in my 2 cents here... being a single woman who has had this particular fantasy, I have no idea if I'd ever go thru with it. Maybe IF the 2nd guy was as good to me as the first was. And that's HIGHLY unlikely! There’s a tremendous amount of emotion involved—not the relationship type, but the type that causes that chemistry. It’d be hard to find TWO men that make one woman feel that chemistry! It’s hard enough to find one! I've shared this particular fantasy with my mate and he was curious about it. I think his insecurity was mostly that HE had no interest AT ALL in being involved in any sexual act involving another man... He seemed to think that I'd envisioned it the way he does. I don’t! See... men envision the 2 women being "together" as much as with him involved... Women's fantasies are far more selfish. We want ALL the attention on us! I have NO interest in being around 2 men being "together", just my own preference. I'd feel totally left out and annoyed! I do know one thing... after sharing this with my lover, I worried something fierce (and still do) what he now thought of me. I felt trashy at times for just sharing that info. Although it was incredibly erotic to do so in the first place and would jump on the topic in a heartbeat if given the chance. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Wow. ok women are more open about sexuality then I thought.. like i mentioned before was married since i wsa 20... and didn't get to experience alot of dating.. the last 4 yrs have just been light dates... nothing serious... I have dated 6 women in the last 4 yrs... but non have been so explicit about this type of sexual fantasy...so yeah it was kind of a surprise... and the women i dated were very sexual... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Wow. ok women are more open about sexuality then I thought.. like i mentioned before was married since i wsa 20... and didn't get to experience alot of dating.. the last 4 yrs have just been light dates... nothing serious... I have dated 6 women in the last 4 yrs... but non have been so explicit about this type of sexual fantasy...so yeah it was kind of a surprise... and the women i dated were very sexual... So... while in the moment, did her talking like this turn you on? Did you divuldge your fantasies, too? When was it that you started thinking it was trashy? Why? What happened? Did you suddenly feel dirty yourself because of that conversation? I just wonder if it was some sort of external influence that jaded the thot? Dirty talk and sharing fantasies can be amazing for both involved. And if one party isn't getting into it, trust me, they will have a hard time talking dirty to that person. So consider yourself blessed that you found someone with whom you share incredible chemisrty! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Are there any guys out there that would feel alittle threatened If your girlfriend says that her fantasy is to 2 guys.. or am i the only one.. I can't be.. Mind you this is a girlfriend that you care for very deeply... maybe it's a trust issue.. Personally I would not feel threatened by this but I dont believe that I represent the typical guy. I am sure that other men would feel threatened by a fantasy such as having a threesome with two guys. I understand your point of view but I dont see what her fantasy even has to do with you. Now if she did engage in this activity and you did not want to go along with it then you will have a problem but I see this just as a fantasy. If you somehow believe that because she has this fantasy that she is now going to go out and try to make her fantasy come true then I think that is a rash assumption unless she has given you some indication that she wishes to do that. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 So... while in the moment, did her talking like this turn you on? Did you divuldge your fantasies, too? When was it that you started thinking it was trashy? Why? What happened? Did you suddenly feel dirty yourself because of that conversation? I just wonder if it was some sort of external influence that jaded the thot? Dirty talk and sharing fantasies can be amazing for both involved. And if one party isn't getting into it, trust me, they will have a hard time talking dirty to that person. So consider yourself blessed that you found someone with whom you share incredible chemisrty! No It actually turned me off.. and thought " is this a relationship or does she just think it's sexual " because I had started to really like her.. and not just sexual like the past girlfriends... Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Personally I would not feel threatened by this but I dont believe that I represent the typical guy. I am sure that other men would feel threatened by a fantasy such as having a threesome with two guys. I understand your point of view but I dont see what her fantasy even has to do with you. Now if she did engage in this activity and you did not want to go along with it then you will have a problem but I see this just as a fantasy. If you somehow believe that because she has this fantasy that she is now going to go out and try to make her fantasy come true then I think that is a rash assumption unless she has given you some indication that she wishes to do that. ok well - I probably should'nt get too personal about this.. but she mentioned that her and her ex would discuss a possible threesome and very involved in porn,, and they even thinking about putting a sex video on the net.. So yeah I guess im alittle feeling alittle aprehensive of taking this " relationship " to the next level.. because my intention is NOT just a sexual relationship.. If it was just sexual then I would NOT have a problem at all with her fantasy == if that makes sense... Link to comment
Portage Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Well doesn't this kinda change the entire thread now?? Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Well doesn't this kinda change the entire thread now?? I just think my last post says why I am feeling the way (alittle background as to why i feel this way) about her and her fantasy.. and why I feel threatened by this... Link to comment
Ash Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Threatened? Or perhaps intimidated by a woman with a strong sexuality? It happens to lots of us. Certain days I'm almost taken aback by my partners unusual aggressiveness and it can take a second or two to adjust. Generally though when she gets like thats it's a lot of fun. It's not for everybody though. Some guys just aren't in their comfort zones with a strongly sexed, relatively aggresive lady. Others find it tremendously enticing. It works the other way too. Some women like to take charge, others take a submissive role. So, is it the fantasy that makes you unsettled, or is there more to it than that? If you're not sexually compatible it can make things difficult and not as satisfying and comfortable for both partners. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Threatened? Or perhaps intimidated by a woman with a strong sexuality? It happens to lots of us. Certain days I'm almost taken aback by my partners unusual aggressiveness and it can take a second or two to adjust. Generally though when she gets like thats it's a lot of fun. It's not for everybody though. Some guys just aren't in their comfort zones with a strongly sexed, relatively aggresive lady. Others find it tremendously enticing. It works the other way too. Some women like to take charge, others take a submissive role. So, is it the fantasy that makes you unsettled, or is there more to it than that? If you're not sexually compatible it can make things difficult and not as satisfying and comfortable for both partners. Mabye it a my issue of not talking about such fantasies because I very private about things one being sex.. and never had a woman open up like that to me.. Link to comment
Mrs Elliott Smith Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Of course it's normal. Just because she has a fantasy like this, it doesn't mean that she's a wh.... or anything. And it might not even mean that she'd actually act out on that fantasy if given the chance. What are your fantasies like? Are they "rated G?" I doubt it. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 If you believe that she would like to honestly pursue something like this and you do not approve then I believe you have valid grounds for breaking up with her. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 With a situation like this, it's all in the way it was done. Best case scenario she's just being free with her sexuality. Worst case scenario it was one of those dreaded tests that come so hard and fast sometimes to see if you'd get jealous and/or stick up for yourself at the thought of her banging another man. I can't tell you which one it was by your description. If you have any part of your personality which is doormat/insecure when it comes to girls then it was definitely a test. Like if you avoid conflict just because you don't want to tick her off or don't want to deal with it, realize that she notices and will keep pushing your limits until she either loses interest or you stick up for yourself. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 If you believe that she would like to honestly pursue something like this and you do not approve then I believe you have valid grounds for breaking up with her. Well that's just it,,, i am unsure that she will do this.. being that she has thought about it in the past with her ex.. so I guess i'm alittle hesitant at pursuing this relationship... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Have you asked her what her intentions are towards this relationship? Also, don't worry about telling her that while it's a hot thought, it's really something that you are not comfortable with. Fantasies should be fun, not something to put strain on a relatiosnhip. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to know you're worrying about it. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Have you asked her what her intentions are towards this relationship? Also, don't worry about telling her that while it's a hot thought, it's really something that you are not comfortable with. Fantasies should be fun, not something to put strain on a relatiosnhip. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to know you're worrying about it. her intensions seem good... but she is just more open about sexuality then I am...I really think it's just because I grew up very conservative.. And when it comes to sex.. I don't want to share her even in a fantasy .. just my opinion.. maybe i'm being to controlling..and jealous..and that's what I cannot figure out is that I am usually not a jealous person.. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 her intensions seem good... but she is just more open about sexuality then I am...I really think it's just because I grew up very conservative.. And when it comes to sex.. I don't want to share her even in a fantasy... just my opinion.. maybe I’m being to controlling..and jealous..and that's what I cannot figure out is that I am usually not a jealous person.. I worry about your concerns... where do they come from? Even the most conservative person can have a wild sexlife... What are you afraid of? It sounds to me that maybe you have sexual insecurities of your own. Why wouldn't you want to make a fantasy come true? It's the most amazing feeling on earth when you and a partner make a fantasy come true together! Do you get satisfaction when you see your partners face all squished up from the satisfaction you are giving her? Does she react to your touch? Do you? Is there chemistry or are you settling because she's "there"? Maybe you just aren’t THAT into her? Sorry if I am projecting my X-husband's issues here. But, I was in this very same situation as your g/f and it cost me my marriage. My husband thought very little of sex. Was not adventurous at all. Was into porn, but not with me--he said "it wasn't for special people like me." He thought porn was dirty, but it didn't stop him from watching it. I felt dirty having the "impure" thoughts I was having about sex. I would have LOVED to have him look at me JUST ONCE the way he watched his porn/mags. He didn't like lingerie because "It came off anyway". He would NEVER consider the idea of a threesome or more. But, he had no problem watching those X-rated pay per views or porn on the net. I hated that he was so closed off to me sexually. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to get him to notice me. I died a little each time he expressed that he didn't see me that way. HE WAS MY HUSBAND! He was the only one that COULD see me that way! Ultimately, I had to get out. There was too much damage and I'd gone absolutely cold... Some people simply aren't sexually compatible. Many people asked me if my husband was gay b/c he also thought very little of sex. I felt like I was an awful partner. That I was ugly and NOT sexy at all. It was a horrific feeling and the insecurities only grew stronger every day. PLEASE... talk more with her. Be open and considerate. NEVER tell her that something she's saying bothers you--she'll take it personally. No way around that. Link to comment
Ash Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'll fall in line with ramsickle here and express some worry also. Hopefully artmeus you can get to the bottom of why you feel this way. If you're sexually just not compatible then it's better to know now than a few years down the road. A bit off topic, but as for lingerie coming off, isn't it the rule that must be done without using your hands??? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 A bit off topic, but as for lingerie coming off, isn't it the rule that must be done without using your hands??? I always thought so! Link to comment
valiantv Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I would think she is just very open about sex and you're not used to it... I wouldn't take it as a bad sign (unless she starts making plans to live out her fantasy against your wishes) Doesn't mean she *only* wants sex out of the relationship, it simply means she is open about that particular topic. And having an ex like that might have what made her so open, but it doesn't mean she'll be tempted into orgies and making porn... So she's used to different things than you, but that's one of the beauties of getting together with someone different: sharing ideas and different points of view, discovering new ways of looking at things and becoming enlightened. To me it almost sounds like an intellectual challenge. (and I mean that in a good way) And I hate to bad mouth anyone's religion, but IMHO it is better to be open to new experiences than to worry about not being used to them because of a strict conservative up-bringing. Out of curiosity - did you bring up the topic or did she? Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I have fantasies about three WOMEN. I don't think two guys would do a whole lot for me. Either way, I'd like to put a vote in for your girlfriend being "normal" - and it'd be really awesome if people could drop sexual double standards against women- be a pioneer! Link to comment
Jlizzy Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I'm really sorry to say this but I think you are being a bit of a hypocrite to admit to having fantasies about 2 women yet somehow it's not ok for your girlfriend to have fantasies about 2 men??? Come on! Link to comment
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