artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 My girlfriends fantasy bothers me.. maybe I don't understand how women.. think about fantasies.. Here is her fantasy.. she said that her fantasy is to be with 2 men having sex and performing vairous sex acts... Is this normal or is she just very sexual... After she said that.. my opinion of her has changed and I being a jerk? Thinking of her now in a different way that i don't want her as a girlfriend.. because now it just seems that it's just sexual... Any advise... comments Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Here is her fantasy.. she said that her fantasy is to be with 2 men having sex and performing vairous sex acts... Many men have this fantasy about 2 women as well. I think as long as fantasies remain fantasies, you have nothing to worry about. I think it is good that she is being so open with you. BellaDonna Link to comment
BornToResist Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 It's pretty common. Have you ever thought about having two women at once? Like BellaDonna said, many men do. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 People have the weirdest fantasies, you know. It takes a lot of trust to share them (and sometimes best keep them to yourself, but hey, what do I know!). They are just fantasies, whether it's shagging a highwayman, being butler to the queen naked from the waist down (ooh, your highness!), being slathered in butter and whipped with rhubarb by a football team... They are just erotic daydreams, and most people would be horrified if they were to come true. Just see it as the juices that keep people going - and be thankful that your girlfriend is a sexual being!! Link to comment
BrokenHeart82 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I hate to get into the "sex wars" here but BellaDonna is correct....many, many men i know as friends or have dated have the fantasy of two women at the same time and its considered almost commonplace. If a guy wants two chicks..he's just a "typical, horny, guy" If a girl wants two guys...she's an insatiable horn ball. Link to comment
Portage Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 There is nothing wrong with such a fantasy. You should feel privledged that she is willing to share her private thoughts/fantasies with you. This does not mean she cares for you any less, just that she is a normal human being. Be confident! Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 It's pretty common. Have you ever thought about having two women at once? Like BellaDonna said, many men do. Yeah I can't lie - I have thought of having multiple women - kinda like hefner.. But I guess it's culture or maybe the individual.. as I am from a strict catholic background and never heard a woman say that - that i have been with anyway... but i guess I did think ( " trashy" ) just my opinion.... Link to comment
robowarrior Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 You know as a guy you don't want to share your gf with another guy, its exactly that which is blocking you from the thought, and makes you scared because you think she'd love to be with many men. It really doesn't mean she wants to cheat on you, or is unfaithfull, just that sexually she loves to have a great time and is in for a variety of things, you know imagine you didn't have a gf. And two beautifull woman ask to have sex with you in a threesome, now we all know that doesn't happen in real life, so if an oppertunity would arise few men would resist. So if you can imagine that, but then in a flipped context, you'll understand then why your gf wouldn't mind enjoying this. Same if id say , do you rather have 2 beers or 1? Choice easily made right? Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's sort of hypocritical to say that you've fantasized about being with more than one woman, but it makes her "trashy" to fantasize about more than one man. You have to try to open your mind. Just realize it is a fantasy- that's all. If she acted on it that would be a different story. BellaDonna Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Yeah I can't lie - I have thought of having multiple women - kinda like hefner.. But I guess it's culture or maybe the individual.. as I am from a strict catholic background and never heard a woman say that - that i have been with anyway... but i guess I did think ( " trashy" ) just my opinion.... Bit of a double standard though don't you think to think of having multiple women, but then think she is trashy for having similar fantasies? Many women would consider your fantasy "trashy" too. Anyway, fantasies are fantasies. They are just things that can excite us, rarely are they carried out and rarely do people want to carry them out as the reality is often VERY different than the fantasy. Just because she has fantasies, does not mean she is not 100% committed and into you, and would disrespect your feelings in order to pursue it. Link to comment
Ash Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I've discovered this is not an unusual fantasy for a woman who is sexually excited. If you've managed to turn her on enough that she is thinking and telling you about this type of thing she has very likely made a strong emotional bond with you. Women tend to enjoy sex more with somebody they truly care for and who makes them feel good so I'd have to say this is actually a good sign. I've never actually met a women yet myself who is "just sexual". The chances of her only being after sex with you based on what you've written are fairly slim. Also keep in mind that humans are sexual beings and that physical closeness and sexual relations are part of any normal, healthy relationship. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's sort of hypocritical to say that you've fantasized about being with more than one woman, but it makes her "trashy" to fantasize about more than one man. You have to try to open your mind. Just realize it is a fantasy- that's all. If she acted on it that would be a different story. BellaDonna Yeah I guess it's a double standard... But i guess it's a whole big world out there and I must have alot to learn... And with my upbringing it was always a no no for girls to talk about that stuff or they were deemed " trashy " but it was ok for us guys to talk about it.. - I know double standard... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I was raised Catholic too. Just keep in mind that if your GF followed the religion strictly, she would not be sexual with you right now either....she'd be waiting until marriage. So, sometimes it can work in your favor if your partner bends the rules of religion. BellaDonna Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 I was raised Catholic too. Just keep in mind that if your GF followed the religion strictly, she would not be sexual with you right now either....she'd be waiting until marriage. So, sometimes it can work in your favor if your partner bends the rules of religion. BellaDonna okay good point.. I guess i still feel alittle jealous... Another thing is that I feel that are relationship is now just sexual.. after her fantasy comment.. maybe im insecure about this relationship - guess it's my issue to deal with... from the responses.. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I dont believe that you can arbitrarily pick and choose when to follow your religion and when to put it to the side. Girls have sexual thoughts and fantasies just as men do. I would get rid of the notion that women have to be chaste, because every woman has had a vivid sexual fantasy. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 I dont believe that you can arbitrarily pick and choose when to follow your religion and when to put it to the side. Girls have sexual thoughts and fantasies just as men do. I would get rid of the notion that women have to be chaste, because every woman has had a vivid sexual fantasy. Are there any guys out there that would feel alittle threatened If your girlfriend says that her fantasy is to 2 guys.. or am i the only one.. I can't be.. Mind you this is a girlfriend that you care for very deeply... maybe it's a trust issue.. Link to comment
Ash Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 There's nothing to be jealous about!! A fantasy is something that's fun to think about but likely will never happen and generally there are no plans for it to happen. Also, this particlar fantasy is one you can have some fun with (if you're so inclined). For some women at least, the "second" guy can be replaced with a toy and she can partly enjoy the fantasy with you while being totally faithful and safe. Perhaps you're not to that point yet. Anyway, my patner also has the multiple guy fantasy (and also with another woman and/or another couple) all of which she talks about quite a bit during sex as it turns her on, but says outside of sex that it's not really something that she thinks she really does want to persue, but it is nice to think about it. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 artmeus, It seems that you want a woman who will be a sex goddess with you, but not sexual in any other way. If a person is sexually open, it will work to your benefit, but you must also accept them as a WHOLE sexual being. You can't expect her to be wild in the bedroom with you and then innocent and virginal in her mind. Fantasies are part of HEALTHY sexuality. If you feel insecure, talk to her about it. However if you want her to be open with you and share fantasies, be sure you do not judge her when you talk to her. Definitely do not use the word "trashy".... BellaDonna Link to comment
Ash Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 It sounds like you may have some insecurities when it comes to sex. How old are you? Some guys think that all a women needs is for them to show up and it will be fantastic. Any suggestion of a women doing self gratification (masturbating), using toys, fantasies such as you mention is seen as a huge negative and an attack on them. I definitely totally disagree with this thinking. Don't become that type of person or you'll never know what you're missing in bed!! Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 It sounds like you may have some insecurities when it comes to sex. How old are you? Some guys think that all a women needs is for them to show up and it will be fantastic. Any suggestion of a women doing self gratification (masturbating), using toys, fantasies such as you mention is seen as a huge negative and an attack on them. I definitely totally disagree with this thinking. Don't become that type of person or you'll never know what you're missing in bed!! Im 37 - but I am divorced as of 4 yrs ago... I was married when I was 20.. married over 10 + yrs so i didn't have alot of dating nor experience so that's probably why my opinion is so narrow.... Link to comment
Ash Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Did you not have a particulary sexually satisfying sexual relationship with your wife? Given the likelihood you're dating somebody close to your own age, it's much more likley that a woman in her 30's in touch with her sexuality and feelings will let you into the more private parts of her mind like this. Again, as has been said before, it's a good thing. I'm not at all surprised to hear that she's revealed this to you. It's not like this fantasy challenges you to be as good as two men or anything like that. Be secure in yourself as a lover and be the best, most attentive and giving as you can be and hopefully she will reciprocate, keep letting you know her secrets, and be close to you at the same time. That often tends to be the way it works. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I felt the same way when my ex (not the current ex) (who's bi) is all about being with girls sexually, then when she told me I'd be included I was like Whoohoo!! Fantasies are fun to have. Link to comment
anggrace Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Yeah I can't lie - I have thought of having multiple women - kinda like hefner.. But I guess it's culture or maybe the individual.. as I am from a strict catholic background and never heard a woman say that - that i have been with anyway... but i guess I did think ( " trashy" ) just my opinion.... So do you think it is "trashy" for you to have thoughts of being with multiple women? Of coarse this is not a visual you want to have, of her w/ other men. Mabey thats whats really bothering you. Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Did you not have a particulary sexually satisfying sexual relationship with your wife? Given the likelihood you're dating somebody close to your own age, it's much more likley that a woman in her 30's in touch with her sexuality and feelings will let you into the more private parts of her mind like this. Again, as has been said before, it's a good thing. I'm not at all surprised to hear that she's revealed this to you. It's not like this fantasy challenges you to be as good as two men or anything like that. Be secure in yourself as a lover and be the best, most attentive and giving as you can be and hopefully she will reciprocate, keep letting you know her secrets, and be close to you at the same time. That often tends to be the way it works. Yeah ,,, me and my ex-wife had a great sex life.. but fantasies like that were never brought up. My ex-wifes fantasy was Sean Connery... of which didn't threaten me at all... So after hearing this "fantasy" of my girlfriend it was a big surprise..guess I need to date more and learn... Link to comment
artmeus Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 I felt the same way when my ex (not the current ex) (who's bi) is all about being with girls sexually, then when she told me I'd be included I was like Whoohoo!! Fantasies are fun to have. Yeah I guess that would be a turn on.. I guess need to not have such a double standard... Link to comment
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