bear12 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 i guess i have to start all over now! (in case you missed my post where i was freaking out, long story short: the ex contacted me on gchat saying he wanted to be friends or at least- for now- "talk once a month" but i told him i didn't want to be friends now and maybe not ever and he apologized and said he'll leave me alone but that he hopes i'll change my mind someday... anyway, since i got to 32 i guess i technically made the challenge anyway... plus, single digits are cooler, right? Link to comment
boston23 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Yay! Day 7 So...basically I'm still going back and forth on this whole contacting my ex thing. And I think maybe the reasons that I want to contact him are silly. So for now I'm going to keep up the NC stuff. I want to go over there or email him and basically show him that I'm really serious about it being over between us and that if we're not going to be together, than he can forget about being friends. And then I want him to realize that, "omg, I'm still in love with her. I better do something about this before I really lose her forever." and then we would get back together again and live happily into the sunset. Or whatever. Um, boston? Hello!?!? He doesn't seem to want to be friends with you anyway. Well, actually, I'm sure he does want to be friends, but has decided that I'm not ready for it, so is giving me the chance to get over him. Haha, which of course annoys me even more. It's funny that I keep wanting to contact him obsensibly wanting to completely cut ties from him forever, and my real reasons are basically the opposite. And I know he would read right through me. Oh well. I guess for now I'll keep up the NC. And then at some point he'll realize that he's let go this perfect girl and try to come grovelling back. Or just cry himself a river. I met with my therapist today and I realized that even though I always thought of my life growing up as being all hunky-dory really good etc etc, there were tons of stuff that my family has had to deal with. When she asked me if my parents ever hit me and my sisters, I wanted to say, "well, yeah, but it wasn't like that. And then while I was explaining it to her, I realized that it actually was like that. Weird to recognize that. She even mentioned bringing my family in to talk and um I don't think I want to do that. Anyway, I'm feeling ok about everything. Annoyed with my ex because why the hell wouldn't he want to be with me?!?!?!? What an idiot, haha. Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 22 - and im really struggling and cant stop thinking of her, wondering if she's going out with someone. I really need a pep talk from you gys. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 22 - and im really struggling and cant stop thinking of her, wondering if she's going out with someone. I really need a pep talk from you gys. Hi Tshwane, Hang in there. Let the thoughts come, but don't entertain them. Learn to recognize when you're thinking something that's upsetting to you, acknowledge the thought and why it's disturbing, and then make a conscious effort to think of something positive and loving about yourself. And congratulations on 22 Days! Look how long you've been really taking care of yourself. You've got something to be very proud of: You can count on YOU. With a little help from your friends, of course Cheers, -Rosie Link to comment
solarplexus Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Tshwane, Try to never think what your ex is doing or thinking. That is more bothering than the break up itself. What they do or think does not matter. It is more important what you do and think. Link to comment
BrokenHeart82 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 24 NC, im feeling better except for the slight nagging feeling that I blew it by giving him an ultimatum, but then I realize I only stood up for myself and refused to let myself be the other woman. I have been dating a really sweet, and cute, guy and we get along great... My ex has been going crazy on myspace (per friends..i have practically had to break my fingers not to check for myself!) He took her picture off his page, but still has his status as involved. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day Four (again) I find myself wondering about how/what the ex is doing, too - but not at all in terms of other women. I had to end it so that he would lose all he held dear (me) in order to finally get serious about getting sober. Part of me feels like nurturing him, because I'm certain he's hurting and struggling. Even though I know he has to fight the battle himself and I also have to undo the damage done to me in the relationship, I still find myself feeling sorry for him, and sometimes falling into the "what if" trap. I went to Al-Anon while we were together (and he wasn't in AA) to cope with his mood swings, and tonight I'm going back. In general, I'd probably be thinking less about him if it were warmer and sunny - and if this big work project hadn't fallen through at the last minute, work and income I was counting on. I think I'm about to bounce a check, something that's not happened for years, and annoys me. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 45+.....Never started the NC challenge but still wanted to post my progress... I tend to think of the ex as you all do, I wonder what she's doing, who's she with, what she's done, if she's happy etc etc etc... These thougths come and go but I ALWAYS end it with "WHY STRESS OVER THINGS WE DONT KNOW"..... Plain and simple people.. WE DONT KNOW..and the way I see it is exactly that...unless I SEE IT with my own eyes then I won't put much weight into the information that I get if any.... Hang in there and don't give so much energy to a person that uses the energy to gain power and strength to keep moving on.. Take back your life, your power, your strength...TAKE BACK CONTROL...of YOU!!! Tha Gipp Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 23. I've had some nice stuff to happen in the last week, none of which involve dating, thank goodness. But things are looking up. Admittedly I still have to hold back, as my guy would have been the first person I'd have gone running to with good news, but this stuff is so good that he doesn't deserve to know, honestly. The hardest parts for me lately have been not knowing what to look forward to, as I was applying for new jobs and would have been expecting a visit from my guy around this time (that's not going to happen now, if ever again), and now that I have something, I feel I can center myself and really keep going. I'll speak to the guy again, but not while I'm trying to get some important stuff for myself sorted. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 45+.....Never started the NC challenge but still wanted to post my progress... I tend to think of the ex as you all do, I wonder what she's doing, who's she with, what she's done, if she's happy etc etc etc... These thougths come and go but I ALWAYS end it with "WHY STRESS OVER THINGS WE DONT KNOW"..... Plain and simple people.. WE DONT KNOW..and the way I see it is exactly that...unless I SEE IT with my own eyes then I won't put much weight into the information that I get if any.... Hang in there and don't give so much energy to a person that uses the energy to gain power and strength to keep moving on.. Take back your life, your power, your strength...TAKE BACK CONTROL...of YOU!!! Tha Gipp Good to see you on here Gipp. You have the right attitude, and will make it through this a stronger, better person. You're a good man! Day 13 Today I feel ok. I don't have insurance so I have to take half a pill of my anxiety meds. It's harder to handle at times, but I am doing ok. The mornings are still very rough, and Mt. Dew is still the answer to making me feel good. No job yet, but the search is going well. I had a toy testing company call me about a job that I will try for if nothing else comes through. My ex's birthday is on Saturday, so that will be tough. I have a busy weekend planned, so I hope it won't be too hard on me. I had been planning to send a card, but don't feel like it anymore. I'll just lie about it if she asks me about it. I didn't lie to her when we were together, so now feels like a good time. The other guy lied to her and that seemed to have won her over. Today I feel: Confident, Upbeat, Excited, and Lonely. Link to comment
Pending Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Offically day 2(semi day 16) of no contact... If I can make it through the last couple nights of big partying fobefore summer I should be fine. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 45+.....Never started the NC challenge but still wanted to post my progress... I tend to think of the ex as you all do, I wonder what she's doing, who's she with, what she's done, if she's happy etc etc etc... These thougths come and go but I ALWAYS end it with "WHY STRESS OVER THINGS WE DONT KNOW"..... Plain and simple people.. WE DONT KNOW..and the way I see it is exactly that...unless I SEE IT with my own eyes then I won't put much weight into the information that I get if any.... Hang in there and don't give so much energy to a person that uses the energy to gain power and strength to keep moving on.. Take back your life, your power, your strength...TAKE BACK CONTROL...of YOU!!! Tha Gipp I like to remind myself that she is spending half her day thinking about me, wondering where I am, who I am with. I know she does. It cant be automatic where one of the couple walks away with thier mind erased while the other one cant stop remembering things. Besides, she couldnt forget about me if she wanted to!!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I like to remind myself that she is spending half her day thinking about me, wondering where I am, who I am with. I know she does. It cant be automatic where one of the couple walks away with thier mind erased while the other one cant stop remembering things. Besides, she couldnt forget about me if she wanted to!!!! Yeah, who could forget about great guys like us anyway!!! I picked out half my ex's clothing, so there is no escaping me!!! Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Yeah, who could forget about great guys like us anyway!!! I picked out half my ex's clothing, so there is no escaping me!!! Exactly Mac!!! Everything in my ex's apartment has something to do with me. She cant roll over with out a reminder. She eats off the silverware we picked out, watches the TV we bought together. Everything!!!! And does it bother me that her new guy is doing that stuff with her? NOPE because the more time he spends with her, the more of her crap is likely to deal with. Im sure Im not the only person that made her act like she does sometimes!!! Let him deal with it for a while!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Exactly Mac!!! Everything in my ex's apartment has something to do with me. She cant roll over with out a reminder. She eats off the silverware we picked out, watches the TV we bought together. Everything!!!! And does it bother me that her new guy is doing that stuff with her? NOPE because the more time he spends with her, the more of her crap is likely to deal with. Im sure Im not the only person that made her act like she does sometimes!!! Let him deal with it for a while!!! I felt the same way initially. My ex changed so much, and had so many issues that I was glad to get rid of her. I was tired of trying to help her fix her problems, so it was a relief to get rid of her. It still is, but I do resent some of the things I know they will be doing this Summer. I'm jealous Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 well back to DAY 1!!! funny thing is i don't feel that much different than before we talked- i guess b/c nothing's changed... the ball's in my court and i'm free to contact him whenever i feel ready, which is exactly as it was before.. i guess it's just a bit harder knowing that he really, really WANTS to talk to me, but i'm not up to being friends and hearing about his wonderful life without me... at least not yet. no thanks. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I felt the same way initially. My ex changed so much, and had so many issues that I was glad to get rid of her. I was tired of trying to help her fix her problems, so it was a relief to get rid of her. It still is, but I do resent some of the things I know they will be doing this Summer. I'm jealous Jealous of what? You dont even know that they get along. You assume because she says so. My ex has a bitter resentment thing going on with me right now. To me that says she is more upset with her current situation and whenever I remiind her of us by having to deal with her she gets mad. Mad because she is fooling herself. So I let her get mad, I have done nothing to her so it must be her own anger. The funny part is when she tries to say how happy she is. Really? Then why so mad? Seems more like she blames me for her current "happiness". Go out and find someone to do things with this summer. Let her be jealous! Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Day 13 I don't know how I feel. I'm not unhappy I guess but I'm not happy either. I'm having more moments of sadness. I'm starting to resent the fact that he seems to have forgotten all about me. He hasn't seen or heard from me AT ALL in THRITEEN FREAKING DAYS and he just doesn't seem to care. I could be dead for all he cares! I'm hurt that he hasn't even used the money he owes me or the stuff he left here or the stuff I left with him as an excuse to at least check if I'm still alive. And I'm also starting to resent the fact that with all the friendships he has in his life that are nowhere near perfect, some I would even say are abusive, I was the one he decided the remove from his life. Even with all the love and respect I had for him, even after I treated him better than anyone I know, loved him more than I can ever imagine loving anyone. He knows I'd do anything for him and yet I'm the one he choses to let go. I guess I just have to try and move on and not hope he's going to call. Because he will probably call eventually, but it might not be for the reason I want. One thing that hasn't changed from the beggining of round 2 is the fact that I REFUSE to call him before day 30. I'm really serious about this and will not do it. And I haven't had the urge to call him or even talk to him for a long time. I want him to do that. And if for some reason I decide to call him I will NOT be asking for him back in any way. Ugh. I'm just so confused right now. Sometimes life sucks... Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Ohmigod. I love him and and I miss him so much. Day 63 ... and last night I was crying so hard, I was sobbing out loud. And not just one time. I cried under the willow. I cried walking in the streets. I wailed when I got home. And I cried again later while driving. Yes, I knew part of my pain was me crashing from 70+ hours of work the preceding week, and the crash that comes when a huge project comes to an end. There I was, having just pushed myself to the max in ways unimaginable, new heights for professional achievements. And after all that I was alone. As usual. Feeling like I'd given another piece of my heart and soul ... for work. Again. And for what? I felt almost used. By my employers. By him. I need to make some changes. Today my horoscope says: Your life is fulfilling now and you want to share it with someone. The good news is that there are opportunities for romance or companionship, but you must create the magic yourself. Find the courage to seize the moment and make something happen. Otherwise, your little adventure will take place only within the realms of your imagination. I know you're not supposed to do magic for love. But I don't believe the universe is evil. I don't believe I'm going to get punished for figuring out what I want and then going after it. In whatever way I can. With all the power and conviction I can muster. Which is considerable. I hope. He, who will not be named. I may not contact you, but that doesn't mean you're not going to hear my call, feel my love, be mine, know happiness. Ever after. Amen. (Am I getting close to going over the edge? Oh, ENAers. Help me. Sometimes I can't tell when I'm having a breakdown vs. a breakthrough. I just know I'm still hurting so much sometimes. And it's downright embarrassing because I never even heard Rex suggest once that he loved me, wanted a future with me, etc. It's embarrassing to be so hungry for love.) Link to comment
kate111 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I feel good. I am going on 3 months. I have a love interest and am having fun. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I feel good. I am going on 3 months. I have a love interest and am having fun. I'm sooo happy for you, Kate. That's truly exciting news. -Rosie Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Huh... what day am I on now? I stopped posting here a few days ago... what, is this day 21 already? Wow! Too bad I'm feeling like **** today. I'm not even going to recap the days that I've missed... they've been OK, nothing special, just healing, right? Well, maybe today was the last straw for me... Day 21 So it all started when I got to school and was in one of those depressed moods... nothing serious, just not feeling optimistic, but a little down because it was morning. This is nothing new -- I've felt like this before, the only time it went away was during my 1 month relationship... So anyway, I wasn't feeling super to begin with, and then I saw her walking the hallway between classes... and something about her (I won't say what) really got to me, and made me sad, angry, as all those emotions that I thought were in the past came back. It really ruined my day. I got so mad at myself for it! It wasn't anything I DID, but just how I reacted to the mere SIGHT of her. I mean, I've been separated for longer than I was with her! And yet I'm not over her by any means. I'm healing, which is good, and I'm moving on, but today really got me down! I seem to have reached the conclusion that she was just infatuated with me, and that it passed, whereas my feelings for her were deeper. After a month apart, that seems to be the case. She is ignoring me completely, as if I don't exist, and I'm thinking about her constantly. She's young, so I guess she just "tried me out" and decided I wasn't for her. Of course, she thought I was "the one" while we were together, but she didn't really have her head on straight then. So what's getting to me is... unrequited love. How can she, after being so into me, just forget? Because she's young and still immature? Maybe that's it... but I really don't know. I don't even know exactly why she broke up with me, but all evidence points to her just forgetting about me (I know she hasn't FORGOTTEN, but she doesn't seem to CARE). Which really sucks, because I honestly felt a real connection with this girl. I didn't just have a physical attraction towards her. In fact, that wasn't the first thing that I liked about her. I liked her for her personality, work ethic, among other things... and I still feel that we could work out as a real couple. But what can be done when she doesn't like me at all? Well, it doesn't seem like there's any reasonable hope for me, and if there is, I'm not living on it. Why let someone who doesn't care the least bit about you control you? Because that's what she's doing. I HAVE told myself that if she ever tries to come back (and if the sun doesn't come up tomorrow), I won't agree to reconcile. Why should I, when the first time around, I've spent more time dealing with the pain of a break up than I did enjoying the relationship? Sure, it was worth it, but I don't want to go down that same road again. But even though I'm in control a little bit... my emotions still aren't. I still feel really awkward when I see her in the hallway. Starting tomorrow, I won't. I'll be strong, and see her as she sees me... just another student at a high school. Kind of a rant there... but I needed to do it. We'll see how things go now that I've made another change in the healing process... hopefully I won't have another day like this again. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 OK ... so i'm not going to try anything magical. I'm just going to try to get a grip. Today I feel nauseous. I ate about five large chocolate bars since lunch. Nothing else. Why can't I be like normal people and lose weight because of my broken heart? I even do that wrong. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I feel good. I am going on 3 months. I have a love interest and am having fun. I am thrilled to hear this kate!!! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I feel so invisible here sometimes. Except for a few kind souls, I feel so ignored. Is it because my posts are so long? Is it because my situation doesn't count because we didn't really love each other? When I had my 30 days I had to make a fuss before anyone even acknowledged me. I'm so vulnerable right now and I feel like I get hurt here all the time. I'm so tired of people not caring about me. Link to comment
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