macgyver4ever Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I just bought it, I'll let you know when I find anything of value. Has anyone read this: "Getting back Together, How to reconcile with your partner-and make it last" Is it any good? Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Day 35 Pisces, Shaker, Macgyver, MasterT, Papalazarou, rsxguy, sweetharmony (and, of course, SuperDave): Thanks for your lovely words about reaching my 30 days. It really means a lot to me. Scrembledeggs: Belated congrats on your 30 days. I've enjoyed thinking of you as one of my day-count buddies. I knew you'd make it with flying colors, despite all the rough patches. Macgyver: I was sooooo glad to hear you didn'at call your ex. My fingers are crossed that you'll just not contact her ... especially since the whole point of this healing process is NC. I can sympathize with not feeling ready for that step, and I couldn't have done it until I was ready, but you're making such great strides. I'm just hoping your desire to love/have what you want doesn't distort your need to love/take care of yourself first. Semid: I'm glad to hear you are being cautious about your ex's apologies. Althought I know the words most (all?) of us might want to hear are, "I want to apologize ... I realized how much I love you ... and I want to be with you" -- especially in the beginning of NC -- I think you are wise to proceed with caution until you determine the truth/intention behind the words. All best of luck to you. I'd love to hear what you decide, and what you later think of your decision. All: I still haven't done my 30-day assessment of what it was like, how things may have changed in the 30 days, what it's like now, I'm determined to do it. The fact is, I'm working too hard again, with some days with 15+ hours of work or more. This does not fit into the plan of taking care of myself, and I'm doing my best to extricate myself from the siege and try to assess / take action for the best way to take care of myself under my current circumstances. Oh, and about the ex, I've had a few dreams in the last few days where I've broken NC in my dreams, and how painful that was. Very odd. Link to comment
Tshwane Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Day 1 again, called my ex after 38 days a month ago, we talked and started working things out. Our insecurities crept in again and now she has decided she has to let me go as she doesn't think she'll ever make me happy. I was responsible for this breakup through my actions though(i'll elaborate someday). Im crushed and i can't believe i messed up another chance with her. Link to comment
Tshwane Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I don't know where i'll find the strengh to do this, my insecurities and mistrust led to this, she is the initial cause of them but in 2 years i haven't let go of the past. We've tried working things out twice already this year and she left because of the same thing. I've started counselling but too little too late, she was dating some guy before and left him to come back to me, now i fear i might have pushed her to him again. When she told me yesterday i kept my head high and agreed with her decision, apologized and said the only thing i can do is better myself and look to the future since i can't change the past. I didn't want her to see me sad & needy so i did my best to remain calm and "happy" to her. I broke down in the car on my way home. Im tired of this on/off relationship and right now i don't have the strengh for this NC thing. Link to comment
nanachouchou Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Dave, i think this is a great idea!!!!!!!!!!! Is it too late for me to start this challenge Dave. If is not count me in from today please!!! Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Day 26.... So far so good actually... It's only morning for me here, so you'll hear more about me as the day passes, but it has been a pretty okay morning. Not great mind you, but not exactly bad either. Only four more days till I hit the big 30! Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 3 weeks of blissful liberation and counting! Link to comment
houdini Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Day 29..... Feeling a bit down today...wanting to email her because it's been so long since we've last talked and I still get a bit confused as to how a person can leave and act as if you do not exist anymore.. I know people will say things at times and they have the right to change their mind anytime they want to. I guess I have a lot of unanswered questions because I still don't know what it was the pushed her to make this final decision. My gut feeling is that there is someone new and me and my ex have a son together so I would think eventually the truth will come out. The last time we talked she swore that it wasn't because of another man but I have my doubts... I miss her, I still think about her but it's not as intense as it was the first few weeks of our breakup. We've been broken up for 2 months now and it seems like 2 years. I don't know what the future holds, I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my life and heart and move on for myself and my son and my daughters... I know life will get better and I now I'll have my ups and downs as usual but I can't wait till I can finally get off this roller coaster and my ex will be a distant memory and the thoughts of her won't consume my life as she does now.... Houdini Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Day 18 Thanks for the encouragement Rosie. I hope I stay strong. Everyday I think about what I will say to her, but the fear that she will say something awful is keeping me from calling. I have thought about an email, but still feel that is cold. I'll see what I come up with Today I feel good. A little tired. My PC keeps changing the time on me so I stayed up much later than I wanted to last night. I am going to get some chores done today, and then apply for some more jobs. Its a long process, but I see a lot of opportunities. I should find something soon enough, and should make more money!!! When I think about my ex I don't feel much. A little sadness, a little resentment, but nothing overpowering. They only time I get upset is when I think of her with the other guy, and any nocturnal activities going on. That upsets me. I shouldn't be thinking about that, but I can't help it when the thoughts pop into my head. Oh yeah, a cute girl asked me out for coffee!!! And another very cute girl is talking to me online as well. It made me feel great to get some positive attention from some attractive, sweet girls. There's hope out there besides my ex. Today I feel: Confident, Happyish, Tired, Determined, and Frightened. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Awesome to hear you got asked out macgyver4ever! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel Whenever I get thoughts of my ex and nocturnal activities, I fight it off through prayer and thoughts of finding the person who's right for me. I figure that this is my life, my story, and I'm going to get that happy ending, even if it's with someone else, so why should I waste my time worrying about what is going on in her life. I'm the hero of my story, so why should I care what she is doing in hers. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 day 73...its weird how i keep thinkin about that one girl from church..anyways, i did some major reflection. you know, i actually i wish i had the proper closer that you get when you split up with someone. i mean i already have that closer for myself, but i really wish it would have been done the right way..for some reason i think it will make it easier on me when i do pursue another love. cause i seriously never want to get caught up with someone and have and ex someday barg back into my life. (happened before, and it was totally unfair for that one person) and i seriously do not ever want to put that new special someone and myself in a bind ever again. what im trying to say is i really wish i did put the proper closer instead of beggin for another chance. its true what this whole no contact is.. at the moment you feel you need them, want them, say "you can't live your life without them." but once you put some time and space betweeen yourself and them...you honestly don't need them anymore, cause you eventually find out what you really want, and that you. not them. i finally, seriously found it in myself, that im completely over it without a doubt. sure you think about the past, but thats all it is the past. sometimes we end in good terms, sometimes we end in bad terms. let's just say, my ending was more of a life learning experience. i'm glad i went through it cause if i didn't i sure i would end up coming accross these forums sometime in my life. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 It ended at Day 18. 2 days longer than last time at least!!!! I sent my ex a text, thanking her for calling, and told her I would call her sometime to tell her all about it. I couldn't handle thinking about calling her anymore, so I just did it. She didn't answer so I left a short message. Then she calls back. She sounded so little and shy, but my enthusiasm and confidence brought out the girl I was used to. We talked about work for awhile, and what I was going through. Mostly she talked about how she hates her job and wishes she was laid off. I stayed happy and positive, even after she told me that the Ipod Video I bought her, and had inscribed was stolen last week. She was expecting me to be mad, and when I wasn't, I know that will make her think, and realize I have changed. I'm not uptight anymore!!! Anyway, the conversation lasted longer than I wanted, 20 minutes, but it was all positive and I made her laugh and I ended the call. I told her I should let her go because SHE had to go to work tomorrow!!! Hahaha. I have no job. Anyway, sorry for the bad news but it went well. I feel good now, and I am sure I will feel like garbage in a few days. I know I will think about her now, but she will be thinking about me too. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 hey mcgyver you do what you gotta do you know? I'm glad that your convo went well! i still wouldnt be able to handle having a convo with the ex even after doing NC for this long. I hope you stay strong man and don't let this consume your thoughts; easier said than done though i have to say. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 rsx i hear you bro; i think about these things too; this was and still is a learning experience for me. I've never learned so much about myself; and being in a situation where you are seriously forced to look inwards and reflect on the relationship; yourself and that ex. I'm glad I haven't rebounded because I know it would be a bad move. Day 76 NC - pressing forward. Thinking of the future is becoming more frequent. Thoughts of the past come up because I try to figure out how I can make myself better than I was. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Day 76 NC - pressing forward. Thinking of the future is becoming more frequent. Thoughts of the past come up because I try to figure out how I can make myself better than I was. exactly, this is what i always think about day in and day out. and yes, we will become better people for going through this experience. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I'm just stopping by to say well done to everyone who made it to the 30 day mark while i was wrapped up in my own * * * *! WELL DONE ALL OF YOU!!! Although i'm still hanging around, i doubt i'll be posting much in the getting back together forum much anymore. I may have two cents to add here and there. I have some contact with my ex now, via text messages. It sporadic and i can handle it for the most part. I posted in the jealousy forum with some thoughts i've had of late. Staying NC for a period of time has given me the chance to gain a little perspective! I even got a text from the ex the other day saying she would like to see a photograph of me to see if the "changes" were evident in my face. What's that all about? She want to see if i'm really as together as i sounded when we spoke on the phone and she was a wreck. Wants to see if i really am thinking clearly and if i am able to tell what's important. From a photograph??? She also seems to think that i see her request as her just checking to see if i've lost as much weight as i told her i had. (80lbs with nothing but diet and exercise). It's all weird to me. She says it's just a suggestion, no big deal and i should do with her expressed interest what i feel i have to do. Thing is, i don't really care anymore! Though it would be nice to show her good i was looking right now! All i had to say to her was the i lost weight for me and my health, that i know that was never an issue for her. The outside is only a container for what is inside and those are the things that are important to me. I know i have changed both inside and out where she is stuck in the same rut she was in when we met. I've learned. I'm the one that is truly moving on while she festers and backtracks. I think i have said all i really need to say to her now. There is still a tiny part of me that wishes it could all be different, but she's promised to change her behaviour before. It would take a lot of work on her part and the changes to be sustained for a long time before i could think about being invovled with her again. While she has this idea that she needs as many people as possible to adore and be interested in her there is very little chance of that happening! Once again, WELL DONE to everyone here who has reached their landmark and MANY, MANY THANKS to those that have imparted their wisdom. I hope that i might be able to repay some of the kindness i have been shown here as i continue down my road to recovery. Shoes Link to comment
bar35 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I'm ALL IN. We have been broken up for 6 months but we were chillin together for a while. We have not had contact for 1.5 months, but last week I logged onto her myspace account and livejournal account, so I am wounded. I will call today DAY #1, and I feel like hell, devalued and dieing. Apart from that everything is great. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Welcome to my challenge Bar35.... You can do it!!! You have all of us behind you. When feeling down..Just post. We'll help you! Welcome! Your Friend SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Note to self: 1.) Buy Ticket to Chicago 2.) Find nearest HOME DEPOT or LOWE'S 3.) Buy 100 dollars of duct tape 4.) FIND MACGYVER4EVER and tape him to the floor and microwave his cell phone. *sigh* Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Note to self: 1.) Buy Ticket to Chicago 2.) Find nearest HOME DEPOT or LOWE'S 3.) Buy 100 dollars of duct tape 4.) FIND MACGYVER4EVER and tape him to the floor and microwave his cell phone. SuperDave71 Sorry for letting you down. I did what I felt was right. Who knows how it will work out for me. Knowing my current string of luck, it will backfire. She probably thinks that not only does she have an awesome fun new boyfriend, but her best friend back. Anyway. 1st attempt at NC lasted 16 days 2nd attempt lasted 18 days Day 1 Don't know how I feel yet. I'm glad to have the phone call over and start back up with NC. The conversation went great, I couldn't have asked for more except if it had been shorter. I came off extremely easy-going and laid back, one of the main reasons she left me. I had dreams about her all night, as well as dreams about my old roommate that she cheated on me with. None of them were happy dreams. I'm trying not to think aqbout the fact that I talked to her. NOt analyzing the conversation. It's hard, but I do have bigger things on my mind. Sorry for letting you down Superdave. Unfortunately, I would be extremely happy if I NEVER finished the challenge. But I need to try until she says the magic words, and I can't expect that to ever happen. Today I feel: Tired, Confident, Melancholy, Relieved, and Nervous. Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Don't be so hard on yourself mac, you're only human, and you have a good heart. Hang in there, we're here for you no matter what! Dan on Long Island. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Day 27! Allllmost there! I'm going to have to find some way of celebrating once I hit that day Macgyver4ever: Just keep trying. We are all human... I broke NC twice before I finally got it right, and this third time feels great. It just takes a ton of willpower to pull through, and that just comes with time and effort. My thought is that there is nothing I can do to "win" her back into my life, and I just cannot accept her as a friend. As a result, there is just no other option but to do no contact, and spend the time improving myself. I can only hope she chooses to audition for my story (my life) again, once she sees how awesome the movie has become. Who knows... Maybe I'll meet someone else who has all the things I loved about her and more. It's that thought that keeps me going. Link to comment
sunday13 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Does accepting his phone call when I am in the hospital count as breaking NC? Bah! I thought I was so good at this NC thing... seems I go good for a month, he does something and I respond. It is just hard because we did not end on bad terms, so I don't want to ignore him when he does try to contact me. I don't use it as a window to start up a conversation... usually one sentence and then it's over. **sigh** this sucks! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 ANY communication counts....sorry. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 As per the rules, I am posting to say that my ex and I ran into each other randomly on campus today about an hour ago. I kept to my guns though, and I limited the situation to a passing "hi". Yes it hurt a bit, because part of me wanted to take advantage of this random occurrence to talk to her more, but there are two things keeping me from doing that.... One: I know it won't help. It will only push her away further, and I can't handle that idea. So I refuse to break NC rules. I know NC won't bring her back, but it sure as hell won't push her any further away. Also, I still have so much I want to work on with myself right now... I've got the story of my life to write after all... Don't want to blow it now Two: SuperDave would likely duct tape me to the ceiling or something if I broke NC, so I think I'll play by the rules Link to comment
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