Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 The 30 days will be over before you know it! Seriously, I know it doesn't seem like it, and the days seem to drag...but today is my day 24, and it has flown by so quickly! You learn so very much about yourself in this time...it can only serve to help. *hugs* Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Absolutely! Time files! The best thing to do is get away from whatever it is that makes you want to contact him. For me it's my cell phone and my computer (text and IM). Altho it's hard to not be around my phone, I can definitely not stare at the computer watching him sign on and off all day long! (Confession: I still watch when I'm on it!) The best part about all of it is what you learn about you. Not so much your faults per se, just the things you would not like to accept in the future. For me, it's a man that can't make up his mind? NO THANKS! I had enough trama in 2006 to last a lifetime. Any uncertainty is met with SEVERE resistance now! A week ago, tho, I was wollowing in self pity! Here's a suggestion for a book... It's cracking me up! It's called "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" by Laura C. Schlessinger... The newer Pink version lists the 10 things on the back of it... It's pretty interesting. The version I'm seeing on Amazon isn't the one I have. Tho I suppose it's the same data... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Here's a question... why is it that when I DO get an ounce of contact, I am ALL OVER IT...? I am just dying to get more and more! I swear it's like an addiction... I'm a man-addict! LOL Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I say just stay strong. I am not sure of your circumstances but mine are that he needs some space and time to figure things out.. not just about me but about life in general. He just cam home from deployment (he was stateside).. so he is in a new environment and it is a hornets nest to some extent. I am pretty sure that once things settle down, he will get in contact with me but as I said in the meantime.. I am going to move on and I will have to see where I am at when he does come around. If I sit and wallow and stagnate... I will be exactly as I was at the end of the relationship and that is not a good place to be... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I agree... for me, much of what I have to deal with is residual from my getting a divorce from my husband. This guy was the rebound (purley physical) and I think I started getting overly needy. He just started backing off and things came to a halt. I no longer will give it up like that (and that's incredibly hard b/c I really had a great time with that part!). I need to move past the initial "passion" and get my bearings. He served his purpose and now I need to heal, too. Find ME and as you said, not stagnate! I have a bunch of self-esteem issues from the marriage and divorce and need to regain my strength. That includes not relying on ANYONE for my happiness... It's getting clearer and clearer. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i realised something today. i'm not to blame for the way she treated me. yes i was jealous and insecure, but she conditioned me to become that way. from as little as six months into out relaltionship. the ex girl friend that she had "sexually inappropriate conversations" with. the constant flirting in lesbian chatroom. flirting with women when we were out together. hitting on one of my straight friends. leading on guys that she knew liked her. i've been nothing more than a safety net all along. someone who made her laugh, treated her like a princess, loved her and only her with all my heart. it was only when i started to vocalise my concerns over her flirting and attention seeking that she started to doubt her feelings for me. everytime i would raise the issue, she would break up with me, then she would miss me, then she would ask me to take her back. she thrives on the thrill of new, adoring attention yet craves the security of something constant. i watched her last week as i logged into the chatroom she frequents. flirting and looking for attention, yet still talking about me, how she hurt me too often, respected me too much so had to let me go. i took the blame on all previous occasions, but this time i realise it's her. i did the work that i needed to do on me, for me. she never did a thing. i changed me for the better, but i could never have changed her because she didn't want to change. sorry for the rantings. shoes Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 2 for me. I've had a fine day in terms of the ex (not thinking about him ALL the time...just a lot) but I'm having a tough time because I feel like I'm having "what am I doing with my life" crisis. I've been planning to become a doctor for the past 4 years. I'm in a master's program now, preparing to go to med school the year after next. And then today someone in the program mentioned that she's no longer going into medicine...because she wants to have time with her family, etc. So I started to think, "OMG, what if I'm choosing the wrong path?!?" blah blah And I'm now I'm really starting to think that I might not go into medicine (I'm not making any decisions about it now though). So I'm thinking that this has something to do with my ex. He definitely had issues with the amount of studying I did, and I think the fact that he couldn't see coming 2nd for the next 8 years was one of the main reasons we broke up. I'm just freaking out stupidly, and I really want to talk to him about it. Not that he would say anything constructive (or answer his phone if I did call). This is frustrating Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey Ramsicle, Shoes and Boston, I understand all of your points of view totally ...... I've been reading but not posting alot here, but just had to state my point of view of whats been said.... its totally true what relationships can do to us... we lose ourselves, with dreams of what is happening with the SO, and its really hard to find one self, when you've put so much of yourself into that person.... But having said that, with a little time you realize, how you've lost someone important to you, and that is yourself... sad but true... I'm still getting me back... and I'm feeling just a little bit better as days go bye..... Sandy Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I have been feeling very anxious all day long... the good thing is that this has led me to have a LOT of work done I think Im starting to impress my boss... Anyway, its day 1 of NC for me, but I dont think Im going to post here everyday, because it keeps the number of days that have gone by in my head. I never thought anyone could suffer for so long for a lost love... Am I wrong for having hope of mending things with my ex? I love her so much and I know we could love each other so much if we stop being afraid of getting hurt... I dont know if I am a fool for believing it is worth fighting for the girl of my dreams... I just hope time will work in our favor... Link to comment
andreap Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi...I haven't posted in a couple of days....just wanted to update everyone and of course SD on my progress. It is now day 34 of NC for me!! And day 18 of the challenge! I read someone else on here say that they were striving for 30 days w/in the challenge....I am trying to do the same....which would be another 12 days from today!! I do start to obsess a lot as more days go by....I wonder what he is doing...with who...all that stuff. I wonder if he will be thinking about me MORE now that I have cut him off from me for what will soon be the longest time period since the breakup over a year ago? I read on here somewhere that we need to make them truly feel the loss of us....and the only way to do that is to take ourselves out of the picture...to cut them off cold.....let them wonder...so that is what I am doing. And in the meantime I am trying to focus on ME.....hope everyone is hangin' in there!! Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey Super, I could use that hug right about now. ;-) Ya know, I am having to go back down to see the ex this weekend, to get bills transferred and pick up the rest of my stuff. I will be driving down. She accidently sent some of her stuff up here with me (trust me, it was an accident. It was as if she could not wait to get rid of me). I have been doing LC, as the situation allows, but I know that once i am done this weekend, I can really go NC. I don't even think I will have to tell her, because I don't think she will even care. I mean, why should she? The hardest part guys, is that I know he is going to be there and all of his stuff will be there. This is so gonna hurt... Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Okay I am still on day one.. crap this has been a long day for me. The Gonzaga basketball game is coming on and that is something we always watched/ went to together ... it is so hard...I know that this 30 days needs to be about me and I am working toward that but in some small way I hope it makes him miss me so much that he will want me back. I was always his soft place to land, really I think it will take at least 2 weeks for him to realize that I may be gone forever and this is what I need to show him. By the time he does come back, I may be gone which is a shame since we had a good thing.. guess just not good enough Give me some moral support please.. I am in need Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 emrrn915, hang in there alright? remember something important; you have to do this NC for you; or else you might as well contact him. Easier said than done i know; but it really is the only way. you have everyone here for support; if you feel like breaking it or just need to vent; do it here; saves you more pain and won't take you a step back! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Finishing Day 18. Day wasn't as busy as i wanted it to be. Dentist appt during the day, school shopping (start spring semester on monday), then home for the rest of the day. Everyday its getting much better for myself..i feel all the confidence i need to go out and meet people. im very much happy at where im at in my situation. Well i got one week left before school, i would really like to enjoy this week. gotta plan my activities or whatevers in a little bit. Day 19, i'll see you! tomorrow. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 8 for me. After over a week of STRAIGHT NC, I received an email from my ex tonight. It was pretty formal and to the point. Saying hi and that she wanted to know if she could come by THIS Saturday afternoon at some point to drop off my stuff and pick up hers. She asked me if that would be okay with me and to please let her know. That was it. This is a far cry from the girl who needed space and didn't want to talk to/see me. Now, what's interesting is that she contacted me after I actually respected her space and did not contact her once for over a week straight. Coincidental? Is it an excuse for her to break contact (maybe she misses me and is worrying that I am MOVING on myself and has too much pride to show too much interest in me, so she's making it about "our stuff" as a means for her to have broken contact? I have yet to respond. I'm giving it at least 24 hours before I do and then I will let her know that I have plans on Saturday and that we'll do it another time and leave it at THAT. Also, her BEST friend has sent me an invite to HER (her best friend) facebook account, wrote a comment on my page and sent me a personal email saying "Dan just because you are not together with "ex's name", I thought that maybe WE can still talk. You seemed pretty cool." Now, I was never friends with this girl. She IS my ex's BEST gf and why would she want to be MY friend NOW and why is my EX NOW emailing me? It's all happening at the same time. All after I've done NOTHING for over a week. Something my ex probably didn't think I had in me to do. Is it possible that this is getting my ex to take me more seriously and start thinking that maybe I'm moving on from her and she may in her own way she is starting to miss me and is looking for an excuse. Only one week ago she didn't want to hear from me and now she's writing me and so is her friend. I don't really think it's ONLY about the exchange. that could have waited. she seems to be more comfortable with me now, or at least it appears that way. Something changed for her... Thoughts please on all of this... Thanks Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 GoingForIt, Congratulations on going NC for a week. I agree that the best friend contacting you is very fishy. I suggest you avoid her as it's likely a way for your ex to find out what's going on with you. As for your ex contacting you about dropping off your stuff and picking up hers, I don't know, but it sounds like it could be above-board. She might really just want to get your stuff back to you and pick up hers... Maybe if we knew what sort of stuff it is it would seem fishier? At any rate, I'm pretty sure SuperDave would be counseling you to think only about what YOU are doing or thinking, not about what SHE might be doing or thinking... I know it's hard (trust me, I'm there with you), but it really is better if you can avoid thinking about her and what she might be doing. I had a bit of a tough weekend thinking about what my ex was doing. The thoughts just kept popping into my head and sometimes just wouldn't go away.. Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Who knows what day it is for me.. I just got back to town today after visiting my parents. There were many distractions, but I still had stretches of being down or wondering what my ex was doing.. Getting back was a lot better than I had feared it would be. I arranged for my best friend to help me move furniture around. So I have a bed to sleep on and a kitchen table to eat on.. I was struck by how much stuff she hasn't moved yet. She texted me while I was airborne asking that I let her know when I land and that she needed to grab more stuff. But she texted later to never mind that she was out of there for the night. Because of the nevermind, I didn't reply. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle that? Do I make plans to not be around when she's here to get the rest of her stuff? All in all I'm feeling pretty good I saw a famous local football player on the airplane back home today--that was really cool. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Does anyone have any advice on how to handle that? Do I make plans to not be around when she's here to get the rest of her stuff? I wouldn't. If your intention is to get over her, then no. Make arangements to be gone or have a friend hang out with you there while she's collecting her things. Set things up for you to succeed...... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I know I've asked you guys about this before, but I still don't know what I should do. All I can think about is whether or not I should wish my ex a Happy Birthday. It's today. Part of me thinks I should...I had a big thing about birthdays when we were together so I don't want to just disregard everything I said to him, and I guess if we're going to make a go of being friends I should extend a hand at some point, right? I really don't want him to think I'm trying to win him back or anything, yet anything I could say to him would probably have a reminder of 'better times' and I know if it was the other way round I would probably read into something like that and panic. Agh. What do I do?! If I did send him something, it would probably be along the lines of "Hey, just wanted to say Happy Birthday, now you're quarter of a century old you definitely need some werther's originals and a flat cap. Hope it's not as bad as you make them out to be. Have a good day!" What do you think? Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 2.. I guess I am feeling a little better about doing this. I realize that this is what needs to be done for me and for him. Good luck to all. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Get a Superdave keyring! I have !! link removed Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Oh well I have moved now. Spent my first night on my own and it was so lonely! Everything feels so strange and unfamiliar and I am so tempted to break N/C just as a lifeline... How is everybody doing today? Parsley? Papa L? Luv? TonyMar (I have answered your pm, don't have internet access connected at my new place at the moment so have to wait until I am at work) Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey Pisces - sorry to hear last night was difficult. I swear there's some kind of saying about a night demon or something...nights are always the most difficult When I feel lonely at night I tend to watch movies (that have no romantic comedy type element to them - difficult as they are to find) and then when I go to sleep listen to comedy audiobooks and stuff to distract me while I fall asleep. Today I have the whole birthday greetings dilemma and have changed my mind back and forth...oh...only about 20 times in the last 10 minutes? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Parsley, Have you decided what you are going to do? x Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I think so...I put up a post about it, and the overwhelming response is not to send anything. I just had the thought that I must have had a bit of a bias towards no anyway...when I got all the replies saying no I thought, what would I say if it were one of my friends, then thought "why didn't I ask any of them?" and I realised it was because I knew all of them would say no. I knew they'd say he doesn't deserve a Happy Birthday lol Link to comment
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