GoingForIt_77 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Don't call him to ask him if he misses you!!! Please don't do that. Your emotions should not be leading you into wanting to call him. Your emotions should not be involved at all when you call him. Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I know, I'm at least giving myself until monday so I can think it over first. I just feel cheated out of closure. Like things might not really be over. I don't know what's going on with him. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Give him space and time. I don't even know you, but if I got scared off and you approached me in the manner that you're thinking of doing with him, I would feel that much more pressured and I would keep going in the other direction. YOU have to pull back now and respect his space and yourself in the process and maybe in a few weeks you can call him, when you're less emotional about things. Seeking answers at this stage, will only end up leaving you with more questions. You don't need answers from him now as to where you guys stand. SPACE and TIME do magical things. I am not guaranteeing you he will come back, but I CAN guarantee you that he won't if you call him now, or on Monday. You are NOT emotionally detached enough to do so. Good Luck, Dan Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 i'm no longer counting days. i'm feeling stronger every day. i don't miss her like i thought i would. i have no plans to win her back. when i'm over her, and only then, we may talk. she'll have to be a very different person for me to trust her or take her back despite the feeling that i have had or may have for her. i started throwing stuff out this week. not looking for things to remove, just getting rid of them as i come accross them. i can do this! i will do this! for me and no-one else! shoes Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Ok so yesterday's resolution didn't seem to last very long did it? I've spent the whole day on here just going through the forums. Maybe it's something I do to try and know what the ex is thinking without breaking NC? If you get me? I know I'm always looking for the thread that encapsulates our relationship, and I think it's so that I can know what to do by seeing what they do. I don't think I really know what outcome I want from all this...I thought I didn't want him back, I'm pretty sure I don't, but then I get doubts about it and remember how much I loved him. I let myself go crazy so that I wouldn't have to hurt him at Christmas. I changed medication because I thought it was what was affecting our relationship. I never even considered asking him to take me back or try again, so did I actually love him as much as I thought? Could I possibly have loved him and not wanted to try again? I thought I couldn't be friends with the person that let me think I couldn't trust my own mind anymore, but anytime I think about seeing him just out and about when I am over him (I'm clearly not now) I can't bear the thought of being harsh to someone that meant so much to me. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi all, I havent been on for a couple days..been sick. Just wanted to see how everyone was doing? Dont know how I feel just yet, Im trying LC to get back into NC. sorry if that doesnt make sense...but to cut all ties with my ex is not working. It makes him call and show up where Im at even more. I told him that I wanted to date/see other people and that we could be friends. Needless to say......the temper that Ive heard of (from his past) came out..nothing too serious, but I wasnt going to stick around to see anymore. I went home and he called me twice in like ten minutes..first call, I ignored. second call I answered and asked him what he wanted, i was angry by this time...the reason he called was very pointless. I really think I need to ease out of this... any thoughts/advice from you guys would be welcomed with open arms! cant say Im scared of him..just worried. one thing he did friday night........I was out, talking with another male..( not a date) and my ex came in and made a scene until I left with him. After leaving with him, we went to his house and I tried to tell him how I felt, that I didnt want to sleep with him and I just wanted to be friends..he got angry.....anyway..sorry if this post is all over the place..Im taking really strong pain killers right now.... oh yeah, he called again today...I answered, again, pointless phone call. Im confused.............. Link to comment
vesper Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Dave, I lost the No Contact Challenge. officially. BUT I got my husband back. Love, B Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 congrats!!! thats great to hear! i wish you the best! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 first and foremost congrats!!!! ok..day17 of this nC challenge...Day is beautiful. woke up to a beautiful morning... feeling absolutely wonderful. went to church. had lunch with the folks. back at home posting this! i love sunny days. lol.. on the way home my mom talked to me about school and the ex. i guess my mom is just looking out for me..making sure if i do accidentally bump into her not to make anything personal, and just act as if i don't know her. i know what to do ma! haha....me runnin into her is really slim...an besides new semester, new faces/(girls in particular)...why waste my time thinkin im going to bump into her, when i can bump into someone new... well i'll update this later cause i wanna go snack it.... Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thought I would finally join this thread. Ex broke up with me after 6 years. You can read one of my threads if interested. I maintained NC for 2 weeks and then last night she text me for my bday. I text back to say thanks and left it at that. Now I wanna commit myself to going 30 days atleast. Here goes nothing Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Good Luck Bubbles! Stay strong and that's exactly what you'll need to get through the next 30 days. When you come out of it, you will be that much stronger, if in fact you TRULY work on bettering yourself in every way. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Bubbles.... welcome and you can DO IT!!! If Sandy can you can for sure God, but I am sad and a mess tonight, but no one said It would be easy did they? Aww well, life goes on and on.............................. Hey SD Inspire Sandy OK? Please toss me a Twinkie or somethin.... ok? Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah i did the past 2 weeks pretty good, was tempted the first couple of days and then after that pretty smooth sailing. I don't get the urge no more because I know its just gonna be the same convo all over again and I don't want to keep getting into it. Just gonna chillout and enjoy myself. Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Well I guess I may as well throw my hat into the ring but tomorrow will have to be day one, since I saw him this morning. We went for a walk and had breakfast. He says that he loves me but that he has some things that he needs to straighten out at the moment.. this is true, he does. I told him if there were anything I could do to get him back I would do it but that truly, until he cleans up his life and get on solid ground, I don't want him back. We talked about keeping in contact and he hugged me, attempted to kiss me.. I did allow it on the cheek. In my heart of hearts I do think that we will reconcile at some point, if that is what I want by the time he gets it together. He needs space to take care of stuff and I need space to determine if this IS the guy for me. 30 days is a long time but I will attempt it. Until he is ready to have a relationship, I would be spinning my wheels by calling or contacting him.. Wish me luck Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 It's not about luck, em, it's about finding the strength that you know is in you! It's painful, I know. I have my doubts sometimes that I have it. But I typically replace those doubts with the drill seargent voice: "Stop being such a wuss! This is the kind of experience that defines you as a person. And do you want to be defined as incapable of handling the pain that comes with life?" It's harsh, I know. But I find it works for me. It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself, but when I start to I think of just how fleeting life is and how sad it is to spend it moping. We all need the grieving time, of course. But at some point healthy people realize when enough is enough, and that moment is triumphant. I'm close, I can feel it. And you're closer than you think you are, em. Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks for the support... thought he was the one, maybe he is, maybe he isn't. With the stuff that he is dealing with at the present time, he is not the one. NC will be good for me to get my head on straight and it will give him time to focus on things he needs to take care......then we will see. He does still want to be "friends" and not completely lose touch. I think that this is as much as he has to give at the present time. I am going to give it the 30 days of no contact and then I will revisit the "friend" idea...see if it something I want to do.. or can do. His mom just called me and told me to "hang in there".. he told her how much he cares about me and that he feels horrible that he can't give me what he should right now... Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 You're welcome. It feels good to give, and it helps me, too! I, too, had "the one" thoughts. But I have to be realistic. Would she have broken up with me if she was the one? As painful as it is to admit, no, probably not. That's what hurts so much, but at the same time is the reality that I'm facing, and I just need to face it. I'll admit I still have some hope, but I can't do anything right now except show her that I can be strong and respect her decision, and be independent and self-confident. In your case, it's soundsl like it definitely is still up in the air. If you told him how you feel, that you want to be with him, then feel comfort in that for now. You've done all you can on that front -- now focus on your own physical and emotional health. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Finishing off Day 6 of NC. In only a couple of hours it will have been ONE FULL WEEK! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Finishing off Day 6 of NC. In only a couple of hours it will have been ONE FULL WEEK! Congrats, Going! I've been reading your posts and they've helped me through my own NC -- I'm actually up to 17 days but decided to start officially last week when I came accross this thread, just to give myself (and her) that extra time. I do admit that I feel I need to be careful not to fixate on the day count. The fact is, she hasn't contacted me in that time, and that's probably a sign that's she in fact over me. But there's another part of me that has some hope and is simply still not sure that the chance for getting back together is zero percent. We work together, so we have interaction that way. I know we miss each other, but NC is not quite the same when you see each other every day. You still have that connection, that way to see each other, and while it's really painful on one hand, there is something comforting in it. We'll see... Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 start of day 15 for me. the weekend was generally good. i find that there are times of the day it's actually quite easy, and other times of the day when i get restless and really want to call him. i go so far as to think i should "cheat" the challenge and no one will really know anyway. i just deal with it by putting things into perspective. so far, the "one minute at a time" mentality has worked wonders. good luck everyone and hang in there! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey everyone, it's day 17 of NC for me. This is getting easier for me as well; although there are moments when it does get bad; my solution for it is going to the gym and lifting really heavy, so that once I get home I'm so exhausted, that all i want to do is lay down, read, or go here. Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 hi everyone I'm back to day one. It's so easy to think that you can handle the contact, and when it doesn't go the way you thought it would...that sucks. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it because I didn't know, and now I do! You guys are all so right about the NC! So breaking NC got me....nothing. Pretty much it was painful, even though I kinda feel over the guy (I'm learning that even if you completely feel a way one day, it can be the opposite the next!). Let's see what happened: 1) i saw him to drop off some stuff, he seemed really ill at ease w/ me being there (couldn't meet my eye) but then gave me a *huge* hug when i left and almost looked like he was on the verge of tears 2) saw him 2 hours later (i had dinner w/ some really good friends that i met through him...) when he dropped off some stuff for me, and I didn't even recognize him because he seemed so incredibly unsure of himself 3) texted him the next day to ask for a friends number (my phone broke a couple of months ago, otherwise i would've had the # anyway) 4) his reply hours later: "why...so you can take more people away from me..." I was totally shocked at that, but obviously he's at a very different place emotionally than I had assumed. I thought that since I was feeling so much better about everything, that he would too (especially since he has a new gf). Well, he never seemed so hurt about us (he did the breaking up), so I was just totally surprised to see that he was soooo completely acting hurt like that. So, I tried to contact him to talk to him about it, realized I don't need to waste my time trying to talk to him, and wrote him a letter assuring him that I'm not stealing his friends (and told him that he needs to go talk to them...he's the one giving them the cold shoulder). And then yesterday I dialed his # by accident on my cell phone (it's now erased). Yeah, so I'm back to day 1 with a new appreciation for NC. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Ok, so I needed closure... I decided to go to my ex's house (knowing she wasn't there) and her mom opened the door. I gave her some things my ex left at my house and got my DVDs back. I had a really long talk with her mother, like 3 and a half hours. Her mom adores me, and told me she never saw her daughter as happy in a relationship as she was with me... she said that her daughter loves me but was scared of getting too serious. She wants some time appart and would like me to look for her as a friend first and start over... she is afraid I expect her to reconcile with me quickly. She wants to take her time to get to further know each other. Her mom said she doesnt think its all over between the two of us, she said I should do NC for a couple of weeks and then look for her and ask her out to the movies or something like it. The problem with my ex is that she finished school and took a semester off, doing nothing. She also has several friends that are very "loose", they go out 4 times a week, get drunk, play with guys, etc. They never liked me because my ex preferred to be with me, and the party was not the same without her (my ex is the leader of her group of friends). So my ex is going out a lot, getting drunk, sleeping in until 2 pm, not doing a thing. She got scared because her friends made her see that her freedom was getting lost with me. Her mom is aware of this and now is going to limit her to going out just saturdays, and doesnt want her friends to come to her house anymore. She decided this before I went to her house today. She says my ex has been appreciating me more, realizing that I am a good man, loving and that I was good to her, so I shouldnt give up and try one more time to work things out. She is on my side because she knows I am good to her daughter and that my presense in her life is positive. She also said to me that her daughter wouldnt call me because she didnt want to send me the wrong message, because she wanted to try it again but not right away, first as friends. So I decided to take a couple of weeks off and after that, look for her again. Her mom talks to her a lot, so she says she'll call me when she thinks her daughter will be more receptive. I deleted everything from myspace, blocked her and deleted her from MSN. I dont know if I am a fool with a hope or If Im doing the right thing. I feel at ease because I firmly believe that love will prevail, and for me, love is stronger than pride. I refuse to give up if I know there is a glimmer of hope. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TJ, i am in the same situation as you. My girlfriends mom adores me as well; which makes it that much harder cuz it sucks that everyones on your side except for the one you want to be with. Well my gf's mom said to take at least a month off and not call her; so far im a little bit halfway through. But I don't know if things are that simple. I'm still not relying on her mother to help me with how long this NC thing should be. I'm going to go as long as I can in order to heal and move on. I want to wait, but I don't want to be hurt and find out that she doesn't want me at all. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TJ, i am in the same situation as you. My girlfriends mom adores me as well; which makes it that much harder cuz it sucks that everyones on your side except for the one you want to be with. Well my gf's mom said to take at least a month off and not call her; so far im a little bit halfway through. But I don't know if things are that simple. I'm still not relying on her mother to help me with how long this NC thing should be. I'm going to go as long as I can in order to heal and move on. I want to wait, but I don't want to be hurt and find out that she doesn't want me at all. Ohhh, I really understando you on this... since her mom is very close to her, I know she will sense when its the best time for me to make my move. My ex's mom is very slick and every once in a while tells her something to make her think and says that her daughter alone has realized how different I am in respect to other guys her age. I found out my ex kinda got her heart broken just recently, because this "nice" guy was very interested in her but quickly found out he just wanted to play with her... from what I can tell she is confused and there is a conflict between what she thinks its right and what her friends tell her its right. Thats why I know I should let everything brew in her head and make her realize what she feels for me... I just have to wait for her mom to call me and give me some insight... her mom is extremely aware of her daughters feelings and she discreetly roots for me... so I'll take it as a lost cause and get on with my life... I pray to God for the best thing to happen. My ex's mom says her daughter wants to marry someone like me, she knows Im the kind of man that is right for her, and I know she is the kind of girl that is right for me. I truly love her, and the happiness I could have again with her is worth what I have gone through. I know things happen for a reason, and I think this happened because she and I needed an eye opener in different aspect of our lives. I know this will only makes us stronger, if we both decide to look at it this way. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts