lauramed Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Well my NC has been shot to hell. He keeps calling, but I've only answered one of his calls. Have pangs of guilt for not answering. I just don't want him thinking that I'm just hanging around waiting for his calls. I'm hopeful that there's a chance at reconciliation and that this is the way to handle it. Maybe I'm just setting myself up for that fall again, but he obviously hasn't moved on or let go of me, but then again maybe I'm just hoping for that. He talked about his life and what's going and that he has stayed sober for 8 months now....something that I'm so proud of him for, but that the last weeks have been really tough. I know I'm probably the worse person on earth for thinking this....but the thoughts that go through my mind are....maybe he's finally starting to miss me and is finally realizing just what he walked away from. Confusion has set in!!!! Link to comment
Hanyou Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Damn it! I was doing so good w/ NC for 13 days until today...finally deleted her phone # last night and didn't feel a thing; but today finally went on FB after a few days and found out she's going to Vegas with some of my friends when the whole idea to go was both mine and another friend...feel like I'm losing everyone that I've been close to over the past couple of years... DAY 1 (all over again)... Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Day 30 - i made it! I dont want to contact him anymore. I think someone is cute... hahaaaa Link to comment
redreine Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Anon~Thanks. I'm working on my issue by myself for now. If it gets worse, I'm going to find someone to talk to, definitely. It's so hard to be so vague, but it is pretty personal. I sent an IM to my ex last night saying pretty much thanks for his concern, but I decided I needed to deal with this on my own. He never responded. Then just now I got online and there was an offline message from him saying he was back...meaning he must not have gotten my message. So he will most likely try to talk to me today when he gets off work. I must admit I'm wanting to talk to him just out of habit, but not out of caring about what is going on in his life or anything. I find it odd that when I first started NC I had no issue with feeling the habited need to talk to him, but now I do. Either way, it can't happen. When we talk to each other, we fall in love all over again. I don't want to hurt the person I'm with now, and even though he is still single, I know he has spent some time with an ex, and if that could go somewhere I don't want to ruin that for him. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Feeling better today....slowly but surely I'm starting to put this whole story in behind me.. He is far away from me and he is with someone else. Even though I do not believe he is happy with that person, it is not my place to judge and it is his choice anyway.... Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Day 17 - I'm having a strong urge to contact him today! I have to hold it though...!!! Ugh, what a rollercoaster ride! Link to comment
bbbbbbbbbbbb Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Can I join the challenge? My ex dumped me exactly four weeks ago today on February 5. I immediately treated her like she was dead. I deleted all emails, pictures, facebook friendships, etc., and I boxed up everything that she had given me, clothes, books, trinkets and knick-knacks, etc. I have not spoken with her in any way, nor has she spoken with me. Obviously, it has been hard, but I believe it has been worth the struggle. In either case, (1) whether we reconcile and reunite or (2) whether we stay apart forever, the exercise in respecting myself and improving myself will be beneficial. It will make me more attractive to her for scenario (1), and it will help me move on more easily in scenario (2). My case is slightly different than most, however, because (1) I want her back, but (2) we are long distance. Though, I am taking an internship in her city for six weeks this summer beginning July 1. My plan is to continue NC until about June 1, one month before I move to her city. At that time, June 1, I will tell her that I am moving there for six weeks for this internship. Then, while I am there, I will first try to take her on a friendly, short coffee-date. After that, I will try to take her on a fun, longer daytime date. Then I will try to take her on a dinner date. On each date I will try to evoke positive feelings of the early days of our relationship, while showing her that I am a different person now, free of the insecurities and lack of confidence that led to our break-up. I don't really expect any of you out there to read all of that. I realize that it is long. But, it makes me feel better to lay it out publicly instead of writing it to myself. Good luck to everyone else. I hope each of you either move on or reunite with the one you lost, whichever is best for you. Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day Three. I have my ups and downs. I think I feel worse today about being alone then I do about not being with her. I'm bored, I'm exhausted, and I'm lonely. I want someone to lay with and watch TV with, haha. School is going okay in most of my classes. Decided to drop my math course. It was higher level than I needed to go anyway. I felt good late last night. Even though I was still lonely. I miss the dog me and my ex had. I miss having her roll on her belly when I would come to visit. I miss being able to go out and do something. Feeling extremely blah today. I don't want to go to work over the weekend. Guess it might make me feel better. Probably not, my ex works in the same shopping complex. Fun stuff... I get sad thinking about getting forgotten. I still get excited thinking it's her when the phone rings. No work, no school tomorrow. I dunno what I'm gonna do... I'm doing better getting over her, but worse getting over being alone. I guess the longer you're without someone, the less you miss them. But also the more lonely you get. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day 17 or is it 16? Anyways, I have a question, I still want my ex back, and I haven't heard anything from him but haven't contacted him either. Here's the deal, he doesn't have social networking sites but I know he checks mine... I mean, I'm almost sure, through one of his friends. In New Years, when he "cheated" on me with the girl he was previously seeing before we got back together I went to LA and hungout with some guy friends, one that he knows liked me but that I assured and reassured that nothing happened between us during the trip. Even though he kissed the girl and is now with her. The thing is, I posted some photos of my trip and in some pics I'm with the guy, but just as friends, he doesn't even live in the country. I guess deep down I want him to look and feel a little jealous, or at least think about me? Or will that probably totally backfire?? Link to comment
lady g Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Almost 6 weeks NC that I have initiated but today is a bad day. Went shopping today for new clothes for dinner with friends tonight and ended up buying clothes that I knew he would like me to wear! Honestly in he 4.5 years we were together I never ever shopped with him in mind but for some reason today my mind went nuts. And every store I went into had music which reminded me of him. Bad day, had to come home and have a large glass of vino to calm myself down... Still going out with friends for drinks and dinner tho Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I'm gonna say that's a bad idea. By knowing that he goes on your site, and acknowledging that by trying to make him jealous is in a way "contact". You're communicating with him through pictures that in your mind are targeted at him, it's just gonna make you more miserable trying to formulate these plans. Don't think about trying to change anything right now. If it is meant to be, he won't need to see pictures to begin to miss you again. If it's not meant to be, then the pictures may not affect him at all, and that's gonna make you feel like crap. I was doing silly things like that before I agreed to go NC for a month, and it left me feeling worse than ever. Link to comment
redreine Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 His mom posted the Christmas photos on facebook today. I have literally been aching to have him back all day. I did contact him, but he didn't respond. Thank goodness. I'm still not out of the frame of mind to contact him every time something exciting happens, and today was full of excitement. #1. I got a job today. #2. I got a call from a talent agent in LA, and I've been offered a spot in two commercials. I wanted to share it with my baby! But he's not my baby, and he wouldn't care anymore, right? Right. Also. Unless he's talking to that ex of his on a messenger, he's not talking to her anymore. They were strictly talking on facebook outside of their date, and they haven't made visible contact on facebook since their "date". Not to mention his status is still single. I felt fine before! Why am I falling apart now?! Link to comment
philove Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day 15 - The last few days have been much harder than usual, i'm not sure why but my ex is still very much on my mind. The thoughts I have of her are not the happy times we had they are mostly the negative moments. It feels like I am reliving all the hurt again but the pain is not as intense as what it was. Why is my mind tormenting me like this? I haven't heard from her for nearly two weeks but she is still very much alive inside me Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 He's online on MSN right now. I'm dying to contact him but I know he won't answer so I won't do it. In a weird way I feel connected to him coz of the simple fact that I can see him online. Stupid, I know. He is the one who deleted me on FB and I know he deleted me on MSN too. Wondering why he didnt block me though. Does it mean he would be open to me contacting him ?? I have always blocked people when I wanted to make sure they would not contact me anymore. Or maybe he just forgot. I know there is no point in over-analyzing the whole situation. For now I will keep doing NC. Will re-assess the situation in a few weeks (months ?!) when I REALLY feel better Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day 3 still(I guess still, it's 3 am) The daytime was bad. I felt really alone. Nighttime brings relief somehow. I'm starting to realize there was a reason why I broke up with her.. I still feel lonely, but I don't feel as attached as I did to her. Life is getting better. The fact that she's with someone makes me feel life I don't think I could be with her, even if they broke it off and she wanted me back. I'm not gonna be replaced, and then asked to come back. My future no longer lies with her, and I know I'll love again. I just wish I had someone to push me to live my life and work my hardest. I don't really have the strength to do it myself. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day 17 - About my pictures from my trip: I've decided to keep them. Honestly, I don't even know if he checks my photos or site so why should I NOT post them when my friends are asking me to post photos of the trip? I like posting my photos on facebook, so I'm not going to NOT post them because it might affect him. He knows about my "history" with the guy and he knows he lives in California and I live in Brazil and there's nothing between us anyways. So yes, posting my photos because I simply want those photos up. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Day 5 Right now I have the hangover of the apocalypse so that is getting all my attention at the minute. Last night was good, hardly thought about her at all and just enjoyed the gig I was at...a little too much as you can tell from the hangover. I may have also let slip to one of my friends my interest in a girl on my uni course but I think it was just assumed as drunk talk. Link to comment
mechie22 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Im taking the challenge, I am already on day 9 but its getting harder now. His calls keep coming, he tried to come to my house but I left before hecould get there. I feel like this every morning just because my nights sleep is ruined. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 extremely tempted to break no contact. Had a dream that we were getting back together. Yes, NC is to heal...but it sometimes has an effect of making the dumper miss the dumpee. Well right now, NC hasn't healed me. In fact, this dream has set me back. I wonder if having a bit of contact is really going to set me back any farther than my dream already has? If not, wouldn't now be the optimal time to reach out to my ex? Sigh....but my ex is having fun. I know she's at least pretending to be happy and I'm happy for her if that's the case. She deserves her happiness and she said she wanted some space and time before thinking about getting back together. She deserves that too if that's what she wants. I guess I'll continue NC, but I hope she'll at least call soon. Say hello. Maybe it'll set me back...but she used to initiate friendly contact, take me out to dinner, make me laugh and help me with the things in my life until I blocked her from FB. She has responded to my NC by not contacting me...and i miss her. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 extremely tempted to break no contact I'm in the same boat as you, and although its hard I think you're doing the right thing by sticking to NC. Remember the rules of the challenge, breaking it rolls you back to day 1 essentially undoing all your hard work. I just read Majord's NC guide for the first time and its restored my faith in it, give that a look if you haven't already. Link to comment
redreine Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 IM'd my ex this morning. I'm never online in the morning, but since I have a new job now (YAY!) I'm up and excited. He was online, and we talked. It was good. He seems happy, and I'm happy for him. He seemed happy for me, and I'm happy for me, too. I still miss him sometimes, but I don't have this undying flame in my heart for him, as it were. I just want him to be happy. He did mention noticing my relationship status change back to single on facebook, but I decided not to read into that, or the fact that he made note of it. He's trying to set up a second date for tonight or tomorrow with his ex. Typing this I miss him a lot more than when I was actually talking to him. I'm not sure what it is. I've dated a million guys. (Ok, I exaggerate, lol) However, he is the only one that I can't 100% get over. Everything reminds me of him. I can still feel him. Smell him. Taste him. I still love him. I told him always and forever, and even though we aren't together anymore, I still mean it. I won't ever stop loving him. And I'm ok with that. Link to comment
philove Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 That's really good that you are in a good place now How long have you been in NC for? Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I'm starting to realize there was a reason why I broke up with her.. I still feel lonely, but I don't feel as attached as I did to her. Life is getting better. The fact that she's with someone makes me feel life I don't think I could be with her, even if they broke it off and she wanted me back. I'm not gonna be replaced, and then asked to come back. My future no longer lies with her, and I know I'll love again. I just wish I had someone to push me to live my life and work my hardest. I don't really have the strength to do it myself. This is exactly how I feel today, but I still miss her more than I've ever missed anyone before. I'm starting to think of her less, which should inspire me but it just depresses me as I know that if I'm starting to do that then she has definitely forgotten all about me. Day 32 Well my chipper mood yesterday has predictably deteriorated into misery again, I wish the rollercoaster would stay 'up' for more than one day at a time. I know exactly why: it's the weekend which means my ex and her new boyfriend will be together. I try my hardest but I still can't stop thinking about them together, it's like I really enjoy torturing myself with destructive thoughts of their passionate porn star sex and intimate loving cuddles that is all better than anything we ever had I'm out tonight for a work's drink which will hopefully take my mind off the above, it's just when I go home to an empty house and wake up Saturday morning alone that the pain really intensifies. I really need to get laid (it's been 6 months), just to have some physical contact with a girl again...it's like a drug I need to help me forget. Looks like a date with my right hand again tonight instead! Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I wonder why I can't forget about someone who was actually treating me like crap. It would make PERFECT sense to NEVER want to talk to that guy again...yet I can't help but long for him and hope he will get back to me, apologize and CHANGE. Why can't I just accept the fact that he is gone with another girl....and that I should actually feel LUCKY Im not with him anymore...he is probably treating her just as bad as he was treating me... Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 NC DAY 17 - NOT a good day. I feel like he completely forgot about me. He hasn't attempted to contact me at all. I'm a little shocked. We were SO close =[ Link to comment
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