redreine Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hey John Do you think that she can sense that I am not over her and perhaps that until I actually am she won't find me appealing enough to miss me or ever consider me again? My friends have told me that as soon as I find someone else I will forget about her. She has an exceptional personality and it just isn't fair that this new guy who helped sway her gets to see my daughter every day as well. Sometimes this seems like a bad dream that I haven't waken up from. Ok, I know this wasn't addressed to me and I am not a guy, but THIS is a lie. A new girl might make you feel a little better for a minute, but if you aren't over your ex, here's what will happen: 1. You'll compare this girl to your ex, CONSTANTLY. 2. Everything you do with this girl that was something you did with your ex will be awkward. 3. You'll get frustrated with this girl for not doing certain things the way your ex did. 4. You'll get frustrated with this girl FOR doing things the way your ex did. Until you have went through a proper grieving process for this past relationship, your future relationships will suffer. I don't know about all guys, but a good percentage go for that quick rebound relationship to feel good, and it just isn't worth it. In the end you feel worse, you make the rebound girl feel bad, and you make your ex pissed off at you. 1 Link to comment
rebelfac Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Thanks you so much John for the feedback! BTW I started a free hub/site that has free monizitation tools so that people can help others and possibly be rewarded. (become an instant coach that can even charge for phone coaching for those that need and request it. Anything per minute) I would gladly pay someone significantly less than what a therapist would charge.Signing up takes two minutes and I could interview you and place the interview on your page as well. link removed Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Day 26 Woke up this morning and was instantly sad as it's a Saturday. I don't care what anyone says, weekdays are still easier to cope with as at least I have to get out of bed and go to work, and so does my ex. I had to go into the city today to do some stuff and was constantly afraid of bumping into her and her new boyfriend (it's a small city, more a town) so I walked with my eyes down and my music loud. Luckily, I didn't see them. Tonight I'm going out but I'm really not in the mood, I hope I don't see them out together. I intentionally limit myself and only go places where I know they won't be and not the places I'd really like to go, which I hate as it's letting her have power over my life. But I'm simply not ready to see her yet and especially not when she's out having fun with her new boyfriend, the inconvenience is far more bearable than the pain I would experience seeing that. I don't know how I'd handle it, but I know it would be badly. I wish I could find out if she'll be at specific places but I can't break NC and she can go wherever she likes, she's nothing to do with me anymore. I feel f***ing pathetic Link to comment
redreine Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 UK, I hate seeing you so sad. You know the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. You need to face your fear, or it will never go away. Get a group of your buddies together, maybe even a female friend, and go where she's going to be, and stare fear right in the face with a big ol' EFF YOU. It'll be hard, but I promise it will make you feel good about yourself. Not only that, but your ex will start to wonder about you and your life. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Good Point red about comparing a new girl to my ex. I should feel lucky that she was in my life for 14 years and she needed to find greater happiness. I so wish I hadn't taken her for granted and learned earlier what I know after it's too late. I treated her too much like one of the guys and she needed to feel loved with much more affection. I guess there isn't anything I can do except for limited contact while remaining friendly. I do wasnt her back eventually though. The invitation to start a free page is open to you as well. Take a look link removed Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Feeling very low right now! Nothing has changed things are just as crappy as they always are but for some reason I just cant get her out of my head today... thinking about what shes doing, who shes with, how gorgeous she is... im doing my own head in and I know I am so why cant I stop it? why do I constantly have to beat myself up? Dont know what to do so think im just going to do what I do best at the moment and get smashed! Not the answer but at least I might pass out and stop thinking about her! I hate this! Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Day 26 I feel f***ing pathetic Dude, you aint pathetic! your getting on with your life, avoiding her is a good idea why let her ruin your night! Pathetic would be sitting at home listening to depressing music slowly making your way through a bottle of Jack Daniels!.... Fair play buddy, get out there and cut up that dancefloor! Link to comment
rebelfac Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hey Viper, I am feeling the exact same thing. She is beautiful inside and out and I blew it. Yes I too have been beating myself up as I was the one who took her for granted and didn't treat her like she deserved. I wish there was something we could do. I very much want to beat out her new guy as he definitely influenced her decision and helped break up my family. I take 70% of the responsibility but he now gets to see my daughter every day also. He commits a sin and gets all of the rewards. Sure it takes two but she was a great wife and we have a great history. What is the one single thing that I can do? Is it simply limited contact? Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hey Viper, I am feeling the exact same thing. She is beautiful inside and out and I blew it. Yes I too have been beating myself up as I was the one who took her for granted and didn't treat her like she deserved. I wish there was something we could do. I very much want to beat out her new guy as he definitely influenced her decision and helped break up my family. I take 70% of the responsibility but he now gets to see my daughter every day also. He commits a sin and gets all of the rewards. Sure it takes two but she was a great wife and we have a great history. What is the one single thing that I can do? Is it simply limited contact? I feel your pain... I blew it 2 and I wish could turn back time and change it all but I cant! I dont know if my ex has a new fella, she says shes not interested but I wonder if she just says that because shes knows what I would do to him if i found out? Limited contact works if you can maintain it.... but I cant, Im not strong enough! so Jack D works a whole lot better 4 me! Link to comment
rayah Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Day 3 so my day is going fine...for some reason im sorta kinda thinking about him, but not right now...but like thinking about the future. i have no idea why. i hope that in my future i dont even remember him. i think it's just because i'm really really tired. but im trying to study but im just too tired. also, i could be faintly thinking about him because i'm on my monthly. i noticed that ever since i stopped taking my birth control pills i have been more normal since i stopped. one reason my ex and i broke up was because i started birth control a year after we started dating and i changed into this whole different person. i didnt realize it was the birth control until we had broke up. i told him what i found out. it didnt matter. i mean my ego really is getting the best of me sometimes. well maybe its not my ego, when i was still in love with him, i just couldnt understand why he didnt wanna be with me, even when i was becoming a better person. well im not in love with him and i dont care about him anymore. he said that he doesnt feel the same about me either. that doesnt hurt me anymore. i dont care for an explanation either. he told me last wk that he could feel my aura of a 'strong black woman' and it intimidated him. that's a big deal for me b/c i used to be this needy, insecure girl. do you think that the fact that im not this needy person and he's intimidated maybe a reason why he doesn't wanna be with me anymore? i mean it would make sense, because i have gotten so strong and secure within myself and he has been depressed and felt so confused with life. it's a terrible shame because all i ever wanted to do is to make him happy and i know how secure i am with myself, i felt as though we could definitely complement each other. but i'd rather be with someone who is together, or semi put together and we go from there. im so indifferent, nonchalant about this whole thing. im so happy to finally be here. to finally think about ME instead of WE. the hardest thing about letting him go was the fact that i wouldnt me able to take care of him, he was my 'baby.' but im sure he has someone else taking care of him. maybe not. who cares. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Went out tonight.....had fun....but as soon as I came back home I started thinking of him, and wondering what he is doing and with whom, etc etc. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 The question I really want to ask her if she promised to answer is: Put yourself for a moment in my shoes. What if a gal from work who had big b***s hit on me and stroked my ego at the time we moved far away from everyone we knew. What if she had a big house with a pool and invited me to live with her. Now imagine me taking our daughter and allowing you to see her once a week at the most. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? They just can't put themselves in our shoes. Link to comment
longdist Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 1 Month I've been accepting the breakup more and more lately. I try to imagine putting another girl in place of my ex in my memories of things we did together and think about wether or not I could be happy with someone else there. Generally, I find that I can. Don't get me wrong, I love my ex, and would do anything to get her back, but at the same time, I'm beginning to believe that I can find someone else and be happy with someone else. I'm also starting to feel good about myself again. I've been working on myself mentally and physically. I'm starting to regain my confidence. There are still moments where I have extreme pain, but in the last week, that only happened once. It generally happens in the morning if I don't have work to do or something to occupy my mind. I still think about my ex a lot and keep imagining her being with another guy, but after all of this time, I'm growing to accept that she may be with another guy. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 12? I've been having TERRIBLE anxiety and depression, probably triggered by the break-up but it's not only that. I've had panic/anxiety since I was 16 and I guess somtimes in periods of high stress it comes back. I'm taking confort in my friends, family and therapist and am NOT contacting my ex. I only want him to see me again when I feel good about myself. My main priority right now is MY WELL BEING and not my ex or getting back with him. On other news, I went on a date tonight and it was pretty fun. I mean, if I ever get out of this depressive/anxious state maybe this could lead to something. Although deep down, I know I still REALLY miss my ex. However, this "depression" kind of put things in perspective for me, being happy and content with myself is more important than getting back together with my ex. Link to comment
rayah Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 12? I've been having TERRIBLE anxiety and depression, probably triggered by the break-up but it's not only that. However, this "depression" kind of put things in perspective for me, being happy and content with myself is more important than getting back together with my ex. CORRECT! Get yourself together NOW rather than later...it took me 7 months, -20lbs, and 10 cut scars later Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 11. Went out to a gig last night and saw some stunning girls, plenty of eye contact, but didn't get an opportunity to talk to anyone at that point. My ex is in and out of my head. Problem is now I'm also dealing with emotions around possibly losing my job and living on a pittance, so it's all become a big emotional ball. And I can't exacely go NC on work Ah well. I'd REALLY like to just talk to her - I think I'm at the point where I wouldn't talk about our relationship and keep my cool. Having said that, I do still feel great sadness. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 27 Well I took the plunge and went out last night to somewhere I thought she would be, and luckily she wasn't there. I had an okay night, a little drunk and tired but it was nice to be out again and in a new group of friends. I was pretty proud of myself for going somewhere I thought I'd have to face her and her new guy, I know I didn't but the point is I went by my own choice. Before I went out I ate dinner, afterwards I was in the kitchen clearing away my dishes and suddenly from out of nowhere I was overcome by a wave of emotions: fear, regret, sadness, missing her...and I started crying. I haven't cried for weeks and it took me a bit by surprise. I'm starting to picture her less and less with her new boyfriend, but I miss her so much as a friend and I can't even have that with her anymore while I still have all these feelings. The thought of perhaps never being able to be her friend makes me so sad. Link to comment
and again Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Broken hearted i did that last week, went where i may have bumped into my ex, its a heart in mouth time, she wasnt there but will be one day, and im not looking forward to that. To be somewhere where we had been together and nxt time prob wont speak. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 2 Was feeling very low yesterday for some reason. Ended up getting VERY drunk, crying my eyes out, passing out and then being VERY ill. Drinking is not the answer! and im paying for it today!!! Link to comment
and again Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Same here viper, lost count of times i have broken down today being hungover. Got a days hol tomorrow so really going to try and get some fresh air and push forward tomorrow. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Wow, its been 3 weeks since I last contacted him. Seems like it was ages ago yet there is no way I will be done with this challenge in 9 days. I need another 30 days for sure....maybe more. Wondering what he is doing.... Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Its been pretty much a month since I've had contact with my ex-fiance aside from her emailing and calling 3 weeks ago about a camera charger -which i responded with a 1 line email. Anyways, I've been getting better. I've accepted the breakup as it is what it is. I miss her to death though. I'm not going to stop now. I'm going to keep going with NC for at least 6 months. Link to comment
rayah Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Day 4 im good...i was in my emotions last night/this morning...listening to slow songs and crying. but it was something that helped more than hurt or defeated me. i mean i have accepted that there will be some days that wont be as good as others, yesterday was one of those days. but nothing that made me want to talk to him...but i did check his facebook more than regularly...oh yea i did look at all our pictures [they're still on our facebook accts]. we WERE a good thing and i will never take that away from the either of us. we just need to grow and we may grow apart, may not, i dont really know. im just asking God to be with me in every step i take. 7 months is a long time to get over someone but i really [eventhough i say all the what ifs, should haves, etc] i am happy with the way things worked out b/c i am so strong...like within myself. i had the worse self-esteem. and its really growing every day! i know that if we dont get back together [which im NOT holding my breath] then there WILL be someone out there for ME...and if we ARE meant to be, then we are. But we will have more wisdom to bring into the relationship. Good Day everyone! Link to comment
redreine Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 UK~I am SO proud of you! As for me. Again, I've lost track of the days. I'm on day 4 or 5. I went out on a date last night and thought about my ex the entire time. My date took me everywhere my ex used to take me, so that was tough. It's tough. Today is the first day since I started NC that I've had the urge to contact my ex. Honestly, I can't believe he hasn't contacted me yet. I think that may mean that he's over me for real this time. I'm afraid to move on. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 UK~I am SO proud of you! Thanks, that means a lot Honestly, I can't believe he hasn't contacted me yet. I think that may mean that he's over me for real this time. I'm afraid to move on. I feel the same way, the real test regarding whether or not she gets in touch with me will be next Saturday as it's my birthday. I can't decide if getting a card will be worse than not getting one - she can't possibly write anything inside it that will make me feel better, but not getting one will be confirmation that she just doesn't care anymore. Rock, hard place. Had a terrible day today. I was alright this morning and spent the afternoon round a friend's, but this time on a Sunday (dinnertime) is always really tough as it was when my ex and I would be snuggling on my bed watching TV before I had to go to band practice. I got home about an hour ago and cried again, harder than yesterday too. I admit I used music to get it out but it seems to help, I find it cathartic. I just can't accept that she doesn't want me anymore and is with someone else while I'm stuck dealing with all this pain. She's had her share of pain too, but knowing she has come out of the other side and into another great relationship with another guy makes me so angry, jealous and resentful of her, like I never mattered. I think part of it is knowing that I have to be alone for a long time to sort out my problems, so I guess I am just jealous that she is already happy again and doesn't have to go through a lengthy period of time being single like me. I wish I could stop thinking we're 'meant to be' and will be together again in the future - WE WON'T. But the thought of other girls just turns me off at the moment and I can't imagine meeting anyone I clicked so well with ever again. Every thought I have has to be debated by my brain with itself, it's like a constant internal tug of war: "She's never coming back." "But then she might not be happy with this guy." "But if she wasn't then she'd never get back with you anyway. She doesn't even think about you anymore." "But I meant so much to her, how can she forget me?" "Because you broke her heart. Would YOU get back together with you?" "No, but maybe in the future when I've sorted out my problems and know what I want..." "By then she'll be married to this guy. You had your chance and blew it." "But maybe deep down she wishes she could still be with me." "MOVE ON, SHE IS NEVER COMING BACK." "But..." You see what I have to deal with? I'm sure I'm not alone but Jesus, when will my rational mind kick in and let me just be...](*,) Link to comment
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