THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[LittleLost]

However, I'm thinking about breaking NC based on the post:

 

 

I'd recommend against it because while you did emotionally cheat on her, it's water under the bridge. You are not really in good terms with her and it will sound like a very desperate attempt at getting her to talk to you. You said she probably knows, so what's the point? At best she'll just scoff at a stupid attempt at getting her to talk with you. At worst she'll think you're trying to hurt her deliberately. She's with someone else. I think it's better to just leave it at that.

 

But I see why you feel you need to let her know your side. If you must, I strongly suggest you do that by e-mail or snail mail. And add a ps. saying that you aren't expecting a reply, you just needed to let her know the whole story. Don't put too many emotions in it. Just write a sincere apology letter. Assume the character of a guy that screwed up and just wants to apologize, without looking for a second chance or anything like that. Don't bring up the break up. Don't ask her about how her life is. Don't tell anything about your life.

[longdist]

LittleLost,

Thanks for the advice. I agree with you. I feel like I'm taking the easy way out with the email. At the same time, it lets me choose my words wisely.

[rayah]

February 19, 2009 12:00 a.m.

This hasn’t started yet it will start in a couple minutes…I am doing no contact because I have a problem of letting him go but he has a new girl [who he met right after we broke up] and he wants to be friends but there is definitely something there but he says it’s not an option to work on us [we were together basically 2.5-3 yrs and we've been broken up almost 7 months]. I definitely will need support on this…I have a question? When I have the urge just to tell him to have a good day, what should I do instead? And I have another question…will it be rude of me to ignore his facebook message/comments, text messages, and phone calls. That’s why it’s hard for me to have NC now…because I don’t want to be rude because he has been there for me, but I mean I’ve been there for me. I guess I just gotta keep in mind, whenever he’s with her he ignores my texts. So it’s totally fine to ignore him altogether, right?! I think that looking on his facebook/myspace page will be the hardest, but it will be easier for NC if I do that. Ughhh please pray for me, pray that I get through this and pray that this will bring us together again….

[JohnGalt]

First, doubtful he met her after he broke up with you. She was probably waiting in the wings.

 

Second, make him disappear from your life and vice-versa. Take his number out your phone. Block him on facebook. Block him on myspace. Come here when u get the urge to contact him.

[rayah]

i'm nervous to block him, b/c you get a notification...i have blocked him twice before but then we ended up being friends again...and as for the girl...well he met her like a month or two after we broke up...and he didnt know her before...we got to university, and she is a freshman and we are juniors [ yea he's gonna b turnin 22 in sept and she'll b turning 19 in april...iono why he wants to be with someone so young anyways ]. but i hope that this NC will be empowering for me. another question: making each other disappear from each others lives doesnt really sound like something that will bring us together again...

[parlae]

another question: making each other disappear from each others lives doesnt really sound like something that will bring us together again...

it gives both of you time to re-evaluate the relationship

and also time/space away from each other, to make him miss you....which thereforee will put into perspective whether the break up was a mistake or if it was for the best.

 

(that probably wasnt put into the best words, but it's the best i could do lol )

[wiley]

Numero 9! - As each day goes by, the temptation to contact her lessens, which is a good thing I suppose.

 

Im starting to get the urge to date again, I know it would been too soon (only 2 months since the break-up) but I think im pretty stable now and I don't want it to be a rebound. Maybe another month or 2 before I should get "out there" again.

 

Been sleeping alot better than a few weeks ago! She might try and contact me in 2 days about some money I have to collect, so im just going to tell her to leave it with the neighbour or something to avoid seeing her. There is NO way I want to go back to feeling like crap!

[iminsane]

Nights are SO incredibly tough!

 

Yeah its true. Nights are the toughest for me, because i used to call her daily. I had a tough time yesterday night. Though it is more than two weeks of NC. Last two weeks i was expecting her call and message, cos she had to give me some money. She transfered the money on monday. So everything is over now. I don't expect her to come back, i have accepted that she is gone for ever.. Had beer and was listening to some rock songs yesterday night. I usually do this when i'm happy. But yesterday i forced myself. I felt better.

 

Hope the pain in my heart fades away...

[philove]

Broke 9 days of NC yesterday back to the start for me!

[wiley]

Broke 9 days of NC yesterday back to the start for me!

 

Oh no - What happened?

[BrokenheartUK]

Day 17

 

Today's a bad one so far - I really miss her and I wonder what she's doing, how she's feeling, if she misses me too.

 

I'd love to be able to speak to her as I miss her friendship as much as I miss being with her. Sounds a bit extreme, but it's like she's dead to me.

[philove]

Oh no - What happened?

 

This

 

 

[lauramed]

Day 28

 

This is a horrible day for me. Went home after work last night and cried all night. I thought I was doing a little better this week after going away with friends last weekend. Even started feeling angry towards him which was a relief as I felt that I was starting to heal a little more. Now I feel as I did at the beginning. I'm so tired of this pain. Even woke up this morning telling myself that I was going to call him today....just pathetic. I wonder all the time if he thinks about me, misses me at all. I miss him so much. Miss talking to him and laughing with him. I'm in so much pain right now and close to tears but I can't do that as I'm in work right now. Going to have a hard time not contacting him today....just want to hear his voice.

[jaylh25]

guys ive posted this on quite a few threads today on NC so i apologise if youve read it already..

 

 

"guys take heed from my story.. my ex left 4 months ago... she was with another guy straight away and moved in with him... we were in contact for the last 3 months.. her saying missed me, loved me blah blah... i was clinging to hope she would "wake up" and come back.

 

Monday she told me she'd got engaged. Naturally devastated and feel worse than the day we split..

 

Moral to this story, is that if id gone NC from the day i learned she'd shacked up with this bloke I wouldnt be in the mess im in now.

 

NC may make you miss them and think of them more in the first month, but it will get better. Dont break it and end up like me at the moment!"

 

Just to add to that above.. before monday i was on 17 days of NC.. id gone though some rough days but was starting to feel a bit better..little by little..

Dont break it guys...what you dont know cant hurt you..if i wouldnt have responded to her sms on monday and got into a bit of a heated argument which led to her throwing the engagement line in out of spite id be still doing ok..

 

if im on here again after breakng NC you have permission to shoot me!

[Ixtapa]

Soon it will be two weeks since I sent him my last message (its been 3 weeks since we last saw each other and talked). I think about him a lot and wonder if he is okay....but I do not feel like contacting him...I dont have his phone number and I know he would not answer if I sent him an email....

 

Im okay I guess...

[rayah]

Day 1

 

so its only 9 a.m. and i am completely nervous about this whole NC thing...i mean on sun [this is thur] i told him i needed NC and he agreed but then he texted me that night and called me the next day, which opened a door for me to text him the day after that and yesterday. I don't know what it is. I don't think I can do this. I miss his company but I have to remind myself, he surely doesn't miss mine a) he has a new girl [they're not committed] b) i already asked could we work on us, his response 'not an option' [though i cant remember if he said not an option right now, it still makes no difference]...we've been broken up almost 7 months, he's been talking to new girl i guess almost 5-6 months...i feel like thats a long time...it's almost been a friggin year, OMG. i do want him happy but i feel like he can be happy with me, actually i feel pretty selfish saying that. okay i am going to do this, for me and for him...he needs to see what life is like without and I NEEED TO BE WITHOUT HIM. I doubt i'll find someone else [right now] b/c I go to a small school but I guess that's fine. I am dreading the day when it pops up on my facebook mini-feed "Quintrel and Sarah are now in a relationship." But that's a day I need to prepare for and NC will definitely improve that [maybe I should defriend him, well no nvm...he doesnt have privacy things up so even if i did, i could still look him up] continue to PRAY 4 ME. thank you.

[BrokenheartUK]

Dont break it guys...what you dont know cant hurt you..

 

I try and remember this every day.

 

I've told all of our mutual friends that I don't want to know anything about her life or what she's doing but I'm still desperate for some info about her, just to prove she's still alive outside of my heart. Not anything to do with her new relationship, just her. I want to know she's okay, that she's still alive, that she's still the girl I love. I guess what I want to know the most is if she misses me. I know she doesn't though, which takes us back to the point above: ignorance is bliss...

 

...kind of

[longdist]

Day 22

I've gotta say that mornings are definitely the hardest for me. I'm not sure why. I guess I used to like the feeling when I woke up knowing that someone loved me. I've been in a LDR, so it's not even like I'm used to waking up next to someone.

 

Overall, though, I'm feeling a lot better lately than I have been. I miss my ex as a friend more than anything. I guess I wouldn't be ready to hear about any new boyfriends, so I still wouldn't be ready to start talking again. Again, I do think I'm going to have to break contact for the following reason:

 

 

The question is how and when. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup.

[brazilgirl21]

It's an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Nights are definetly the worse, but then I suddenly get excited about some gilmpse of hope - like making him jealous by being with someone else, maybe inviting him to lunch when he breaks NC in 2 months for my bday... and it's like I'm hopeful and giddy.

I then wake-up and it's hard to get out of bed. Then I finally get to work and can forget about him more and more now. But then suddenly something hits me and I'm back in a state of depression.

The thing is, I have a gut feeling that my ex is going to get married with this girl and I'll never have a chance again. Which is ridiculous because he is only 22 and not even out of college! He always planned to get married around 30. But I don't know, I have a feeling that this girl will be smart and NEVER let him go.

So why should I hope? Why??? I should just move on... However, hope is what keeps me alive at the moment. Plans of seeing him, of seeing his reaction when he sees me after 1 month of NC, his reaction if he sees me with someone else.

Then I go on a complete 180 of how I need to fall in love again, with somebody else, and then maybe I won't live in this constant wait for him to come back. When he is with somebody ELSE!

 

Then this song started playing on Shuffle:

 

Against all Odds

 

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace

When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

How can you just walk away from me,

when all I can do is watch you leave

Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

So take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me,

just the memory of your face

Just take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.

 

I wish I could just make you turn around,

turn around and see me cry

There's so much I need to say to you,

so many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all

 

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Just take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

 

But to wait for you, that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face

Just take a look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here

And you coming back to me is against all odds

It's a chance I've got to take.

 

Just take a look at me now.

 

 

... and it's exactly what I feel.

 

NC day 3.

[BrokenheartUK]

I am dreading the day when it pops up on my facebook mini-feed "Quintrel and Sarah are now in a relationship." But that's a day I need to prepare for and NC will definitely improve that [maybe I should defriend him, well no nvm...he doesnt have privacy things up so even if i did, i could still look him up]

 

Listen to me - do yourself a favour and get rid of your facebook and any other social networking accounts. It may seem extreme, but one day you will see something you wish you hadn't and if you keep checking his profile(s) it will bring you nothing but misery. It's stopping you healing. I speak from experience: when I saw a picture of my ex with some guy she kissed on her myspace page it destroyed me, so I instantly erased it all - myspace, facebook, msn, email addresses...it's the only way. Those sites are like a cancer on healing.

[RobD70]

While we are going NC, it's important to try not to think of them but to work on yourself and find things that make you happy w/o them. Try to hang with friends and find a hobby.

 

Also I want to add that NC means DO NOT respond to their txt/emails or answer their phone calls. Let it go to voice mail and if you have to respond for some reason (like them asking for something) wait at least 24-48 hours before responding. NEVER respond immediately to them.

 

It's hard but you have to do it. Your emotions will always lead you to do the wrong thing so you have to fight them. Giving in to feelings will only make things worse, take control back by taking it away from them and not be available. You can not be their friends so don't try to be and don't ask them to be yours. Being their friend only enables them to leave you that much easier.

[ladyjp]

Brazil I am going to play Devils Advocate here to your song by Phil Collins. I know you are sad and feel like how can he just walk away when all you can do is cry. But this song tells you what you need to be thinking about and that is the fact that he may be forever in your heart but it is time to stop wasting time and live YOUR life. Stop putting it on hold for him. He has moved on and if he ever comes back it is a bonus but for now read the lyrics below and know you can have him in your heart but its time to live for BRAZIL NOW

 

Oooh... Oooh... Ohhh..

No matter what you say about love,

I keep coming back for more,

My head in the fire,

sooner or later I get what i'm asking for

No matter what you say about life,

I learn every time I bleed.

The truth is a stranger

My soul is in danger,

I gotta let my spirit be free to,

Admit that I was wrong and then change my mind.

Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.

 

I can't waste time so give me the moment

I realize nothing's broken

No need to worry about everything I've done

Lived every second like it was my last one.

Don't look back got a new direction

Loved you once, needed protection.

You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo,

Just like a tatto, I'll always have you.

 

I'm sick of playing all of these games

It's not about taking ties.

When I look in the mirror,

Didn't deliver

It hurt enough to think that I could stop

Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind.

Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind

 

I can't waste time so give me the momentI realize nothing's broken

No need to worry about everything I've done

Lived every second like it was my last one.

Don't look back got a new direction

Loved you once, needed protection

You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo, I'll always have you.

 

If I live every moment

Won't change any moment

Still a part of me and you.

I will never regret you

Still the memory of you

Marks everything I do.

 

I can't waste time so give me the moment

I realize nothing's broken

No need to worry about everything I've done

Lived every second like it was my last one

Don't look back got a new direction

Loved you once, needed protection.

You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo.

Just like a tattoo

I'll always have you.

[ladyjp]

I am going to read this everyday! Thanks! I went on a date last night- whoo Hoo! It stunk but that's okay. It felt good to at least not be waiting for the phone to ring and feel like I was living my life again.

[brazilgirl21]

I'm moving onnnn....!!!!!!!! Thanks for the strenght guys!

[ladyjp]

I'm moving onnnn....!!!!!!!! Thanks for the strenght guys!

Good Girl! You can do this!

 

Chin Up Shoulders Back