penelope13 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I can't rationalize that my ex is NOT the best boyfriend in the world. He lied, and he went back and forth between 2 women - totally perfect! Link to comment
jahur Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 He lied, and he went back and forth between 2 women - totally perfect! well put, all depends on what you want to believe, you can believe your own propaganda, or you can see how penelope sees it! or others for that fact. i on the other, go with penelope. i love this quote: "Never Make someone a Priority that only makes you an option" Link to comment
ouchh Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I have a similiar situation with distance being a problem for us. I finally sold my home and am moving in 2 weeks which will be near him. When I text him to say thanks for his text on Valentines day- I simply added- " finally sold the house moving in 2 weeks to xxxxxxx. Can't wait"! I think you should let him know now subtly and casually, using your excitement about it as the reason you are letting him know. My 2 cents anyway Thanks! I am trying to work up to it but I can't find the opening or the reason to let him know. What would I gain by telling him when he didn't ask and he didn't know to begin with? I feel like it would be an invasion, or something like that, without having a what have you been up to conversation. Please tell me your thoughts. Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Do you guys have problems believing your ex is perfect? Like sheesh, it's easy for you to tell me to move on, your ex wasn't as perfect as mine. Guilt about not being perfect back. Anyone have that? I can't rationalize that my ex is NOT the best boyfriend in the world. Girl, I hear from ALL MY FRIENDS how bad of a boyfriend he was to me! They say what is it about him you actually miss- being treated bad? But me, I just keep him on that pedastal- Gosh! What is that! Super Dave told me to teke him off the pedastal and put myself there- good advice for us all. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I know, penelope is SO wise, but then at the same time I can say: I dumped him, he found someone else, I came dropped back in his life, he was confused. I'm the villain. Sheesh. He lied and he cheated on his rebound - now back on gf. That's not good. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 The thing is my friends, my parents, thought they were perfect. Now they all think he is an ass. But I can't really compartamentalize how he was as my bf, and how he is now AFTER I dumped him and screwed up his mind. I still think it's my freaking fault. On an upside - I feel happy and very positive today. Excited for MY carnaval and MY life and MY future. I don't feel any depression. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 but then at the same time I can say: I dumped him, he found someone else, I came dropped back in his life, he was confused. I'm the villain. Sheesh. He lied and he cheated on his rebound - now back on gf. That's not good. just because you didn't act perfect doesn't make him perfect Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks! I am trying to work up to it but I can't find the opening or the reason to let him know. What would I gain by telling him when he didn't ask and he didn't know to begin with? I feel like it would be an invasion, or something like that, without having a what have you been up to conversation. Please tell me your thoughts. Well, Do you know any mutual friends of the two of you that live where you are moving? If so, and they are someone you could feel comfortable saying " hey we have to get together soon, I am finally moving to the area in xxxxx(march or whatever) and let's get together for a drink soon! I actually did that before I told him to a mutual friend we have. I am sure this person will RUN TO HIM to say you are moving there. did you ever text him back on the Valentines day wish? If not, you could text him and say "sorry I never thanked you for the VDay wish! Crazy busy! Guess what, moving soon! Hope all is well " keep it simple you know Link to comment
jahur Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I know, penelope is SO wise, but then at the same time I can say: I dumped him, he found someone else, I came dropped back in his life, he was confused. I'm the villain. Sheesh. He lied and he cheated on his rebound - now back on gf. That's not good. thats it sweety keep up the realization, i always found that when a relationship is over i weigh up the good times and the bad times and the current situation after the split. if the bad far outweighs the good then its goodbye for ever, once the rot sets in its hard to claw back. you seem like a very sweet lady dont feather his ego, knowing your there in the wings (no pun intended) will keep his ego expanding, start to find your path away from this man. and live your life for you. Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 just because you didn't act perfect doesn't make him perfect Penelope I love that line "just because you didn't act perfect doesn't make him perfect " We need to remember that. I am so bad about letting him put ALL the guilt on me. Forgetting all the bad stuff he has done to me. Telling me he is staying home then out to the bar. Getting mad on my birthday and not showing up for my party and then not even ever getting me a bday gift or card when we got back together. Showing up for my Son's 7 year old bday party without a gift! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Seriously, it takes two to tangle. I'm done feeding the ego guys, you'll see me here. It's only Day 1 for me but I'm going to get to 30 now. I will!!!!! Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 LOL at Brazilgirl - yes, my friend tells me how im too good for my ex, but seriously, it goes in one ear and goes out the other. I think my ex is like PErfecto! I am still trying to get rid of this mentality...bc deep down inside, i know he isn't, but my stupid heart wont' listen. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 LOL. Yeah, I still put my ex on a pedestal. Link to comment
jahur Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Brazil I read on a post the other day " boys are stupid, girls are evil, it's always been that way" Time to quit feeding the egos indeed and get back the being the bi#ches we know we can be! its that type of attitude that puts most of us male and females on this forum two wrongs dont make a right! we are not all b'stards yknow. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 To everyone who thinks their exes are sooo perfect if this is how you feel at the moment, use it to your own advantage - look at the things that you did wrong in the relationship and try to work on those issues. You and every person that you will ever date will profit from this. Because there will be a time in the future were this feeling most likely will turn into the opposite and you will start to see only fault in your exes and totally forget the part that you played, which will keep you from growing and healing (just look at all the posts here, how bitter some people are and how unwilling they are to admit that they were partially to blame as well). So good for all of you, who are thinking that your exes are so perfect, because it means you are claiming/admitting that it was all your own fault and doing that ended the relationship! - Now do something about that in order to avoid it in the future! Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 its that type of attitude that puts most of us male and females on this forum two wrongs dont make a right! we are not all b'stards yknow. Settle down. I know you aren't all bad. Just in survival mode. Take it easy Link to comment
jahur Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Settle down. I know you aren't all bad. Just in survival mode. Take it easy most of us are on here, but i wouldnt advise what you posted (being * * * * * es bit that is) Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 most of us are on here, but i wouldnt advise what you posted (being * * * * * es bit that is) gone. Wasn't trying to be serious about it. Joking, but hard to detect tone in an email All good relax Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Ahh love. Isnt it a funny thing? Its ability to make any particular person seem perfect when in actual fact they couldnt be any further from it is amazing. Ands it ability to make you blame yourself for inperfections even better. Link to comment
jahur Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 not to worry chips and curry!!! its just im getting some weird crap off my ex, its all a bit much really.](*,) Link to comment
Sev Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Day 7 Wow what a long hard day! Today has been by far the worse! I think the fact i was a bit down yesterday and i had a dream about her last night didnt help. I woke up feeling bad then the weight of the world just enhanced this and made me feel really bad all day. I havnt wanted to break nc as such, as i know its futile so i remain steadfast in NC. The thing is i passed her on the stairs at work, she was actually just going through a door, she saw me but we both kinda ignored each other like we didnt exsist anymore. I felt a stabbing in my heart when i saw her, im taking this as a sign that my feelings are far from passing for her. Which is why i need alot more nc i think. Im not sure how she felt about me, she had a weird look like her smile dropped off her face when she saw me. Not sure what that signifies, she seemed to be uncomftable at seeing me. I guess it either meens she cant stand me or is still fighting her feelings for me. Either way, im not speculating too much and dont really care if im honest. I know this isnt about her anymore, its my own personal battle im fighting. The quest, to be happy within myself and my life. I have been having drifting thoughts on and off today of getting back together. I think this was mainly about the ultra vivid dream i had this morning. I hope i dont have too many more of those for a while as it really tends to set me back a bit. Ive read that dreams are usually your subconsious trying to sort through information and you conscious mind see's into this, its a part of our brain we dont usually have access to apart from in sleep state. So i hope the dreams are my brain sorting through things and trying to get my head straight on a unconscious level. It's a confusing time in my life, Im 27 and never had to go through this before so not sure how it will pan out. I see people who have had it happen are fine after time. I hope i am too. I know one day i will wake up, and realise that i havnt thought about it for sometime. I think i will always have a scar. but like scars they dont hurt us, its just a reminder of what happened. Dont get me wrong, i have had break ups before, just none that have dragged me down this much or been this intense with the feelings. Anyway, I hope that day 8 is going to be a happier more productive day, we will see but i will get through this. I know that now. Just need to keep my strength up and work through my feelings. If you see my earlier posts i have come a long way from the 1st week when i was a manic depressive wreck of a man who lost all self respect and begged like a insecure needy guy. No more will i do that. Peace Sev/c Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Ahh love. Isnt it a funny thing? Its ability to make any particular person seem perfect when in actual fact they couldnt be any further from it is amazing. Ands it ability to make you blame yourself for inperfections even better. wow, a rascal flats tune,I am impressed. Couldn't be a better one either Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Day of 1 of NC. I feel SO lonely. SO freaking lonely. I know I can't contact him anymore. Never again. That's the worse. I'm lonely. I have amazing family and friends but I feel alone. I guess it's internal as well. Break-ups really makes us depressed. Night are horrible for me. I need to go to bed. I have work to do, I can't concentrate. It feels like it won't get easier. I don't know if I'm depressed and this is making me miss my ex more or if missing my ex is making me depressed. I'm not clinically depressed, that's for sure, because during the day I can function pretty well and even have happy moments. Nights are horrible though... horrible. Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 its's funny how we all have our different times that are just tough. brazil it is nights but tomorrow will be a new day and you are gonna wake up feelin refreshed and the fatigue of the day- gone! of course you are lonely cause there isn't someone there to think about other than him but when there is someone(and there will be) that you can look forward to talking to you are gonna put him on the back burner. It does take someone to get over someone and right now he appears to be all there is. Right now but not forever. Stay strong and remember- you are missin the gy you wish he was! Not the gy for you- he is still in the shadows waitin for you. Head up shoulders back Link to comment
parlae Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Do you guys have problems believing your ex is perfect? Like sheesh, it's easy for you to tell me to move on, your ex wasn't as perfect as mine. Guilt about not being perfect back. Anyone have that? I can't rationalize that my ex is NOT the best boyfriend in the world. what you need to remember is, NOBODY is perfect. i'm sure he was a great guy. but no matter how good he was, he is NOT perfect. and neither are you. if we were all perfect, this forum probably wouldnt even exist lol. Link to comment
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