THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[parlae]

we're back to how we were when we were dating, minus the terms of endearment. I actually offered to help him make a better profile on the dating site. He told me he was in no hurry to meet anyone.

 

how do you feel about that? (being back to how you guys were)

 

and would you really be comfortable helping him make a profile on a dating site?

[iminsane]

I'm feeling very sad today. Cos tomorrow she might have plans to meet me to give me some money i decided not to go and meet, but i want to see her.

I feel like breaking NC, just be friend with her. But she has hurt me a lot, told lot of lies. Moreover tmro is V day, i feel lonely. Going mad !! please HELP.

[Viper55666]

I'm feeling very sad today. Cos tomorrow she might have plans to meet me to give me some money i decided not to go and meet, but i want to see her.

I feel like breaking NC, just be friend with her. But she has hurt me a lot, told lot of lies. Moreover tmro is V day, i feel lonely. Going mad !! please HELP.

 

I tried to do the friend thing with my ex, it doesn't work!!! All that will happen is you will get a false sense of security thinking things are getting better and they will think they can have their cake and eat it! You are there for her so she doesn't have to miss you, wonder what you are doing etc. but she doesn't have any commitment so she can do as she pleases. In my case all it did was prolong my agony and make me lose even more self esteem as YOU WILL make a mistake e.g. try to kiss her and when you get knocked back it will hurt like hell and you will feel like a prize knob! I think we can safely say tomorrow is going to be a difficult day for all of us in this thread!

 

My ex has said things in the last few days like... Its weird not having you around and sometimes I think i might of made the wrong decison so im quite tempted to send her a card or some flowers just to test the water, the thing is NC has got me this far... her missing me... do I ruin the good work it has done and put myself out there as bait or do I continue hoping tomorrow will be as lonely for her as it is going to be for me?

[and again]

Think day20 ystday to ill to get to down and stressed about ex, helped me think a lot more clearly, realising that she didnt really have to much conversation, was a very down person a lot of th time , but when u are in the eye of the storm cant see that, and paint over every thing with shiny gloss.I would never have hurt her because of her past, and she said vice versa even though my past was not a patch on hers. But seems only one of us told the truth. And seeing things a bit more clear perhaps she brought a bit of her past on her self. ANYONE ELSE READING THIS TAKE A STEP BACK IF POSSIBLE AND TRY TO LOOK AT THING WITH OUT THOSE ROSE TINTED SPECS FOR A DAY OR TWO. Not saying im over it far from it but seeing things just a bit more clear, hope it continues. Dont get me wrong still love to have what we maybe could have back, but dont think she is up to it . 5 out of 10

[wiley]

Day 3 I think?....

 

I feel so confused today... Reason being is she called me this morning about 10.30am and it sounded like she had been crying. She asked where I was and I told her, then she asked me if I had a new girlfriend yet?.... I told her no. Then she mumbled something like I have to go sorry...

 

Why does she do this!?!?.... She seems so confused about what she wants, I don't think the grass was "greener" on the other side after all.

 

Anyways im not gonna let it bother me, back to NC!

 

UPDATE: She told me she split up with her new BF today over some texts he found on her phone to some other guy.... completely innocent but it looks as if something has gone on and its her word against his.

 

Im not going to get involved because I know i'll just get hurt in the process and I bet they will get back together.

[BrokenheartUK]

Day 11.

 

Today has been really, really tough so far. Not in terms of 'staying NC' as I have got that one locked down now (even though I really keep wanting to look at her myspace page to torture myself). I'm just really scared of V-Day. I know it's just a day like no other, but I can't get of my head what her and HIM will be doing together. Waking up tomorrow morning, opening her card and present from him, making love, it makes me feel physically sick sometimes. Maybe the fact that it falls on a weekend makes it a bit worse, they have the whole day to enjoy it together

 

I stupidly allowed myself to have a fantasy last night where me and my ex get back together. In it, she texts me out of the blue on V-Day and asks to come round and see me. I'm on my way out and ask her what the point of it is as I don't need to be more upset, and she replies with "Please, it's really important." I agree, she comes over. She's upset and tells me she misses me and has been thinking about us every day. I ask her about her new boyfriend and she tells me it ended because "he's not you". She tells me she still loves me and asks if we can have another chance and I'm totally taken aback. I tell her I love her but need time to think and go out as planned. A few hours into the night I'm talking to some girl in a bar and I realise I don't give a damn about anything she's telling me as all I'm thinking about is my ex. I make my excuses and leave, calling my ex on the way out of the bar asking her if she's at home. She replies "yes" and I tell her I'll be right there. I run to her house, she opens the door and we kiss. Cue 'happily ever after' and rom-com credits.

 

Why the hell do I keep torturing myself with this sh!t?! I even fantasise about the exact words we say to each other, down to the smallest details. She won't even give me a single fleeting thought tomorrow. Not one. NOT ONE.

 

Just when I thought I had a handle on things...I guess if I can get through tomorrow then I can get through anything!

[wiley]

Day 11.

Why the hell do I keep torturing myself with this sh!t?! I even fantasise about the exact words we say to each other, down to the smallest details. She won't even give me a single fleeting thought tomorrow. Not one. NOT ONE.

 

Just when I thought I had a handle on things...I guess if I can get through tomorrow then I can get through anything!

 

Don't worry, we have all been there at some point. I was having similar dreams a few days ago, and it sucks to wake up and realise it was just a dream.

 

I know my ex won't bother with me tomorrow.

[brazilgirl21]

Day 2 and I feel like I regressed 300 steps, at least.

 

I broke NC when I found out he planned a trip with his new girl less than a month after our breakup! =[ Now I have 1534534 thoughts on my mind of how he did this so quickly. When we talked 2 days ago and I was crying/sad he genuinely seemed like he NEVER meant to hurt me and that it killed him that it did and he can be doing so many mistakes but he's living his life. I agreed with him. I told him he had every right to live his life even though it made me sad. It was horrible and it's making me feel horrible.

 

How am I supposed to get through Carnaval next week knowing he'll on a romantic trip with someone else?

 

This is SO hard.

[SighSob]

Approx. day 40.

 

I feel good. I don't wonder what she's up to anymore. I try to picture it and sometimes it is her happily hanging out with her new boyfriend, sometimes it's her looking at the plush dolls I gave her through our relationship and missing me...and honestly the former doesn't hurt me and the latter doesn't give me any relief. It's not acceptance though. It's just not giving a * * * * anymore.

 

I still feel angry when I think about the way she treated me during the breakup and I still feel regret when I think about the way I played my part in killing the relationship but what is done is done and I just want to be happy again.

 

I admit that I would like her to come back to me to give us another chance but I understand it's not going to happen and it doesn't hurt me anymore. I finally truly believe that there are other girls out there and I can't wait to fall for the right one.

 

I'm living proof it does get better. One month ago I was a wreck. I spent Christmas crying in the bathroom. Now it is ok, and it can't get worse 'cause I've already received all the bad news I didn't want to receive...

[brazilgirl21]

Broken - Be happy that your ex is not giving you a second chance. My ex decided to give me a chance and the fall was 1000x worse. He gave me all the hope in the world, we spent xmas together and then we had the brilliant idea of spending new years with our friends (i should have forced for us to spend togehter) and after that everything crashed. It would have been easier if he haven't take me back initially, instead of giving me a chance but never really giving it a chance.

 

I know I'm not making any sense but I'm depressed today. I keep thinking how I could have done EVERYTHING differently, SPECIALLY not going after him in New Years when we were together. I decided to play it cool and travel with my friends. Ugh, WHY?

[BrokenheartUK]

Great post SighSob, I'm so glad that you've managed to come out the other side of your long journey and are now excited about the future. Your words inspire me to keep hanging on for the day when I don't give a damn about her anymore.

 

Your last sentence rang true inside me - I've gotten all the bad news I can about her. She's met someone else, she's happy...time for me to start looking forward to the same.

[brazilgirl21]

broken heart - I've got all the bad news I could too... but imagine if your ex left this guy AFTER you already got the bad news, got together with you again, you guys were very much in love, and then he left you again and went back to the guy and you have to start hearing the bad new AGAIN. Just this time it affects you 100x more!

 

Wouldn't it be even worse? Ugh, why am I going through this? Why are we all going through this??

[longdist]

It's day 16 of NC for me and today seems like it will be 100x easier than yesterday. I'm blocking things for my mind today, and that seems to work pretty well at making things feel better.

 

For those of you who have been doing NC for awhile, is it better to block things from your mind, or is that just posponing thoughts that you need to deal with? Obviously it always feels better not to think about things, but at the same time days that I do think about things, it seems worse than it otherwise would be.

 

Along with that question, is it best just to lose hope of getting your ex back, or to keep some hope? It makes me feel better to keep hope, but at the same time, I wonder if that will just haunt me later.

[brazilgirl21]

I think when we are in so much hearbreak, hope is the only thing that keeps us going. We are humans, hope never really dies. I'm an optimist as well, which makes it harder. I'm still SO full of hope.

[TLguy]

Day 2 and I feel like I regressed 300 steps, at least.

 

I broke NC when I found out he planned a trip with his new girl less than a month after our breakup! =[ Now I have 1534534 thoughts on my mind of how he did this so quickly. When we talked 2 days ago and I was crying/sad he genuinely seemed like he NEVER meant to hurt me and that it killed him that it did and he can be doing so many mistakes but he's living his life. I agreed with him. I told him he had every right to live his life even though it made me sad. It was horrible and it's making me feel horrible.

 

How am I supposed to get through Carnaval next week knowing he'll on a romantic trip with someone else?

 

This is SO hard.

 

Could be worse. My ex slept with someone else the day after we broke up, then started a relationship with him the next day, then moved in with him 2 weeks later!

 

Anyways, day 12 I think. Feeling good today because its FRIDAY!! Fridays are too great to make me feel down.

[justally]

It's been two months since my ex an I have had contact. On his bidding, though.

I've asked a friend to make the last contact--get back the 3 things he has of mine that I can't forget. A first ed book signed by the author, the only tshirt I got from my last place of employment (I worked there for over a year...that's a huge step for me), and my accross the Universe CD. The last CD I ever had him listen too on our morning commute. I forgot in his car, he broke up with me the next day. Let it go, you say? I would, but then I'd have to buy the cd again...and I don't have cash for extras right now. I want my luxuries, darn it!

 

After today's message has been delivered, that's it. I'm done. No more emails, no more any thing. For 6 months. Oct 1st is the only day I can contact him...if I feel like it. It's time to shelve him. He was a great experience, and I miss him sorely, but it's time I shelved it. Bye.

[SighSob]

It's day 16 of NC for me and today seems like it will be 100x easier than yesterday. I'm blocking things for my mind today, and that seems to work pretty well at making things feel better.

 

For those of you who have been doing NC for awhile, is it better to block things from your mind, or is that just posponing thoughts that you need to deal with? Obviously it always feels better not to think about things, but at the same time days that I do think about things, it seems worse than it otherwise would be.

 

Along with that question, is it best just to lose hope of getting your ex back, or to keep some hope? It makes me feel better to keep hope, but at the same time, I wonder if that will just haunt me later.

 

It's ok to block things from your mind. If you've come here at ENA you've probably already suffered enough pain from the breakup and are now ready to heal. To think about it over and over won't do any good and won't be of any help. The best way to heal IMO is just try to look at the big picture...the world is still spinning around, today it's a sunny day (at least here lol) and you will be happy again!!

[longdist]

Thanks for the reply brazilgirl21. I too have been keeping enormous hope. I have a big plan drawn up in my mind on how to get my ex back. I think that keeps me going. It involves breaking NC a couple months down the road. At the same time I keep thinking that she is dating one of her friends that she has had for 7 years. If she is, they already have a foundation and would have a lot to lose if they broke up. She has denied that this is going on, and my reasons for thinking otherwise are only marginally validated. At the same time I feel like she would deny it regardless of the truth, so I keep thinking the worst. If I knew for sure, I feel like I could disregard any hope, but instead I keep on hoping things will work out with us.

 

Also thanks for the reply SighSob.

 

As for TLguy, here was my situation. My ex broke things off right before Christmas after I had driven 8 hours, literally through a blizzard to visit her and give her birthday and Christmas gifts. She went on a ski trip with friends and I think started seeing one of her friends of 7 years, all within a week of breaking things off. I'm fairly sure nothing was going on between them before that. The ski trip was at the place where my ex and I first started dating and of which I have very fond memories of. So talk about a big kick to the face. I never would have imagined that she would do something like that.. not in a million years. At the same time I don't know for sure. I'm just basing it on some pictures I saw, which could have been more innocent than what I believed.

[brazilgirl21]

Argh guys, just know that I was in the SAME position as my ex last year, it's SO ironic. It was Carnaval as well (Brazil, Love and Carnaval) and I wasn't in love, was 21, and wanted to spend the holiday with 10 of my childhood girlfriends in Paris. We broke up after that because I wasn't in love. I didn't miss him for nearly 5 months =[ ! Then, well, look where I am, in the EXACT same position 1 year later. Dumpees, may my story serve as hope for you guys, and a lesson learned for me.

[BrokenheartUK]

F*ck! I almost just looked at her myspace page. I was on there posting out a bulletin for my band and I was about 5 seconds from looking her up...luckily I saw sense and got the hell out of there.

 

My heart's still pounding, and I feel like cr*p for almost caving

[longdist]

brazilgirl21, if it makes you feel any better, 6 months before my ex broke things off with me, I had seriously considered doing the same with her. Another girl had come around and was showing me the interest I hadn't been getting from my ex. Nothing physical happened and I broke away, knowing that I still wanted to be with me ex in the end. However, it was what I thought was a lack of love, that made me wonder if I should try seeing someone different. In fact, I think the "lack of love" was from not having the honeymoon phase of the relationship anymore and that my ex and I were feeding off each other's emotional walls (we had a LDR). So although, it isn't the same, it is still similar. I hope my ex feels the way you do some day. What really stimulated the change in feelings, was it when he started seeing someone else? If so, it could just be that you want what you can't have, which I'm sure we all have a little of, not that knowing that makes it any easier.

[JohnGalt]

F*ck! I almost just looked at her myspace page. I was on there posting out a bulletin for my band and I was about 5 seconds from looking her up...luckily I saw sense and got the hell out of there.

 

My heart's still pounding, and I feel like cr*p for almost caving

 

Dude, seriously....

 

Facebook, Myspace and all these other social networking sites kill relationships and then they make healing from relationships much more difficult that it normally would be.

 

Also, if you look at the research as access to technology and communication increases so do breakups and divorce.

 

Good job staying away. I deactivated facebook, but it still takes a good bit of discipline not to get back on.

[BrokenheartUK]

Thanks John. I feel like such an idiot, what would I gain from looking at her page? Nothing but pain, suffering and more heartbreak. I think it's the not knowing what she's up to that tempts me...but I know that looking will just confirm everything to me again. Myspace is much easier for me to access, even though I deleted her from all of my profiles it's still possible to see her basic page which includes profile photo, 'mood' and her little strapline. At least with facebook there is no danger of that as I completely deleted my profile so I can't even log in and look anymore.

 

I'm such a masochist it's untrue!

[dreamer888]

Day 4 of NC for me....i HAVE to keep strong this time.

I have to keep my head up and keep smiling...because i really DO deserve to...

[parlae]

Why the hell do I keep torturing myself with this sh!t?! I even fantasise about the exact words we say to each other, down to the smallest details. She won't even give me a single fleeting thought tomorrow. Not one. NOT ONE.

i'm sorry you're feelin that way.

i'm really nervous about tomorrow too.

i know,only in my greatest dreams would he even THINK about me tomorrow.

but i still keep thinkin about it.

i'm scared to accept anyone's date invitations. so i bet i'll probably end up spending the day/night alone at my house...thereforee i'll be thinking about HIM the whole time...

tomorrow is gonna be depressing..i already feel it

 

I think when we are in so much hearbreak, hope is the only thing that keeps us going. We are humans, hope never really dies. I'm an optimist as well, which makes it harder. I'm still SO full of hope.

optimist here as well.

no matter the situation between me and my ex, i'm still filled with hope. because for some reason i feel in my heart that he's the one.

i know i'm young and probably sound crazy for saying that.

but, i'm not just saying it because i'm not comfortable living my life without him, or any other reason like that.

i just know he's the greatest person i've ever met in my life. he knows me better than anyone, and vice versa. we have so much in common and had a great friendship before we ever started dating.

i dont know... just something keeps me hanging on to the fact the we're "meant" to be together.