dreamer888

Day 4 of NC for me....i HAVE to keep strong this time. I have to keep my head up and keep smiling...because i really DO deserve to...

I talked to me ex last night about a problem i was having. he was the only one who could help me and he did. i love him so much, but he has moved on and is over me but i am not over him. i thanked him through text today and he didn't respond...even to a thank you. so i am starteing my 30 days of NC TODAY. And going to try so hard not to look back... Oh gosh...this is going to be hard.

Thank you all tons!!! You guys really don't know how much you are helping me!!! Because of course i realize he doesn't deserve ME, even though i blame myself and say i don't deserve HIM and that's the reason i don't have him...but until people like you guys, who have been through some of the same stuff tell me that i deserve better....i can believe it then. It's true, though. No one deserves to be treated this horrible when all i am doing, as some of you guys have said, is trying to love him. I'm not stalking or harassing, as he likes to tell me...i am simply trying to do ANYTHING to get him back..even trying NC and only contacting him when HE said i could...and even then, he treats me horribly. I need to forget about him and find someone who DOES love me for me and someone that i don't have to go out of my way to love. You should NEVER have to go out of your way to demonstrate LOVE to someone...it's something that should come easily and be shown, by BOTH people, without even TRYING to show it...like we USED to be...but he has chosen to leave it all behind. But what he doesn't know...and what i didn't know when we broke up was that true love IS actually a VERY hard thing to find out there. Yo wouln't think so with all the fish in the sea, but really and truly, when it comes down to it...trying to find a person that loves you NO matter what, flaws and all...it is SUPER hard to find anyone that REALLY respects you and loves you unconditionally....but i guess he will just have tofind that out on his own...but apparently he doesn't NEED anyone to love him and is fine letting love go...but one day he WILL want TRUE love and we will see how easy he comes accross it then when he had it in front of him the entire time BEFORE. THanks again so much!! Keep the advice comin'!

THanks for all of your replies so far. i have tried NC...for 2 months now except for those 3 times. Which the longest one was a one hour conversation that he said was a waste of his time..and the other two were him saying "oh, i don't want ot talk to you" Click. And he would jsut hang up and never even try to contact me again. Btu i think he does know i will contact him...eventually...but i am afraid to say that IS the reason he doesn't contact me, ya know? Because that only gives me hope that MAY be false hope. And yes, i have tried to move on and would NOT have a problem at all getting with another guy if i found the right one...but the only part that SUCKS is that i can't seeem to REALLY get interested in another guy. Yeah, i have kissed other guys and hung out with others and stuff...but I can't ever imagine having anything serious with these other guys. And i know i am young. I just turned 20 in December. He just turned 19 at the very end of october. We are SO young i know...but it STILL hurts the same nonetheless. THat is why i feel there MAY be a chance...BUT also NOT a chance since he is so young and still had so many other girls out there to meet that are just so "hot" to him (he still has a lot of maturing to do and now, since we are apart, sees a girl only through looks, i tihnk). I don't know...but i have given my 150% in trying to work things out and if he doesn't at least see THAT...then is he even worth it? Honestly? Should i even mess with a guy that tells me he doesn't love me anymore and can let go of me because of the petty fact that he is now surrounded by lots of girls who also only want to have sex with no strings attached? I know that i would and still do always look down upon a guy like that, but since i KNOW that is NOT the real guy he is...it's hard to give up on him... He has morals. Trust me. Jsut not now bc he is trying to come out of his shell being a first year college student and all....

But he hasn't dated anyone since then and has not seemed to get serious with another girl. I just still have so much hope for us because i KNOW i love him and i know how much he loved me and i know HE knows how much i loved him. What i don't know is...since he hasn't really experienced other girls...is that a reason he is acting like this? Becuase he wants to see what else is out there? Is there a chance at ALL that he might realize one day down the road...however long it takes..that i WAS a special girl and DID really, really love him for HIM and that he MIGHT want ot see what i'm up to and possibly date me again? Or is all hope lost? I know EVERYONE'S case is different and you can't judge all cases by one thing, but it is EVER possible that he MIGHT come back to me?

Well, I have posted before. Basically my ex and i have been apart for almost a year now, but we still hooked up and hung out until about 2 months ago or so. Well, in the last 2 months, i have only contacted him by phone 3 times. The third being today. On the second he told me he didn't love me as a friend anymore, even and even though we talked for an hour, at the end it kind of go out of hand because he will NEVER be nice and always acts so unhappy to talk to me. Well, today...he picked up and didn't know it was me (becuase it wasn't my number i called from) and when i old him it was me, he just said "Oh. I don't want to talk to you" He just kept saying that over and over and then hung up on me. We were together, officially, for 2 years and 3 months. He is a freshman in college and i am a sophomore. OUr schools are 5 minutes apart so there is no long distance and there is no reason we couldn't be together. Really, though, i just want ot know why he is acting like this. This is the same guy who told me he would NEVER be able to get over me and ALWAYS compare me to every other girl. We lost our virginity to each other, which meant a lot to both of us, and we learned everything about a relaitonship with one another. I just don't see how he can all of a sudden hate me. Yes, i was persistent, but how is it possible to hate someone who only really tried to love you and do all they could possibly do for you?! I just need answers as to WHY he is acting like this towards me. Will he EVER come back around and want to see how i am doing? If so, how long will that be? Will he EVER miss me and what we shared...which was everything. Why is it that now since he is around all these other girls, everything is GREAT for him. I just feel so worthless and used. Like as is i meant nothing to him. I need help if there is any. I just miss him ALL the time. I feel so stupid for thinking we are supposed to be together, but i jjust can't see a reason for still loving someone SOO deeply even AFTER all he has put me through if something isn't MAKING me continue to love him...for some reason that i just can't see yet. I just don't get it at all. I really, really love him. He said that didn't matter to him. I should hate someone that is saying all this to me, but i still love him more than life itself. I don't know why... Will things EVER work out? Ever. Any success stories of people treating someone so horrible and then realizing they were wrong? I just love him and would do anything for him. I miss him.

Hey, i just wanted to let you know i know EXACTLY how you feel and you are very strong to be able to be letting go so early. My ex and i were together for a little over 2 years and when we broke up i really thought i was over him....but i definitley was NOT. BUT apparently he WAS. Well, i still hung out with him for about 8 moths after that and hooked up with him...basically i felt as if we were still together but KNEW we weren't and to him...well...he was just using me. Called me at HIS convenience (at the EASLIEST 1:00 EVERY time....when HE was through hanging out w/ these "friends" he could never tell me the names of bc he didn't want me to know), he had sex and then left, he took ALL the gifts i gave him and NEVER EVER once gave in return after the break up,...i mean just treated me HORRIBLE...but guess what?! I didn't SEE this because i didn't WANT to. Technically we have had NC for about 1.5 months now except i called him around thanksgiving and then around christmas...both times he was as cruel as could be..honestly...i have never ever ever been treated SOOO horribly by ANYONE while at the same time, me treating them like a God. I really really lovED this boy, but i absolutely HATE who he has become. See, we were only a year apart but i am in my second year of college at a small liberal arts private college...he is 5 minutes away at a UNIVERSITY with 13,000 people and living in a Co-Ed dorm which has made things a million times worse and changed the person he was completely. Basically...what i am saying is by not ever letting him go after we FIRST broke up....i attached myself sooo much worse. Like i said....i really felt i was over them...but then i came ot see him (bc he was still in highschool at this time...we have been broken up for 11 months total now) and by seeing how WELL he was doing on his own and being able to have so much fun without ME it made me wnat him...basically he was doing what everyone is telling ME to do...except now...i have waited to long for it to work bc he has REALLLY moved on and could care less about me or my life. Just continue with NC...honestly...you canNOT make a person fall in love or want you. I have, unfortunately, learned that the hard way. He was crazyyyy about me...gave me a promise ring only about 8 months before we broke up...came ot see me ALL the time at school...and I was the one who broke up with him...but somehow HE got over me a lot quicker...i think bc HE was the one who started NC first and started a new life FIRST and never really responded to my calls or messages and knew it would get to me. Also, about the e-mail you sent your ex and said he didn't have to reply... my ex does the EXACT same thing...well when i beg for him to reply he doesnt hardly EVER, but when i say he doens't have to reply he ESPECIALLY doesnt...i don't know WHY they do this....but i tihnk it is a thing that guys do...they just don't KNOW how to break free so they kind of go about it in a way that is easiest for them and even thoguh they know it is hurting somoene else they still just have no other idea of how to go about it except by ignoring their ex and treating them somewhat bad in order for their ex to WANT to leave them alone... So my ex was SOOOO incredibly sweet to me alone...i KNOW he had to still love me...well he told me he did...but around his friends he refused to say it and acted like he could care less about me...it's just all really confusing...you just have to live for YOURSELF and not for them EVER EVER EVER again. I did that for 8 months and look where it got me!! I contemplated suicude to...i felt like i could NEVER fall in love again. I knew guys were interested in me and still are and honeslty,...i STILL can't like a guy bc i compare them to my ex...STILL. It will take a while but it will take SOOO much longer if you let yourself contact that person....and date others if you want. You dont HAVE to get serious with them...but LET them take you out...let yourself have fun and yeah....you WILL think about him for a while and i am SURE you'll compare every guy to him for a while...but thats natural....just let it go and then it WILL eventually go away...for me it has only been 2 months and the first month was that month where i thought about him ALL the time but also realized that i was soo much better w/o him, but then i started thinking about him and being really lonely...now i tihnk about him a LOT but i never cry about it...which is a big step of progress for me. Well, keep your head up and remember you are the one who never gave up on HIM and that only proves you ARE capable of loving someone to the fullest extent...that is something that is VERY important in life...and one day he WILL realize this. It may not bring him back but he most likely WILL realize it. Take care and remember we are all here for you!

arrrrffff...that sounds exactly like my situation. I talk to him about everyone and people are getting tired of hearing it...but i feel the need to talk about it to get it all out. I call my mom even and talk to her about it. I must say it has brought us closer together, and i think she is now finally seeing why i used to be so "upset" at him a lot and she would blame ME for everything when i tried to explain endlessly that i was the only one working for anything in the relationship, yet he claimed to love me and want me so bad. I called him last night and he was really rude and barely gave me the time of day to talk...sometime i don't really have anything to say much...well i do, but when i hear his voice i just can't be mean enough to get out what my true feelings are...i just want to love him. And then, he chews me out for wanting to just try to say what i want and yells over me and then immediately hangs up. I called back again..a few times, which i know is bad and it does piss him off, but i just really needed to talk to him...and he answered and yelled " * * * * off!!" at me. I just can't believe that.. coming from THIS guy. He used to treat me so wonderfully and NEVER cussed at me or yelled hardly EVER. THere is this new girl he likes now and although he tries to tell me he doesn't think he likes her like that...i know he does. You can't "think" you don't like someone..and his reason for it is because he doesn't want a relationship...well feelings are feelings and if he likes her, he DOES regardless if he WANTS a relationship. He told me a while back (before i knew he liked her) that she and he went to breakfast every morning together and stuff and i started wondering then and asked him if he liked her. Of course he told me "no." I just feel like when i start NC that is when i will really lose him. Arrrfff, if you don't mind me asking, what year is your g/f at university? Because he is a freshman and lives in a co-ed dorm. I know that whole experience has just changed him...and in a bad way. It really hurts too that i SINCERELY tell him that he has changed for the worse and let him know i tell him this only because he told me that also once and it made me realize i HAD changed for the worse. Of course he blows it off and plays "mr. cool" and acts like "HA! Only to YOU!" He just doesn't know how hurtful he is. I do believe though, what comes around goes around...in no way do i EVER, EVER want this boy to be hurt...but i WOULD like him to experience TRUE, EMOTIONAL pain, equivalent to what he is putting ME through, then MAYBE, just MAYBE...he WILL realize EVERYTHING that i put up for for almost a YEAR and stuck by his side just to be with him again. Then maybe he'll realize i'm faithful. I really have tried to be a good girl for him. He won't accept me though. What makes me think he never thinks about me, though, is that i NATURALLY compare EVERYTHING to this boy...every other guy..becaue he WAS my first love and i love him so much. But with him, he told me that he doesn't compare ANY girl to me and that i don't matter to him in that way anymore so "why would i compare other girls to you?!" What he doesn't get is that it is not about ME being the center of attention...it's about the fact that i don't feel like he misses me at ALL. And like all the AWESOME memories we had didn't me a damn thing to him. Like ANY other girl could EASILY replace me and what we shared. I feel like i'll never move on because i natually compare him to everyone else. He is just so beautiful to me...inside AND out...and i DO know all of his flaws, and i still love that boy more than life itself. Also, i don't think that he GETS that EVERY single relationship has thier problems usually starting after about a year of dating...or a lot eariler. Ours just got a lot worse since we literally spent EVERY day together and hung out with ONLY each other usually...but what he doesn't get is that a LOT of tht would change since we are in college. I just want my companion back and i want somone to love...but i want them to love me back and he doesn't love me back. I know this but im just a stupid girl that is in love with a dumb boy who only wants to hurt me in order to show his "coolness"... Maybe he will learn one day. I sure hope so. And Arrrffff, same for your ex. Maybe one day she WILL realize what she lost. Maybe after they get all of this freedom out of their system then maybe they will want somone to really love them. It's scary though, i know, because you constantly wonder..."what if they find someone else to settle down with and THAT person becomes that last person they are with for a LONg time?" I constantly wonder if my ex will settle with another girl, and being the laid-back, not-ever-wanting-to-confront-problems-or-bring-them-to-the-surface type of guy then he MIGHT just be with this next girl for a LONG time and never give me that chance that i think i deserve. I am also going through torture and people tell me that i am putting myself through it by contacting him and that he doesn't care how he makes me feel at all. THat is true, i know. He doesn't care one bit. He is a completely differnt guy. What he doesn't know though, is that he really has someone that loves him to no end, unconditionally, FOREVER. But he takes that for granted because no longer and i "good enough" for him because i'm not like all those other girls at his new school... maybe one day he'll grow up and learn life is not all about games and skipping class to stay up late and do stupid * * * *...and one day he WILL want ot settle down with someone that REALLY loves him...and then, maybe he'll realize the fights that he and i had we're any worse than some of the others he has coming with others and he might regret for trying to make me feel so worthless and like he doesn't care if i live or die. i guess we'll see in time.

Sorry in advance that this is so long: Well,...my boyfriend and I broke up about 10 months ago... We broke up for a month or two the month before i went to college because he was acting a lot different and doing lots of stuff i didn't approve...well, after i went to college we got back together...but things were rocky. Although he begged for me back before this and acted SO into me nad like i was THE one for him, he started acting really lonely around me and sad when we were together and so we started fighting more and more and i eventually broke up with him and started going out more and met someone new and, i guess due to the whole "rebound" thing, i thought i liked this new guy a lot more than i actually did. Well, turns out, I still wanted to call him all the time and when summer came we hung out allll the time, BUT this entire time from when i broke up until now even he has just been so hurtful and told me he hasn't cried once about the break up...not even when it first happened, and got over me within about the first 2 weeks or so. We were together for 2 years and 3 months and he gave me a promise ring about 8 months before we broke up this second time. Well, since i realized i wanted him back i have done exactly waht i SHOULD NOT have done and been very very clingy and tried to prove to him that i have changed, because i HAVE and there WERE a lot of areas i needed to improve. He just acts so mean to me when he is around his other friends and never answers ANY calls when he is with them and will NEVER call me back... BUT when he is with me and me only he is so loveable and kisses me and makes me feel like he really cares. Well, today i found out he is crushing on this other girl, but when i aksed him recently about some stuff he told me lies to EVERY question...some people say it is because he WANTS to keep me around...but i find that hard to believe becasue he REALLY acts like he wants me out of his life...and if it is not ME keeping contact between us...then he would NEVER call and he HAS not initiated a call in a very long time. I ask him all the time if we will ever be together and he always says "NO!" Then i ask him, "EVER, will we EVER be together, EVER again?!" And he will say not that i am thnking about and not any time soon at all. This is his first year of college and i am wondering if this is a college phase. I am a sophomore in college, and KIND OF went through this but was NEVER EVER EVER this mean to him and realized VERY soon that iwas in love with him still and that i REALLY still needed him. He has really made me feel that EVERYTHING that went wrong in the relationship was my fault. I know this boy is not good for me. He lies to me continuously, he sleeps with me and then leaves immediately, he tells me he loves me and still wants to be best friends but he never ever tries to communicate with me, i give him stuf ALL the time and try to show my deepest love and feelings and when i talk to him and spill out all my heart his ONLY response EVERRR is "ok" after i have just spilled my heart to him...i mean he just acts like he HATES me. People tell me he is just trying to break away...people say give it time and he will come back because everyone around me sees how crazy i am about this boy and they know how deep i TRULY love him, HE knows i love him but i don't think he will accept the extent to how deep that love is, he knows i would take a bullet for him any day but he still treats me like crap. I just really really love him and that is what is making it so hard for me to break away, but it is like he just stopped loving me that day we broke up. I just want to know....is there EVER a chance again since i have been so clingy? Has ANYONE out there had ANYthing like this happen to where one person said that they were pretty positive that they NEVER wanted to be with that person again because "sometimes you just don't want ot be with the same person", (this was his first relationship, also and we both lost our virginity to each other), has ANYONE had any college experience like this where one person thinks EVERYTHING is greener on the other side and then eventually comes back to that one person that they thoguht that they'd never go back to... Has ANYONE felt like they had really lost someone FOREVER and then they come back to them or they date a few people and have thier "college" fun and then they end back up together. I really really want ot be with this boy again...because he is really the absolute SWEETEST guy i have met...except for how he has been since he went to college...and i want to do what is right. I have tried NC and i just CAN'T do it. He was my BEST FRIEND and NOTHING seems complete without him. i love him more than he truly knows. i just know it. But he acts like he could live perfectly happy if he never talked to me or ESPECIALLY saw me again. I just want to be able to love him and be best friends, but it is hard when he acts like you are worthless and like he doesn't really care a bit if yall are friends or not. I just need major help. I really need to know answers to questions. He won't give me the time of day ever. he just yells at me and hangs up on me and picks up and hangs up on me and he knows it hurts me but does it anyway. will we ever, ever have a chance again? And if so...how should i go about it to increase my chances. Is this guy even worth it? He is just so beautiful to me and he really really has no idea how he has changed my life in so many ways. I really feel like this guy is the one...i know i'm young...but nothing has felt the same with anyone before him or after him. I just would really appreciate any answers you guys out there might have. I am struggling so bad right now and have no where to turn. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated because i feel like my whole world, which was him, has turned its back on me and is just crumbling right before my eyes.

Also, i would LOVE any advice form anyone who has been in a relationship where the other person either A.) Went to college and stuff didn't work out and if it ever did...and B.) Anyone who has had a relationship where the one who didn't want the relationship...dead set on never wanting to be together again...came back after a few years and how and what happened... maybe that i won't find any of that out there...it seems almost next to impossible...

Thank you to all of you who have responded. Your advice helps me a lot. Sadly, i pretty much know all this stuff...but hearing it form other people who don't know me personally helps even more...because it is a reality check that that IS the way things really are. Thank you all and any more advice is definitely appreciated!

Thank you FallingTooFast for your reply. We are supposed to meet today...about an hour ago...and he hasn't called or answered any of my calls. I just don't see how someone can be so cruel. Especially when they KNOW how bad you're hurting...

Well, my boyfriend and I broke up in February 2005...so going on 9 months now. We were together for 2 years and 3 months. I broke up with him due to him always acting unhappy around me...which i later found out was due him kissing a girl the summer before while we were on a "break." Well, since he said he felt so guilty about that he just always seemed so unhappy around me. After the whole thing with that other girl last summer, he tried SO hard to prove that I was the only girl he wanted. He wrote me letters, sent me messages online, even wrote a letter to one of the priests at his school (he went to a Catholic school) about his biggest "regret" which was about him getting involved with someone else just because he thought we really wouldn't be back together again and it was a kind of "what the hell" situation. Well, he tried so hard...and after about a month or two i gave him another chance. Well, after about 2 months is when he started acting really unhappy (let me make clear...he never told me they kissed and i asked if they did ANYTHING...hold hands, cuddle, kiss...ANYTHING because he met her at this party where they all stayed the night)...and i just didn't know why. It was my first year at college and he was still a Sr. in high school. He came up to see me frequently (we lived 30 minutes apart) to surprise me. He acted like he was really trying, but he still seemed unhappy and when we had problems he did bring up the alternative that it would be best to probably just break up. So, after a while this unhappiness i saw and the hints that maybe we should just break up...ALONG with him constantly coming to see me and wanting to see me just confused me...but i finally broke and just said "fine, ok we are breaking up." Of course it was somewhat too quick of a decision to make like that i think, but i was just so fed up. Well, for some reason, even thoguh he always suggested that alternative, he got really mad and would not answer my calls or any messages or respond to ANYTHING for a while and when he did it was always negative no matter how nice i was to him. But, summer came and we hung out all the time. He told me twice this summer...on days when we would be having a blast together...he's say "ya i tihnk we will eventually go out again...not soon...but i think we will." And of course that just gave me SO much hope. Well, the summer was okay, even though he did pull his whole "blowing me off" thing for other people a lot...but it was something i had to deal with because we weren't together anymore. WELL, then...college came. His first year. In a co-ed dorm...with lots of people who have very very large egos and very large egos about their Dorm hall that they live in being the "best." (ya, i know...really immature) But, at first he would barely talk to me and when he did it was ALWAYS the "oh hey, well i gg do sometihng with someone else...i don't know if i can call you back i'm busy doing stuff ALL the time" ..ya know...basically the whole rubbing in my face about how many new friends he had and how much he had to do there to the point that i don't EVEN cross his mind anymore. And i'd ask him if he even cares if we are firends and all this stuff and he just is SO incredibly mean about it. And this guy was NEVER EVER mean. NEVER. But, it has just gotten SO hard on me. He has changed DRASTICALLY. He was NEVER a show off and pretty shy-ish...and it's good that he is coming out of his shell...but he is so egotistical now and it is making us so far apart. But what i am trying to get at...is...IS there any hope after all this? I have NEVER ever chased a guy except for this one. And i absolutely HATE chasing guys because i think that if they want me THEY will come to me..but with him i am afraid to let him go since he has all those other girsl to replace me. We were both each others first EVERYTHING. We were soooo deeply in love. I am still in love. He says he is not at all and doesn't see me in that way anymore and is over me. I jsut don't get it. Because not even a year ago he wrote me a letter saying he wanted to be with me for MANY more years and was sooo incredibly in love with me and was sooo sorry for all he had done wrong and EVERYTHING. Then about 2 or 3 months later iwas like he just BAM...got over me and EVERYTHING we shared. The thing was...i realized i didn't treat him as well as i could and i have completely changed ALL of that. I do EVERYTHING to make him happy and let him SEE i know i was wrong and let him SEE that i changed..for HIM. He doesn't care at all. But when we are together he constantly wants to cuddle and hold me and tells me he loves me and just everything...seems to fit. Like it used to. He seems like he really loves me and like everything is perfect. But then he will leave that same day and not answer and calls and when he does he is very short or it is at 2:30 or 3:00 a.m. AFTER he is done hanging out with all his other friends. I know i don't deserve this and shouldn't be putting myself through this...but i REALLY REALLY love him...because he is NOT this guy i just described. He is the most amazing guy i have EVER met if he would just stop with this ego thing. I love him so much and am afraid to leave everything to the "if it is meant to be, it will be" because you HAVE to have some effort put into it...and if we cut all ties and communication...how will that happen? Also, i would LOVE any advice form anyone who has been in a relationship where the other person either A.) Went to college and stuff didn't work out and if it ever did...and B.) Anyone who has had a relationship where the one who didn't want the relationship...dead set on never wanting to be together again...came back after a few years and how and what happened... maybe that i won't find any of that out there...it seems almost next to impossible... I just need to know...is there any hope? Is it just this whole first year of college thing? I just need advice. Anything will help. Thanks so much.