jennamajig Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 DAY 7 I had an anxiety attack the other night. Chipped my tooth, bruised my arms and back. I'm thinking of going on Anti-depressants. I had a really bad reaction to them about 5 years ago so I'm scared. He called on Thanksgiving to say Happy Thanksgiving. He emphasized that he was JUST calling to say Happy Thanksgiving. I've powered off my cell phone. Every time it rings I hope that it's him. You will get over that. You will reach the point where you don't want it to be him. But I can understand anxiety as I experienced it myself in the beginning. It isn't fun. But once I really let go of him it got easier to breathe and live. You need to go full NC. Tell him you can't talk to each other at all; even friendly because it won't change anything. Once you have healed, perhaps then you can be friends or friendly. But now it will do nothing more than increase your anxiety. Link to comment
needs Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 DAY ??? I lost count, I just got back from a trip to a warm and sunny place...but now i'm back in the cold and for some reason its hitting me again. Didn't bother me too much down there. Maybe its the season. I don't know, its been a month or so of NC. 3 months break up. Hope this goes away soon, don't feel like being like this on Christmas Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 You will get over that. You will reach the point where you don't want it to be him. But I can understand anxiety as I experienced it myself in the beginning. It isn't fun. But once I really let go of him it got easier to breathe and live. You need to go full NC. Tell him you can't talk to each other at all; even friendly because it won't change anything. Once you have healed, perhaps then you can be friends or friendly. But now it will do nothing more than increase your anxiety. I'll admit. I haven't completely let go. I've gone Full NC. It won't be as easy when I get back home. I'm with family for the holidays, but I live alone. It makes me feel so WEAK not to be able to talk to him! Maybe I should tell him so he won't think I'm punishing him. Work isn't going so well right now and I've also been slacking on my activities. Once these things come back into full swing and my confidence comes back, we MIGHT be able to converse again. I really don't want him completely out of my life, but I just can't do it right now. Link to comment
challenge Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I don't recall the last time I wrote on this site. I remember being sad, distraught, lonely, and suicidal. I can't say I don't still feel those emotions on some level, but they are more compartmentalized now. I wanted to share my take on the Challenge, what I've experienced and learned so far. I'm glad I found this site, because it gave me the strength to resist the urges that would have completely robbed me of any dignity I still have. However, I'm glad that I not only broke the NC rule, but also all the rules for "getting back together". You see, you and I were broken up with for a reason. There is a lesson buried underneath all of this. I heard many justifications for why my girlfriend threw me away, but she never gave me an ultimate reason why she didn't want me. There was no other lover, no urgent force. She just rejected me, as a person. I'm sure there were other reasons why it was convenient for her. But I'm digressing from my point. I broke No Contact to let her know I had some of her stuff. When she came in, she broke down, confused, questioning her own decision. I took advice from a friend, and gave an ultimatum- You can't leave me in limbo, you have to make a decision. She chose nothing over me. By forcing her to choose, I forced her to set me free. Pining for your ex is self-imprisonment. My life has gone to hell since she left, mostly as a result of the effects of her leaving. I've lost her, my home, my money, and soon my job. But at least I'm free, in mind and body. I won't try to contact her, I'll try not to hate her, and I'll never become dependent on another person. Lesson learned. I know I will end up a stronger person when I repair my shambled life. It will be a rough journey, but I'm getting tougher. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I'm very sorry you're having to go through this. Link to comment
funkymonkey3 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I just hit day 30. Now what? I should feel really good about it I guess but it seems like the further I get sometimes the more and more it sinks in that I might never hold her again. I don't know what to believe as far as why our relationship ended. I want so badly to believe her. To believe that she was good to me and that she wouldn't lie. That she was just afraid of herself and where we were going. But if we were in Vegas I would sadly enough bet all my money on her being a liar and a cheater. The odds are just against her. But I have no proof... I think she was just reserving me just in case she decided to come back. She was extremely torn about losing me for good and maybe someday she will but I don't know exactly what to do if she does. I don't believe her. I love her to death but I don't trust her. I know in my heart that I am getting exactly what I deserve from the universe. Karma on a grand scale. My ex before this last one was a really good girl. We dated for about 7 years. It was really on and off the whole time because I left for the military and she went to pursue her education. The timing was just off. It ended up being long distance and I cheated. More than once and with different women. She however, was honest and faithful as far as I know. And this girl wasn't the type to lie. The whole relationship we were just struggling to be in the same city. I would fly her to wherever I was at sometimes though. She wanted to marry me. I'm not trying to deny what I did. I really hurt her in the end when I decided to leave her. I just really believe that what I did is happening to me now. A much shorter relationship but I think I met my match. Somewhere deep down I believe she is coming back to me and she is just as much of player as I used to be until I grew up. I understand the lesson. I just hope she is grown up if she does come back. But until then I guess I have no choice but to let her go... Link to comment
Abbygail Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Decided to try NC again. I'm doing okay, not in nearly as much pain as I was, but I still care too much about how he feels about me. Over analyzing conversation, etc. I'm going to make a specialized NC plan that involves getting my own life back on track so that I can stop thinking about him so much. I haven't spoken to him in a few days, but I'm making today (Sunday) Day 1. I put him into his own little group in Messenger so I don't have to see him online unless I click on it, and I also made a non-descript nickname for him so I don't bother with whatever name he has up. Haven't brought myself to delete him from my facebook friends request though. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I'm doing okay, knew what his intentions were in the end. I don't hate him, yes i may not agree with some of the things he did, but at the end of the day that was his decision and if he didn't want the relationship anymore then so be it. I'm not going to torture myself with the what if's anymore, we weren't right for one another, it's over, gone, finished, the end. Letting go! Link to comment
cas Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Another week passed without any contact. I'm not nearly thinking as much of her as I used to just a week ago. I haven't felt this good in a very long time! Hope you're doing well, babes and fiffy, and all of you in this challenge.. Have a great day.. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Well done on getting past a week cas. I'm just so, so, so angry aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh, anyone else experienced this and how can i stop it?? Link to comment
awakeintx Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Day 4 for me. Feeling :sad: A question about the rules, does Email contact count? What if it is just to see how they are doing? Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I'm afraid that's still contact awakeint, any form of communicating with that person is. Link to comment
Mhaira Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I've been rather angry the past couple of days, and starting to allow myself to see the bad side of him and what he did wrong in the relationship, rather than idealising everything about him and placing all blame on myself. It's something to feel positive about I still think about him/the situation far too much and have bouts of extreme lows where I really want to call him, but I don't. Link to comment
dqueen Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Hey fiffy, just saw your comment a couple pages back asking about me. Well, I'm a huge failure at NC, which explains my absense from this thread. I can only go as far as two days before giving in and responding to him. I haven't responded to his latest email which he sent yesterday and I don't think I am going to. Do you ever feel so confident on the first day of NC and think "I can do this. I will never contact them again!", then as time goes by, you feel like there was just that one last thing you want to say to them? But that one last thing becomes a bunch of things and you can't NOT respond to their emails or texts? Grrrrr. This is what's happening to me right now. My ex cheated on me, and left me for a married woman he met online knowing full well that she would never divorce or leave her husband for him (he's in UK, she in the US). This was just some sick, twisted fantasy he wanted to enjoy and didn't care about the pain and misery I had to live with for YEARS as a result of his actions. Despite all of this, I don't understand why my heart won't let me hate him. I hate him!!!!!! Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Do you ever feel so confident on the first day of NC and think "I can do this. I will never contact them again!", then as time goes by, you feel like there was just that one last thing you want to say to them? But that one last thing becomes a bunch of things and you can't NOT respond to their emails or texts? Grrrrr. This is what's happening to me right now. DAY 8 I go back and fourth with NC LC! I'll talk to him when I feel confident enough. Right now I'm NC. I think it's because I'm home with my family for the holidays. When I go back home I'll be by myself so ya'll help me be strong! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Fell off the wagon today, only day 4 aswell. I was on messenger and he sen t a message asking how i was, i stupidly replied and then has followed a torrade of abuse from me to him, everytime i have anything to do with this guy now i turn into some kind of mad woman, im still so very hurt. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 My Day 1 will be tomorrow, i definitely need to cut him out completely this time. I've learnt my lesson. One thing what needs to be done is to bring more positivity into my life and not to mull over things concerning him as he simply wasn't worth it. My advice would be to do things for yourself too, don't let the ex control your thoughts anymore, don't revolve around them, do things for YOU. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 My Day 1 will be tomorrow, i definitely need to cut him out completely this time. I've learnt my lesson. One thing what needs to be done is to bring more positivity into my life and not to mull over things concerning him as he simply wasn't worth it. My advice would be to do things for yourself too, don't let the ex control your thoughts anymore, don't revolve around them, do things for YOU. I think I may need to leave e-notalone for a while. I'm not sure if it helps with issues pertaining to the ex or just fuels the flames.... Link to comment
Avathar Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 count me in. I have had no contact with my ex for 5 days now and she is going to contact me sometime around Christmas but when she does I'm probably going to tell her we should not talk for a few months more. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I think I may need to leave e-notalone for a while. I'm not sure if it helps with issues pertaining to the ex or just fuels the flames.... I agree, or just limit your time spent on here. Don't get me wrong, it can and does help, but sometimes you just need to get away from all the relationship issue stuff and concentrate on something else otherwise you tend to mull too much over stuff, well i do anyway. Link to comment
awakeintx Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 DAY 8 I go back and fourth with NC LC! I'll talk to him when I feel confident enough. Right now I'm NC. I think it's because I'm home with my family for the holidays. When I go back home I'll be by myself so ya'll help me be strong! If you dont mind me asking, how many times have you broke NC? Stay strong Link to comment
awakeintx Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 That's the thing, there is no perfect "last conversation". I am struggling big time with that. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 That's the thing, there is no perfect "last conversation". I am struggling big time with that. I think that too, when emotions are running so high i think theres always something youl find to say even if its a case of going round in circle, i think youve just got to really try and let go once and for all. And to answer your previous question i think i must be the all time dunce when it comes to NC, im really rather terrible at it, ive broken it MANY times. Link to comment
Robert013 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Day 18 I am doing fine just a little angry. I talked to her step cousin today who has been my friend since before high school. He does not contact her directly ever. I was at his house watching football. He said he saw her father and step mother and they asked about me. He said " well I know he isn't talking to her" they said they knew that. Then he said "well they are not together and she is with another guy." They said "I know" and then he said they both shook thier heads in disgust. I know that they are not to happy with her for jumping into a relationship with the new guy so quick. This made me feal better. I told him to tell them I said hello the next time he sees them. I told him I want to call them but I can't because I am not talking with her. They are like family and my ex, my son, and I even lived with them for a year. I am sure they miss my son and I. They used to love it when I asked them to babysit. Breakups suck because you also loose the family. She lost my son and I lost her family. It is a two way street we both lost something dear to us besides eachother. On the bright side i met a beautiful women this weekend and her bestfriend told me that she thought I was cute after our conversation. She is 25 and an administrator at the student affairs department at a college. Sexy and smart. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 If you dont mind me asking, how many times have you broke NC? Stay strong We broke up on Oct 18th.... Went NC for about 10 days. Back in touch in Nov a few times, now I've gone NC again. It's been extremely LC. Why do you ask? Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts