THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[fiffy]

Thanks for your support again

 

You are right I would not want this man back. He is so hurtful.

 

He cheated on me with a girl who is the total opposite of me. I am very fair blonde hair blue eyes etc she was black curly hair etc

 

I have now seen he has put posts all over the internet seeking a beautiful black women, saying how he finds white blonde girls unattractive. It is so weird it is almost disturbing.

 

I feel like he is trying to put me down at every step of the way.

 

I feel like an ugly piece of trash

 

I shouldn't be looking. But after seeing that I hate him so much I will never want to be near him again

 

I just want to be over this horrible person. He is not the person I got together with.

 

I am at the wits end most days I am depressed to the point of suicidal all over this guy. He as trodden all over me and he should know better at 37.

[dqueen]

Thank you babes23 and needs for your encouragement and support. Your comments mean a lot to me in this difficult time and I could use anything that will keep me going.

 

Day 3

 

He has a girlfriend and I think he is getting closer to her. It hurts twice as much now but oh well...I have no control over that. I saw him come online today while I was under invisible mode hoping that he would leave me an offline message but he didn't. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I am still on his mind and that he loves me. I think he will end up contacting me some time soon because this is a pattern of his. Whenever I'm in NC, he is always the one to break it. And me, being the weakling that I am, gave in every time. I don't know what I'm going to do if he contacts me this time!

 

I am finding that when I'm with friends, my ex is hardly ever on my mind as much. I feel so much more relaxed and lively around my friends, but when I'm at home and just lounging around, he is on my mind all the time! So I try to keep myself busy by doing some household chores to avoid thinking of him so much but then it returns tenfold! Grrrrrrr it's so annoying! When will this madness end? WHEN??

[babes23]

I replied to your pm fiffy!! You're doing really well dqueen, hurts like hell when there's someone new in the picture, but if anything knowing he as someone else will be more of a motivation to move on. Afterall why contact someone who would be getting the best of both worlds?

 

Day 3 for me today. I'm okay, still mull over little things but that's expected in the early stages isn't it, just going to be kind to myself. I'm glad i'm doing this nc, i know for a fact he won't be contacting me. Last week when we spoke i told him that he was pissed off as i wasn't "begging" for him to give us a chance anymore, and i do think that's what it is with him, i think secretly he wanted me to do that for the ego boost, well no more!!!

[Robert013]

Day 10

 

Yesterday was hard to get through. Sunday morning I could not get it out of my head like I usually do. I think it was because I didn't have any plans. Over all it is getting easier every day. It has been almost two months since we broke up. I am starting to think about reconciliation less and less. I know we are not getting back together but I still think about it every now and then. I just try not to dwell on it and tell myself that we are not getting back together over and over.

 

The first four weeks were brutal. I think it was because of all the lies she told me in order to remain in limited contact. I see now how selfish she was being. She was telling me lies so that we would remain friends and she could see my son. A friendship can not be based on lies you have to be honest with your friends just like you have to be honest with a SO. She lied to my 8 year old son and I in person while we were out for Pizza. I do not want that type of person around my son. until she admitts it and apologizes she will not see my son and we will not be friends.

 

I am deffinately starting to see what was wrong with our relationship. She could never admitt to being wrong. She could not comunicate like an adult. Running away from a argument instead of talking through the issue is not healthy. She did many hurtfull things to my son and I during the relationship also. Now it is not all one sided. I admitt that sometimes I was hard to get along with, and sometimes I was a bit harsh to her. I think this came from the lack of comunication. She would never talk about our problems in order to solve them. So I think all of the hurtfull things I did originated from that. Our relationship failed because we could not comunicate plain and simple. I will not make these mistakes again in the future.

[Robert013]

She just tried to call this morning. I ignored it, but I did listen to her voicemail she left. She wants an air matress that is at my house for thanksgiving. She said people are going to book hotels if she doesn't get it. I asked her not to contact me about anything on the 1st, that it is over we have exchanged all of our valuble stuff and that is that.

 

We bought the $30 dollar air mattress together. If people were willing to get a hotel room then why can't they just buy an air mattress it is cheaper? My sons air hockey table is at her fathers house I am letting that go so I don't have to talk to her or see her. She said that poeple will have to sleep on the floor if she does not get it. She is being a little dramatic about this whole thing. She can afford to buy a new air matress.

 

I don't care about it but I am sick of this whole exchange thing. I consider it a form of contact. When I go drop something off at her Fathers house after she has asked me to in a voicemail then she was able to contact me and get me to do something for her. I am not doing it unless it is her rabbit that she is asking for. My son likes it, but even he is getting sick of cleaning up after it. That would be worth the contact. lol

[Disillusion]

Day 1 NC

 

I'm starting the 30 day NC challenge as of today. I've been in LC w/ my ex for the longest time, this NC thing is going to be one of the hardest things that I will ever do. I honestly feel like crap..have had the worst insomnia..only slept an hour and a half last night. I really hope that this gets better At least I don't feel the need to call her right now so that is good.

[Robert013]

She just tried to call me again I ignored it. Her story for needing the air mattress keeps changing. First it was for her Mother's house then it was for her brother's house. Now it is for a different brother.

 

In the last voicemail she said "will you please just call me." I forgot to mention this in my last post.

 

She did not leave a voicemail this time, but she did send a text right after the attempt to call. It said "will you please just answer me about the air matress? It is for name and name." Her brother and his girlfriend.

 

This is the point of no contact right to ignore them so we can heal? If i start giving in to every thing she wants or needs it will just be something else in a week or two. Everytime I do give in I just feel bad about it later. I do not think that this is about an air matress at all. She didn't even start asking for it until I ignored another text message. I think it is actually starting to hit her that I am seriouse about what I asked for witch was NC. This was one of the only weekends I did not send her needy text messages. Anyhow why is it so urgent? Thanksgiving is 2.5 weeks away.

[hulk7280]

its because.. you are ignoring her.. nothing hurts someone worse when they are ignored

[needs]

DAY 5 NC

 

Its Day 5 since she broke the no contact 2 weeks ago and led me on to believe she wanted to back. Stupid of me to believe her becasue she just ruined things for me again. So now Day 5 of the second attempt at NC. It hurts mroe the second time around so I suggest for everyone doing this...dont give in for any contact. If they want you back and realized their mistakes they will pursue you relentlessly. Other than that theres no reason for the contact. Learn from my mistake.

[unsurescot]

Morning tough. Work ok, couple of emails from my ex (work related). Teary on the walk home so phoned a couple of friends when I got home for a chat. Feeling better now. Still miss her though

[thedude27]

In the last voicemail she said "will you please just call me." I forgot to mention this in my last post.

 

I've been where she is @ with that line and yea she is starting to see you are very serious now. Its really affecting her...and no it has nothing to do with the air matress. Its pretty unpleasant but she will get better in time.

[thedude27]

Day 19.... assuming I'm counting correctly

 

- Doing ok, the weekend was good. I'm having flashes of real relief and letting go on occasion. Obviously its still up and down. Still not sure what I would do if she contacted me, so thats not great but I'm just not seeing that it would happen being the type of person she is.

[Venomite]

Day 9

Sitting in the library waiting for my 5pm class. It's times like these when it comes on the worst. I should be studying, or something to that effect, but she just creeps up on my thoughts, and I find myself surfing this website to get her out of my thoughts. I've been thinking a lot about the Christmas present I had planned for her. She was gonna be in Paris visiting family, and I was going to surprise her and fly out to Paris on the 27th of Dec, and I was gonna take her on some sort of trip through Europe. Its making me upset thinking about it.

Today I have had a resurgence of emotions, and its making this day crappy.

[Robert013]

I've been where she is @ with that line and yea she is starting to see you are very serious now. Its really affecting her...and no it has nothing to do with the air matress. Its pretty unpleasant but she will get better in time.

 

 

I really don't want to hurt her but i will just be the one getting hurt if I give in. She needs to realize that i am seriouse about NC and strong enouph not to give in to this. She needs to also realize that she has lost my son and I.

[fiffy]

Hey babes 23

 

I think you are right about exs enjoying the struggle and contacting them.

 

It makes them feel wanted to know we still care. Thats why NC is the only way to go.

 

Their big fat heads need to be brought back to earth

 

They ain't all that!!!

[babes23]

Is this your first day no contact fiffy?

[cas]

This is probably not the right thread, but I would like to make a update on my situation.

 

I've contacted my ex. I've asked if she would like to hang out together some day close. I'm still waiting for her answer. I did it because I don't think I got anything to lose. I know I will be okay, if she turns me down.

 

Cross your fingers for me.

[babes23]

Hope everything goes well Cas. Be sure to give us an update, fingers crossed x

[challenge]

Wow, it feels like it's been years since we split. I feel bad about our last interaction, because I told her I was doing NC because it was difficult because I love her. She's so sneaky, coming to my house like that. I think I gave her power back, and I feel lower because of it. I'd like to send an email to let her know I'm "OK", not wallowing. I need the house keys that she kept, so I was thinking I could ask for them back, or write an email. She's just holding all the cards now, which feels draining.

Also, she'll never contact me again until I let her know I'm "OK", since until I do she will assume I am still finding the whole situation "hard". right?

Oh, and I really miss her.

[dqueen]

Day 4

 

I locked myself in the bathroom today and cried for hours. I banged my head against the wall at this cruelty I have to live with everyday, curled up in a little ball and just let myself cry. I had to let it all out. I think I went through an entire box of tissues. I was expecting to hear from him today because he emails me from work every weekday and it saddened me that this has come to an end. I compulsively checked my email throughout the day and also my instant messenger. It's too hard to snap out of this habit. I had this strong urge to break NC and ask him to call me, but that would only show weakness on my part and give him a huge ego boost. I feel like I haven't let everything out...which means more crying days to come. I have no shame in crying so much but damn! How weak am I??? He should be the one crying and writhing in pain, not me. ](*,)

[thedude27]

I really don't want to hurt her but i will just be the one getting hurt if I give in. She needs to realize that i am seriouse about NC and strong enouph not to give in to this. She needs to also realize that she has lost my son and I.

 

In a way I envy you, in another way I dont. I'd like to see mine sweat a bit like yours...although I'd probably end up feel sorry for her.(Look grass is greener syndrome right in the midst of the No contact challenge. )

 

Hang in there, she will be fine. At least you told her what you are doing and you didnt just ignore her randomly. She has to deal with the realization of losing all control of you and the R, that is a hard thing to go through. IMO, Now is when NC is going to have the most effect, I'd just keep doing what you are doing. She will understand those things very soon.

 

What will you do if she want to reconcile? are you past that point?

[thedude27]

Well if you're weak then I'm weak too and well..I'm not. I cried like a baby and I'm a friggin guy(were supposed to be devoid of emotion ya know ). Remind yourself that breaking NC at this point where you are upset will only further hurt you and your realtionship...just remember that for now and keep going. Also if you break it, it makes it easier for him to let go.

 

It gets easier, it really does. Hang in there.

[challenge]

I think I'm gonna call.. She'll never call me otherwise, she's waiting for me to tell her it's OK to. How will she know if I dont tell her? Losing restraint!

[babes23]

Challenge who finished the relationship? From experience i say if the one who does the finishing of the relationship doesn't contact you then it's best to just accept their decision, afterall who wants to be with someone out of pity, feeling sorry for us blah, blah as 99% of the time the exact same things happen again. I mean just look on here, there's more dumpees, not many dumpers regretting their decision or looking to reconcile with the ex. I thinking the sooner we admit the truth to ourselves then the easier all this will be to deal with in the long run.

 

Day 4

 

I'm soooooooo tired, it feels like i'm seriously lacking in energy. Still thinking of him, don't know why i give him the headspace to be honest as i doubt very much he's thinking about me. Least i'm not there in the background anymore, least i've disappeared from his life and will continue to do so. Bit angry, sad etc, it is painful but nc is no easy ride i guess.

[Robert013]

In a way I envy you, in another way I dont. I'd like to see mine sweat a bit like yours...although I'd probably end up feel sorry for her.(Look grass is greener syndrome right in the midst of the No contact challenge. )

 

Hang in there, she will be fine. At least you told her what you are doing and you didnt just ignore her randomly. She has to deal with the realization of losing all control of you and the R, that is a hard thing to go through. IMO, Now is when NC is going to have the most effect, I'd just keep doing what you are doing. She will understand those things very soon.

 

What will you do if she want to reconcile? are you past that point?

 

I have read about the grass is greener syndrome and it is starting to fit the profile. I was her first real adult relationship. She is 25 we were talking about future plans wedding, kids,etc. She jumped right into another relationship after the break. Said she didn't know what she wanted. Said she wanted to stay in touch. Wanted to be friends but didn't know about the future.

 

My friend said to me last night maybe she just needed another adult relationship to compare yours to? I would agree with this. I then told him but it doesn't matter now and it is over. He said he knows that her new relationship won't last, he is a mutual friend and his wife is my ex's best friend. He then said people get divorced and then remarry all the time.

 

I would have to think long and hard about reconciliation if she were to come back. I just don't think I could ever trust her again. I just need to let that thought go.

 

I would agree that now she is actually is starting to realize that she has no control over me and I am strong enouph to live without her. I cannot be there anymore for her to take her frustrations out on. Let the new guy do it he is the one getting paid for it.

 

I am maintaining NC I am now on Day 11.