THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Ixtapa]

Well...what can I say. Im just really sad today....not to the point of crying but the tears are not far away. Luckily Im going out tonight, spending time with a friend. I have to distract myself as much as possible otherwise I start to think too much. Its not that I want to contact him....its just that I'm sad I lost him.

[ccali78]

I think for now I need to post on here everyday. I used to post everyday and when I got away I started contacting him and we were hanging out and that is where I got hurt. It does fade if you are on here to get over the person. Not if you are here for advice on how to get them back. I could sit here and ask everyone why my ex left. What he is dating a woman going through a divorce with two kids when he did not even like kids and we never talked about them the whole 4.5 years we were together but where will that get me.

 

It will get a bunch of people saying get over it work on you. Noone knows the answers lets all just remind eachother to get stronger a day at a time. All I had was a relapse. I am not sure when day 1 starts as I did contact him earlier but am vouching not to now so is today day 1 or tomorrow.

[Hopelives]

Been 4 weeks since his email response to my response to his question... NC.

 

It sucks. I miss him... a lot.

[Steve 7745]

Day 26.

 

I look at her once more online. Instead of feeling sick, or worried, I feel energized. I feel charged.

 

I am going to take this time in NC and turn myself into something better. I have faith in myself.

[thatdoggirl]

Day 12

 

Day 12 is almost at an end… actually technically now it could be onto day 13 but oh well. I had a really good day today. I went to sleep really late last night, like 3am because I stayed up late watching a movie. Then I woke up at 8:40am sweating like crazy because I had kept the fan off and wore my hoodie. Big mistake. So I was wide awake and just decided to get up and move some more stuff around my house and put up a few more posters in my room. I’m pretty much done so soon I’m going to take pictures.

 

I have a student worker job as an office assistant at my college and my mom works in the same office. The secretary was sick. I had taken off the summer quarter there but my mom asked me if I wanted to go into work. I had some other plans for my day but nothing I had to do and I missed my school and working there so I went in. In the back of my mind I knew I’d have a high chance of running into the ex since he works as a security guard in the parking lot/garage but I didn’t think about it too much and had a pretty great day at work.

 

On our way out to the parking lot getting off of work we walked down the tunnel and I was joking around saying that I hear that one star wars song in my head whenever you see Darth Vader “bum bum bum bumbumbum bumbumbum”. Haha. Then my mom threw in “flying monkeys” (referring to the flying monkeys in wizard of oz… not even remembering until afterward about all the monkeys and my ex. LOL) anyway… then she said “flying monkeys” again because this time she spotted him. I looked and saw him walking around the parking lot kind of in our direction a little bit. Then as we started to head closer to my mom’s car I turned my head away towards the car and I think he saw me… my mom thinks he saw me too. She said he looked like he was starting to walk my way but then turned around probably because I turned my head away. We saw him walking back to the edge of the parking garage and I saw him look back and then he started to stare out towards the road below since it’s upstairs. My mom started driving out and I thought that she was going to drive around the area that he was by because technically your supposed to take that way to exit instead of cutting through the parking spot spaces but she instantly starts cutting through the parking lot spaces and I’m like “What are you doing?!?!?! I wanted to go the other way and just drive by him” and she is like “I thought you wanted me to go the other way so you wouldn’t have to see him”. LOL. Yeah, the insanely spastically crazy side of me wanted to just be able to pass by him. Sillyness. I’m so glad my mom drove the other way though. =) I’m so glad I have support all around me for the times when my heart sometimes screams louder then my head. Either way I wasn’t going to talk to him. Just the other way I would have put myself through driving past him.

 

Something I did notice even though I wanted to drive past him so badly was that when I first saw him… sadly, my heart didn’t “skip a beat”. I did find it quite weird to be SO close to him yet SO far away, yet I didn’t react like I thought I would when I first saw him. It was only when my mom started to drive away that I begun to react.

 

Anyway, I’m realizing today that I’m stepping a bit more towards acceptance. I know I probably have a LOOONG way to go but I do know that it’s right that things had to end between me and him. He will always be my first love but somewhere out there is someone else who I will love one day and they will love me back equally, with all of their heart and soul. I also have to get used to the fact that there is probably someone else out there that is meant for him. LOL. Honestly, I love him so I do want him to be happy so I hope that one day he finds someone that will make him happy. I’ll probably be a little bit jealous at first but I’ll just have to remember all of the things I didn’t like about our relationship and then I’ll realize that I don’t have to be so jealous after all. Haha.

 

After leaving school my mom and I stopped by and visited my sister real quick at her dad’s house and then we went to see that chick flick “Mama Mia” because my mom wanted to see it for a 3rd time and I hadn’t seen it yet. It was SOOOO corny but I liked it. Cute movie.

 

Now I’m back home… kinda pissed because my internet isn’t working right but also I’m relaxing and watching the end of One Tree Hill and happy that I had a great day and seeing my life so much more clear. I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m okay with being single and maybe someday in the future I will find the right guy for me. I may still have those “bad” days because I won’t say that I don’t miss him and that I don’t love him and sometimes get sad being alone… but deep down I know that I’ll be fine, plus I got all of my friends and family to help keep my head together and support me.

[blue_dahlia]

Day 12

 

I’m realizing today that I’m stepping a bit more towards acceptance. I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m okay with being single and maybe someday in the future I will find the right guy for me. deep down I know that I’ll be fine, plus I got all of my friends and family to help keep my head together and support me.

 

That is fantastic!!! I bet you never thought you would get there... you're strong!

[KaylaJoy]

I realized today that not a single day goes by that I don't think of him. But I also realized that I don't hardly ever cry over him anymore. I feel sad sometimes, maybe not daily, but sometimes; over the fact that we went from where we were to where we are now. Sometimes I feel like it was wasted time, and I know they were wasted energy and tears.

I also feel bad because I realize that I no longer believe in him, and I wonder what's wrong with me that I don't feel so lost without him. But now I ask myself what did he really do for me? I think I was so in love with him, I didn't see who he really was until it was too late, not that he was a bad person, he's not....just that he wasn't what I need or want, and I couldn't face that. Sometimes it's still hard, but it's getting better all the time.

 

Rascal Flatts sings this:

I feel bad.....

that I can stand here strong, cold as stone, seems so wrong, I can't explain it....

maybe it's just I've cried so much....

baby I hate it...

I feel bad....that I don't feel bad. ''

 

This is chopped up of course, but you get the idea.

 

[PrettyGood]

Some information about my last (day 4) evening:

 

Yesterday he was online, but marked as "Busy". He's always marked as "Busy", but what is interest for me, if he's not trying to communicate with me? Yes, he didn't wrote me. Full of day I was working in the office such as every day. Then I returned home.

 

My neighbour came drunk to see me, but I closed the doors and told him correctly that I don't want to see him ANYMORE! He went away. Maybe he didn't understand me, because later he wrote me and suggested to drive some, and I replied again "Get off! Please, don't follow me every time and everywhere! Don't be mad, I'm sick and tired of your attention. Get off!" It was very rude, but I'm really tired of this obsessive person. My ex does not write me. That neighbour is trying to act like my personal angel-guardian with his excessive attention. I hate it!

 

In the evening I listened to music and cried a lot. I cried so much, but it made me feel easier. I wrote a letter to my ex, but only as my personal diary. Not for sending him. Then read about striptease dancer's couple in Italy and it's romance. And at last I began watching movie "The Best man", but I felt asleep.

[PrettyGood]

Day 5

 

This morning I just couldn't work at my office desk at all! Even to do a minimum work to distract my attention from looking that he's in Skype online. I put my hands on keyboard 5 times, and 5 times put it away. My heart was beating like a drum, but I was so sad, had so much to tell him, that I couldn't stop myself. The only illusion was to talk to my heart. What should he answer for me? How to write not to look rude or poor girl?

 

3 hours passed, and I didn't stopped myself. I wrote him: "Hi. I know that I shouldn't write you after our last conversation. But I just need to know, how do you feel, when you told me everything directly to my eyes?". Well, what should I hope? He wasn't surprised: "What should I?". He wasn't minded to talk to me, because he was in his job. So I just asked him some questions and told that now I feel disgusting that he betrayed me with other girl. He told me that I left him first, so he was free to make love with anyone he wants.

 

He also told me some positive minds. He told me that by our conversation he didn't left me finally. That he's hard working and I shouldn't worry that he's not writing me. So when he will have a free time, he will write me himself. Also I suggested for him to go for a walk someday. He agreed, just told me that he don't have time for this this month. I'm still lying myself that I care for him, but he's not showing attention. Interesting, when will he write myself first? I think never, if I write it more and it's no good.

[DavidWRosario]

Sounds like major reconstruction has begun in your life. That's Awesome.

I bounce around the emotion room from time to time. What if ?, I could of, Why didn't I ? It has come to the point where I realize that this was a tragic accident 20 years in the making. The wreck happened. The healing has begun. I am sad about the loss of the relationship. Like you, I will stand tall one day.

 

See if this helps

 

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

 

Peace be with you

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 7- for the third time

 

Feeling good today, Its early yet. I feel like the bleeding may be over. I realize that I messed up a relationship, but I did not do it by myself. She is partically responsible as well. Since she has no intention of trying to fix it, then she can be more to blame. 20 years, and you wake up one day and throw a marriage out like bath water, cause your tired of trying. Whatever !!!!

 

I have bad days, I have good friends. We all support each other hear and that is awesome. We will all stand strong once again. The Sun comes up everyday. It is a new chance to try and live again. The person you lost was the wrong person, I submit they were not the right person and you screwed it up. The right person is out there, you have to choose after the pain to go out and find them. Just dont rush it.

 

 

" Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corintians 12:9

 

Be Strong

 

Peace be with you

 

Dave

[Ixtapa]

Im feeling strangely okay today. I guess he was the wrong person. Or it was just wrong timing. In any case, I will be fine.

[StillSmiling]

Day 36

 

Some days I wonder why I still type here every morning. I suppose it keeps me stronger in NC and reminds me of how hurtful it was when I had last spoken to him or saw him. So scared of being rejected again. So afraid to hear that he has moved on ...

 

My days are, for the most part, getting better and the tears have dried a bit. A well up once in awhile, but it is mostly because I know now it was not what I thought it was.

 

I "tested" the waters just a touch this morning and moved some photos of him that I had taken down and stuck up on a shelf. I was moving them to my memory box ... but I looked at them. Him and his sax and that darn twinkle in his eyes. It is still SO painful. I just want to cry out I MISS YOU!

 

For some reason I want him to know that. I want to push away my pride and just be honest with him. Honest that I have not moved on, that I still think of him every hour.

 

I want so badly to get to that place of acceptance. I am partially there, yet there remains the tiny voice. I wonder about the idea of way on down the road, when our paths do cross again, if we could try again ... take it slower this time ... communicate better. Have it back ...

 

But, I need to trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be right now.

 

The inner peace seems so elusive today ...

[yankeefan74]

Day 36 It is still SO painful. I just want to cry out I MISS YOU!

 

For some reason I want him to know that. I want to push away my pride and just be honest with him. Honest that I have not moved on, that I still think of him every hour.

 

I want so badly to get to that place of acceptance. I am partially there, yet there remains the tiny voice. I wonder about the idea of way on down the road, when our paths do cross again, if we could try again ... take it slower this time ... communicate better. Have it back .....

 

This is exactly where i am at as well. I woke up wanting to write her an email or speak to her at work to "clarify" some things, but I knew it wouldn't change things...probably push her farther away...so...i haven't done it.

 

What happened to my relationship reminds me of a song lyric "What if our love, never went away...what if it's lost behind words we could never find..."

[ccali78]

So today is day 1 again. I have not texted him since early yesterday and I do not want to. There is no answer he can give. He cannot stop the pain and I want me back and to be happy.

 

I got a new hairstyle last night I love it. I having been taking care of me getting facials, pedicures, shopping and doing the selfish things I like and I do not need to be home to cook dinner or be alone while he is busy working at his failing start up company. I am free!!!!!!!!

[testcase]

This is exactly where i am at as well. I woke up wanting to write her an email or speak to her at work to "clarify" some things, but I knew it wouldn't change things...probably push her farther away...so...i haven't done it.

 

What happened to my relationship reminds me of a song lyric "What if our love, never went away...what if it's lost behind words we could never find..."

 

Ah yea I did this... probably was not a good idea. In the end it didn't change anything. I guess it did give me piece of mind knowing that I put it all out there tho.

[ccali78]

Yeah best advice leave them alone. I didnt and my ex will not speak to me but I am ok with that today. I am ok with everything today. I am beautiful. I am not 30 yet and I have so much more of MY life to live..

[Trei1972]

So I heard through the grapevine that he got remarried this last weekend. He is on his honeymoon right now. Only 5 1/2 months after walking out on his family, he has married the girl that he met two weeks prior. She is 20 years younger than we are. Why does this hurt so much? I don't really want him back. I would never trust him or feel the same if he had come back. Maybe it just seems like such a slap in the face, that he could throw away 20 years of friendship, a family, a life, a love.. just like that. Like she is so great, or I am so worthless.. something. I actually think she is pregnant, from a few comments our friends have made. That makes me feel a little better. Like maybe she did it on purpose, cuz he makes a lot of money. Who knows? Why do I care??? I hurt so bad, but I can't cry.

[ccali78]

Trie. I am so sorry. Stay Strong. No one knows why people leave they just do and it is no fun when you are the dumpee. Take time to find yourself. I am just asking people not to talk about my ex. But we were not together as long as you and did not have kids. I give so much credit to people with kids that have someone walk away you have to be really strong.

[StillSmiling]

Oh God give me strength!

 

I just happened to log into a user name on AOL that I usually don't use. Weeks ago, he had removed me from his Buddy Lists, and I did the same. We couldn't see each other on line any more.

 

So UP POPS his name on this rare screen name. OK OK OK, so I had forgotten to ever take it off, right?

 

Check my regular screen name, the one he knows and used to have me on, CRAP, he's put me back on his list! I can see him online!

 

What does this mean????????????? The temptation to Im him is OVER WELMING NOW ....

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[yankeefan74]

Don't do it. Let him contact you. Easier said than done. Stay strong.

[StillSmiling]

CRAP! I just IM'd him "Hi Stranger!" No response.

 

But WHY did he put me back on his list????????????????????????????????????

 

Oh damn! I was doing so good! Fricking ray of hope strikes again!

 

 

*************************

 

OK, he just logged off without a response. I don't get it! GRRRRRRRRRRR Do I have to go back to Day 1?????

[lkonohalanbu]

having slight anxiety attacks from thinking about her and the what ifs, company fire alarm drill didn't help either

 

my heart aches and i am continuing to be strong, she doesn't love me, she wouldn't have done this if i "meant" that much

 

hurting and more hurting, better than day 1, signed up for the gym finally, now to bury myself and improve

 

nothing feels right, everything feels wrong, i don't want somebody who doesn't want me

 

all i have is ENA, the person i confide in is hanging out with her

 

this will only make me a better person and stronger

 

1st heart breaks are the worst.

 

i'm hoping the dreams subside and that i stop thinking about her, i'm sure she's having a great time while i go through my own personal hell

 

a part of me wants to be bitter and force myself to improve to make her regret

 

i don't want to be bitter, but it fuels my motivation to get up and do something

 

i want her to feel the burn as she burned me and continue to do so

 

when will her power over me go away?

[broken_arro]

I am now at Day 31 of NC and am thinking of breaking it.

 

Thread is here :

[StillSmiling]

I am now at Day 31 of NC and am thinking of breaking it.

 

Thread is here : ]

 

 

Funny how they start sniffing around!

 

I'm in no place/space to give you any advice as I think I just blew 36 days of NC. Arrrggghhhh At least he didn't respond back.

 

I would say ignore the calls. Change your phone number perhaps? Are you SURE you would not take her back? I thought I was ... creepy how they can become like a drug.

 

Keep us posted ...