pumpkinmoon Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Day 26 and feeling ok. It's weird because every day I wake up I immediately think to myself 'its really over.' Not sure if this is part of the healing process or what. Link to comment
bronte Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 DAY 30!!! Aww, I was just going to post that and it said my message was too short! So, Day 30, Day 30, Day 30...So far the impulse to contact him is not too strong. We'll see how long that lasts! Link to comment
mankow Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 quitting smoking is the easiest thing to do, I did it hundred times. OK. day 6th, 5th try to make 30 days. I believe I can do it. Today I had a dream in which was complete dark and we were walking down this narrow path.... Link to comment
Mustang Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Day 15 Well I'm at the halfway stage. Nothing new to report. Just getting on with things as usual. Although, one thing that has been playing on my mind a lot is my ex telling me she feels guilty. Obviously not that guilty if she's still with someone else. I doubt my ex is telling her new guy that she's feels guilty for dumping me for him. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Day 15 Well I'm at the halfway stage. Nothing new to report. Just getting on with things as usual. Although, one thing that has been playing on my mind a lot is my ex telling me she feels guilty. Obviously not that guilty if she's still with someone else. I doubt my ex is telling her new guy that she's feels guilty for dumping me for him. People deal with guilt in strange ways. I feel guilty, I stuff food in my mouth. Some people feel guilty and cut themselves. Some people feel guilty and get together with someone they know is bad for them. Some people feel guilty and give money to charity. She's just doing what makes sense to her. As always, just my opinion. Link to comment
Seif Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I found myself writing this on Day three Link to comment
hfc65 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Day 26 Feeling good Hanging in there Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 early hours of day 27... havent felt too bad but cried a lot today which has somehow made me feel a little better. Glad you are feeling good too hfc65 Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 9 - Not my greatest day. Again, I haven't gone more than 6 days without talking to her in 9 1/2 years. I really miss her and her voice and just seeing her. I'm tempted to go listen to the phone message from yesterday again just to hear her voice. I'm also running on about 5 hours of sleep and I know myself well enough to know that I'm not at my best when I'm tired. I just finished watching 'Enchanted', which was really cute, and also got me thinking that slimeball is her Edward and I'm her Robert...but that's just a movie. I'm sure she's missing me, too. I know this is tough on her, too. Tougher maybe since she chose to pack up her life and move 1,200 miles away, to a place where the only person she knows well is someone she will get to know much better (for better or worse) in the next few weeks and months. No thoughts of breaking NC, though (well, not strong ones, at any rate). This is about me healing and learning to set boundaries and having her respect my boundaries, too. I am not going to be the one to cave here. But damn....I really miss her. Link to comment
Mustang Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 16 I'm back in London now and I'm back with all my housemates. Hopefully this will keep me distracted. I think part of the reason why I've been so down lately is because I've been back at home with nobody around and nothing to do except think. Which is the worst thing I can do because I keep going over and over everything and once I'm in that zone, it's really hard to get out. I do miss my ex still but I have no reason to contact her. I'll look weak if I do. I just don't really see why she would bother contacting me. She's got a new guy and no matter what she says to me, she's going to be distracted by him and will have no doubts or thoughts about me. So I can assume that this will be very long term NC. She sees him every day. They go to same uni, live in the same building, have the same friends and go out every night. She'll always be busy with him. She'll not have any time to reflect or miss me. I'm just becoming a distant memory by the day and this new guy and her are probably becoming closer. It sucks because I don't feel like she gave me a chance and running off to him after only knowing him a month has really * * * * ed up my self confidence. She dumped me for someone else. Someone else that she'd only known a little while. I must've been a really * * * * ing horrible boyfriend and she must be so happy to have gotten rid of me. I could text her in a month or so and see how she is, but then I will just be back to square one. She will think I'm chasing her again. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 27. Feeling odd today. I woke up feeling quite detached from the situatuation. It feels like I'm forgetting things about him and he is starting to seem like more of a stranger to me everyday. Link to comment
nickbroken Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Almost a month I think...I don't keep track of every day.....it's gotten easier. Having a bit of emotional day today after a lot of dreams , but all in all it's getting easier. Link to comment
hfc65 Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 27 Lost my Mom today heading out of town will deal with this another time See yas soon Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 27 Lost my Mom today heading out of town will deal with this another time See yas soon My condolences to you and your family, hfc...take care of yourself. Link to comment
veneratio Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 So, I decided to go through with the challenge, started yesterday though. So day 2 it is and I know it's going to be tough to not answer the phone. Was her birthday yesterday, but I didn't call to wish her a happy birthday..so..getting stronger. I did send her a message the day before doing so. And take care of yourself hfc, I'm sorry to hear that. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Day 10 - I feel good today, but I am really missing her. 10 days without talking to the woman I love sucks. There's so much I want to share with her (like the part about my G-D cat spraying me in the face last night...but I digress) and I want to laugh and joke and hear her voice. I miss her face. I listened to her voice mail from the other day a couple of times. Not listening for any hidden meanings, its just nice to hear her voice. And I still think she wanted to talk to me, or else she would have just e-mailed me the same information. I don't know if the NC stings her. I guess it really doesn't matter. Its what I believe I have to do for me. I do think its good that for the most part she's respecting my boundaries. Neither of us was really good at that during the marriage. And my journey of growth and learning continues. I think I'm moving forward every day. And I think I understand her a little better every day. I had my nightly talk with her last night...I was punchy during it again. I talked about my therapy session, and my going away this weekend, and my wondering if I'm going to be ready for casual dating soon and general things here. I really don't dwell on what might be happening there too much. Heck, since she's not there for these conversations, its not like I'd get a response. I was supposed to go out to dinner with my business partner and his wife (soon to be ex-wife? They are having serious issues and he seems to more think its a business deal than anything...very different thinking than mine) with a single friend of theirs, however that woman canceled, so I think I'm just going to relax tonight. Its my geeky SciFi channel night anyway. Plus I want to sleep early since I have a flight at 7:20 AM. And I really miss my best friend. Link to comment
bronte Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Day 31...I was actually having a pretty good day until I logged onto Facebook and saw that he's posted a picture of him with his new girlfriend. (My feed told me this.) He really doesn't care that we're not speaking. If he wanted to be talking to me again, he would not have changed their relationship status and put up a picture of them the same week we were supposed to start talking again. It's like he's TRYING to make things as hard as possible for me, but I know that he's likely not trying...he's just not thinking about me at all. And I was never good enough to make it onto his Facebook profile, he always said that we should get a picture of the two of us up there but it somehow never happened. But she's up there after only a month? *cries* Link to comment
mankow Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 7 days 5th try!!! ONE week and no contact on work too can't wait to break it again and make a fool of myself again it is stronger than me!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
musashi Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Day 33 (I just counted) I have been zombified the past week. Even posting here on ENA has become too toublesome. My mantra is "It is over. She is never coming back. Move on with your life." I think these things a million times a day but it is so hard to sink in. I still think about her constantly. She is with somebody else now, her "dream guy". Looking back, I can see that I was only a place holder for him and she was planning this all along. She will be with him for a LONG time. There is no hope for reconciliation. She is done with me. This is just something that I have to get over. There is and will never be anymore "us". It is only me and that is what I have to worry about. Knowing this and saying this does not make it easier. She dropped me like a hot potatoe as soon as this guy came along. I meant that little. All the hopes and dreams dashed like so many eggs against the rocks. She is happy now, I am miserable. This has got to change. I feel pathetic, insecure, un-confident, lonely, and unworthy. Though I want to say "she was not good enough for me" or "I will find better", I cannot. This is going to be a long and painful journey. Sometimes I function well but those periods are few and far between. Mostly I live in a state of, what some would call, self-pity. How did I get to this point in my life? Where do I want to go from here? I think if I could answer that last question, I would be well on my way to recovery. I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 absolutely hammered. Its day 28 i think? been out aand I'm screwed, not literally of course lol Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Day 27. Feeling odd today. I woke up feeling quite detached from the situatuation. It feels like I'm forgetting things about him and he is starting to seem like more of a stranger to me everyday. Hey, its day 28 or 29 for me....I completely identify with this. I feel really disconnected from him now...as if I dont really know him anymore. Its kinda sad really. Its been nearly 40 days since I heard his voice in total,but I know that what we are all doing here is for the best...x Link to comment
littlej Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Not a good night at all. Day 37 I think. My ex and her man threw a cocktail hour last night at some bar and a lot of people were invited from work. Of course I did not go. This summer is going to suck. Link to comment
mankow Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Day 8th 6weeks total since break up Dreaming her today morning. In that dream again same words, nothing different from last contact in real. She was packing her things in some bag and looked very tired. Like she is in some trouble. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Hey, its day 28 or 29 for me....I completely identify with this. I feel really disconnected from him now...as if I dont really know him anymore. Its kinda sad really. Its been nearly 40 days since I heard his voice in total,but I know that what we are all doing here is for the best...x Hi, glad someone feels the same. It's not a very nice feeling is it? I really feel I have no idea who he is anymore and then I think back to the good times when I thought I knew him. I'm kinda trying to resist these kinda feelings which is silly if they are part of the healing process and are helping me but I feel I don't want to forget him and I don't want to feel disconnected from him, I just want him back the way he was Link to comment
MeSilly Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Hi. I've decided to take the challenge. It's been 5 months since the break-up and we've gone up to a month with NC before about 3 times, but we always seem to wind up talking for a couple of weeks, then fighting, then going through the pain all over again. A month ago, I had a complete breakdown while talking to her but she ended up coming to see me, and it just devolved into a real emotional mess for both of us. She is the more faithful enforcer of the NC. I have a tendency to let my OCD take hold of me when I'm upset and keep insisting and pushing, usually with apologies or pleas, which she hates. I end up making things worse by trying to "fix" them... True to form, I spent the 3 weeks following the last incident being very persistent, even while she steadfastly made NC -- no response, no acknowledgment, etc. Finally, as always happens, after 3 weeks she did make contact, sending me her traditional " * * * * off" and then a few hours later a link to a song that basically states how we need to work on ourselves. That was 5 days ago and I have made a commitment to her and myself to keep my compulsion to make contact in check. I should mention that, according to her, she broke things off because she felt she did me more harm than good, as she saw no improvement in my OCD during the last few months of our relationship. Whenever we go through our pattern, she always ends up crying or yelling with me on the phone, saying how all she does is hurt me. I know she misses me, as I miss her. I know that there is still love between us, which is what makes everything so volatile between us, even after 5 months. We were good friends for years before we started dating. It's hard dating someone you've known for a long time, because you know the reason they react the way they do, but it doesn't hurt any less. I'm sure that's made this harder for the both of us. Anyways, it's been 5 days on my 4th try in 5 months. Hello to you all. Link to comment
Recommended Posts