CreoUCLA Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 he even called me "baby".. I got a "honey" in a vm early last week. I learned that means nothing because of what happened a couple days later, so don't read too much into what he says. In my case, it was probably just habit. Over-analyzing will just be a waste of time, because you only know what you know. Move on, work on yourself, and everything else will fall into place for you. Whenever you feel weak, just post here. That's why it looks like I'm online all the time - I leave this thread open in another browser window, in case I feel like I want to text/e-mail/call her. -Mike- Link to comment
narudahija Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 thanks really mike.. i will do my best to get thru this successfully. and i really appreciate your being there. thanks a lot. i will keep you posted. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Day 8 I still wish I could just wake up without thinking about "her," but I know that will come in time... For now, I'm just living my life. -Mike- Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Let's call this Day 1 I have seen her and contacted her lately but it's mostly children related. yesterday she had my son's football helmet in her truck and she had to drop it off at practice. She had her male friend with her (he's actually a friend of mine too i do believe it's platonic) and i felt like I was the third wheel. with my own wife. (we're separated) they had just gone out shooting pool at a place we went when we first started dating....must....stop....reading....too.....much.....into.....things! great idea dave!!! Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Day 2. A very good day. Not even tempted to contact her in any way. Not because I resent her or want to hurt her, but because I know it wouldn't be good for her, or for me. If I do nothing, I can't make any mistakes. Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Day 3. Easy peasy. No desire to contact or talk to her at all. I am starting to move on with my life. Thinking about hobbies I want to pursue, places I want to go, people I want to meet. It's scary, but freeing at the same time. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Day 9 Still trudging forward... Last night was good! I went to eat Peruvian food for dinner with some friends, and then we stopped by Mitchell's Ice Cream (a must-try if you're ever in S.F.) after. I can't even begin to express how appreciative I am for my friends/family right now! I checked my e-mail this morning, and a mutual friend (well, more my ex's friend since it's her brother's best friend) sent a bunch of us, including the ex, a coupon for "Steak & Seafood for two." I know it means nothing, but I'm wondering why he ever sent it to me. It's more than likely he knows the situation, because they have a very small group of friends. Oh well, it doesn't matter... I only know what I know. On a more positive note, a close friend of mine wants to set me up with a "cute" girl from his work. I told him that I'm not ready to date anyone anytime soon, but I did say that I wouldn't mind meeting new people... Today is going to be "alone" time, because I need to finish up quite a bit. But, that's all right with me, because I love/am happy with myself. -Mike- Link to comment
adsfadfa Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Awesome Mike I love this... I'm on Day 10. I never posted for the start. Frankly, because I wasn't on here yet! haha... But it's 10 today with NC, and once you go that intial week it starts getting easier by the second! It's amazing, liberating, stressless!! I'm having so much fun again just doing my own thing!! I will contact her on day 31 just to say hi and maybe send her this poem. It's great!! She's been a mess. I hear this from co-workers of hers. Cries all day looks like she hasn't slept. I ask myself if it is this damn hard for you why the hell did you break up with me?? And at the beginning I would have tried to figure that out, but now I say wow, she's a mess! And now that's unattractive to me!! hahaha... Love works in mysterious ways... Keep on keepin on!! Link to comment
love4life Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Day 36 NC started after 2 months of LC. Doing great! Occasionally have a bit of a relapse - a small sob session (I mean less than 5 minutes, if even that) once or twice a week. Overall, staying positive, keeping focused on what I want in life and am feeling more in charge of my life and me than I ever have. AND, I know Mr. Right will appear soon enough. For the first time in 4 years (except for the 2 years or so I was in relationships) I dont have the urge to put my profile up on link removed. I have faith that the right man will come around without the help of a dating site Link to comment
adsfadfa Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 My ex did that before we met, and she didn't really have any local friends either. But we met I chased her down, we fell in love, and it was awesome. There's no doubt in my mind we'd be together if I had done the right things, but what's done is done, and I must learn from it, regroup, and march forward!! If we find each other at another point then so be it, and I can guarantee I will be in a much better place to be able to continue doing the things I did for her that made her heart sizzle and melt all at once!! But my point love4life is it happens. You just shouldn't think about it or try too hard. That's when it has a tendency to avoid you! Good luck!! Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I will contact her on day 31 just to say hi and maybe send her this poem. I was thinking of possibly contacting my ex at the end of the challenge, but then I remembered what I told her last, "I really hope you find what you're looking for. If you do, you know how to contact me. Bye..." She needs to find herself/love herself/be single/etc. so it is all on her. In her eyes, we're on a "break." But, to me, we're broken up and I'm moving on. I won't wait around, and I don't want to talk to her until she has something to say to me... -Mike- Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Day 10 I had an interesting dream last night about her, and I woke up a bit sad this morning. But I spent a good amount of time with friends so far today, so that has helped. I just have to keep reminding myself that she broke up with me. This morning I woke up at 6am (on a Saturday) to join the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Golden Gate Park. image removed My MBA program also had a lunch BBQ in the park, which I just got home from. It still feels odd referring to her as "my ex" in conversations, but I have to move on... Now I'm going to watch the UCLA vs. Cal football game and try to squeeze a nap in. Later tonight, I'm going with friends to eat (Southern food), and then we're possibly going to a club. -Mike- Link to comment
starscollide Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 In need of support Was in NC for 6 months, pretty much just accepted we'd never get back together...he IM'ed me after 6 months, had a decent convo, but I wasn't looking to be friends because its always proven to be a bad move in the past... Fast forward 2 months later after that IM, I'm driving home from work and since we only live a couple blocks from each other, we're bound to run into each other. I go to the bank and who passes? Ex and his friend. I saw them before they saw me and to save myself an awkward moment, I turned my attention to the screen and began entering my information to do what I needed. I was in a car, they were just walking by. My music was loud so I know they turned to look over, but I kept focused on the screen as if so transfixed by what I was doing. Was that wrong? & is it bad that he didn't acknowledge me either? Had a moment of weakness...read his gf's blog....alllllll about how amazing things are with them, how in love with him she is, how great things are.... Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Had a moment of weakness...read his gf's blog....alllllll about how amazing things are with them, how in love with him she is, how great things are.... Sorry to hear that... The only thing you can do is just stick with NC. Try to force yourself not to check her blog. Moving on is so much easier said than done, as I'm finding out... Just keep working on you and know that there is someone out there for you that's even better. -Mike- Link to comment
starscollide Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Funny thing about that...he IMed me and we talked for well over 2 hours...and he was saying that its not that serious, he likes her but doesn't see himself with her as far as living together/marrying her...caught up on a lot...if he's not serious about her...after 10 months, why still be with her? A LOT of flirtation...outward flirtation...=/ Link to comment
love4life Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 And the fact that she's being so obvious with her feelings for him - posting them in her blog and such is probably a bit of a turn-off for him. Sounds like the tables may be turning, stars! But stick with NC - let him continue to seek you out. It will make you feel more empowered in the situation. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 after 10 months, why still be with her? Who knows what he's thinking? Only him. You can only control your own thoughts/feelings, so don't waste time wracking your brain over his. One thing I've learned, is not to read into anything the ex says... Remember, "actions speak louder than words." -Mike- Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Day 11 Dinner was fun last night! Good food, and great company. I didn't end up going to the club while the others went, because I just didn't feel like dancing. Instead, I came home and watched the last disc of the How I Met Your Mother season 1 DVDs... The one where Lily leaves Marshall, to fulfill her dreams/find her independence/find herself. How ironic. I'm still going through the ebbs and flows of missing the ex and wondering what the future holds for us... But, I know deep down that this really is for the best. And it's not because Lily and Marshall get back together ~6 months later, but because I am learning/growing. I'm working (slowly) on getting my life in order. I have been reflecting, exercising more, and spending time with friends. I'm working on finishing school at the end of the year, and I have been applying for jobs so that I can move back to Los Angeles sometime in January. For the first time in nearly 6 years, I'm planning for me and not her. Today I have to work on my master's project (basically a 40-60 page lit. review), so I'll be at home... And I'll most likely be browsing eNA every so often. -Mike- Link to comment
starscollide Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 And the fact that she's being so obvious with her feelings for him - posting them in her blog and such is probably a bit of a turn-off for him. Sounds like the tables may be turning, stars! But stick with NC - let him continue to seek you out. It will make you feel more empowered in the situation. I wish I'd read this sooner =/ We talked online for well over two hours, easy enough when you're online anyway, and he basically said "she's cool" but their relationship lacks certain sexual aspects ours had. Which then led to "its not THAT serious" "its not like I'm living with her or plan on marrying her" and its a sucky situation cuz I don't know what to say back to that. This is the 3rd time in their relationship he's sought me out, and the part that bothers me is he had PLENTY of time to decide if he wanted to try again. He chose to date someone new and I left the picture so we could both move on. Now I'm hearing their relationship isn't serious, that he and I are "friends", and one of my biggest fears is being realized. Before I'd had time to myself to think clearly, I'd worry he'd find someone he felt strongly for, seeing as we were each others firsts. Eventually I came to terms with the reality of it and I told myself to be happy for him. To know he's happy and that even if its not me, he's found someone he really likes. He was the one shoving it in my face that it WAS serious when they first started dating... The just friends line bothers me because he'll say he just likes me as a friend, but his actions say otherwise and he never fesses up to it. Just keeps hiding behind that, never ready to take that risk, and he's told me plenty of times "every girl since has just been there. I haven't felt that way since.." So its hard hearing its not that serious with them (from his POV) after 10 months, same amount of time we were together. I let him go so he could find what he wanted, so he could do his own thing & I could do mine... What do I do?? Link to comment
Infrared Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Tomorrow is day 63. I'm proud of myself and that I haven't initiated contact once during that time. Link to comment
Doramara Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 starscollide: you're going to hate this advice, just so you know. until he's broken it off - completely - with this woman he's seeing - stay away from him. If he loves you and not her, he'll leave her. Why are you even letting him discuss the level of sexual intimacy he's experiencing with this new chick of his? He's hurting you! He has given up on having you as his confidant. I mean - had you been fine with being his friend, then sure. But you want to be with this man, and as long as that's your state of mind - do NOT allow him to give you crap like that, to use you as he does. I'd go totally NC. Like forever if I had to. Don't reply to anything unless it's evident that he dumped whoever it is he's with right now. Just let him know you want nothing to do with him until he's single, and available for a possible commitment. Stay strong! Link to comment
farfrmnormal Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 After 39 days of LC & emotional limbo I am starting a new chapter in my life – without him. After reading a message posted to his facebook it prompted me to finally gather my composure and tell him that the emotional stress from this limbo we were in was killing me. On top of my relationship with him, my relationship with a few friends was shaky as well. I was physically and emotionally drained. During our conversation on Friday he told me he has no idea where he sees himself going anymore and needs to find himself. I am letting him go to do that – “If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours – if it doesn’t it was never meant to be” continuously runs through my head. Saturday after was a good day – the evening was horrible. I sobbed and sobbed in front of my mother – we talked and she cried too. She hugged me and told me it kills her to see me like that. We watched a funny movie and I slept well that night. Yesterday I lapsed – I called him. Why is it a couple days after that dreaded talk you have questions? He picked up after the first ring – he sounded happy that I had called, but I did not read into that. I asked him the questions and we talked a bit about the leadership course he is signed up to go to in December – its in Las Vegas. I got my answers and hung up – damnit! I realized just seconds after I forgot to ask him the name of the place that is holding the leadership course and called him again. A short answer and the phone was hung up. I continued on my daily dos and at around 4pm I had this nagging feeling – I wanted to know more about the course and whether it might be something for me – damnit! I called again. This time, the line went dead before I could leave a message – if that wasn’t bad enough – I had to call again to leave a message. He didn’t return the phone call. I feel stupid. I KNOW that if I to call him it could affect everything he and I had talked about for the future (He told me that as soon as he figures out where his life is going I would be the first one he calls. We also agreed to sit down eventually and discuss where things are going with one another). But will ONE DAY of phone calls really change his entire perspective of me and will he still think about it 6 months down the road? I am not basing my daily activities on the hope that one day we will be together again – I can’t. If I did my situation now would be no different then it was on Friday. So as each day passes (I know its only been 48hrs) I will get stronger and be able to move on. So today I start day 1 of NC. I might be posting here a lot at first. Its funny – I have been going through this for 40 days, but knowing that things are that much more final is hard. I will cry when I feel like crying, and sob when I feel like sobbing – its me healing. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Day 12 In a strange twist of fate, one of my close friends is going through issues with her boyfriend that mimic those of me and my ex. While I know it's not exactly the same, talking to her has really allowed me to gain perspective on my break-up. I realized last night that we did have an unhealthy relationship. My ex was always such a different person to her friends, than she was to me. I'm not sure if she thought that since I was her boyfriend, she could just take out everything on me... But that's what I noticed. This girl would do anything for her friends, and it was pulling teeth to try to get her to come out with my friends/family. I always put her dreams/goals ahead of my own happiness, and I know I can't/shouldn't do that. I feel like perhaps all I ever wanted/deserved, was for her to actually treat me like I was a best "friend." So, I have completely let go... I'll miss what we shared, but I know in my heart that I would not want to go back to how our relationship was. I don't even feel like I would want to get back together with her anymore, a thought I had recurring over the past several weeks. We'll see what the future holds, but for now, I'm making myself happy. "Being in a couple is hard... And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, it should be the easiest thing in the world... And if it's not like that, then she's not the one." -Mike- Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I realized just seconds after I forgot to ask him the name of the place that is holding the leadership course and called him again. I love leadership courses! I've taken two through my MBA program, and ironically the second one was the weekend where my ex and I split up (about 4 weeks ago). This last class was all about personal leadership development, and it has helped me find myself post break-up and realize what I want/deserve. I found that it really helped me get through things by being self-aware, recognizing my strengths/weaknesses, etc. -Mike- Link to comment
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