TO HOLD ON OR LET GO FOREVER?? PLEASE HELP!! Anyone?? sooooooo sad :(

[flyguy23]

sorry for the outburst but i only got one response on my first post i had couple days ago so i started a new one. like i said i went out with my gf for 8 months and she and everything else that came along with it was amazing! our relationship grew and grew. me being 24, she being 26 she was everything i wanted in a girl...smart, beautiful, mature. but just like that couple weeks ago she decided to break up with me because she said she was still in love with her ex. she went from telling me when we first met that she hated him and he broke her heart, then she went from telling me few weeks ago she had feelings for him but wouldnt get back with him, now she wants to be with him!! not to mention he has a gf or dont know if he broke up with her or not and has a baby with her...

 

i dont know what to do anymore. part of me still wants to hold on to her and talk to her. but whats the sense of that right? she still wants to be my friend nonetheless but i cant accept that. but i hate not havin her either. part of me lately has just been wanting to see her asap and just say goodbye to her for good. i dont know if its a sign or not but ive been purposely tryin to hangout with her so i could jus see her one last time and say goodbye and get some things off my chest but lately past couple days ago i was busy and then i had my chance today. all day at work i asked myself if i was ready to break it off with her for good and she did call me to hangout but i didnt have service on my phone and by the time i got her message it was too late to hangout.

 

i dont know what to do. when we talk on the phone she talks about her ex and i dont wanna hear that. but then i dont wanna let her go cuz i keep thinkin about what we had and truthfully she is a great friend. i was ready to let her go for good today then she left me a funny voicemail which actually did make me laugh and then she called me and was tellin me how she saw me on myspace and is goin to send me a friend request and was wonderin if i could take some new pics of her. everyone else is tellin me to let her go for good. only one of my friends is tellin me to be a better man and still be her friend and talk to her. she also said when she broke up with me that she doesnt wanna hurt me and use me. but i should be mad. i feel like she did use me...i feel like she did break my heart. i was practically crazy about her. i told her all these things too. i was there for her for 8 months this guy wasnt even there for her. please help what should i do??? hold on or let go? if i hold on i think it might be unhealthy for me cuz i know myself. ill get mad when she calls me one day and will talk about her ex or somethin. but i do miss her as my friend.

[kr356]

but i do miss her as my friend.

then I think you are going to tell her that you obviously need some time to sort out your feelings, feelings aren't something that you can just turn off because she only wants a friendship now, and then hopefully in time you two can be friends, and her talking about other guys won't hurt as much, maybe it won't hurt at all.. if you care for her as a friend as well as what you two had, then I think you don't need to throw this away, just give yourself some time and see where things go, let her know that talking about her ex hurts you, and i'm sure she will do what she can to make this easier on you

[LittleLion24]

I think it's obvious from your post what you need to do: You need to completely break things off. You said so yourself that you can't be her friend and you'll get mad if she calls and talks about her ex!

 

Honestly, she sounds like a flake since she is back and forth about her feelings for her ex. Nobody needs to put up with someone that is that unsure of how they feel. It only makes things confusing.

 

I would suggest the NC thing at least for awhile. If you do want her as a friend I don't think that's going to be possible until after you've had some time and space from her to get perspective.

[flyguy23]

both of you make good points. part of me wants to hold on and then part of me wants to break things completely off. i mean i dont think i can handle her having another bf it just wont feel right. she obviously just looks for me as moral support. the other day i tried saying goodbye to her and she grabbed my arm and started crying. then she told me she cares for me but in a friend way and she said shes always calling me because shes worried about me and wants to make sure im ok...go figure. i told her when i saw her that i feel like she used me, she broke my heart and that u dont do this to people. but she still has her mind made up and loves the other guy. i cant believe this! after all i did....i went out of my way for her this is what i get for bein so nice. while this * * * hasnt done * * * * for her in 8 months. i feel like i invested so much time and money in this too. :sad:

[DizzyDoris]

Im not saying your girlfriend has done this, but ive used that same line in the past when ive broken up with people. Its an easy line to use and ive not been in love with my ex but its a good get out clause.

 

I wouldnt wait around for her, she should be pretty sure by now after 8 months how she feels about you.

 

If she is genuinely in love with her ex, you dont deserve to be second best. Someone out there will be waiting and you will be their number 1

[Rabican]

If it were me, id say this:

 

I cannot be with you if you are still hung up on your ex, either hes out of the picture completely or I am. Maybe one day we can be just friends, but that day is not today, I need some time to get past all of this, so for now have a nice life.

[flyguy23]

wow rabican thats actually pretty good. i think i will say that to her.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Yeah, you're just a security blanket for her while she pursues an unrealistic fantasy that she'll get back together with her ex... You should also tell her you're not helping her any by being the shoulder to cry on while she continues wrecking her life mooning over some guy who has moved on, even had a kid with someone else! she needs to get real and get over him, and not use you to pass the time while she waits around for her ex to take her back... really, that is using you... tell her you'll miss her, but you WON'T miss her treating you like a security blanket... if she really cared about you, she would want you to be happy in a relationship, if not with her, then with someone else, not being her perpetual babysitter...

[flyguy23]

well, now she tells me that her ex doesnt want her. so then i asked why did she break up with me but she still doesnt wanna be with me. she was like im gonna find another bf blah blah blah. and i said why dont u just stick with me then. but she said ur my friend and i dont wanna use u and hurt you. grrrr, what the hell is she talkin about?? im confused!

[ladydi3]

It is so confusing and frustrating. At this time there isn't any easy answer for you and no one can give you the answer. You have to try and search your heart as well as listen to your head. Our hearts don't always lead us the right way but our heads usually do. I think that you need time away from her for now to see what your feelings are. It is very difficult to hang out with her and be just friends. Maybe in time you can do that but you have to look out for you right now!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

first she wants her old boyfriend back, and now she says she wants to go find a new boyfriend... i'm sorry to say, but that's saying she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend. she's given you the 'let's be friends' speech, which is saying, i don't want to be your girlfriend, or she doesn't have boyfriend/girlfriend feelings for you. so really, unless you just want to be her friend and nothing else, i'd move on to NC and get yourself another girlfriend.

[flyguy23]

well guys what do u think? comments please. so after literally deciding for the past 2 weeks about how i wanna handle this situation i finally did it yesterday. I talked to her face to face and just opened up. I told her to listen to me and told her i didnt care anymore if she doesnt wanna be with me but atleast be adult enough to acknowledge my feelings. i told her i was hurt that she hurt me real bad. at first she didnt wanna talk but i was like no! ur gonna listen to what i have to say. i told her u dont like stuff like that to people. i told her i dont know what happened to her within this past month but ur so different and uve changed. but i was actually fine with everything.

 

at one point i told her that maybe it was better if me and her didnt talk anymore at all. i told her im hurting myself emotionally by talkin to her and its not healthy for me. i told her i would miss her but i wouldnt miss feeling like * * * * every morning. i told her i wanted to forget about her and move on with my life. i told her i didnt wanna talk to her anymore or see her.

 

so then she started to cry and held my hand but i pulled away. i guess at one point i was just venting too much and 10 minutes passed and i calmed down alittle. at first i told her i didnt know why she was crying. i told her she should be happy cuz she'll have her old bf or some other guy back and all she had to do was break up with me/best friend. but after awhile i came to grips too and i told her fine, ill cya around once in awhile and if i see ya its just hey whats up and thats it. but i told her im not gonna be callin her, please stay away from callin me too cuz i just need my space and time alone for now.

 

so this morning when i woke up today believe it or not i felt pretty good. sure i was still a little hurt but today i felt like was a fresh new start for me. although when i got home around work at 6pm she text me "hey whats up." i didnt write nothin at first and then i got another text sayin "i know u told me not to call u or text u but even if im with somebody u are my friend and thats something that no one can change...our friendship." so i responded by saying "yea but im happy with my life now. i have to move forward. i know im a great guy and one day i will find the right girl. for now im going to take it one day at a time. I will be fine. I am strong." she wrote thats good and that was it. so sorry for the long post but how do u guys think i handled the situation?