When will the pain end..

[wayner427]

It's been almost a month since the breakup, and I'm still missing her like crazy. I'm just sitting here staring into my monitor, and I can't get my mind off of her. I can't get myself to do anything.. I tried playing video games, but that lasted like a minute. I just can't seem to enjoy anything. I need to just get over her and look forward, but I can't.

[LittleLion24]

The only thing I can offer that may help is a song. Faith Hill has a great song called "Stronger" on her "Cry" album which may give you some comfort. I know you're a guy and may not care for Faith Hill but it give it a try.

[wayner427]

I'll look into that. Thanks.

[LittleLion24]

let me know if it helps.

[shikashika]

good luck!

 

sometimes its just takes soooo long...and we wonder why it doesn't stop.. not much I can say except I've been there too and I don't know why he kept coming into my mind

 

 

hope you feel better!

[meantime]

Sometimes it is okay to 'lean' into the pain. Experience all of it without trying to fight it. It is as much a part of healing as taking good care of yourself.

[Ellie24]

I've found that being with people who care about you helps. Hugs help, they really do.

 

Remember that we've all been there before and there are lots of others going through very similar things right at this moment.

[pinkelephant]

Do you know what has went wrong? Do you understand it?

I found that helps quite a bit.

 

I also find that if you force yourself to do other things, and believe me - this takes a LOT of will - it does make you feel better about yourself because at least you're not being a total self-loather.

 

I have the same problem. I think about him after we broke up more than I did when we were together. I dream about him now. I never dream about him when we were together. He's everywhere.

[Nyack]

I just made a long post about my problems, and maybe my way of dealing with it will help you. I forced myself to think of every good moment I had spent with her, and simply cried and cried and cried. In my head I then said to myself, "Bye" cried one last time and then stopped crying.

 

This then opens itself for you to identify the problems in the relatiionship, or it did for me. After I'd dealt with all the good all I could think is, "Hold on, if she or I weren't happy, now I will be happier". It worked for me, I identified all the faults of the relationship and I will carry that knowledge with me to the next, better, relationship.

 

This however is perhaps difficult to do unless you bottle feelings deliberately like I do. Another suggestion I have is to join a few dating sites. DO NOT start seeking someone else, just talk with other people on MSN, or Skype voice chat. There are literally millions of men and women who are single and missing their ex' in the world and talking with just a few was my saving grace.

 

I hope this helps, but really talking or chatting with people, expecially those in similar situations, is by far, for me, the easiest way through the pain.

[EddieRentz]

I agre with Nyack, wayner. Letting those tears loose is really helpful. Almost in the way that they get smokers to quit by sticking that big jar of butts under their nose when they have a craving... your body learns to reject the pain associated with those thoughts because it wants to protect itself from the flood gates opening (for me at least).

 

Buy evanescence's new album and listen to song 2 "Call me when your sober". It makes me think of the "check in emails/texts" from the ex that come late at night (probably after a few glasses of wine). I let lotsa tears out the first 50 times I heard the song and it helps soooooo much.

 

Just my 2 Cents

[wishiknew]

Does anyone relate to how it feels when you KNOW that they could call if you if they really wanted to...but yet they choose not to.

 

I think we've all been there, i'm there right now. 2 weeks after the break up and after a year and a half of getting a phone call everyday before bed to say goodnight. Now there are nights when I'm left waiting for a call that never comes and wondering why.

[wayner427]

Do you know what has went wrong? Do you understand it?

I found that helps quite a bit.

 

The thing that went wrong was so petty.. and I still don't fully understand it. I've analyzed the breakup for weeks.. and I still don't get it.

 

I just need to force myself to go enjoy activities to get my mind off of it all. Not sure if this works, but my friend told me that everytime I start thinking about something that makes me sad, to count to 10.

[jusified]

you should take up golf.

 

She has her reasons (another guy, just wants to experience, don't love you anymore), but she still hurt you. Mate, mve on and improv yourself and a better garl will come along when you least expect it

 

In the mean time, enjoy the company of people on the forums.

[sillygurl]

Hi wavner:

 

If the break-up was over something petty, can you take what you learned about yourself/relationships into your new relationship? Sometimes it helps me feel like the pain of a hard lesson was worth it if, it taught me something.

 

The holidays can be tough, especially when you're going through this. Try and do things you enjoy, so that you've got something to think about other than how much you miss the ex. Everyone here is rooting for you, hang in there.

[Benson]

Ya Wayner... So petty, yet.... its inexplicable.. weird..

 

I feel the same way bro, its * * * *in killin me.. 36 days no contact, from the one woman in the world i would give my life for.. I dont care..... I would die for her.. and i still would after she hurt me so bad...

 

 

trying so hard to move on as well....

[wayner427]

Thanks for all the help and support.

 

I just woke up, and everytime I do on Sat or Sun morning.. I just mope about her while I'm in bed before I actually get up. I need to stop and think of some morning routine to get me out of bed and going.

 

For after work, I'm thinking about making a routine where I either go to the bookstore for an hour or go workout for an hour. Just trying to find something that I can really get into. Golf is a good idea too.. haven't played in awhile though. maybe I'll start going to the driving range.

[mcnani]

The thing that went wrong was so petty.. and I still don't fully understand it. I've analyzed the breakup for weeks.. and I still don't get it.

 

I just need to force myself to go enjoy activities to get my mind off of it all. Not sure if this works, but my friend told me that everytime I start thinking about something that makes me sad, to count to 10.

 

for me i found it actually took a while for me to get it... it's like you heard their reason but it doesn't make sense until you have some real space and you say "oh..that was it" but by that time you're okay with it. the pain will end, i can't say now cuz i'm still going through it... but you seem to have the right idea, keep yourself sane by staying busy...

 

i'm going to try this one but as soon as u wake up get up and start doing something so you don't have time to sit and think about her. i must say it is harder initially to get into anything cuz even when u try to stay busy ur mind wanders into them.... but over time of doing this you'll see that it gets easier to focus on stuff, at least for me it has.

[guyoverthere]

For after work, I'm thinking about making a routine where I either go to the bookstore for an hour or go workout for an hour. Just trying to find something that I can really get into. Golf is a good idea too.. haven't played in awhile though. maybe I'll start going to the driving range.

 

When I found out my ex was kind of seeing another guy, I broke up with her and found myself in a pretty deep funk for a while. LOL, I started doing the same thing (bookstores, jogging, played alot of chess) and before I knew it, through the change in routines, she was no longer at the forefront of my mind.

Sometimes when we break up, it's not the person we miss, but the routine.

[wayner427]

LOL, I started doing the same thing (bookstores, jogging, played alot of chess) and before I knew it, through the change in routines, she was no longer at the forefront of my mind.

Sometimes when we break up, it's not the person we miss, but the routine.

 

That sure gives me a lot of hope. I'm looking forward to my routine.. even though it may take some will power to get off my lazy butt.

 

As for understanding my breakup, I really don't think I ever will. If you want, you can look at my previous thread to see how the breakup occurred and see if you can figure it out.

[shelly7]

You should rent the movie Swingers with Vince Vaughn.

[wayner427]

No i haven't. I just read a summary on it and it sounds interesting. I'll go watch it. Thanks.

[shelly7]

No problem.

 

Let me know what you think.

[wayner427]

i went bowling with some friends yesterday, and i had a lot of fun.. but right when I get back home, the pain begins, and i can't help but miss her and feel lonely. this is pretty frustrating! I just want to be able to talk to her like we used to...

[Benson]

hey wayner.. Im going through the same as you, i have a question for you.

 

After the break up, dont you feel that even if she came back, things wouldnt be the same??

 

I strongly feel that way, a kind of resentment for her hurting me so badly.. do you feel the same way??

[wayner427]

I totally agree with you Benson. I guess things could be almost the same, but I would always have the thought of the breakup in the back of my mind. I think it really depends on how the breakup occurred though. I've thought this through before, but not for long. I don't like to dwell on the thought of getting back together even though a large part of me would want that.