Mom's control/influence over my dating decisions.

[Luke Skywalker]

No, actually. You could choose, if you wanted to, to pursue a job where you could make more money and to change your saving and spending habits. "Luck" is not how I got where I am - it was through compromise, difficult choices and an investment of effort and years in my education toward a career that would permit me financial stability.

 

Saving and spending habits do not mean anything IF you are getting no income and you are 100% commission. For example, I've managed to stretch myself from one commission paycheque from a homesale for over six months before making another deal, but during those six months you will have business expenses, where the money will just naturally go down. I do not spend excessively other than what I have to. I do think twice when buying even the most smallest items or trifiling things.

 

Alright, let's talk about luck in our case to compare. You have to pay for an education unless you have a scholarship that would cover all your education costs. If you got a scholarship based on your ability, then koodus to you.

 

The point of that link is that I had no money for education and was denied any further assistance from the government, and made a couple of bad choices with regards to fiscal policies that happened 7-8 years old which I have not rebounded from, especially in the circumstances that I portrayed.

 

If I we were to switch places and you were unable to get financial aid to go to school, or didn't have the money to finance your education, then I'd like to see how you would have done it.

[Luke Skywalker]

if he truly wanted to live on his own he would have made decisions in the last 5 years plus that would have allowed him to rent a room somewhere away from his parents. That he is not making it his top priority now also is very telling.

 

What decisions? You have little or no money, bad credit rating, you cant go back to school because you need either money or credit, then you are in trouble, there is no choice in that matter other than sending out S.O.S. resumes in a bottle and hope somesome picks it up.

[Luke Skywalker]

agreed...

 

Luke... do you have any single siblings? WHat about living with them?

 

Nope, I have no siblings period.

[Luke Skywalker]

agreed.. yes Luke, you made a bad decision.. but instead.. why not focus on a job that will at least give you some guaranteed money, unlike Real Esate where it is all 100% commission..

 

even if the job does not pay that well.. at least its enough money to give your parents just a little amount like 200-300$ per month... and save up to move out with roommates?

 

It's not easy to find a decent job. The find an emergiency job fixes I've tried were 'telemarketing', and trying to convince people to give their credit card numbers over the phone to sell a bogus product while getting paid just above minimum wage sucks, especially if you are always worried that you are going to lose your job, even if you are in and out on time, if you dont make your sales quota.

 

There are too many part-time or casual jobs where it is dead-end and they could lay you off at any time. Furthermore, time spent on a job is time that could be spent on Real-Estate, either prospecting, working with clients, or trying to put together deals.

 

Fortunately, I have made a couple of deals in the beginning of this year. The old policy here is everytime I get paid from a deal, then I pay my mom x amount of dollars. So if I make money I contribute and if I dont make money, then I dont contribute. Thus, I have to make more deals, but there is no control as to when I make these deals - the only control I have is time.

[Batya33]

It sounds like the wrong industry for you. If you truly want to be independent, do the real estate part time and get training - either in a college, graduate or vocational school in something where you can make enough to live on your own. I'm hearing a lot of excuses about how hard it is, etc but no concrete steps you are taking - telemarketing I agree doesn't pay much - if you are skilled and smart enough to do real estate sales you can transfer those skills to a more stable job that is not 100% commission.

 

 

Sounds like there is a large part of you that likes the comfort and safety of living with parents who tell you what to do, so that you don't have to make much of an effort to be out there dating and you can blame them for missed opportunities. That's fine as long as you are honest with yourself.

[Luke Skywalker]

It sounds like the wrong industry for you. If you truly want to be independent, do the real estate part time and get training - either in a college, graduate or vocational school in something where you can make enough to live on your own.

 

That's exactly what my mom thinks and she was prepared to pay for me to go to college or vocational school - and I even thought about teaching English as a Second language abroad. However, most courses/school stuff starts WAY in September and I'm starting to get a hang of time-management from my own Real-Estate setup.

 

I'm hearing a lot of excuses about how hard it is, etc but no concrete steps you are taking - telemarketing I agree doesn't pay much - if you are skilled and smart enough to do real estate sales you can transfer those skills to a more stable job that is not 100% commission.

 

Excuses about how hard what is? For education, I've been bringing up the fact that you need money to go to school, or have a good credit rating to have a student loan, and if you dont have neither, unless you have brains enough for a 100% scholarship you are out of luck. It's not a matter of being hard or not.

 

I'm obviously making concrete steps to control 'time', I'm very organized right now in terms of how I'm spending my time. Even writing this is an allocated time that's set up in some abstract time-table - ever second of the day is now organized - big change. This is made even easier for my own business since my office is just a few minutes away from my house, so I dont have to travel accross town to get there.

[Luke Skywalker]

Sounds like there is a large part of you that likes the comfort and safety of living with parents who tell you what to do, so that you don't have to make much of an effort to be out there dating and you can blame them for missed opportunities. That's fine as long as you are honest with yourself.

 

How do you figure? I've disclosed lots of information to explore the idea that I'm in a situation that's not my choice or cant possibly be my choice.

 

For example, why are some people homeless and eating out of trash cans? Do you expect people rationally made a choice to live that way? People do not choose where they end up, or everyone would be living the way they want, right?

[Ellie2006]

It seems like the discussion here has progressed onto different matters so I don't know if my questions/comments are even relevant at this juncture.

But to go back to the original post:

 

1. I question what the OP's intent is in pointing out his mom's control influence over his dating decision.

 

Are you identifying it as a major deterrent in your (dating) life?

 

OR

 

Are you using it as an excuse for the current state of your (dating) life?

 

OR

 

Are you simply pointing out the facts?

 

I ask this bc everytime another poster says "yes, your mom does appear to be *too* controlling," you immediately jump to your mom's defense and make excuses for and justify your mother's actions.

 

Though your attempt to justify your mom's actions is completely understandable, then I have to wonder, why *did*

you point it out in the first place?

 

In addition, everytime another poster asks, "So, what exactly have YOU done to move away from your mother's control/influence?", you tend to shirk a direct response.

 

Instead you list and emphasize all these extenuating circumstances (e.g. lack of university-level education, lack of funds/financial resources, your job, etc etc) that keep you from moving out of your parents' home and away from your mother's control/influence.

 

 

Consequently, is it then accurate for me to glean from your responses that you've NOT done anything concrete to distance yourself from your mother's control/influence?

 

 

So I reiterate: what was your intent in prompting this discussion (about mother's control/influence)?

 

 

2.

Given my tract record, I'm an ice around women most of the time [...], which is why I thought it was a good idea to date people who are interested in me, but who may be fundamentally unsuitable and know that there may not be any relationship beforehand, to get used to dating, general. Am I really using people in such a scheme even through there is no sex or motivation to have sex involved?

 

To answer your question: "are you really using people in such a scheme":

 

Regardless of whether or not sex (or intent of sex) is an issue, you are *absolutely* using the people you are currently dating.

 

Why?

 

a. Your intent is NOT to develop a relationship w/ another person.

The people you are dating are, in a sense, a guinea pig in your experiment to better familiarize yourself w/ the concept of dating.

 

b. YOU go into these dating situations FULLY AWARE that they are "dead-end" situations, which will NOT go anywhere bc these people you are dating have been already identified by you as "fundamentally unsuitable." On the other hand, these people are unaware of your motives for dating or that you have identified them as "fundamentally unsuitable."

 

In a sense, you are duping them bc people (in general) date to have fun but also to find that special someone that they are suitable with.

 

By perceiving and categorizing these dates as "practice runs" to polish your dating skills, you are essentially wasting their time bc you go to these dates with preconceived notions that these dates have NO potential to evolve into something further.

 

I.e. Your prioritization of your hidden agenda (accruing a dating know-how) relegates your motives for dating as disingenuine, IMHO.

 

 

 

On a separate note, it matters little, if at age 30, you look 21 or you look 50.

 

What's important is emotional maturity (which does NOT necessarily correspond to physical age) and finding someone who can match one's emotional maturity or perhaps, even compensate for one's lack there of.

 

My two cents.

[quietgrl]

Nope, I have no siblings period.

 

 

coughing(just joking)

[Luke Skywalker]

1. I question what the OP's intent is in pointing out his mom's control influence over his dating decision.

 

The point of issue seems to be revolving around an 18 y/o teen girl with child (the thread was started a while back possibly on something else, but was resussitated on this particular issue).

 

She was interested in me and treated me very well during our first date and I wanted to go out with her again, but the 'child' part kept raising it's ugly head here with my mom bringing it up. Mainly THAT dating decision.

 

On one hand I'd like to see her again, on the other hand, I feel my mom's opinion has influenced me to take a second and sober look at the whole situation pertaining to it.

 

If you'll notice, many posters seemed to side with my parents in this particular decision for a variety of issues, citing the age of the girl as being too young, or the age difference or gap as being too wide, or saying that a single mother that's 18 y/o has her own world of problems and it's selfish on her end, and selfish on my end to pursue dating each other in a set-up like that, if she has to take care of her child.

 

Yet, other posters, albiet in the minority, would 'understand' that my limited dating experience would likely make someone like her more compatable with me than people my own age, and given the current restrictions, I should take whatever experience or opportunity comes my way and make the best of it.

 

Did I make a decision NOT to go out with this girl and want my mom to back it up for moral support, or am uncertain about it and like the leadership and guidance from my parents? No. I want to go out again with this girl. But my mom keeps taunting "she has a child" to me and makes me feel uncomfortable, and the way she says child with her Trinidadian accent in a sort of 'tone' that just gets to me that I cant do anything.

 

In addition, everytime another poster asks, "So, what exactly have YOU done to move away from your mother's control/influence?", you tend to shirk a direct response.

 

Instead you list and emphasize all these extenuating circumstances (e.g. lack of university-level education, lack of funds/financial resources, your job, etc etc) that keep you from moving out of your parents' home and away from your mother's control/influence.

 

You need money to pay rent. Did not have money in past seven years to do so. Apart from paying money for rent, there is no alternatives, other than being homeless or going to jail, which both are unsuitable options in the past seven years. Working poor/welfare doesn't provide enough to rent and food and like over a 100 000 people here use foodbanks because the welfare cheque is not enough to cover for a month (or so I've read in the paper).

 

Consequently, is it then accurate for me to glean from your responses that you've NOT done anything concrete to distance yourself from your mother's control/influence?

 

No it's not accurate. I'm trying to make money.

 

So I reiterate: what was your intent in prompting this discussion (about mother's control/influence)?

 

What do you think?

 

 

2.

 

 

To answer your question: "are you really using people in such a scheme":

 

Regardless of whether or not sex (or intent of sex) is an issue, you are *absolutely* using the people you are currently dating.

 

Why?

 

a. Your intent is NOT to develop a relationship w/ another person.

The people you are dating are, in a sense, a guinea pig in your experiment to better familiarize yourself w/ the concept of dating.

 

I'm also enjoying myself, and the other party is also enjoying themselves, or there would be no second or follow up date to that.

 

b. YOU go into these dating situations FULLY AWARE that they are "dead-end" situations, which will NOT go anywhere bc these people you are dating have been already identified by you as "fundamentally unsuitable." On the other hand, these people are unaware of your motives for dating or that you have identified them as "fundamentally unsuitable."

 

The first few dates do not count for anything. Since I haven't dated anyone meaningful more than the first meeting from online, other than one girl that 'played with my head', that I saw three times, I dont even see the validity of what you are insinuating.

 

In a sense, you are duping them bc people (in general) date to have fun but also to find that special someone that they are suitable with.

 

I dont see it that way in the first few dates, unless some 'communication' about it has occurred and there is commitment. But on the other hand, I dont see anything wrong with a short-term relationship with an unsuitable person anyway. As long as I'm not seeing multiple girls and saying the same thing to them to get into their pants and make 'conquests' (which I'm a virgin) then I dont think I'm doing anything wrong.

 

By perceiving and categorizing these dates as "practice runs" to polish your dating skills, you are essentially wasting their time bc you go to these dates with preconceived notions that these dates have NO potential to evolve into something further.

 

Again, as other posters on here have said, the first few dates with anyone dont count for anything. It goes along the same fallacious thinking, am I going to say a woman is wasting my time if at the end of the day all she wants is 'friendship' if we went on one or three dates together and she tells me that? Of course not, it's part of the risk of dating, no expecations no disappointments. Most people on here wouldn't see it to hard that a woman wants to remain friends and skirt a relationship or make excuses or go around it while friendzoning me - but it's actually better if a woman said 'no' upfront about her interest without leaving room to think there is some hope.

 

Again, women do this all the time from the internet, they see multiple guys, you are just another 'guy' and as far as I'm concerned they are mostly have the advantage of a system like that, because they have no shortage of prospects. While with my very limited prospects or leads, tend to have to stretch or make the most of every lead, if it goes somewhere or not, and I feel no sympathy if anyone's time is wasted in a system like that, as more than likely it will be my time that's wasted and not theirs.

 

I.e. Your prioritization of your hidden agenda (accruing a dating know-how) relegates your motives for dating as disingenuine, IMHO.

 

I dont see it that way, the GREEN BOOK, is the order which regulates and controls porn / sex addictions. Given enough rejections I allow myself to view porn or proceed to act out sex concepts on internet to meet adult-friends or whatever, and that's all in the GREEN BOOK.

 

The assumption is the negative, the rejections, the GREEN BOOK challenges the assumption, challenges going back to any porn/sex stuff, by having a legal process, by having a meta-cognitive concept where experiences are marked and registered.

 

This is not a hidden agenda, it's a hidden legal system, experiences are just recorded that either confirm or deny the fact that I'm rejected by every girl, and so far, the idea that every girl is rejecting me has been disproved and thus, I cant view porn for now. But it was proven last October 25th - which allowed it for November, but has not been proven again recently (possibly since the rules were uprgraded making 'rejection marks' more harder given the idea that a system being too 'loosely regulated' may be encouraging a perception of rejection to masquraide a porn addiction).

 

THE 'RED BOOK' would be dealing with any hidden agendas with anyone, but it would be the check and balance of the GREEN BOOK to ensure that rejection marks (-10's) are minimised and maintain order. There have been some very nasty crash and burn dates - and as long as a date doesn't end up with a nasty fight afterwards, I cant see it as a waste of time.

[Batya33]

How do you figure? I've disclosed lots of information to explore the idea that I'm in a situation that's not my choice or cant possibly be my choice.

 

For example, why are some people homeless and eating out of trash cans? Do you expect people rationally made a choice to live that way? People do not choose where they end up, or everyone would be living the way they want, right?

 

Obviously there's a range from victim to 100% choice. If you truly believe you have no choice but to live with your controlling mother at 30 years old then I do not think you are ready to date, much less be in a romantic relationship. From everything you've written and in my humble opinion, you have had at least 9 years to get a job that would permit you to live away from your parents and you have not chosen to and even now, you are coming up with excuses as to why you can't. Of course you can - you can choose to get a job or to be trained to get a job that will not be 100% commission where you can have a goal that in the next 6 months or less - you will have enough money saved to pay a monthly rent with a roommate or roommates.

 

You haven't expressed having that goal in any realistic way, haven't given any concrete steps you've taken towards that goal - you obviously do not see it as an issue and instead play the victim as if you have no choice. That's a cop out, in my humble opinion.

 

You cannot have it both ways - play the victim and expect stable, mature women to want to date you -- they will run for the hills when they hear you claim that you have no choice but to live with controlling parents.

[Luke Skywalker]

Obviously there's a range from victim to 100% choice. If you truly believe you have no choice but to live with your controlling mother at 30 years old then I do not think you are ready to date, much less be in a romantic relationship.

 

Oh, so you dont think that my mom's control/influence has anything to do with that, you think "I'm not ready"?

 

From everything you've written and in my humble opinion, you have had at least 9 years to get a job that would permit you to live away from your parents and you have not chosen to and even now, you are coming up with excuses as to why you can't.

 

They are good excuses. I dont see how you come up with "I have 9 years to get a job". It's not a question of just getting a job. In this society, there are plenty of working poor on minimum wage or even less, and the reality is minimum wage is different from a living wage, and unless you can get a job that pays a living wage or higher with benefits then it's a waste of time.

 

Furthermore, you can also get fired if you get a job or layed off for even the most trivial of reasons.

 

 

Of course you can - you can choose to get a job or to be trained to get a job that will not be 100% commission where you can have a goal that in the next 6 months or less - you will have enough money saved to pay a monthly rent with a roommate or roommates.

 

I can choose to send out resumes and look for a job that pays high enough for what I need, or that will take me although I may not be qualified - the person who chooses to hire and interview is not me so I cant really choose to get a job as that's out of my hands. Furthermore, you have to go back to school or something to get trained to get a job, and that costs money.

 

You haven't expressed having that goal in any realistic way, haven't given any concrete steps you've taken towards that goal - you obviously do not see it as an issue and instead play the victim as if you have no choice. That's a cop out, in my humble opinion.

 

I dont think just getting any minimum wage or any crappy job where you are treated like garbage and can get fired for complaining about working conditions or not making enough sales is a solution. Granted I simply have to make more deals, and since I got a 'reinforcement' this past month (i.e. made deals), then I think I can and will make more deals again.

 

My concrete goals is time-management and so far, I'm treating Real-Estate business like a job. Going into the office from 9:30 am in the morning and leaving at 9:20 pm in the evening or afterwards. I'm putting in 2 hour breaks (extendable to 4 hours if it's a constructive activity I'm using break-time for such as studying for law school or creative writing, etc....) and think that this discipline will help give me what I need to succeed in the business, concentrated mental energy and time to follow up in all leads and prospect for more business.

 

You cannot have it both ways - play the victim and expect stable, mature women to want to date you -- they will run for the hills when they hear you claim that you have no choice but to live with controlling parents.

 

They wont run for the hills, they will friendzone, which is even worst.

[Batya33]

I'm done, Luke. You have my opinions -- given your age, your living situation, your choices up till now, do not date until you choose to live on your own and to not let your mother control you to the extent she does now because you live at home. You can invoke all the excuses you want and point to society and low income people, etc. If you truly wanted to live on your own you would have made it happen or would be making it happen right now. If you were living at home because you were in graduate school so that you could then make enough $ to move out, then ok, I would personally be supportive of that, even at your age. The rest of what you said is just verbage.

 

I'm saying this only because I had to move out on my own and be independent and I didn't make excuses about minimum wage jobs, the chances of being fired, etc. It was a top priority for me to be independent and so I took those risks and chose my college and graduate programs based on financial stability as one very important factor. Best decision I ever made for myself, my social life, my romantic relationships was to move out on my own. My parents are great, they are not too controlling but I needed to cut the purse strings, etc. and be on my own. And yes, it is even more important for a man to do that - that's sexist but true.

 

We can agree to disagree, Luke - all those excuses you make, all the rationalizations, all the wordy stuff - that doesn't hurt me but that kind of self-denial stuff is really damaging and a show stopper for your life. It's up to you.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

Please take everybody advice about moving out and not using women.The women on the board have given you some good advice.It's time for you to plan your future.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think that where there is conflicts with my mom's perspective that I'm simply going to pray about it. In terms of using girls, again, God uses people for His glory and His purpose irrespective of individual's motives and purposes.

 

No concrete action in terms of prayer has been done to move away from home or be independent and I have never even fasted about the issue. Obviously, if I stop eating, that is sufficient protest against any influence my mom/dad since they will start getting alarmed if I stop eating food for an extended period of time.

 

As of late I have been spiritually apathetic and thus not seeking direction enough from God or talking to God about specific scenerios, and thus relied on my parents more than God in terms of dating decisions. If whomever I'm dating is a woman of God, then there can be no questions that it is a good idea as the right spirits will be rubbing off on each other.

[Luke Skywalker]

So I guess as a 30 y/o guy on here, this thread is invalid since I'm deemed to be responsible for 'choosing' a set-up where my mom would have control or influence over my dating decisions, whether or not I acknowledge any degree of choice or being a victim to such a set-up.

[Batya33]

I'm a very spiritual person and fairly religious too. My personal view - if I see that I am invoking G-d or "fate" to avoid being responsible or accountable for my own decisions, or to justify/rationalize passivity where action or initiative seems a little scary or more difficult - to cop-out, in short, I have to remind myself that that is not consistent with being religious, spiritual or a strong person. Just my personal opinion.

[Luke Skywalker]

With respect to the above dating decisions that prompted this thread. Generally, as I have said earlier, I have no time for dating if dating is in the evening and I have to take clients out to show homes or service listings, but if I do have time, and know 24 hours ahead of time that there is a free spot, then I'd likely give a prospect 24 hours advance notice to that time, etc... and see if they are available.

 

It's also been determined that I am comfortable living with my parents at this time and do not feel a strong urge to leave and believe it is not the will of God to leave this house at this time, or I wouldn't be living here if there was a godly desire to move out. If I were to move out right away, then it may be in the flesh and not the Spirit and I have to make sure I'm led by the Spirit in every decision or action I'm doing so as not to waste time or money.

 

If there is a problem inside this home, then that should be resolved at its own level. There was a problem before with 'excessive idle time' combined with a business slump, but I think that this area is being handled.

 

I believe dating should also be handled at it's own level, and where I'm living is a different level in the dating equation. A functional date entails no discussion about living situation, and a 'right girl' is not going to care too much about the living situation. Since such a girl is pre-ordained by God in terms of time and place, then there should be no worry in this regard, God's timing is absolute and He knows best.

 

The only way there was a 'cross-level' is the idea I'm wasting my time with perceived dead-end prospects and my parents are thumbing their nose into my dating business, while although they may be correct, as long as I'm managing my time correctly, and they can see that I'm not an idle bum, then I dont think it will be a problem to invest some down-time or 'spare time' with an unsuitable prospect for the joy of socialising/dating, etc....

[Batya33]

It sounds like it was fairly pointless for you to ask for others' opinions if you had already made up your mind.

 

To say by the way that the "right girl" will understand your living situation is a bit circular - it's presuming that you are at a stage where you are ready to meet "the right girl" in the first place. From all you've said, argued and analyzed, it sounds to me like you have a lot to get done, internally and externally before you are ready to meet "the right girl" let alone "the right woman."

[finewhine]

According to your logic, the right woman is pre-ordained by God and she won't care if you live with your parents. So, like, quit worrying about dating and just wait for divine intervention.

[caro33]

This is terrible of me, but I have to admit to an "ahh oh goody" moment when I saw you were back Luke. I haven't read all the pages here, but have checked out the last few. I think everyone raised very good points, and Ellie and Batya said exactly what I wanted to say. But I just can't keep away...

 

So Luke, what is your point? Like I asked on your other threads, what is your issue here, what logic are you testing? I am happy to engage with you however you like, but you seem to keep moving the goalposts.

 

Some questions:

 

- Do you or do you not see a problem with living under your mother's rule?

 

- Is there any reason why you prioritise your parents' opinion as you seem to? Do you have reason to doubt your own capacity to make decisions about your life?

 

- Do you want to be independent? Maybe you don't - all indications would support that. Are there extenuating circumstances (besides finances) that call for this situation?

[Luke Skywalker]

It sounds like it was fairly pointless for you to ask for others' opinions if you had already made up your mind.

 

To say by the way that the "right girl" will understand your living situation is a bit circular - it's presuming that you are at a stage where you are ready to meet "the right girl" in the first place. From all you've said, argued and analyzed, it sounds to me like you have a lot to get done, internally and externally before you are ready to meet "the right girl" let alone "the right woman."

 

 

Well, for purposes of what I want I have already meet "two right" girls, since I kissed them at the end of the date. In terms of a relationship I dont know. I suppose it's all in God's timing. I dont think living situation necessarily determines when the right or wrong time is. Many people live on their own and still do not seem to connect with anyone that in itself doesn't mean anything.

 

I've seen people from the 'Involuntary Celibacy' (when I was a past member), from 'Social Anxiety' boards, and even posts of people of other people turning 36 or 40 y/o yet claiming they never had a relationship or non-paid sexual experience with a girl before and guess what - they have good jobs and they live on their own - thus just having a good job and living on your own cant in itself produce 'the right girl/woman'. It's all time and chance or opportunity which occurs when people least expect things to happen, and most good opportunities dont come when you expect them to come. Thus it's fallacious thinking to assume that I can ever be ready to meet the right person, as the expectation is likely when I least expect an event to occur and I'm not looking for it, rather than building up something on a premise like that just to get disappointed.

 

I dont think anything has to be done 'internally' or 'externally' to meet the right girl - but I do concede that the fact I haven't meet the 'right girl' for relationship means that this has to do with God's timing on things which I'm not going to be completely aware of why. But, it's not because of living situation or economic situation or anything like that, unless I make it an issue myself and it vibes wrong.

[Luke Skywalker]

This is terrible of me, but I have to admit to an "ahh oh goody" moment when I saw you were back Luke. I haven't read all the pages here, but have checked out the last few. I think everyone raised very good points, and Ellie and Batya said exactly what I wanted to say. But I just can't keep away...

 

So Luke, what is your point? Like I asked on your other threads, what is your issue here, what logic are you testing? I am happy to engage with you however you like, but you seem to keep moving the goalposts.

 

Some questions:

 

- Do you or do you not see a problem with living under your mother's rule?

 

I think there is a bit of a problem. I feel 'crowded' by her, she sort of creeps into my personal space and it irks me.

[caro33]

I think there is a bit of a problem. I feel 'crowded' by her, she sort of creeps into my personal space and it irks me.

 

Well from what you've said, that sounds like a reasonable feeling for you to have. Have you tried to discuss this with her or your father?

[Batya33]

I never said that living on your own would guarantee that you would find a relationship- I simply said that most adult women would not want to date a 30 year old man who lived at home, who couldn't afford to move out because of choices he had made in jobs, etc, and whose mother was controlling.

 

But again - as you said for you it is all about divine intervention - very convenient for you. As for me, I prefer to show G-d that I am taking responsibility for my choices and working on my goals and trying to avoid ever playing the victim unless it is absolutely true (and it is rarely true). But that's just me, and how I view my relationship to G-d.