I will be single foever

[Trolloc63]

Single forever….Yes that’s right, I will be single forever. And I will tell you why. Some guys are just naturally good at picking up women. I knew a guy like this, we always went over to his place and there were women there, it was amazing. They always exhibited confidence, class, and a lot of guts.

 

And that was never me. From growing up with an alcoholic, while my parents were in a crappy marriage. I hated my life, and still do to some degree. I am happier than I was, but I still feel lost somehow. A lot of how I interact with women came from my father. He was an alcoholic and would emotionally and sometimes physically abuse us. The whole nightmare finally ended when my mom had the guts to divorce his , but even then it took a long time for that to happen. Now granted my father was not all bad, there were many fun memories in my old house, yet somehow I seem to only remember the bad. My dad would say horrible things about people and especially my mom. He was also very good at belittling us and making feel like dirt, all the while keeping us under his thumb. He had several issues and the alcoholism only made it worse. He was very angry inside, very vindictive. And basically that’s what I learned, anger, spite, vengefulness. For a long time I was very hostile to women, for no reason, this was a big part of it.

 

And for a long time things compiled on top of each other, making dating and meeting the right one very difficult. I was very shy, and maybe even socially inept in Jr. High and High School. This complied with the hatred brewing within me made everything worse. And because of this, I never learned those skills of dating. I have had 2 relationships in my life, 1 long term relationship and 1 shall we say ‘casual’ relationship, and both came from being asked out.

 

Today the hatred for women is not there, I have calmed in my 20’s and am now at a point where I am indifferent. Oftentimes I think about the possibility of a new relationship, and I know in my heart that it will never happen, because I know the truth. And the truth is; I am a loser. I am terrified of meeting women, I don’t know what to say or do in situations like these. Women sometimes do not understand this, as all they have to do is flirt a little and the guy is just supposed to pick up on it and ‘spit game’. Well I can usually pick up on some of the signals, but the words never come out; I’ll never know what to say or how to say it.

 

Sex is nice, but a relationship is better. I don’t want sex per se, but something meaningful. However with my own shortcomings I don’t think anything will happen. My family knows better than to ask me if I have a girlfriend because they know the answer. I have been single since my last ‘causal’ relationship ended when I was in school at metro community college. I don’t recall the exact length of time, but lets say its been about 8 years or so.

 

So there you have it. You may think I’m a whiny loser, but it has felt good to get this out and to post it for everyone to see. I estimate I will indeed be single forever since I have zero self esteem when it comes to women.

 

So i posted this on my blog on myspace the other day, and my friend told me that I needed to just relax and be carefree. That I should just be happy i'm single and not tied down by a relationship. I love it when people think they know what your going through, and that its reallly no big deal. But the reality is, i'll be single for the rest of my life, so yeah, sorry if that depresses me a bit, or even a lot!!

[Slacker]

Hey man, I used to think the same thing. I'm not trying to make light of your situation and I'm definitely not going to tell you it'll be easy.

 

You gotta work with yourself, you're happier and that means you've made progress. If you keep working through your problems and put your mind to it I guarantee you will find love, direction and some peace of mind. Reconcile with your past, and come to terms with your present situation, then you can get out of it.

[toggle]

Troll,

 

I know you stated at the end of your post that people can't comprehend of your situation, but this is really not true.

 

I was in your situation, to proove it you can search my old threads I made over 2 years ago. I was depressed and suicidle and one of the main factors was I felt I was going to be single forever, and it's something I really did not want to happen.

 

Once I started thinking of a positive outlook on life, got myself sorted and I started attracting people to me. I then met a beutiful person at my work place who recently joined and we have been dating for almost 6 months now.

 

Never say never, you really don't know what's going to happen in the future.

[cordelia]

That's exactly what I'm doing right now...working on myself and my confidence. I want to be a happy positive person. I'm convinced that my last 2 relationships have failed partly due to lack of self esteem. And you can't love someone if you don't love yourself first!

Break ups can damage your confidence so I need to get mine back up again, and also find a way to trust men and have faith in relationships again.

[chai714]

I don't think you have zero self-esteem when it comes to women - self esteem is not necessarily a situational state of mind. You may have also overlooked something - finding a woman or having a relationship with one is NOT the answer to raising your self-esteem. While the idea may sound good and you might think it will help you, it won't significantly boost your self-esteem.

 

A quote from David J. Lieberman describing how self-esteem works:

 

"In order to be happy, have good relationships, and be psychologically balanced, a person has to feel good about himself. This means that we need to literally love ourselves. And this self-love is called self-esteem."

 

David J. Lieberman, a psychologist states: "WHEN WE DON'T RESPECT OURSELVES, WE CAN'T TRULY LOVE OURSELVES, AND SO WE SEEK LOVE FROM OTHERS TO FILL THE VOID."

 

This is what you're trying to do. Like I previoulsy stated, finding a woman will not help raise your self-esteem. Instead, what you need to do is become active in activities and participate in things that make you feel good about yourself. Because "in order to feel good, you must do good." Examples of activities which might raise your self-esteem include volunteering at a hospital, mentoring a child, coaching a sports team, joining a club/organization that interests you, working out (improving your fitness level), starting a business, and many more. Anything that is positive, challenges you, and gets you off your butt.

 

Nobody will ever feel bad for you, except yourself. If you ever get tired of being down and out, then take the above advice and start living like you want to improve your life. You are in control of how you feel - and nobody else. It's your responsibility to make you happy - no single person or entity will do this, even when you're in a relationship one day.

 

*raising your self-esteem will make you a more attractive person as people love the positivity and optimism they bring. You can do this. It won't be easy, but it can be done.

[Siriana]

Well because of your way of thinking (you're a looser and so on...) you're not dating. We girls catch the vibes that guy is sending - and you're sending bad signals.

 

Now, I think you haven't worked on your issues enough (childhood experiences, alcoholism in family, abusive father) so you need to do something for yourself.

And by that I don't mean relax and be carefree - that's a * * * *ty advice.

You should try to sort your problems out with a professional because you are carrying a heavy burden on your back.

 

The fact is your parents disfunctional mariagge caused you a lot of pain - but that is something that belongs in a past. They've done some mistakes, for shure. But it is your responsibilty to put your life in order to be able to enjoy it the way you deserve it.

 

If you continue this same pattern of thinking, you're absolutely right - you'll be having a lot of problems finding meaningfull relationship.

Make an appointment with someone who knows how to help you. I am shure you'll feel great after dooing that.

[mitch17]

living a liffe single means u can concentrate on yourself and not have to worry about anyone else. play some sports and make mates, mates are better than having gf