Who do you think he wants? Me or her?

[Jess90]

Ok...well me and this guy I've known for a few weeks now have been flirting like crazy for the last week or two...we've been texting 24/7 and talking online and even spoken a few times on the phone for quite a while...and we've spoken about how we feel for each other and we both really like each other. That all sounds great, yeah? Well its not...he has a girlfriend.

 

I've never actually seen them together but from what he has said (even before we started to like each other) about her and their relationship it sounds to me like she treats him like crap. She is always having a go at him, telling him what to do, not trusting him for no reason...shes cheated on him once...shes told him things are over then the next day told him it was all just a joke cos she wanted to hear him beg and stuff...she just treats him like hes something nasty on the bottom of her shoe. Whenever he talks about her he never seems happy. Theres never the little shine in his eyes that he has when hes talking to me about us and flirting with me. In fact to he often looks down right miserable when talking about her.

 

He says he loves her but I'm not so sure he really does. And he says she loves him...well she has a funny way of showing it in my opinion. As far as I'm aware she has no idea about how close me and him have gotten and I think its best it stays that way. She seems very controlling and manipulative to me.

 

When we are talking with each other about us, he often says things like... "when we make love it will be amazing". That kinda confuses me cos at the moment he doesn't really want to break things off with his girlfriend but he talks to me about doing sexual stuff with each other and always says "when" and "in the future" not "if". And I know that the only way we will do anything sexual is if we are in a relationship and we've been together for a while and are really happy together. We both agreed it the other day. So when he says things like "when we are together" and stuff it makes me feel as though he does want to be with me more than his girlfriend and that he is just waiting for the right time to break things off. I've spoken to a my best mate and my mum and her mum about things and they all think he just doesn't want to be the bad guy and break up with her so close to Christmas and that he really is just waiting for a better time. And sometimes I think they're right, but then he tells me not to get my hopes up about us so I think maybe thats not whats going on.

 

He really doesn't want to hurt me or his girlfriend and he knows that in the end someone will be hurt. Whether its me, his girlfriend or him. I don't want him to break up with his girlfriend for me...if he is truly happy with her and wants to be with her then I honestly want him to stay with her...but I really don't think he is happy with her...and I think I could make him so much happier because I would treat him with so much more respect and affection that she does.

 

Just the way he is with me...nobody has ever made me feel so special in my life...or so wanted and cared for. Like I said we text each other constantly and spoken a lot online and on the phone...he never does any of that with his girlfriend. And even though I've talked to my exs over the phone and online a lot I've never felt they've actually been listening like he does. He asks me questions about what I'm talking about so I know he listens...all anyone else ever does is make little yes or no noises to make them sound as though they are listening.

 

I really don't know what to do or what to think anymore. I want to be with him but I don't want to be the reason him and his girlfriend break up. I want to at least stay great mates with him but its hard to just be mates when we both know how much we like each other. I sometimes think that things would be better for him if I just stayed away but I just can't do it. It hurts too much to even think about doing that. Plus we work together so it wouldn't really work that well and it would make things awkward. And I can't really tell who he wants to be with. Its hard cos one minute I think its me then the next I think its her. Hes told me several times that if I was to kiss him he would kiss back...just not for long because of his girlfriend. He said that if it was me that initiated it, it wouldn't be cheating that much. I dunno if I agree with that but I want to kiss him so much. But I also don't want to put him in an even more awkward position.

 

In the end I just want him to be happy, even if that means me being miserable. Hes just so lovely and sweet and kind and amazing he deserves the best and to be happy. But I dunno what to do anymore...anyone got any ideas on what I should do or about who he wants more? Your help and advice would be much appreciated!

 

Love Jess xxxx

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Jess,

 

Just read this quickly. You haven't met him yet, right? Not sure about that or not.

 

Anyway, just my interpretation - he's not going to leave his girlfriend; he's enjoying flirting with you online. He's good at making you feel cherished, but all he's doing is texting you, and enjoying the buzz of getting sexy messages from you.

 

I'm really sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but he's not for you. He did this to her, he'll do it to the next girl.

 

Try and find someone in real life, who will see you for how special you really are.

[agent1607307371]

I think you should cut contact. Fact is, if he was so sweet and lovely he would have broken up with his girlfriend before leading you on, or he would not be behaving like this with someone who is not his girlfriend. Right now, he has his own free phone flirt line with you, and however many other girls.

 

It really doesn't matter what you think the relationship is, or how you think his gf behaves because she is his gf and only the two of them know the state of things between them.

[Jess90]

Hes not someone online...I've met him...we go to school together...hes in the year above me...and we work together. We've cuddle a lot sitting around our school common room and he always gives me hugs when he sees me or we have to go to a lesson or home or something. And at work the other day he seemed to be lingering around once he'd finished and as soon as I went into our office he gave me a big hug then said bye and went home...it seemed as though he was just waiting to say goodbye to me properly before he went home.

 

We have our work Christmas dinner this Saturday and we are doing Secret Santa (I know he is my secret santa lol) and so our boss is thinking about putting out the presents on the table in our places before we all get there...and he asked her to put me and him next to each other if she does. And when I was saying I didn't know what to wear to it he told me to wear something that would make his jaw drop...

 

Anyways...sorry for not saying that we do know each other personally and its not just over the internet...

 

Love Jess xxxxxxx

[DizzyDoris]

RUN forest RUN!! Dont get involved, take my word for it this will end in tears and most likely they will be yours AND his girlfriends,and when the poo hits the fan i bet he will just move on to the next one.

 

He's not going to tell you how great things are with him and his girl is he? That would put you right off him and he wants you to fancy him, to be his ego boost. Yeah he probably does fancy you too, but he's only after one thing here, he wont leave his girlfriend for you. There are 2 sides to every story, if his girlfriend treated him "sooo" badly, quite simply, he wouldnt be with her!!

 

For your own sanity and self respect be the strong one and walk away now, there are plenty more fish in the sea and this guy does not sound like a good catch to me.

 

Sorry if i come accross as harsh, im not a woman scorned, i was in this situation myself earlier this year. I hated all the advice i received when i posted about my problem, but everything i heard was spot on!

 

If you really feel your "meant to be" wait till his girlfriend is out the picture before you take this any further, sorry to say though, but i really dont think he will have the balls to leave his girlfriend for you, i think he just wants to get his leg over.

[agent1607307371]

Jess, hope like hell his gf doesn't catch him cuddling you then. Because he will not be the one she goes after...

[Jess90]

lol she doesn't go to school with us...shes a year older than him and has left. and about the just getting his leg over and stuff...he really isn't like that...I know you'll all probably just think I'm sticking up for him cos I like him but hes just honestly not. He has been treated like before by his past girlfriends and hes just too nice to do anything about it...he doesn't seem to realise he could do so much better than them and so he stays with them. Hes always worrying about everyone else but never himself...and I mean it. Its hard to describe him over the internet but I really do think his feelings for me are real and that everything he says is the truth...

 

There is just something about him...hes so different from everyone I've been with before...and I mean different in a good way...most of my relationships haven't ended too well...

 

Thanks for your comments thoughl...even if I don't really like the advice lol maybe I should take note of it but its just hard to believe thats what hes doing cos he really is lovely.

 

xxxxxx

[DizzyDoris]

If he really wants to be with you, then make it clear you will be there for him after he has done the decent thing and ended it with his current girlfriend!

 

I was the other woman, and i thought the guy i was involved with was lovely,and honest and sweet too, i even thought for a while he was my soulmate lol

 

2 weeks this has been going on, save yourself some heartache and let it go now, rather than getting involved and being second best! Affairs can go on for months,even years, with the 3rd party hanging on to every bit of hope their lover will be with them properly one day. Only one day, you realise that they are not strong enough to leave their partner and that they love them more than they love you. Then you've wasted all that time and loving on a man that you could never have and your left with heartache that you know you should have avoided,but didnt/couldnt because he was sooo sweet!

 

I can see now that if someone loves you properly, they would want to be with you and ONLY you, dont let him have his cake and eat it.

 

At the end of the day, you have to live your own life and make your own mistakes, In case you hadnt noticed, me getting involved with someone elses man was a big mistake that i will never repeat!

 

Okay rant over....im not ranting at you jess...im just ranting lol

[Batya33]

As long as you are ok with him texting another woman "when we make love it will be amazing" right after he leaves your bed, go for it.