Jess90

lol she doesn't go to school with us...shes a year older than him and has left. and about the just getting his leg over and stuff...he really isn't like that...I know you'll all probably just think I'm sticking up for him cos I like him but hes just honestly not. He has been treated like before by his past girlfriends and hes just too nice to do anything about it...he doesn't seem to realise he could do so much better than them and so he stays with them. Hes always worrying about everyone else but never himself...and I mean it. Its hard to describe him over the internet but I really do think his feelings for me are real and that everything he says is the truth... There is just something about him...hes so different from everyone I've been with before...and I mean different in a good way...most of my relationships haven't ended too well... Thanks for your comments thoughl...even if I don't really like the advice lol maybe I should take note of it but its just hard to believe thats what hes doing cos he really is lovely. xxxxxx

Hes not someone online...I've met him...we go to school together...hes in the year above me...and we work together. We've cuddle a lot sitting around our school common room and he always gives me hugs when he sees me or we have to go to a lesson or home or something. And at work the other day he seemed to be lingering around once he'd finished and as soon as I went into our office he gave me a big hug then said bye and went home...it seemed as though he was just waiting to say goodbye to me properly before he went home. We have our work Christmas dinner this Saturday and we are doing Secret Santa (I know he is my secret santa lol) and so our boss is thinking about putting out the presents on the table in our places before we all get there...and he asked her to put me and him next to each other if she does. And when I was saying I didn't know what to wear to it he told me to wear something that would make his jaw drop... Anyways...sorry for not saying that we do know each other personally and its not just over the internet... Love Jess xxxxxxx

Ok...well me and this guy I've known for a few weeks now have been flirting like crazy for the last week or two...we've been texting 24/7 and talking online and even spoken a few times on the phone for quite a while...and we've spoken about how we feel for each other and we both really like each other. That all sounds great, yeah? Well its not...he has a girlfriend. I've never actually seen them together but from what he has said (even before we started to like each other) about her and their relationship it sounds to me like she treats him like crap. She is always having a go at him, telling him what to do, not trusting him for no reason...shes cheated on him once...shes told him things are over then the next day told him it was all just a joke cos she wanted to hear him beg and stuff...she just treats him like hes something nasty on the bottom of her shoe. Whenever he talks about her he never seems happy. Theres never the little shine in his eyes that he has when hes talking to me about us and flirting with me. In fact to he often looks down right miserable when talking about her. He says he loves her but I'm not so sure he really does. And he says she loves him...well she has a funny way of showing it in my opinion. As far as I'm aware she has no idea about how close me and him have gotten and I think its best it stays that way. She seems very controlling and manipulative to me. When we are talking with each other about us, he often says things like... "when we make love it will be amazing". That kinda confuses me cos at the moment he doesn't really want to break things off with his girlfriend but he talks to me about doing sexual stuff with each other and always says "when" and "in the future" not "if". And I know that the only way we will do anything sexual is if we are in a relationship and we've been together for a while and are really happy together. We both agreed it the other day. So when he says things like "when we are together" and stuff it makes me feel as though he does want to be with me more than his girlfriend and that he is just waiting for the right time to break things off. I've spoken to a my best mate and my mum and her mum about things and they all think he just doesn't want to be the bad guy and break up with her so close to Christmas and that he really is just waiting for a better time. And sometimes I think they're right, but then he tells me not to get my hopes up about us so I think maybe thats not whats going on. He really doesn't want to hurt me or his girlfriend and he knows that in the end someone will be hurt. Whether its me, his girlfriend or him. I don't want him to break up with his girlfriend for me...if he is truly happy with her and wants to be with her then I honestly want him to stay with her...but I really don't think he is happy with her...and I think I could make him so much happier because I would treat him with so much more respect and affection that she does. Just the way he is with me...nobody has ever made me feel so special in my life...or so wanted and cared for. Like I said we text each other constantly and spoken a lot online and on the phone...he never does any of that with his girlfriend. And even though I've talked to my exs over the phone and online a lot I've never felt they've actually been listening like he does. He asks me questions about what I'm talking about so I know he listens...all anyone else ever does is make little yes or no noises to make them sound as though they are listening. I really don't know what to do or what to think anymore. I want to be with him but I don't want to be the reason him and his girlfriend break up. I want to at least stay great mates with him but its hard to just be mates when we both know how much we like each other. I sometimes think that things would be better for him if I just stayed away but I just can't do it. It hurts too much to even think about doing that. Plus we work together so it wouldn't really work that well and it would make things awkward. And I can't really tell who he wants to be with. Its hard cos one minute I think its me then the next I think its her. Hes told me several times that if I was to kiss him he would kiss back...just not for long because of his girlfriend. He said that if it was me that initiated it, it wouldn't be cheating that much. I dunno if I agree with that but I want to kiss him so much. But I also don't want to put him in an even more awkward position. In the end I just want him to be happy, even if that means me being miserable. Hes just so lovely and sweet and kind and amazing he deserves the best and to be happy. But I dunno what to do anymore...anyone got any ideas on what I should do or about who he wants more? Your help and advice would be much appreciated! Love Jess xxxx

Hey, I'm pretty sure I know exactly how your girlfriend feels. The first time my boyfriend went to take off my bra I stopped him. But then a few minutes later he put his hand down my trousers and I was fine with it. I didn't care if he touched...as long as he couldn't see anything. I am REALLY self-conscious. I really don't think I'm attractive, no matter what anyone tells me. And its not just one of those things I say to make people say "yeah you are". I honestly think I'm unattractive. So letting my boyfriend see my body completely really was a big worry for me. I've never got over my self-consciousness but I am now comfortable around my boyfriend. There are still a couple things I don't feel too comfortable but not many. The way I got over it all was by just going slowly. My boyfriend was really understanding and just kept reassuring me by telling me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. You need to make sure your girlfriend knows how you feel about her even if she doesn't think the same (I know my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful, and I believe that he feels that way, but I really don't think I am.). Take it slow with her, don't pressure her into it. Eventually she will feel comfortable enough to let you see her "bits". A lot of girls think that the vagina is a truly horrible looking thing (I feel that way), so maybe that is also part of your girlfriends problem. She may feel that if you see it, you will be disgusted and not be attracted to her anymore. Its all just to do with how comfortable she is with her body. Keep reassuring her and don't pressure her. Maybe don't mention it for a while. Then, instead of asking if you can see it, ask if you can go down on her. That way you'll be able to see it (providing its not too dark) and she won't feel as though you are just gunna sit there staring at it. But if she says no to that then still don't push her. Just try to understand she isn't comfortable about it and she needs time. Hope this helps! Jess xxxx

I used to always kiss with my eyes closed, and still do most of the time, but recently me and my boyfriend have started to kiss with our eyes open. We normally do keep them closed but occasionally we open them because we both like being able to look into one anothers eyes at the same time.

My last kiss was yesterday when I said goodbye to my boyfriend after we'd finished our lessons. It wasn't the best kiss ever...it was just a normal kiss goodbye...but I always make sure I get a kiss goodbye just incase something happened... Have any of you ever wanted just on last kiss when you've split up with someone? When me and my ex broke up I couldn't really remember the last time we had kissed and I really regretted not being able to remember it. Then a month or so ago when me and my boyfriend had a few problems, he said he wanted to go on a break. To start with I thought he was breaking up with me and I couldn't stop crying, but then when I did I asked him for one last kiss and he couldn't understand why. I explained to him that I wanted to be able to remember exactly when it was and how it felt and what he tasted like. First of all he said no because it would make things harder, but then a little while later I was crying still and he just lifted my face up to his and kissed me. It was a really amazing kiss and it didn't last long. But then after that he couldn't stop kissing me! A few days later and he said that he loved me and that he didn't know why he ever doubted that he did. So we are now fine. But has anyone else ever felt that way? That even though kissing them when you know it is over could hurt you even more you still really want just one last kiss to remember them by?

I used to cut for two main reasons... 1. Anger at myself. For messing things up, for not being pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough etc. 2. Anger with others. I'd get angry with other people, one in particular, but because I loved them, especially him, I couldn't hurt them so I hurt myself instead.

Hey, I'm 16 too and I've lost my virginity so I don't have a problem at all about your age. Personally I think you're being very responsible because for starters you are using protection, which a lot of young people don't think about or don't want to use, and secondly you have posted on here for advice on how to stop your girlfriends pain, even though you know you are going to be judged because of your age. Next time you try having sex make sure she is wet, either play with her clit or go down on her. That often works. Going down on her would also mean that your saliva lubricates her as well as her own wetness. But other than that I think the best thing you could do would to be to finger her (actually insert your finger inside her) with one finger to start with until she gets used to it and then two when she is ready. Depending on how big your fingers are and how big your penis is depends on if you should try three fingers. For me intercourse doesn't hurt but when my boyfriend tried putting three fingers in it did. But by fingering her with one then two fingers it will get her used to the feel of something big inside of her. Then she may be able to cope with your penis inside her. As to just thrusting in all in one go, I'm not so sure about it. It could work but it could also put your girlfriend in a hell of a lot of pain. You'd need to make sure she wanted you to do that before you did it. Personally I think it might damage her if she is that tight. Basically just take things slow and let your girlfriend tell you what she is ready for. Try the fingering her thing. Maybe just do that a few times before you even consider having sex again. Also if intercourse is causing your girlfriend that much pain then you could always stick to just masturbating each other and oral sex. Neither me or my boyfriend have had an orgasm when we have had sex although we both enjoy it, however we have both orgasmed from masturbating ourselves and each other. So sometimes it can actually be more pleasurable to stick to the other things than to have actual intercourse. I hope that helps. One more thing though. The age thing. I don't know where you are from but I noticed a lot of the people with concerns to your age were from America. From what I know the law is different there to what it is in the UK. Here the legal age to have sex is 16 so if you are from the UK you are doing nothing wrong. Love Jess xxxxx

Hey, I know that life can suck sometimes but cutting really isn't the way to deal with it. The first time I ever did it, it caused more problems than it solved. Everyone at school started to notice the marks and all they did was ask questions. But the problem was the people asking the questions weren't my friends so I knew they had no intent of helping me. All they wanted was a bit of gossip. Everyone would say things like "why do you do it?" "its stupid" "you freak" "can I see?" In one of my lessons somebody mentioned it and then everyone was just looking at me and wanting to see the marks. I felt like an animal in a zoo. That night I went home and cut some more because I was so annoyed and upset by it all. Then a few days later someone (I don't know if it was a friend that was concerned or someone just trying to get me in trouble) told a teacher at school. The school then had no choice but to tell my mum. She blamed herself. One of the things she said hurt the most was that she hadn't noticed herself. She thought it meant she'd been neglecting me and she most definitly hadn't. I'd just done a good job at hiding the marks from her. I'm not gunna give you any advice on how to hide them because I think it would be just a way of encouraging you. The point I'm trying to make is that it honest to God isn't worth it at all. When people who don't care about you find out they make things worse by treating you like a freak. And when the people who do care about you find out it hurts them, making you hate yourself for doing it. The best thing to do is to never start doing it. Its like smoking and drugs really. When you start you can't stop. And if you do manage to stop, you often start again. When my mum found out I stopped immediately, for two reasons. One was because she now new about it so I new I could talk to her about it. And the other was because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting her so much. Although I stopped that time, about a year and bit later I started again and did it for about 4 months. I have stopped again but last time was a lot worse than the first. And I know that even though I've stopped for now there is still the chance I'll do it again in the future. So please please please don't start. Its not worth it at all. Talk to your cyber-sis about things. If you don't want to tell her that you're thinking about cutting then just tell her about the things that are making you feel like doing it. You can also always PM if you need to talk. I mean that by the way. I wish that I'd had someone to talk to the first time I did it because maybe that way I wouldn't have started. Last time I did it I did have someone to talk to about it. He stuck with me through and really helped me by just distracting me. He cheered me up when I was down. I won't blab on about all of that now though, if you want to know you can PM me. But don't be scared about talking to someone about it, if they care about you they will only try to help. Remember...PM me if you need to talk. Just please don't start cutting. If you do then please please PM me or talk to someone else about it. Love Jess xxxx

Hey, I'm not exactly the most experienced person when it comes to sexual stuff but I do know that its hard for a girl to give a bj. A lot of girls think it is gross and it takes them a while to get over it and decide they are ok with it. A lot of girls also get nervous. Personally I was more nervous the first time I gave my boyfriend a blowjob than I was before doing anything else sexual. I was really scared of what would happen if he cummed in my mouth and how I would react. Then once a girl has managed to build up the courage to do it, its actually a difficult thing to do. Well its much harder than a handjob, at least. The first time I gave my boyfriend a blowjob I started to gag after about five seconds and I couldn't do it. When I couldn't do it, it upset me a lot but my boyfriend reassured me and a week later I tried again and I gradually got used to it. And even now when I give my boyfriend a bj although he says it feels really good, he doesn't cum. Although this still upsets me slightly I've pretty much gotten used to it. My boyfriend assures me he enjoys it and I believe him. So I think you just need to reassure your girlfriend and take it slow with her. Its not her fault that you couldn't feel it...it was her first time and she was obviously nervous and unsure. She just needs practice and to find ways of doing it so that you can feel it and so that you really enjoy it. It also isn't your fault. You reassured her that you weren't annoyed or disappointed. So don't blame yourself. I wouldn't reccomend telling her to look at any "how to give a bj" guides. If she mentions it then maybe you could look at it together. Otherwise I think you should just read up on it yourself and then when she is giving you a bj you will be able to suggest things to her and guide her. Just remember to reassure her. I'm sure that the whole thing has probably knocked her confidence big time. Imagine if it was the other way round and it was you who had been trying to pleasure her and then she had said that she couldn't really feel it. Like I said though, its not your fault. You did the right thing by telling her the truth because its better she knew you couldn't feel it than for you to fake it. This way you can make it better. Do you enjoy it when she masturbates you? If so then you could always just stick to that if you still can't feel anything much from a bj. Hope that helps!

This is the BIGGEST load of CRAP I have ever heard. I know that it was me that started this post but there has never EVER been a single second when I have thought that because my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex it means he's having sex with anyone else. I trust him 110% He would never cheat on me or anyone else for that matter. If it had been my boyfriend posting this thread on here about me not wanting sex would you have assumed that I was cheating on him? Not all guys are sex obsessed. And even if they do think about it a lot it doesn't mean they would cheat on their girlfriend, and it also doesn't mean they can't be scared of having sex. I don't care if you are male or female I think you are completely and utterly wrong about this. I know a lot of boys our age that aren't interested in sex at all. One of my best friends has never had a girlfriend, and barely EVER thinks about sex. I also know that he very rarely masturbates. BellaDonna and annie24... No I definitly don't want to get pregnant. I would never be able to have an abortion because I love babies too much, so I wouldn't be able to cope with killing my own baby. So, if I did get pregnant then we would have to find a way of coping and I don't want to have to face that problem. I know no form of contraception is 100% effective and I do realise that even with a condom there is the chance I'd get pregnant. I am going to get put on the pill and we will most probably still use condoms when I do, to make the risk even less. Thanks everyone for your replies. Love Jess xxxx

Thanks so much finewhine!! After posting this the other day I started thinking that maybe it was just me being a complete cow. Then when I got replies saying that my boyfriend is just being responsible and that our relationship shouldn't be based on sex it made me think it even more. But our relationship is in no way based on sex and I'm just as responsible as him. I just missed the intimacy. I don't ever want to push him into having sex, just as he'd never push me into doing something I didn't want to do. And I know there is no way to make me stop missing sex or for me to convince him to have sex, I just needed to talk to someone about it and make sure that I'm not being a complete cow basically. Anyways...last night we were fooling around and he got really turned on and asked if I had a condom...I did so...problem solved!! Afterwards we talked and we both agreed that we would have sex occasionally but not as often as we used to, so maybe once a month or something. We also agreed that because we hadn't had sex in over two months it felt even more special and more pleasurable (it was amazing!!). So we are both happy now Thanks again! Love Jess xxxx

Thanks for your reply! I understand what you're saying but we do have all those things you said make a good relationship. Like I said everything else is great...perfect even but just the lack of sex is worrying me slighty. I don't really think it is because he doesn't love me...he's not the sort to lie about this sort of thing. We both know we can talk to each other about anything even if it is doubts about our feelings. So its not so much I'm worried he doesn't love me. I don't really know how to explain it to be honest. But its not the passion I miss because when we have had sex its not been that passionate really...when we fool around (don't really know how to put that lol) there is more passion than when we have sex. To be honest...I just get the most amazing feeling when he is inside of me and I miss it. I know it sounds cheesy and everything but I really do feel complete when he is inside me. I don't know how else to put it other than like that. I know I keep saying this but I actually don't know how to explain all this or what I'm worried about exactly. I think I just need to talk about it or something. Like I said...I can't talk to anyone I know about it because we agreed to not tell any of our friends. We know what happens when you tell one person at our school...they tell someone else...that someone else tells five others...and so on... It happened to a friend of ours and then in a Biology lesson everyone was asking him really detailed questions about it. Neither of us want that because its our private life and don't think anybody else needs to know about it. So far people believe us when we say we are both still virgins, which suits us fine. Thanks again for the reply Love Jess xxxx

Hi, I'm Jess. I've never posted anything on this forum before but I really need to talk about this... Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months now. We first had sex after about 7 weeks of being together. We both agreed to not tell anyone about us having sex because we think it is our business and nobody elses. We're 16 (when we first did it we were only 15) so its still kinda a big deal to our friends and we don't want it getting spread around a lot. So because of promising not to tell anyone I can't discuss this with my friends, which is why I have decided to post this on here. Anyway back to the point...at first we had sex every week or two but then about two months ago I was a week late on and it really scared him. He thought that I might be pregnant. I told him it was very unlikely cos we always use protection and that sometimes girls are irregular. Since then we haven't had sex because he has been too worried about me getting pregnant. I've spoken to him about it and he said he doesn't want to because hes too worried...but the thing is I really want it. I'm not sex obsessed at all, in fact I have very strong beliefs about sex. To be honest, sex isn't about pleasure for me. I've never had an orgasm from it. And although this may seem strange, neither has my boyfriend. I am slightly concerned about this but not too much because it doesn't bother me and we have both made each other orgasm before, just not through sex. To me sex means a hell of a lot. In my opinion its the ultimate way of showing someone you love them. Personally I only want to ever have sex with someone I love. I, personally, don't like the idea of one night stands. This may be because I'm 16 and have only had sex with one person but I just don't want to ever do that. So us having sex means a lot to me. It makes me feel like I'm definitly the only girl he wants to be with and that he loves me more than anyone. I know these things are true anyway, but when he is inside me it just makes me feel it more strongly than ever. I know I should be glad that my boyfriend isn't trying to pressure me into having sex but I'm just worried that there is more to it than just the frightened of getting me pregnant thing. And I don't want to pressure him, but I just really miss being that close and intimate with him. I don't know what to do about it though. I've thought about getting put on the birth control pill because I think it would put his mind at rest about me getting pregnant. But its hard for me to just get put on the pill. I don't want to go behind my mum's back and go to the doctors but I can't tell her that I want it for birth control either. I have spoken to her about going on it because I get very bad period cramps and the pill is meant to help with them. I think she is ok about it because when I was last late on was when we were going on holiday and it made it difficult for me to go swimming and stuff. She said we would talk about it because I want to be able to control it but that was about a month ago now and nothing has been said since. Even if I do go on the pill I don't know whether my boyfriend will want to have sex then. Has anybody got any suggestions of what I should do? This may not seem like a problem but to me it is. I'm quite insecure and need to be constantly reminded that I'm loved. So to me having sex with my boyfriend lets me know that I am because he wouldn't do it unless he really did love me. I suppose I'm just getting worried that he doesn't feel the same way anymore. But the thing is, he is the same as he used to be with everything else. He still always tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. The only difference in our relationship now is the lack of sex. We still "fool around" quite a bit, just no sex. Please let me know what you all think about all this. I'm really starting to get down about it. Love Jess xxxx