Are cheaters always cheating ?

[frozenblaze]

I did not even considered cheating once in my life, though I did have the opportunity many times (with two girls at one moment... I guess those things happen only once in a lifetime but I don't really regret it). My question is : does a cheater stays a cheater all his life ? Some of my friends did cheat on their gf and exes, each time saying they would'nt do that again when they had a new girlfriend they really "loved", but they ended up cheating anyway... I consider it is a matter of personality, someone who does allow himself to cheat once, may cheat more, and it is not important who they are dating, it is more for a thrill or a change... what do you think people ?

[RayKay]

I know people whom cheated, and never did again. They realized not only how selfish it was, but they took responsibility for it, and never did it again. Though, generally they did not remain with their partners they cheated on.

 

Others I have known whom really do it over and over, with little regard to how it hurts others. Sometimes I think they have expectations that someone will just be PERFECT and they will never cheat, instead not realizing that commitment is a choice THEY make in their mind and heart, and not just when things are all butterflies and rainbows in the relationship....

 

Part of it is maturity, part of it is personality, part of it is the level of respect and care you have for others.

[frozenblaze]

Yeah, I guess what your saying is that some people feel guilty about it and some don't...

[shes2smart]

People can and do change...but the motivation for that change has to come from within and the desire to change must be followed up by different actions as well.

 

Someone who has had a history of cheating (whether it be once or hundreds of time) ALWAYS has the option to make different choices at any time.

 

That being said, if someone cheated on me, they'd only do it once. I wouldn't stick around for a repeat performance. The one time I was cheated on, it was the end of the relationship as soon as I found out. He may have reformed and he may not, but I certainly wasn't going to let him do his transformation on MY time.

[soccer14]

Well...I cehated once last summer on an ex. And I've never cheated again ro even thought about it. It didnt feel right when I did so I told myself never again. I have friends who've cheated once and never again and some who've never stopped cheating. It all depends on the person.

[Boughs]

I've cheated once, and never again.

 

Seems like there are two different personalities to cheaters. "testers" and "constant Doers."

 

It killed me and my ex. So never again.

[frozenblaze]

The fun part here is that only women answer... I know you girls are considerate beings... but I'm a guy... I know what kind of beast we are usually

[sixpounder]

Well...I cehated once last summer on an ex. And I've never cheated again ro even thought about it. It didnt feel right when I did so I told myself never again. I have friends who've cheated once and never again and some who've never stopped cheating. It all depends on the person.

 

whats? you cheated on your ex?? was he your ex then or after you cheated >,<... lol sorry just curious>

[hosswhispra]

What we can learn from nature (monogamous vs. promiscuous prairie voles) can it be applied to other mammals, namely homo sapiens???:

 

Read on:

 

link removed

[sixpounder]

The fun part here is that only women answer... I know you girls are considerate beings... but I'm a guy... I know what kind of beast we are usually

 

whos to say that women arent as bad as men? i could easily come up with a relative topic about women.

[dnozzle]

I am a guy and have never cheated while in a relationship. I have ended relationships so I could start seeing other women, but I was always sure to end the relationship I was in first.

 

In hindsight, I do feel guilty for that though. In a way, it is like cheating because my heart wandered long before my body did.

 

There are no easy answers to that question. I just know that for me, once th ephysical bundary is crossed, it is over forever.

[Boughs]

whos to say that women arent as bad as men? i could easily come up with a relative topic about women.

 

I think you mis-understood what he was saying. He was saying that women were the only ones to respond thus far. Not that women aren't the only evil-doers, but men do it as well.

 

I am a guy, and I responded with having cheated btw OP

[yeawutever]

It varies from person to person. There those players who have little regards to their SO's feelings and the consequences and would keep doing it in the next relationship even if their partners found out about then. Then there are those who realize it was a selfish/immature act and refrain from ever doing it again.

My b/f say he once cheated on an ex to get even with her. She cheated on him first so he wnet with the plan of breaking up and then take her back (only pretending to forgive her) so he can then tell her he cheated and that's what he did. His ex got mad aftercourse but he went on telling her "You see how it feels, treat others the way you would like to be treated" and he left her that day.

[puppeteer]

i think ultimately it comes down to character.

 

my soon-to-be-ex wife cheated on me with someone in her school...someone she began to feel more connected to because law school is such an intense kind of thing...as an artist i just don't understand the lawyer-mind..which created a rift between my wife and i.

 

however...i do think that her abilty to cheat on me and lie about it shows a distinct moral flexibility. narcissism is a complete disregard for another's feelings in a desire for one's own self satisfaction. those who cheat are able to rationalize just about anything...

 

ultimately...she didn't want to do the work to save the marriage despite my offerings...and only after i found out she was having an affair did she come clean about it...but made it clear to me that she had no desire to stop seeing him.

 

since i had a problem being married to a woman who wanted to date other people, i felt it best to end the marriage.

 

 

there are certain people who can justify any of their actions...sadly i fear the time when all that bad karma comes full circle for them.

 

moral character, and i am not speaking in religious terms, is a strength of character and a steadfastness to doing what is right over what is easy.

 

crap...was that a line from harry potter? ok...i'm done for now....when i start quoting movies it's all downhill from there...

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I've cheated on many of my exes, but I'm now in a faithful one-year-and-a-bit relationship.

 

I don't know what that tells you - that bad people can reform, or at least try to?

[p_fred]

I've never cheated on a girlfriend and even 2 months after my ex broke up with me I had an opportunity to hook up and still felt like I would be cheating

 

I'm wondering.. for those of you who have cheated in the past: Why did you feel bad for cheating? Was it because the sex wasn't as good as you expected? It was done in anger and used it to get back at him/her for something? frustration? Were you thinking to start a new relationship with the person you are cheating with but the sex wasn't good?

[frozenblaze]

Is it an age factor ? Or a maturity level... I mean, do you people think that younger people like to cheat more for they want to discover ?

[shes2smart]

Is it an age factor ? Or a maturity level... I mean, do you people think that younger people like to cheat more for they want to discover ?

 

My last bf was 18 years older than me (in his early 50's at the time we were together), had been married (& divorced) twice and had one other long-term live-in gf before he met me. Point being that by that time in his life & relationship history, he really shoulda known better.

 

Still, he couldn't keep his hand out of the cookie jar. When I caught him, I packed up my crap, left and never looked back.

 

So, I'm skeptical that age alone is a factor. Maturity level might have something to do with it, but I'm not sure how much. I really think it comes down to the individual and the choices they opt to make.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I would agree that it comes down to the individual and the choices they make. Not age. I don't think age is a factor at all. I have a 16 year old brother who has been with a girl for 2 years now, and hasn't once cheated nor thought of doing so.

[Maverick32x]

I cheated on a girlfriend that I still to this day regret, and never have even thought of doing it again. It just wasn't worth it....

 

oh ya, she never found out, but I felt so guilty that I ended a 2 year relationship >_

[yeawutever]

Yea, hypothetically speaking if I were to cheat, it'll never happen but I'm saying if as in a fantasy (let's say make-out with another dude), I would invent an excuse to break up with current b/f and disappear, even change my # and he wouldn't see me nor hear from me again. I would rather deal with guilt alone than place a burden on someone. That way I would be seen as me, my image would not fade out, but on the other hand if I were to tell, I would be seen as something different and I can imagine that would be stuck forever within me, how I hurt someone like that, nope I can't deal with that.

[yeawutever]

I cheated on a girlfriend that I still to this day regret, and never have even thought of doing it again. It just wasn't worth it....

 

oh ya, she never found out, but I felt so guilty that I ended a 2 year relationship >_

 

Yea sometimes telling it just to get rid of your guilt isn't quite enough reason to confess. In a way it is selfish b/c you taking out all your guilt, in which would make you free of conscious but you're putting in all the burden on your partner.