Would you date a player? feel so confused...

[annie24]

yeah, I think if you say, "you are just a player out for sex" he will turn it around on you and make you feel dumb. seriously. he'll probably say like, "um, no, I am not out for just sex, have we had sex yet? no. If I were out for sex, I would have gone out with you and gotten you sloppy drunk. plus, I was studying really hard for my exam and lost track of time...."

[Lily04]

Thanks for your thoughts. Well I'm not even sure he'll message me and I don't plan to message him, so we might just leave it as is. I cancelled on him yesterday as well (well rather I didn't call him at all, so effectively telling him I'm not interested), and he didn't follow up with that.

 

I think I might have precipitated this in the beginning by acting hot/cold and giving mixed signals all around....but oh well. His status on Facebook and other things he said just led me to withdraw a bit I guess... whatever.

[annie24]

yeah, I think that he didn't call you to check up on you says volumes also. When a guy is really interested, they will call to confirm that the date is still on.

 

anyways, I think you should forget him. you are a hot young lady, and you said there are some other men on the horizon, so why not give one of those a try?

[blender]

It's okay, he lost the honor of your company, once he made the less than mature choice to "NOT" call and follow through the first time he had the precious opportunity to spend time with you, so unless he calls and asks you properly and apologizes again by taking responsiblity, and actually saying: "I should have called you that day, there is no excuse, and I'm really really sorry and want a second chance to do this right".

 

Well if he doesn't state some clear respectful intention like the above, then stay away... you didn't send "mixed signals" you were simply having the class to be cautious and maybe a little hard to get, a classy sincere guy wouldn't let that stop him... so good riddens to him, you just saved yourself a whole lot of heartache... trust that this is the "RIGHT' thing for you, even if secretly you were hoping he had the style, class and maturity to step up to the plate and pursue you properly, he doesn't know how to do that, because he's a bit of a "player".. steer clear of him..

 

He had a chance, and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression, unless you have "accountablity respectfully".. but instead he made excuses like: "uh sorry but we didn't have specific time, and I was study with my friends".... nope, sorry, he should have called you that day, early in the day... dont' forget that..

[Lily04]

Right. I agree, logically it's good I broke things off. But at the same time, it's still hard....'cause I did really like him. He had almost all the criteria I was looking for in a guy and that's why I was so hesitant to trust him as well....I think I'm going insane. But I also feel frustrated because it's very rare for me to find guys I'm really into.....i'm probably just emotionally fragile right now at the same time. If there's a guy I really click with and meets almost all criteria, why did I break things off? but oh well.......there's still other fish in the sea, it's just hard for me to see that right now.

[annie24]

is one of your criteria, "guy that does not call me" or "cancels dates at the last second and doesn't tell me" or "ditches me to study at the library?"

 

I didn't think so.....

[Lily04]

ok. but i just don't know if i was too abrasive/cold at the same time and gave him the wrong signals.....that i was only interested in friendship perhaps. I don't know. I think the fact that I'm inexperienced with relationships/flirtation, etc. doesn't help things. Like he asked me out last weekend and I was just.....not really feeling it so I sent him this email basically shrugging it off. like:

 

sorry but it's becoming apparent that I won't be able to meet tomorrow after all. some new developments with the paper, etc...and on saturday and sunday I'm also completely booked.

 

So perhaps sometime the following week, we'll see how work goes.

 

g'luck with your exams, etc.!

 

then i sent him another e-mail a bit lighter in tone as a p.s. like 'actually, i'm not sure i can meet until next term with all this work.....I hate school." In the future, would guys see this as a total dismisal and thus he maybe acted appropriately by being cold back? i don't know....i was just so hesitant about this guy because of lack of trust. i think i need counselling or something. and then we didn't talk much after that either....even when it was my birthday on Monday he just posted a msg on facebook like 'happy b-day!" and that was it.

 

ugh. anyway, i need to stop thinking about this guy........school is not a welcome distraction either, but i need to get back to it.

[Lily04]

I think another thing is that guys can sense when you're stressed/depressed, whatever. Maybe he sensed that and also withdrew. He probably just wants a pretty, carefree girl. i don't fit that type evidenty.

[annie24]

I think another thing is that guys can sense when you're stressed/depressed, whatever. Maybe he sensed that and also withdrew. He probably just wants a pretty, carefree girl. i don't fit that type evidenty.

 

no honey, he is just a jerk. this is not about you, this is about HIM. if he is making plans but then "forgetting" to call you, then just forget him. no e-mails necessary, no explanations necessary, just move on.

 

And if they contact you later on, you should just be like, "huh - what? who are you again?"

 

(Actually, one guy sent me a "hey - how's it going?" e-mail after 3 months of no word. he blew off our second date at the last minute. I wrote him back quite a few things, saying that he was incredibly rude and I just didn't care for that. he told me it was "my loss." Whatever.

 

Lily, you are too nice. Remember, you are the prize, he is not. he is the one who should be tripping over his feet, apologizing and planning a great date to make up to you. you shouldn't be sending e-mails to him.

[Lily04]

hi,

 

yeah you're right annie........unfortunately I got that message too late, and he did contact me and ask how things were going, asked if i was at the library and i was like 'no, i'm sick and at home right now....have to go for dinner, see ya." i don't know, wasn't really thinking..I didn't even recognize his email at first thuogh because I deleted him. Do you think I should email and say I'm not interested or just block him entirely? the thing that sucks though is that he is friends with a lot of people from work, and used to work there....so I might see him around or whatnot. I just don't want to talk with him again, and don't want him to think we're still friends I guess.....even though I wouldn't mind being friends because I think he's a nice guy and whatnot, I just don't see the plausibility in that. He's a player, he'll want to get in my pants at some point or aother lol... of course, I can't tell him that though.

[Lily04]

Actually I will just delete him and ignore any further messages he sends. That's the best way to go about it. I think I'm too nice sometimes that's the problem.

[annie24]

yeah, I'd just ignore it.... it's ok, no worries

[Lily04]

Thanks Annie. So update on the situation....he contacted me a few days ago and I *did* ignore him and just logged off MSN actually. And he hasn't contacted me since.

 

However, we are still 'friends' on Facebook and his little notes on there are quite amusing and I realized I can't really hate him. As much as I may want to lol. I bet he knows that too, although he likely doesn't care. What I've decided is that I'm fine with being friends/acquaintances, I don't have to block him off entirely (although right now it seems like that's what he's doing to me anyway, as he isn't contacting me either, and I've deleted him on MSN and don't plan to add him again so it may just stay like that.) But in the event that he does ask me out again I'm going to say that I would just like to stay friends, and am not interested in dating him. I've gotten past my hurt and anger with him and just don't care anymore....realized there are other fish in the sea and that's the best way to deal with it (if it does come up anyway.) I think what I was most scared of with this and why I was so hesitant of dating him was because I felt he was somewhat screwing with me, and even though I 'like' his personality I still get the sense that he'd play games with me. So I'm not going to play with him anymore. Talking about law school and work, etc. is fine, I'm not going to block him off entirely if he wants to talk about that. But anything romantically related I've decided is just going to be off-limits. He likely understands this anyway, as I've brushed off his messages, etc.

 

Thanks again Annie,

 

Lily