Always The Loner..

[HurleyBabe6917]

I think it could be fun to be the one always asking. You will decide when and where your friends go. You can even see how many of your suggestions they will take. You won't be following, you will be leading.

 

That's a good way to look at it.

But then, it seems like I'm being insecure and can't go anywhere by myself, which I definitely can.

[trjarstjornur]

So do both, then. Sometimes you go by yourself to do whatever you want, and sometimes invite other people to come along. And in any case - if you know you're not being insecure and unable to go wherever by yourself, it shouldn't really matter that much what it looks like.

[HurleyBabe6917]

So do both, then. Sometimes you go by yourself to do whatever you want, and sometimes invite other people to come along. And in any case - if you know you're not being insecure and unable to go wherever by yourself, it shouldn't really matter that much what it looks like.

 

Sounds good.

[ImThatGirl]

I definitely agree that women are hard to figure out. I can never figure out one of my friends.

 

I'm a clown too. I try to be funny.. usually I am. Most of the time I think I look/act like a total idiot, but it gets people laughing.

 

About the eyes, thanks. They're the only thing I like about me, well, beside being little.. as much as I hate, I love it.

 

I can see how I might look unapproachable. I've been told so many times "Smile, Girl!" or asked "What's wrong?" I guess I just always look either mad or unhappy for some reason. I think it's just my natural look though. But once you get to talking to me, I personally think you could really like me. Most people don't try though.

 

Hey, Sweetie! I never would have guessed by your bubbly posts and avatar that you'd have this problem.

 

My experience - I was so chubby in elementary. By high school, I was much cuter. But I had gotten so used to having low self esteem, I rarely made eye contact, smiled, or made first steps at getting to know people. Come senior year, I had a job through co-op (work half day) and I got a "C" because I was unfriendly. I immediately started smiling at everyone that I passed.

 

I've carried that on in life. Unless I'm in a serious conversation with someone, I smile at anyone I pass or that passes me. I also say hello. Most people don't have a problem approaching me.

 

I have however in recent years learned that during highschool, people thought I was stuck up, unapproachable, and intimidating. I know how friendly of a heart I have. I know how I yearned to be accepted in highschool. Now I know why it just never happened....

 

Sooo - point being - I get the idea that you just kinda let the day pass away. For some reason I have a visual of you slowly striding to classes without any eye contact, little waves, or hello's. Is that the case?

 

Why don't you try - for a week - to keep a smile everyday during breaks between classes. I bet you it will get people wondering what you are up to and it will show you are approachable and friendly.

 

Whatcha think?

 

Hugs to you - I know how it feels!

[Owellmellie]

I didn't bother to read anyone elses responses because I was the same way. And then one day I met a group of people who changed my life forever the churchlolololololololol hahahah no way, a group of people who accepted me and I could say whatever I was thinking aloud with out thinking about it and they loved me and 10 years later they are still my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Damn and I suck.

 

Hehehe cheer up just start being random, say whatever you want at the moment like beep boopp beee!!!!!!!!!! hahah it's fun and people will be attracted to your honesty as a person!

 

Melissa

[HurleyBabe6917]

I don't think a lot of people would guess it. lol.

 

I do stride slowly to class, but I don't avoid eye contact or even looking at other people. I'm not one of those kids who walk with my head down and bury my face in my books. I smile at people I know or say "What's Up?" when we pass each other. I just don't understand what's wrong though.

 

I'll try smiling more often, I think my natural look is one that looks angry though. But I don't even realize that I look angry. I don't know...

 

Thanks for the advice.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Hehehe cheer up just start being random, say whatever you want at the moment like beep boopp beee!!!!!!!!!! hahah it's fun and people will be attracted to your honesty as a person!

 

The funny thing about this, is I am extremely random. I'm always doing something weird, no lie. I make weird noises, funny faces, and say random things[i think I have ADD/ADHD and this might cause the random-ness.] I guess you could say I'm a bold [?] person, because I do these things, even though I may look stupid, to make other people laugh[and probably because I'm crazy.] I've been told I should have my own TV show because I'm so crazy/funny people would want to watch it all the time.

 

SO WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT TALKING TO ME!?!?

[AhypnoticSuggestion]

SO WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT TALKING TO ME!?!?

Aha, maybe you smell - do you take showers?

 

Not but seriously, I'm starting to think that maybe you intimidate people a little; perhaps they feel that they aren't worth your time. This honestly seems like the most probable cause for people to avoid someone like you.

[soulse]

Yeah, no one ever just comes up to me and asks me to join in on anything either.

 

Well, if you're calling me a good looking woman, then I'm going to say I deffinatly don't have it easy, don't get much attention at all, and even though I have a few close friends, many OK friends, and no enemies that I know of, no one ever initiates conversations or activities with me.

 

Wow, that sounds a lot like how I feel. If you figure out why, let me know. It does get a little better after high school though.

[stopit]

There seems to be two clear reasons: the ways of the people at your school and the appearance you give off.

 

I'm in the same situation (a lot of people are, if that's any comfort!). And I'm okay with it, mostly because I know that the people at my school are nothing like me, and I really wouldn't enjoy hanging out with them much, because when I do my cheeks get really sore from pretend laughing. We just have completely different senses of humor, and there's not much I can do about that (just wait till college, where I'll hopefully find my niche!). The people at my school and I have fallen into this habit of accepting each other, but they won't seek me out, and you know, after this long, I reckon it'd be a hard habit to shake. It seems like the people at your school are just used to you coming up to them, and they possible take it for granted that you are there and don't feel the need to approach you since you do that for them. And it sounds like they are extremely cliquey, and unless you perform a million initiation rituals, those are hard to join unless you are there at the moment of the clique's inception.

 

The second reason is something I do a lot as well, and I can guarantee a lot worse than you. People always think I'm depressed or angry or upset, and no one wants to approach someone they think is harboring those feelings. But even when I'm smiling, nothing really changes. I guess smiling for a day doesn't clean off frowning for a week. It also goes back to the clique idea: people hang out with the people whom they are used to hanging out with, and they hang out with people the way they are used to interacting with them. So try something long term, and don't get frustrated with short term set backs. Find people you really like hanging out with, and in due time they'll appreciate you and invite you when they want to go somewhere.

 

Well, if it's any consolation, this thread is a testament to how many misfits there are out there! Just don't blame yourself, don't change yourself to fit in, and don't get exasperated because others don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. High school's just like that for many people. Everyone's so bound to conformity, that they're likely to reject the truly unique people.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Aha, maybe you smell - do you take showers?

 

Not but seriously, I'm starting to think that maybe you intimidate people a little; perhaps they feel that they aren't worth your time. This honestly seems like the most probable cause for people to avoid someone like you.

 

OFCOURSE I DON'T TAKE SHOWERS! Smelling like crap is the new thing!

 

I hope I'm not intimidating. I don't see how I could be. I'm 5 foot tall and weigh 100 pounds. Even though I used to put out the image that I'd fxck you up if you messed with me, I've never actually gotten i na fight. I'm not a BA. I'm this little midget girl who just wants some one to notice her.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Wow, that sounds a lot like how I feel. If you figure out why, let me know. It does get a little better after high school though.

 

I'll be sure to.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Yeah, I think people just expect me to come up to that. But, that's not going to happen. I'm not the suck up type, I'm not always going to just walk up to you all the time, I expect it in return too.

 

My school is really cliquey. I can't stand it. I'm not a cliquey person. I like everyone [K, not really, but I do get along with most people.]

 

Yep, I'm always told I look mad or am asked what's wrong. Alllll the time. And I'm just thinkg, absolutely nothing is wrong [even though a lot of times I am unhappy because of my ex/still-pretty-much-boyfriend but I try to pull it off as if I'm ok], it's just my natural facial expression. And, also, like you said, when I do look happy nothing changes.

 

I'm hoping this will work themselves out, but I'm going to try and make some changes. Like startingto hang out with people. Most of the time after school, I come home and stay there all day. It's pretty boring, but I deal with it.

 

THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE ADVICE

[soulse]

I'm hoping this will work themselves out, but I'm going to try and make some changes. Like startingto hang out with people. Most of the time after school, I come home and stay there all day. It's pretty boring, but I deal with it.

 

THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE ADVICE

I used to think in a similar way back in high school (why wont anyone ask to hang out with me?). I came to realize that maybe they were afraid to ask to do something with me like I was with them. I was afraid of that rejection that I wouldn't be wanted. I got fed up with my self during my senior year and decided to just say " * * * * it" and not wait for them to ask me to hang out with them, but instead ask if they wanted to hang out with me. I don't know if that will help, but you kind of just half to be pro-active about it. Nothing good will happen if you wait for it, you kind of have to make it happen.

[HurleyBabe6917]

I used to think in a similar way back in high school (why wont anyone ask to hang out with me?). I came to realize that maybe they were afraid to ask to do something with me like I was with them. I was afraid of that rejection that I wouldn't be wanted. I got fed up with my self during my senior year and decided to just say " * * * * it" and not wait for them to ask me to hang out with them, but instead ask if they wanted to hang out with me. I don't know if that will help, but you kind of just half to be pro-active about it. Nothing good will happen if you wait for it, you kind of have to make it happen.

 

Yeah, I guess that's one of the big things. I am scared of rejection. Or that once I go mingle with a group,I'll be sort of ignored, and that they'll think "What's she doing here?"

[notsomuch]

I can also relate. I guess its that some people just dont like me, just because. Though like you I have lots of friends in classes that I dont hang round with. I also find it really hard to relate to guys, which is irritating as I'm straight.

[HurleyBabe6917]

I can also relate. I guess its that some people just dont like me, just because. Though like you I have lots of friends in classes that I dont hang round with. I also find it really hard to relate to guys, which is irritating as I'm straight.

 

Aww.

Yeah I only hang out with two of my close friends, none of the other OK friends. I don't have a problem with guys though, I get along much better with them than I do with girls.

[coooolsome]

Sometimes, all it takes is a question. What are you doing this weekend will sometimes get someone to ask you to hang out. Thats what I do. I just assume im such a fun person that people will want to hang out with me if I bring it up. So I always bring it up if I don't have something to do and am looking for something.

 

Sometimes people just assume that you might have plans and wont really ask you to hang out.

[Caldus]

I can relate all too well ... especially right now. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't make any new friends lately. I am just all alone at my parent's house everyday since I am on winter break for school and plus I went through a recent break-up kind of thing. So it really sucks a lot and I can relate so well to what you just said. It's like no one even recognizes your presense let alone even cares. It especially sucks when your closer friends push themselves away from you to be with other people. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk to someone feel free to IM me any time. I would love to chat with anyone in my situation.

[hey jo]

again, i'm not singled out for some cosmic torment, which is good.

 

i used to be a social person; i can easily talk to people and people usually approach me just to talk or maybe ask for an advice. i never had problems with making new mates. but everything changed when i shifted to nz. i started feeling isolated, and i felt like my opinions never mattered. i just sat there listening to their conversations....utter nonexistence. i was overwhelmed by all the changes happening. during those times, i sought comfort from my mates back at home. i tried emailing them, but they just won't reply. so i was alone.

 

i do have mates now, or should i say drinking buddies, and i only get to hang out with them during piss outs. i do have more female friends, and i think that's because the degree that i am doing is a female dominated course. but those 'mates' aren't mates per se, if you get my drift. i havent heard from my mates back at home yet, which is sad. i wanted my life to be the way it was before, but i suppose i just need to adopt to this new environment. right now, i am learning to enjoy my own company, and so far it has been good because i get to discover more about myself.

 

my favourite author mentioned that there's some consolation in finding that you not the only one experiencing a dreadful moment. you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. better yet, you and your mates pick each other up, dust each other off, and give each other a push. i don't have real mates right now who can give me a push, but hey, that's exactly what we are all doing right now!

 

have a happy christmas.

[HurleyBabe6917]

I can relate all too well ... especially right now. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't make any new friends lately. I am just all alone at my parent's house everyday since I am on winter break for school and plus I went through a recent break-up kind of thing. So it really sucks a lot and I can relate so well to what you just said. It's like no one even recognizes your presense let alone even cares. It especially sucks when your closer friends push themselves away from you to be with other people. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk to someone feel free to IM me any time. I would love to chat with anyone in my situation.

 

Thank you.

I might IM ya sometime. Especially if I'm feeling down.

It seems like things are getting better now though.

[Jeffrey2095]

I can very much relate to what you are saying. For 45 years I have had much the same.

 

Say I am standing in a circle of people, maybe people I know or strangers I am trying to meet, and some inconsiderate (person) decides to manuever right in front of me, giving me the opportunity to make conversation through the back of their head!

 

Or, there is conversation, and I must repeatedly try to wedge my point in until I just give up rather than look even more ridiculous.

 

I am a musician, and everyone says I do very well at the open mics. Yet, there I sit, alone at my own table. Maybe there is nowhere else to sit, so a few people sit down at my table by default, then they proceed to yak and have a great time as though I weren't there.

 

Are we oversensitive, or thin skinned? Or... are we just unlucky, and surrounded by inconsiderates?

 

I don't have any great strategy to combat this, I just thought you might like to know that someone else can relate HurleyBabe6917.

 

Lonesome Jeff

[equinox]

That sounds like me, I spend prety much all of my time alone and I see nothing wrong with myself. There is something I noticed about your post though, you say you have lots of friends but they never hang out with you. Well if they cast you out then they aren't really very good friends are they. Friends don't do that to other friends.

[shy2cool]

They don't sound like real friends then. I guess one advantage of doing things on your own is that you become more independent, and feel like you don't need someone to hold your hand while you do everything.

[HurleyBabe6917]

It seems like things are getting better.

So I don't wantto complain anymore.

My friend circle has even grown and I've been hanging out with people more.

Things are lookin good.

=]