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soulse

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  1. huh, you pretty much just described how I've been feeling (especially about the relapes sort of thing). Just to let you know, you're not alone. For me, I've found that pretty much the only way to get me to do well in my major is to have inspiration. Im a graphic design major and I usually go onto deviant art and flip through other peoples art to help inspire me to do my own art. Whats your major?
  2. I hope this thread stays around, because I feel the exact same way. When I'm back in my home town my parents always judge me so I rarely go home. For some reason I start to become really numb there. When I'm up at college it's a little better, but I still feel the same way you described. The best thing I can tell you is get out of your parents house and try and move some where closer to your college campus. Can you move into some sort of dorm or student housing? My dad does the same thing to me (plus my mom pretty much ignores me) so I constantly needed to feel like I needed to hide anything non work related from my parents like they were the gate keepers to my prison. Moving into a dorm or somewhere away from your parents can help. It won't completely fix how you feel but it does help. Also what jakeywakey said about "taking a drive" also helps, just wonder around aimlessly.
  3. I used to think in a similar way back in high school (why wont anyone ask to hang out with me?). I came to realize that maybe they were afraid to ask to do something with me like I was with them. I was afraid of that rejection that I wouldn't be wanted. I got fed up with my self during my senior year and decided to just say " * * * * it" and not wait for them to ask me to hang out with them, but instead ask if they wanted to hang out with me. I don't know if that will help, but you kind of just half to be pro-active about it. Nothing good will happen if you wait for it, you kind of have to make it happen.
  4. Wow, that sounds a lot like how I feel. If you figure out why, let me know. It does get a little better after high school though.
  5. I've thought about it. I'm actually feeling a lot better today though, for some reason. For some reason though I don't actually feel so bad about failing out of college. I mean I didn't even like how the classes were going and how they were being taught and I was even thinking of transfering. I just have this feeling now that no matter the consequences I'm going to have to face for my grades this semester its going to be ok. I believe I will try and get some help though. Mainly because of my past. unfortunately I don't know if I'm going to be able to use my college counseling center since I won't be able to get there till I get back from winter break which by the time I get back I might have already been kicked out.
  6. so yeah, I just found out some of my grades for the semester and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail out of college.
  7. I'm actually going through a similar thing right now. I decided to transfer out of my university because it wasn't really giving me what I wanted which caused my grades to slip since I didn't care. Pretty much the only thing you can do is find out what your transfer school requires as to get in. Most reqiure your transcript. You could anonymously call up the school and ask them the what if scenario of the effects of failing your classes for that semester. I'm sure if you explained it to them they might see your view. This might lessen your chance of them knowing about it until you're ready to give them your transcript. Also, if your failing for that semester I'd find out what your current schools policy is on failing all your classes. I know where I go if I fail all my classes for the semester I'll get kicked out and have to wait a year to transfer to the college I want to. All and all you might just have to bite the bullet on this one.
  8. sorry, I dont think I said that right. I can get up and do things, I just feel compltely indifferen't about anything. I'm just starting to get fed up with everything.
  9. I have used art before, it does help, but when you have no inspiration and just feel like staying in bed all day its kind of hard to get up.
  10. Recently it's starting to seem like everything I do is just bringing me back to the way I was in middle/high school. I was constantly emotionally beaten up during those years. I felt like a ghost and depressed. No one ever noticed I felt like this, not even my parents, mostly because I never told anyone. College helped a lot, but recently I've felt like I'm going back to how I felt in middle/high school. I'm just getting so * * * *ing pissed off about this. I've mostly stopped doing most of my school work. Not because Im sick of it, I enjoy it, but because I just don't care if I fail out of college or not. I'm thinking of transfering. I've tried talking to the very few friends I have (I figured they would listen since they dump there problems on me) but it always just seems like when I'm trying to tell somone my problems they aren't really listening and just waiting for their turn to talk. I can't find any inspiration for my art work for classes and I just want to do my own things. All and all I thought I was finally getting out of this equivocal depressed feeling, but am feeling more and more like its just pulling me back in. I don't know. It's like I've been going back and forth between days of extreme happiness and then days of utter despair. If you respond to this please don't give me the redundant answers that I have heard time and time agian. I know it can get better, I know other people are worse off, and I know im not alone in feeling like this.
  11. Well I believe the whole "me blaming them for not noticing" thing is pretty much over now. I kind of grew past it. I think those feelings were also tied up in the last burst of rebellion kids have toward there parents (being pulled between home and individualism) once they go on to college. I have thought about going to see a counselor on campus. The thing is I just don't know if I can. I guess I just have to suck up the courage and go and do it.
  12. Ok, so I guess I've never told anyone about this and it's quite long but here we go... The thing is Im kind of confused now. All through out middle school, high school and college I've flet some sort of depression. It was really bad during middle and high school (thinking about suicide, always tired, never feeling like a belonged anywhere). My first two years of college I became really pissed at my parents about my depression. I wasnt blaming them for it. I new the reason I didnt have any real close friends and the reason to my depression was my fault, but I felt that they didn't even realized that I was depressed. It wasn't too hard to see. I never went out and did anything. Basically home/tv/homework/bed. Once in awhile (like once a month) they would ask if I was ok or say "why don't you just invite some friends over or do something with them," which actually hurt more then helped. I even felt depressed during my first 2 years of college even though I was making progess in finding friends and even getting a few dates. At the beginning of my junior year of college for some reason I started feeling really depressed. It started to severly affect my school work and I became completely distant in all things school related. I figured out what the problem was though and was able to resolve it. Since last year I have felt that I have just been shoved around in this college with no thought. I can't even just sign up for my major classes because the classes are full by the time I can register. I have to go talk to the teacher and persuade them into letting me into my own FREAKIN' MAJOR. I've started looking at other colleges to transfer too. The thing is though that I am currently failing 2 out of the 3 classes that I'm taking. I now feel even more distant to school work. I started with 5 classes, go screwed out of one at the beginning of the year and felt another one was completely pointless where I wasn't learning anything, I dropped it. I just can't seem to find a reason to do school work any more. I can basically sum up how I feel about this it two words, "why bother." The problem is I'm afraid that if I fail out of college I won't be able to transfer. I'm also afraid that I really havent shaken the problems from my past and they will just follow me to where I transfer to and I'll just screw it up agian. And for some reason non of this scares me enough to do something about it like to try and fix my grades.
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