A Scandalous Situation......

[blender]

Yep, he's a creep, a handsome, sexy, charming, make you feel so good about yourself for a moment, not follow through in the long run, leave a pregnant girlfriend at home to meet you and say he loves you kinda creep...

 

please be careful.. try to muster up the courage to have the class and dignity to SEE this man by his "choices" in life, and not by how he makes YOU feel in the moment...

 

It's a waste of your precious energy to even ask him about all this, or to try to "understand" his motives... the ends do NOT justify the means here... they just don't..

 

separate your feelings from the facts here... Have the self respect to really think this through logically, with your mind, soul, intergrity, karma, respectful self. Why do "fools" FALL in love?... because "fools FALL..down, down, down.. when they do not make a "choice" to live within respectful boundaries of standards and values set by the quality of your character.

 

He lacks character, don't make a choice to "join" him in this...

[Mr. Brightside]

I know how these guys work because my fiance (soon to be ex-fiance) is still infatuated with one of her ex's who himself is married with a young child. Of course he would spill all of that BS to her about how much she means to him, so many memories together, all he ever wanted was to get out of the relationship so things can be so green and peachy with my fiance.

 

The fact is, he is exactly where he wants to be right now and you are not. You want to move the relationship to new levels and if that happens, his charm will begin to fade with every step because he then realizes he has to leave something behind to pick something new up.

 

OF COURSE he is going to have you meet him in person. 93% of communication is body language. If he can manipulate you on the phone, I can just imagine (and know) how well it works in person.

 

I'm sorry, but I have very little sorrow for you in this matter, but more for the woman at home who is carrying a child that may not even know the devastation coming. You need to end this not only for yourself, but for humanity's sake. Give us all one more reason to believe that some good can come out of situations like this...

 

Oh and don't listen to the COMPLETE RUBBISH that his gf treats him like crap and is a horrible person to him etc, etc. He says this to eliminate any guilt of his own in the matter. He does this to make you think you are soooo much different from her. In fact, you two women are probably alot alike since guys tend to date similar women in long term relationships. So, like so many others have said here... not only do you need to think of her feelings as a fellow human being, but KNOW that it could easily be you in a future tense.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He's not perfect if he'll cheat on his GF, is he? Do you want a man like that?

 

No, you don't. So he isn't perfect.

[lady00]

I second what everyone has been saying. A good guy would not do this to his girlfriend. I hope you've gotten yourself out of that situation. Besides the fact that it will probably be stressful for you to stay with him...there is now someone more important than either you him or his girlfriend that is now in the picture and whose needs have to be put first...the baby. Although you are caught up in your feelings for this guy and he is probably caught up in his feelings for you, what he needs to do is focus on the child's needs during and after the pregnancy. Even if his relationship with his girlfriend is over they are still going to be parenting the child together and right now that should be their main focus.

 

I guess the lesson in this is next time a guy utters the word "girlfriend" run as fast and as far away as you can and don't look back. It's just not worth it. For now, all you can do is walk away a little wiser. Good luck with everything. You will connect with someone else...someone who is available to give you a complete relationship.

[sydneybean84]

I have a rather puzzling update to my posting. I'll admit right off the bat that all of the sound advice y'all gave me went in one ear and out the other. At the time (and admitedly right now) I was/am so smitten with him that nothing else mattered. I mean nothing. What I did do, however was start asking him more questions. You see before the relationship he was already in, was something like the "elephant in the room", we both knew it was there and an issue, but he prompted me to "live in the moment"...blah blah blah...To make a long story short, all of my questioning has left me even more confused! First of all, he has NEVER,EVER mentioned his "girlfriend's" name (even in passing),I have never seen a picture of her, when we are together (which is quite frequently, I am ashamed to admit) his phone never rings (his friend "Reese" will call, etc, but not her) and everytime I call him and he's at home, she is not. He did not spend the holidays with the "girlfriend", but rather with his family in Baltimore. He has already made us New Year's plans....Honestly, sometimes I question whether or not this "girlfriend" even exists...Why does'nt she ever call or spend time with him? If something goes wrong or wonderfully in his life, I'm the first one he calls. If they live together (as he says) then where the hell is she? If I were pregnant, AND in love with him, I would be on him like white on rice! Do men ever create fictional relationships? Am I psycho for even contemplating whether or not he is lying? Im going nuts here folks, really! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[shes2smart]

Ok, so as I see it, here are a few options:

 

1. He's got a gf, and it's been some incredible series of coincidences that things aren't adding up (no calls, never home when you call, etc)

 

2. He doesn't have a gf, but he's telling you he does for whatever reason. (possible reasons: he's delusional, he wants you to believe there is someone else, he wants to carry on multiple relationships or put forth the image of carrying on multiple relationships, etc)

 

3. He's got a gf, but she doesn't care what he does when he's out of her sight.

 

Y'know, a healthy relationship isn't this complicated. Do you really want to spend the remainder of the time you're with this guy trying to figure out if he's lying, what he's lying about, why he's lying about it and what's really going on?

 

Dang, girl...sounds exhausting just reading it. Are you sure you don't have something better to do with your time?

[Juliana]

So, your choices are, he's in a relationship, or he's crazy....??

 

Good luck!

 

(Yeah, they do create fictional relationships, yeah, they do cheat...just tell him you want a key to his apartment right now. You want his home phone number, you want to water his plants and feed his cat, you need to know....).

[sydneybean84]

The plot thickens: Things had been racing along at break-neck speed for over a month...We spent an amazing New Years Eve together, followed by COUNTLESS nights at my apartment...Apparently the gf was out of town for two weeks or so, so he took full advantage of that and spent literally every night at my house week before last and at least three nights last week....The thing is, I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN....I swear to you when whatever this thing is between us ends, I will have lost all hope of meeting anyone in the future. I feel sad, alone, and ashamed. There is nothing on earth I crave more than his touch and his presense. Losing him will kill me emotionally. I have been very hurt before and vowed that I would not open my heart to anyone again until I was sure...Here I am a year later with my heart broken yet again!! Is love this hard on everyone? When does the easy part begin? Have'nt I suffered enough?? I mean, really!! Sometimes I feel like I will be alone forever....

[lady00]

I swear to you when whatever this thing is between us ends, I will have lost all hope of meeting anyone in the future.

 

Why? Yes, you love this man. But how do you know you couldn't love another? You don't. You are fearful that you won't but that's more the fear of the unknown, of being single of not having someone there...but you know what? I bet if you let yourself out of this situation it wouldn't be nearly as scary as you think. You would be able to heal and move on. Why? Because people who are in love and have been with each other for years break up, heal, move on and date others. It happens all the time. It happened to me and I thought for sure I would never heal. But I did. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you that would prevent you from doing the same. ALL relationships end, whether in a breakup or in death and the end of relationships can be devastating. It's something that everyone inevitably worries about and goes through. And some relationships are meant to end because they are not working out. In your case, I do think you should end it because this guy is not as devoted to you as you are to him. Why is it so hard for him to break up with his gf? Ask yourself why you are so in love and into him whereas he can't even break up with her for you? Why is that okay? Why is that fair to her or to you?!

 

Is love this hard on everyone? When does the easy part begin? Have'nt I suffered enough?? I mean, really!! Sometimes I feel like I will be alone forever....

 

You're putting yourself in a position to be hurt. I strongly believe if you left now you would heal sooner and be far less devasted than if you keep seeing this guy and the relationship ends dramatically. Yes, from the looks of it you have suffered enough but you're not powerless. Emotions and even love don't incapacitate you. You still know what makes the most sense to do for your emotional health yet you choose not to do it. Love is incredibly powerful but you need more than love and all the chemistry in the world...if your lover has a girlfriend then this isn't a healthy relationship.

[blender]

You knowingly entered into a non-committed, not respectful, behind the back of the girlfriend in his life, type of affair. This is an emotionally unhealthy situation for your precious heart... so you might want to "learn from this" and start setting some standards/value/boundaries for your heart and relationships in your life... or why would he ever have to respect and cherish your heart if you don't do so for yourself?

 

He's not a man who can be trusted, yet you choose to give your energy, love precious heart and body to this man... have you asked yourself "why?"

 

I know, I know "YOU LOVE HIM"... but what "kind of love" is it? Is it mature, realistic, honest, sincere, respectful, committed, loyal, comforting, trustworthy love? Because that describes "real authentic love" you can actually build a future together on...

 

but from all you have described it's more of the "unattainable kind of love, the adventure, the chemistry, the excitement, the drama, the goal of trying to win him...that's not love.. that's a desperate sad kind of "love addiction' where you know deep in your heart it's not "healthy for you" but you like "it" in the "moment".. so you start "living for those moments".. (I like to call them CRUMBS).. and they always leave you "hungry" for more, longing for the whole cake..but nope, he can only give you "crumbs" and he explains it with that lame statement of "live in the moment"

 

UGH... Is this what you want? Just a bunch of "moments with him" that give you a TEMPORARY feeling of hope/intamcy and then followed by the in between "moments" of heartache, remorse, sadnesss, empty feeling, longing, wondering, insecurity.. will you miss all those emotions too if you end this so called "relationship"???

 

You deserve more than "crumbs".. know that you want/deserve the whole cake, and you can share this with someone who has the integrity, respect, class, love, maturity, selfrespect to be in your life the RIGHT WAY... not in some lame "live in the moment, because I already have a girlfriend way"... ugh.. you are worth so much more than this "kind of drama love"...

 

you are worthy of a respectful, intentional, committed, loyal, honest, sincere love in your life.. and this man displays a character that is incapable of giving this mature love to anyone... he's a cheater, a liar, a manipulator.... is that what you respect and admire about him?

 

Save yourself, set some standards/values for your own life and make a courageous classy self respecting choice to live within them.. and that means HE would NOT fit in.... clearly he does not have these standards/values for himself.. and you are allowing yourself to be drag into his substandard world of "yuk".. I know how you "feel" that you love him, but who in fact is HE??? And more importantly who are YOU? You seem like a wonderful girl who was emotionally vulnerable and fell for this guy, and made a choice to sweep all the "disrespectful issues' under the carpet because your heart was falling for who you "hoped he could be"... but he's not.. his actions, choices and behavior are NOT worthy of you..

[BeStrongBeHappy]

oh dear, you are setting yourself up for more and more pain... this man may be getting a huge kick out of having his cake and eating it too, and you may be nothing more to him than sexual variety... and he is violating the trust of his own girlfriend, and USING you...

 

your life is not or will not be empty, you have just succumbed to the excitement of an affair with an unavailable man... why are you content to be spice on the side, while she gets first dibs, respect etc., and you get leftovers?

 

STOP, Stop, stop!! you say you are in love with him, but what is equally important is: Is he in love with you, or just USING you? you need to have this discussion with him before you waste more of your life with someone who may only be having a lark, a fling, and has no intention of really including you in his life and treating you with respect.

 

physical attraction and the thrill of clandestine involvement can frequently be confused with something deeper. this man is a cheater, and a FLAGRANT cheater to boot... unless he is willing to break up with his girlfriend RIGHT NOW, you are probably feeding false hopes, and thinking he is your true love, when he is just another cheating rat, happy to have found a woman who will cheat with him and not require anything else, like a free hooker...

 

sorry, but the world is full of users like that...

[shes2smart]

Is love this hard on everyone? When does the easy part begin? Have'nt I suffered enough?? I mean, really!! Sometimes I feel like I will be alone forever....

 

For me, love quit being "hard" when I stopped making bad decisions and getting myself involved in situations I KNEW were f'ed up. (Gosh, this guy's really hot, but he's a raging alcoholic. "Hotness" didn't make up for his addiction. His charming sober personality wasn't much consolation when he was physically and verbally abusive when he was drunk/high. Trust me when I say I know about making bad decisions and f'ed up situations)

 

The "easy" (relatively speaking) part begins when you start thinking with your good sense in addition to/instead of your nether regions.

 

You are the one continuing your suffering by continuing your involvement. Yeah, it'll be hard to call it off...and it'll hurt. But staying with him isn't going to feel any better over the long haul.