Is divorce supposed to be this amicable?

[JulieW]

I'm wondering if I really am this jaded thinking that my separation is going too smoothly?

 

I moved out of my house a short while ago and my husband and I are being really fair and accomodating. I move to London, England in 4 months and he says that he's happy to store my stuff until I get back. He's willing to give me whatever furniture I'll need. We came to an agreement about the house by each having the same suggestion for a solution. Even the few couselling sessions we've had have been amicable.

 

The last time I went over to the house was before my mother knew the situation so she had left a message on 'his' phone. He told me to go ahead and have a listen. It was third in five. One of them was a call from a woman at his school.

 

He's talked about her before in the same manner that I had spoken of my male friend who has since become more.

 

Anyways, when I heard her voice, all I did was grin. I didn't listen to the message for privacy but also, I don't need to hear details. I thought it so odd how completely at ease I was with him possibly dating. I suppose all that really shows is how detached I had become.

 

Anyone else out there sad that it's over but moving on in a similar fashion?

[heartlessromantic]

I think this is great for you. It sounds like you two are both mature and respect each other enough to understand what needs to be done, and to know that it will be much easier if you just got on with it in a friendly manner.

 

I am in the middle of a possible permanent break-up with my girlfriend right now and everything is amicable. It is sad and we are both emotional people but we are not that angry with each other.

 

Same with my last break-up. I think it just depends on the circumstances and personalities of people involved.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Julie - I think I do know what you mean. I had a relationship that ended that way once. And in retro - I think it was because the fact that the relationship was over trumped all the other "normal" feelings of sadness and fear. I think those feeling were there, just minimal in comparison.

 

But also, I think too, we both knew in our heart of hearts that it was over and was for the best.

[flower99]

Anyone else out there sad that it's over but moving on in a similar fashion?

 

Yes I had one similar. It went too well it seemed. We discuss who got what, divided it fairly, shared everything, helped eachother move & store things...It was good, but sad still, it was most we got along in months.

But I think it was because, I knew it was for the best.

 

Problems came a year later with him though, I guess he got along so well because he didn't believe it was over (we had a child together) but now we are back to amicable.

 

I'm glad things are going well & you two can work together through this. It does make it easier, sad still of course, but comforting. And good to know you still can still be kind to eachother and at peace with the situation.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

the process of 'uncoupling' from being emotionally involved as a couple can occur long before the actual breakup... so you both may have done your grieving work over the breakup while still together... i.e., working through the problems and emotions while still together, until both came to the same conclusion, that it was time to move on...

 

i think it is much more fiery breakup when the couple breaks up really rapidly without giving it much thought first, or the marriage explodes over a major event like discovering of infidelity, or one of the couple is really angry or resistant to the idea of a breakup...

 

and some couples never really get emotionally 'done' with each other, holding on to rage and hate etc. as a way of staying in contact with the person, feeling emotionally that any type of connection, even fighting bitterly over every little thing during and after the divorce, is better than no connection at all. they may not even be aware of their own motivation, just keep the fighting going as a way of keeping the relationship going...

 

so if both people are mature and come to a consensus that the marriage it over, it can be quite amicable and more like moving out on a longterm roommate than divorcing a spouse... if so, consider yourself lucky!

[JulieW]

Just keep the fighting going as a way of keeping the relationship going...

 

If both people are mature and come to a consensus that the marriage it over, it can be quite amicable and more like moving out on a longterm roommate than divorcing a spouse... if so, consider yourself lucky!

 

You know that is really what it feels like. The roomate and I are just dividing our possessions. It's a term we had used before to describe how it felt living together sometimes....

 

Thanks everyone, I was concerned that I was just shut down emotionally because the rage wasn't there. I can't be shut down if I still feel glad for him that he's happy as well.