a question about suicide?

[dpressedone89]

just curious, if i was to take my own life tonight in ritualistic fashion by ingesting mad amounts of cocaine and methanphetamines then cut my throat ear to ear and lay bleeding on the floor staring at the cieling wondering why it had to be like this, how much cocaine would it take to kill a 6'2" 160lb male?

 

i just kinda need to know, thanks

 

-stitcheS

[colors]

how much cocaine would it take to kill a 6'2" 160lb male?

 

i just kinda need to know, thanks

 

-stitcheS

 

kinda need to know???

Sweetie, I'm seeing this as a "cry for help" because really- if you slit your throat ear to ear..... I think THAT would kill you before the cocaine

 

Why are you seriously considering this? what do you believe this will this free you from?

[dpressedone89]

actaully the slitting my throat would kill me, the coke would just numb it so it doesnt hurt as bad but i dont want to die from a coke od. i wont say im considering it but i am doing my research.

[Beec]

just curious, if i was to take my own life tonight in ritualistic fashion by ingesting mad amounts of cocaine and methanphetamines then cut my throat ear to ear and lay bleeding on the floor staring at the cieling wondering why it had to be like this, how much cocaine would it take to kill a 6'2" 160lb male?

 

i just kinda need to know, thanks

 

-stitcheS

 

Hey, what gives. I've read some of your posts over the past number fo weeks, and they made me feel great. You really seemed to be one of the people that began walking on a good path. Why end it now? It would be such a loss.

[colors]

actaully the slitting my throat would kill me, the coke would just numb it so it doesnt hurt as bad but i dont want to die from a coke od. i wont say im considering it but i am doing my research.

 

Research??? really...can I ask for what?

why numb youself from what you inflict? if you feel the need to numb the pain, maybe ---just a thought---don't inflict it.

What's really going on that would lead you to this research?

Your thoughts are powerful, careful how you use them, use them for good, because Your thoughts control your life

 

I read you were cleaning up from a coke addiction...how has that been going?

[dpressedone89]

i just came to grips with the fact that nothing in my life is going to change. looking at a bad situation with optimism doesnt make it any less bad. its become so bad in my life now that my sole purpose in liffe is to defy death, all the bad stuff that life throws at me, to take it and throw it back. ive grown angry with my life with myself nad with my creator and revenge is my motivation for living, and its just not enough, i dont want to live as someone who lives completely out of hatred

 

true be it that i am in love with a wonderful girl and we are so close to finally being together but love is like an amplifier everything hurts more now. i love her so much that every little bad thing that happens to her hurts me so that i wish i could just take all of it away. but i cant. and i feel so insignificant that i cant even make the most important person in my life happy, its a glaring slap in the face from a world that has been kicking me around since i was born.

 

my mother attempted to abort me before i was born. she was on crystal meth throughout her whole pregnancy.i was neglected my whole life until i was 4 and lucky enough to start being abused instead. raped, not going into more detail on that.addicted to heroin in 7th grade because i ahd access and nothing to live for. im bi polar schizophrenic. i have no real friends to lean on i did have one but he moved away with less than 24 hour notice, he barely said goodbye.

 

my schizophrenia scares me. i dont have the normal every so often i catch a glimps of something not there. i see stuff of biblical proportion. battlescenes blood and gore fire and brimstone complete with auditory hallucinations of crippling screams of agony. i dont even recognize the person i see in the nmirror anymore.

 

and that my friends is why i feel this is what needs to be done.death is nothingness. i would rather not exist than continue this life

-stitcheS

[dpressedone89]

oh and the coke addiction has been 6 weeks or so clean, but i dont think i can resist it today, i mean it makes me happy, which is what i need today, and its only about 12 ft away so no inconvienence

-stithceS

[dpressedone89]

OK FOR THE RECORD I AM GOING TO WORK SO NO ONE ASSUME IM DEAD BECAUSE I SIGN OFF ILL BE BACK ON LATE TONIGHT, LIKE I SAID MY DECISION HASNT BEEN FINALLIZED YET. thank you all so very much for caring it does mean alot to me.

 

-stitcheS

[kickedin]

pick up a bible and read "job"....and i am not a very spiritual person......trust me you will think twice......and appreciate the gift of life

[colors]

stitches...I'm going to PM you with something I found...check it out okay (:

[rose2summer]

Life has been rough for you no doubt.

 

You have been faced with roadblocks, your mom's addictions before birth, abuse, etc, and it has become increasingly difficult.

 

However, we all face tough times in our lives, where we are overwhelmed.

 

Think of the future you can have, a wonderful family, loving children, help people, feel loved.

 

Just because you feel your mom did a poor job with you doesn't mean you cannot turn things around and do everything she did not.

 

It would really hurt us on here for you to do that to yourself.

 

As strange as it seems, I feel like everyone on here is my family, and I care, it would make me very sad for you to give up such a promising future.

 

I can bet most of us have been down that road where it's just too much and we don't want to move forward anymore.

 

But life has so much to offer if you fight for it, why leave this world in sadness, why not give it a true push, and really see how you can change things for the better.

 

Hugs, Rose

[MapleLeafinTX]

All very nice of you to judge him that way, but I don't think anyone here has any idea what it is to live with schizophrenia, so trying to make him feel bad with the scathing comment about selfishness, not going to help. The Bible, not going to help.

 

dpressedone89, I don't have your affliction, and I lost a girlfriend when I was way younger, because of the exact same circumstances. All I can say is turn yourself in, it sounds really lame and the medical institution isn't the best place to feel safe and loved, but in times of crisis it might be the best thing to do.

 

All I can do is hope you don't walk the same path as Tiffany did, but if you do, then so be it. Master of your own domain.

[fnlyfrei]

In the world we live in, depression isn't very far away. There are lots of people who have gone through the same (or close) **** that you have. Let me say, it's definitely not fair. It sucks. You can either think about all that and just evaporate...and let the world win...or you can turn around and fight back....the best revenge is to succeed. To be a success is as simple as finally being happy. Don't let the bastards grind you down ! One of the people who has been an ispiration to me in this life (because my life wasn't a picnic as a child either...a club none of us want to be a part of) His name is David Pelzer. He wrote a book titled "A Child Called "IT"....I met him at a book signing too...I gave him a hug. He, for all intensive purposes, shouldn't be here...but he is a fighter. Part of your depression is that you are letting the ones who abused you and label you ,DEFINE you...if you drug yourself into a stupor or take your life...you are doing what they expected of you. The creeps will shrug and say "Yeah...we knew it all along.."....

Try this.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Fake a smile until you actually feel like smiling...get out into the world and find someone to help. Helping someone else will help you realize that you do make a difference. And you do. And you will. There is a reason you are here. Here is a piece from the Desiderada. This part inspires me. Hang in there kid!!!!!! ((HUG))

 

 

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

 

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

 

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

 

Beyond a healthy discipline,

 

Be gentle with yourself.

 

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

 

you have a right to be here,

 

and whether or not it is clear to you,

 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

More than I have in this room.

 

Dramatic deaths are overrated, anyway. I assue you.

[fnlyfrei]

Yeah, dramatic deaths ARE over rated...try a phenomenal life instead. It kicks * * * * over the dramatic death. (Besides, you will never be able to brag to your grandchildren about your death anyway. )

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Hey, ok well i can't pretend to know what your going through because its beyond me. You must feel real pain more so then many people. But what i will say is death is no answer. I to have read some of your posts. You have great thoughts and great advice to others. Yes life has thrown some horrific obsticles at you in which so many of us can't imagine, but at the same time i bet its made you stronger. You know more then most your age. You're not just another teen with your experiences you could do so much. Your poetry is amazing. You have alot of talent. I always enjoy reading it. My family and i think my mother is schizophrenic. We have read up on it so i know a little about what you are going through. It must scare you, it would scare any human. But please keep thinking. Look at things from another point of view. Your right it doesn't make them any less worse, but it might help you deal with them and maybe even help others in the future. It would be horrible to hear that someone with your intellegence has been killed, let alone by yourself. Listen to the posts. No one on this website wants to watch you get hurt, and we don't know you. So imagine what the people who do would feel. You may not have any close friends, but think even those people you see around and smile at, those people who smile at you. They would be hurt. Just please think about it thats all i ask.

[Daddy Bear]

i see stuff of biblical proportion. battlescenes blood and gore fire and brimstone complete with auditory hallucinations of crippling screams of agony.

 

that must be awful. that's a very, very good reason NOT to touch cocaine. what i hope you'll do is try to find the right doctor-prescribed drugs to stop those types of useless and disturbing hallucinations from occurring.

[silentalways]

hello folks,

 

its no secret, seeing i have told everyone, that i am addicted to cocaine - i am not ashamed to say that because it is true. and when the addiction started my ex did tons of research and told me about the dangers but i was not in a state nor had the skill level to understand the importance of what she was saying and how that was a real honest attempt at reaching me and caring about me.

 

see, since high school i have always been around people that drink or do drugs and i would not be what u call yer classic druggie. i would buy maybe 20 bucks worth or weed every 3 years and it would last 6 months. i know people that digest that in 15 minutes. anyhooooooooo, i really was naive about drugs - everyone talks about drinking and driving but when talking about drugs people usually just walk away from anyone using. no excuse. it wasn't until i started doing some research and discovering that u don't have to have a desire to kill yerself - cocaine will do that for u at any time. it can stop yer heart and do damage that might make u freaking retarded forever.

 

i really can't believe the amounts i took during the winter of my discontent. its scary. and even though i know the linkages to why that drug was used and how i has allowed myself to 'associate' the drug with relationship issues [wrongo] for a long time - something happened last night where i just said to myself, stop the fantasy of asking someone to be the 'saviour' - u know that is wrong and will not happen so it is an excuse to continue - ta da! guess what? i actually believe i believe i believe that now! woooo hoooo!

 

not only am i determined to kill this beast but i made arrangements with my doc that if i relapse again - its straight into rehab fer me.

 

i want to do things with my daughter, enjoy dating and hoping to meet someone special - no-one wants to date a junkie - unless he's a circus junkie monkey [that made no sense]

 

all i say to those non users and those who have never used - the best motivation to help someone trying to quit forever is to show faith in them and work with them to make life decisions - don't make their life harder.

 

stay kewl

[itsallgrand]

Sending love.

 

I think you are an incredible person, and very strong. You are a fighter for life.

 

I can't say I know or understand all that you have been through, and continue to fight every day, but I do know it is no small matter.

You have fought more than any young man should have to fight so early.

 

You are cared about. Please try to remember that when it gets real bad. And thank you for being considerate and not letting anyone worry about you leaving us while you were not posting. That gesture again shows what a kind, thoughtful person you are: you so often show how you are thinking of others!

 

Hope to see some more of your poetry soon, friend. Hang in there.

[_Jaffa_]

It's actually pretty hard to slit your throat in order to kill yourself...the bits you need to get to are hidden away pretty good so you can hardly ever get them unless you practically decaptitate yourself.....so it's actually a pretty crap method so don't bother wasting your time on it.