It hurts so much

[Aschleigh]

My on-off relationship is officially off. I love him so much and to me, with love anything is possible. He feels differently. He needs freedom more than love right now. In a way I know this is neccesary. He is young, inexperienced and immature. Having an honest, mature relationshp with him is impossible. But there is all that love still. I am greiving, I am healing, I am taking care of myself. ( which hasn't been the case with other break ups) I can only sit with the discomfort, not run from it. But it hurts.

I know now much more what love is about. It's about being there through the difficult times, It's about doing whatever it takes to communicate our needs. I know I can do this. I still wish he knew we were capable of this.

[Survictor]

I think you know that he doesn't want that so please do not mope over something that never really was. There is someone out there who will reciprocate your love and your requirements in a relationship... it's not him.

 

Hug yourself right now, but please don't waste too long over it... there's a whole world of people out there for you to meet!

 

I hope you meet someone nice soon.

[kickedin]

hang in there i am in the same boat

[Scout]

Aschleigh, I know there's not much I can say to really make you feel better right now. The pain's too fresh. All I can do is send you a big virtual hug and a reminder you'll get through this to happier times again. ((HUGS))

 

One reminder, though...go back and look at your "What would you say to your ex" thread. If you're talking about this guy in your thread, that is. It seems there was lots of room for improvement going on there, and surely you'll meet someone else who really raises the bar of your standards.

[musicguy]

I've been down that road before and it sucks Love is a lot of things, trust, respect and communication, compromise etc.

[bitbit]

don't waste away over a past relationship. it's my experience that if you can break up once, you can and WILL break up several times. rid yourself of the uncertainty of an on-again off-again relationship and find yourself. go places, do things, get to know yourself again so that YOU are the one that matters, and not what you think you've lost. i've been there, and the only thing that made me happy again was rebuilding my life. once he sees you are a whole person again, he will want you back (which was my case) and hopefully you'll already have someone better in your sights.

[Aschleigh]

Yes It is the guy from What does you want to tell your ex? . I know he didn't treat me right. He lacks a lot emotionally . He isn't right for me.

But it doesn't stop the pain.

I will move on to someone much better for me. I need a lot more maturity. I need someone with sensitivity. I will find it.

[candy604]

hey don't worry, i'm in the same boat as well..sulking on how my bf is immature and insensitive as well. Just hafta think that you deserve someone that cares for you and more mature.

[quietgrl]

Hey you know what this mean.It's time to bring out the Cd, listen to some good music,cry, say goodbye to the ex and move on.That's what me and the other women i know do.This ritual is rough but it's worth it.

[catgirl82]

aschleigh

wow, you sound very strong and mature about this whole situation so i commend you on that. its important to remember that although you feel crappy now, it will pass eventually. and its ok to just sulk and mope and feel bad for a little while, thats normal!! just stay strong and dont take any steps back (ie dont call him, dont doubt your decision)

 

sometimes love is not enough. i know it sounds very pessimistic. but i loved my ex very much. that didnt change the fact that we fought alot, that he never compromised, that neither of us were happy anymore. while i loved him/cared about him, i knew that it wasnt reason enough to stay (for a while i did, which is why the relationship dragged out, very painfully) a part of me wonders now if i did "love" him towards the end, when things were bad. maybe i didnt. maybe we all need to re-examine what we mean when we say we love someone.

 

anyway, we are both much happier now, apart. ive spoken to him recently and hes doing well. i found a new boyfriend (very recently) and things are going great with him. when we broke up 2 years ago i wouldve NEVER expected for things to be how they are now. but you have to just trust that things will get better for you too.

 

hang in there. keep posting, its so therapeutic

[cordelia]

I know what you are going through, I'm in the same situation. No matter how badly you want him to work things out, you can't change how he feels or the fact that he is not emotionally available. My ex was the exact same way which is a big reason why we just broke up. All you can really do is give him the space that he wants, and who knows, maybe that will give him the chance to miss you. In the meantime, hang in there. It will get easier over time...or at least that's what I keep telling myself anyways! lol