How do I tell my boyfriend I’m pregnant?

[MyTeddyBear]

I was on the pill and took it correctly.

I felt sick for the past week or so and tonight I took a home pregnancy test... it was positive.

My boyfriend and I broke up in September then got back together in early October.

All in all, we’ve been together for almost two years.

He is really unstable in his job here. He might be laid-off. if he loses his job, he’ll have to leave the country. He’s originally from Europe. Some Backround:

 

I am scared out of my mind right now.

 

Help .... any advice would be appreciated.

[scarew]

First of all, Congratulations.

 

Have you gone to the doctor yet to confirm your results? Maybe that is a good idea before you tell your bf. Because he has shown instability in the past, you might want to be prepared for a negative reaction. But i don't want to judge the guy. Have you made a firm decision to keep this baby?

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I think in this case you just have to come right out and tell him. Together you are going to need to decide what you want to do- and with him possibly being deported again it's critical that you have as much time as possible as a team to consider your options.

 

Have you two talked about this possibility before?

 

What did he say, if so?

[blender]

It might help you to say exactly what your fears are...

 

Do you fear him being upset? Do you not want to have a baby? Are you worried about his financial situation and living arrangements? When you say he's "unstable" do you mean emotionally? Do you think he will be understanding and supportive?

 

The fact is you can not predict the future, I know it seems like a "huge problem" right now, but even if everything "seemed' perfect right now, you never know what challenges lie ahead.. so for today please don't let yourself get to overwhelmed with the "what if's?" Make a plan for yourself, first go see a Doctor about your pregnancy, make sure you're healthy, find a close friend or family member to confide in, think about this in terms of one day at a time....

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i would definitely confirm the pregnancy with another test... and decide what you want to do... you will have to talk to him one way or another, but give yourself a little time to digest this information and decide how you want to approach him with the news.

 

this kind of news usually is a litmus test of the relationship... he will either commit to you, or break up entirely... so decide what is best for you and talk to him about that. good luck, i wish you the best.

[MyTeddyBear]

I fear his job situation and also, that he isn't ready for this. If I knew he had a stable job and was sure about staying in the states, I'd feel more secure.

He is very unsure about what he wants and I fear this will make him do something he isn't ready to do... commit to 'us' and our relationship.

I want us to be together for the right reasons...

Does that make sense?

[scarew]

Yes it does make sense. So make sure you tell him that when you reveal the news. Say you don't believe in making any rash relationship decisions based on the baby. Its not a good idea to rush into marraige or commitment for babies sake. That baby is much better off with parents who took the time they needed to make a healthy relationship. It's important he be there for his child, but your relationship is something separate. It will probably be a relief for him to find out that you don't want a ring on your finger now that the baby is coming.

 

I hope you see that he has responsibility here too though. Not to commit to you, but to your child. You are BOTH pregnant. Its his responsibility too. We all take this risk by having sex. If the only way for him to be a good parent is for him to quit his job, maybe you need to be able to accept that too. Don't feel so guilty.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

babies have a way of showing up when unexpected, not necessarily when convenient or the right time in a relationship...

 

if he decides he now wants to 'commit' more, that doesn't mean you have to leap into anything or think he is insincere... just continue the relationship and make plans for the baby (if you are keeping the baby), and see how the relationship goes... you can wait to marry until you are sure that the commitment to you and your entire family is sincere, and will last.

 

babies can cement a relationship, but also put a lot of pressure on it too, so you will find out how sincere he is if you take your time and don't rush a marriage...

[rose2summer]

I know you are really scared right now but we are here to support you along the way.

 

I think first you will want to decide whether you want this baby or not, before talking to him.

 

You don't want to be swayed by his decision, so you can think deeply about your decision.

 

If finances are a worry, Medicaid can cover you through the pregnancy or if abortion is a route you want to choose, Planned Parenthood will cover most of the costs to all costs through their FamilyPact program.

 

Either way, I think looking at what is going to be best for you and your baby should be on the forefront right now and once you decide that, you can then turn and discuss the matter with him.

 

As the others have suggested, don't run to marriage until you know you are in the relationship for you two and not just your baby, because it can really cause a ridge between you two and hurt the baby more than help.

 

Hugs, Rose