can you see your boyfriend TOO much???

[Yvette84]

So I was wondering....can you actually spend too much time together??? I mean you know when you're first with someone you want to see them ALL the time? Well that's my case w/my bf. We see each other everyday (not all day cause we have stuff to do) and we are both cool with it. I was just wondering can it be a bad thing? what's TOO much??

[melrich]

So I was wondering....can you actually spend too much time together?

 

Yes, absolutely no question in my mind. No matter how close you are, everyone needs "alone" time, time to think about and look after just themselves. So 24/7 is too much time. The amount of time apart each couple needs will vary from couple to couple.

[bigheart09]

Yes, there is such a thing as spending too much time together. You dont want to lose yourself in the relationship. Even if things are wonderful, space is always a good thing. You want to be able to miss each other too. Just take a day here and there to spend time with yourself or your friends.

[emma34]

That's a complicated answer...I think it has to be a mutual thing. I've often thought the same thing of my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, and sometimes I just wanna say, "do you realize I haven't been to my apartment in 4 days?" lol. Ít's important to do your own thing, and most importantly not neglect the other ppl who you are important to in your life - ie: family, friends, etc. Don't just be part of his life, make sure he is part of yours too.

The answer is yes - but...that doesn't mean you shouldn't indulge yourself in eachother

[laboheme]

I'd say that TOO much is when you don't know what to do with yourself when he's not around (aside from everyday obligations such as work), when you know for sure that you'll see him later and that makes things less exciting for you...When you spend too much time together, you can start taking each other for granted, and it will all go downhill from there...

 

Good to know that you successfully bounced back from that other guy who was going to move out to Cali!

[Grokker]

On the issue of giving space, how much is enough in your opinion?

 

I'm with this girl, I meet her once a week (this is the first week of the three we've been dating that we've planned two meetings in the week).

 

We talk on the phone perhaps every other day, on the average, and exchange one or two emails practically every day.

 

Would that be space enough in most peoples' opinion? Of course there's a part of me that wants to be with her 24/7 ! But another voice born of dire experience urges caution, as well.

[bigheart09]

I think that spending a couple times a week together is good. I mean you if you spend more time together some weeks versus others, that is okay. I dont think that there is a formula of how much time you should spend together. There are some days when I dont even want to see my bf, and there are some when I do...you'll know when it is too much.

[lizziebee]

My bf and I are going through this now. We just spent the whole week of TG together and been apart since Monday morning.....I think we can go 3-1/2 to 4 days of feeling ok with it, and then we start the weird 'insider' thinking that we both talk about to each other so our heads don't get messed up...Together 5 months. but like someone else said, it really depends on the couple..........take care of you.

[need2bme]

Ansewr=Resounding YES. Hey, you can both get aggravated at each other with being in each others face all the time. It scared the crap outta the girl I WAS seeing.

 

I wouldn't worry about it, until you know you need space...

[Batya33]

I think it is a very good thing to be able to experience missing the person and to do your own thing and then share all the fun stories (and not so fun stories) of what happened while apart. In a new relationship seeing each other too often can cause early burn out. I like to keep things to once or twice a week in the very beginning just to integrate him into my life at a reasonable pace. Especially in your case where up till just about last week you were certain you did not want a relationship you are vulnerable to that kind of burn out.

[Clementine orange]

I've had problem with this. Most of the women I've been in relationships have wanted to spend more time with me than I want to spend with them and it has gotten annoying and has even led to a breakup.

I like to be with a woman who has her own hobbies - not the hobby of just following me around everywhere.

There has to be some kind of balance.

[The Law]

A relationship is all about being together, but still being able to do your own thing. If you get too clingy the partner might feel like suffocating, Its like passionate kisses, every now and then you need to breathe.

[Belle]

It's only too much if you want things to last. The candle that burns brightest burns out quickest...

[Yvette84]

I don't want it to burn out!! I mean when you're married you see that person EVERY day. And yes, you are busy with other things, but were busy with other things now. Well I am at least. He is on workers comp for months! and neither of us have any friends but still it's everyday but not every waking moment. I think any relationship will burn out eventually.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

If you are both enjoying your time together, then why not spend every day together?

 

However- a problem arises when either one of you start to get bored, or agitated with the other. Then you know you're spending too much time together. Sometimes, people need to be apart for a few days so that they can regain the anticipation to see each other. And, as others have said, some people just need their "alone time." I'm certainly one of them, since I won't see my boyfriend any more than 3 times a week. More than that, and it's too much. 3 days is pushing it some weeks, though LOL

[Momene]

We've had the thread about not seeing someone enough as well. It has to be a balance but where the balance is differs between people.

 

I'd say that if one partner wants to spend one day a week and the other 6 together, it's a dealbreaker and unless they can agree on 3/4 and stick to it, the relationship is doomed.

[Batya33]

I don't want it to burn out!! I mean when you're married you see that person EVERY day. And yes, you are busy with other things, but were busy with other things now. Well I am at least. He is on workers comp for months! and neither of us have any friends but still it's everyday but not every waking moment. I think any relationship will burn out eventually.

 

When you are married that is hopefully after you've known him for months if not years. In the beginning of the relationship when you are first getting to know each other it is better to integrate him into your life slowly so that you can get to know him over time - not in a condensed time period. For example, you have no idea what he is like when he does work - what is he like after a good day at work- a hard day - if he has to work late or be at work early? Is he fulfilled by his work on a daily basis or not?

 

and - why doesn't he have any friends? what is he like when he does have friends? what is he like when he's sick, has a headache, spends time with his family? What is his family like, over time?

 

You have no idea really what he is like in any of these situations. One reason of many to get to know someone over time and not in a condensed period of time.

 

And I agree with the other posters.

 

Think of it this way - you typed and talked to that other guy for months on end - of course he was a stranger in the sense that you never saw him in person - but you were convinced you knew him and that he would move here to be with you, right? You do know this guy in person but only for a short time. He is mostly a stranger but it is clouded over by your mutual attraction.

 

Just my opinion - my guess is that you think it is more important to be an intense couple and have fun being "in love" and in lust than it is to think about the long term which might warrant slowing down a bit. That is your choice. And yes of course it can work if you see each other all the time - almost anything can work some of the time. The question is whether you want to listen to those of us who say that there is a real risk of burnout and jumping in before you really know each other. That is totally up to you.

[Momene]

Yes, I've definitely had a tendency to want to take each relationship to the next level quickly. For example, I've NEVER had a girlfriend for a whole year. I was engaged to my first wife after 6 months and married my wife (2nd) after 3 months.

 

In the latter case, it was a choice of being together or going long distance (8000 miles) for a while but I still think we would have married quite quickly anyway.

 

One relationship I had ended prematurely because I was impatient to get married but, in retrospect, would not have been as good as my marriage I have today.

 

Although we've always had various issues, our marriage was good for 15 years and we hit a rough patch in 2004. Things are better now but not as good as they were in 2003.

[rmpavlock]

YES! I also think it depends on the people in the relationship. I don't think that everyone is going to have the same opinion on how much space is too much. I think you know you are spending too much time with each other when you start getting irritated over small stuff or you feel like you are missing out on other things, like friends and family.

[Batya33]

YES! I also think it depends on the people in the relationship. I don't think that everyone is going to have the same opinion on how much space is too much. I think you know you are spending too much time with each other when you start getting irritated over small stuff or you feel like you are missing out on other things, like friends and family.

 

The problem is that in a brand new relationship that burn out can creep up on you and it can be too late. Better to decide that you have the long term in mind and take things at a reasonable pace. If you two think it's going to last forever, that is a lifetime so why the rush?

[Japanfreak05]

Yeah I think you can see your Bf/Gf too much. Like with my BF at first we would see eachother all the time, like none stop. Sooner than later we started getting into arguments and such. It's good to remember when your in a relationship that you still have your own life to live. And it's good to get out sometimes on your own or with your friends. You don't really have to see them every day. I know with mine, I don't see him during the week, we have school/work so on the weekends he breaks the speed limit to come see me. If we saw eachother everyday on top of doing our own lives, we'd be tired and stressed out, but we talk every day. But everyone is different. Just my personal experience.