My boyfriend left me for a fantasy

[peaceofmind]

My boyfriend very callously sent me a dear jane e-mail telling me he could not longer be in the relationship with me because it was clear to him that he couldn't be in law school and in a relationship at the same time. Let me also preface that he mentioned he had a secret related to sex but could not tell me what it was. Although he immediately went back on to an online dating site.

 

A week later I get the details of the secret in an email. The just of it was he has a fantasy of woman wearing heels/boots/lingerie. It stared in puberty when he was looking at soft porn magazines of women dressed this way. These images have remained in his head and he enters relationships not being able to talk about theses fantasies if he feels the other person is not sexually self-aware and doesn't have that innate "way about her" to want to dress this way for herself and him. Now, he has not mentioned one word about this to me the entire 7 months we were in the relationship. He just wanted me to be that way innately. He said his fascination with a woman who looks good in heels/boots/lingerie etc. is not a fetish per se. He doesn't require it to be turned on. But ultimately he wants to be with someone who can or does dress that way, but in an elegant way. It would be part of her makeup that she likes to be able to dress that way at the appropriate time (not all the time). She would be sexually self-aware enough to want to do that because it makes her feel good, and it's not about someone else.

He said he had the opportunity to experience some of these fantasies with a few women a few times. But too often, the women he met didn't have that innate sexual nature about them that they want to do those things, and then he had a hard time asking for it in case they say no and he is stuck looking weird. So he didn't say anything when he sensed is was not in their nature, and then got frustrated.

 

When he got frustrated is when he turned to other sources like certain kinds of pornography to fulfill those needs. It has become very unhealthy, and he wants to explore his sexual fantasies in a healthy relationship setting where both partners want the same thing. He has actually wasted an unhealthy amount of money and time on these activities, and so just kept everything repressed while in relationships (including with me). He is not able to talk about deep feelings that he should be able to, and thus the relationship ends up being killed over time due to this. But not being able to talk about these things with a lover has been killing him as he feels he is letting himself down, and eventually the relationship suffers as well.

 

One day he keeps thinking he will meet a woman who wants to do those things and carries herself in the manner that matches with him, and he will be able to talk to her about it as they both feel comfortable about it. He said he sees women out and about all the time whose look is what he would go for that way, but he can't seem to talk to them. He wants that special personal connection, but with the bonus that he can feel comfortable and able to talk about what he likes.

 

He wants to find a healthy way to act on this so that he can have fulfilling relationships built on intimacy and open communication. He says it is clear that these desires have deep roots in his sexual history, and so he needs to be able to talk about them, but in positive situation.

 

He says he doesn't expect to be with a woman who dresses in high heels/lingerie etc. all the time. He wants someone who is well rounded, classy, intelligent, passionate, deep etc. but who has that side to her that wants to turn on that style at the right time.

Ok, here's the problem I have with that. First, I can't read minds. While he wanted me to be that way naturally about myself, I feel hurt because I was never given a clue or the opportunity to bring that out in myself. How was I suppose to know that high heels and lingerie were going to be a turn on for him as opposed to the French Maid look? It seems very one sided. In the 7 months we were together we talked about being in love with each other , moving in, marriage. He said he never met anyone like me and didn't want to be with anyone else and then 3 weeks later my dear jane e-mail. It just seems to backwards to me that he would go for a "look" first and then hope the personal connections comes after he has fulfilled his fantasy.

 

The worse part is that he couldn't explain this during the relationship but he can in an email to me.

 

Can someone think clearly for me.

[Survictor]

There was obviously something lacking in your relationship but as you say, you aren't a mind reader! The fact that he waits until after the relationship has been cooled off suggests that he isn't emotionally mature enough to handle you attempting to be the woman in his head.... and maybe that's the way he would prefer this woman to be.... in his head so he never has to confront his issues.

 

Just for the hell of it, you could walk around wearing killer heels for the next month or so. lol.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

Well, I think your ex is an emotional nincompoop.

 

Ok, now that that is out of the way, I agree with you, how could you possibly read minds? If he has a fetish/request, he should have come out and told you about it and saw if you were into it too, or at least willing to give it a try. And honestly, as far as fetishes go, this is VERY TAME.

 

So, what do you want? do you want him back? if you do, I would suggest sitting down with him, and have a talk, and basically say that - you aren't a mind reader, and you liked your relationship and you would be GGG (good, giving, and game).

 

but I have a feeling like something else is going on. with the whole law school excuse and the online dating thing, I am wondering if you just dodged a bullet with this guy.

 

(((HUGS))))

[Relationship Coach]

Congrats! You have been successfully removed from an unsuccessful future! This relationship has more issues than a days worth of soap operas! This has nothing to do with Law School, he's practicing to be a liar, I mean a lawyer and he's going to really suck at this rate! Be thankful you are out and free from his dishonesty. There is more here that is unknown, trust me! If the guy really loved you, nothing would stand in the way of your relationship.

 

RC

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

She would be sexually self-aware enough to want to do that because it makes her feel good

 

Your ex implied that if you can't read his mind or if you're 'innate' tendencies towards how to dress don't meet his specific fetish-oh-oops-I-meant-fantasy, then you are not sexually self-aware.

 

How much more self-centric can he possibly be?

 

I'd say he's not a Keeper, but a Loser.

[Survictor]

^^^^ well said!

[peaceofmind]

Hi Annie,

 

I'm new to this posting stuff, but needed to turn somewhere to make sense of this. Actually, my head sees things clearly, but I'm waiting for my heart to catch up. No, I don't want to talk with him. I just don't think he gets it although he is determined to keep plugging away for that fantasy until he gets it. I think he will be disappointed when he doesn't match up to her in other ways. I told him I wasn't a mind reader and that he needed to communicate his desire, just like I would communicate mine. I could pull the same trick on him. I'm looking for a JCrew kind of guy, which is not even close to what he is, but he thinks he is quite stylish in his own head. Here's one other things he said: "thing is I'm romantic, intimate, love sex and very good in the sack". True, but who says that out loud? My flaw is that I can't stop thinking about the great sex and the way he made me feel, eventhough ultimately I don't think we would have been good together in other ways. He is 35 and law school is his second career now. I'm 43 and pretty much set financially and I like to think emotionally. I do have together most days, just not so much now.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Seriously, this guy sounds beyond shallow and superficial, but actually a bit ill. Please lose him and don't spare him a second thought. He is actually being emotionally abusive towards you, and I don't see him being able to make you happy (or anyone either).

[annie24]

egads! the way you were describing him, I thought he was 23!!!! ok, he sounds emotionally immature. I mean, he should know by 35, if you have a fantasy, you should just ask!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Gosh I don't think his behavior would be appropriate or acceptable no matter what age!

[peaceofmind]

I know you are right. Everyone in my family and all my friends say the same thing. 10 intelligent people could not be wrong. His actions with me are not matching up with his actions now and that's the part I'm tripping over. He was very intimate, romantic and attentive, which I will admit I craved at the time. He interacted with my family, was my neice's soccer coach, went to church with me. Why do all of that and as you say be so superficial. Although he was cocky and talked about himself and law school all the time, which was a turn off for me.

[peaceofmind]

By the way Annie, I'm a big LOST fan also! Is it February yet?

[annie24]

hm... it's not that he's superficial, but it seems like he just doesn't know how to be in a relationship.

 

I mean, I am assuming that you aren't a "wear a leather miniskirt and fishnet stockings to work" kind of lady. And he KNEW that when he asked you out. so why would he assume you would be otherwise? if he wanted that, he could have asked for you to wear that behind closed doors.

 

That is like me picking up a computer nerd at BestBuy or something, and then being mad at him for not being a muscle-man gym meathead.

 

(Off topic: I can hardly wait for feb!!! aack! I did get the jigsaw puzzles, and they are definitely filling in! very cool set, and they are very hard. but there are "clues" about the show, and a glow in the dark image on the back. very cool!)

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

That is like me picking up a computer nerd at BestBuy or something, and then being mad at him for not being a muscle-man gym meathead.

 

 

That's quite true. And he said something to OP about, a woman wearing boots and lingere 'at the right moment'. Well I wonder when exactly that is? 8:32:48 Pacific Time, or...exactly when. Or is OP supposed to just innately know that too? Dude sounds off his rocker.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Your ex implied that if you can't read his mind or if you're 'innate' tendencies towards how to dress don't meet his specific fetish-oh-oops-I-meant-fantasy, then you are not sexually self-aware.

 

How much more self-centric can he possibly be?

 

I'd say he's not a Keeper, but a Loser.

 

Heh, fetish yes. Just said the same thing before I read that post.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

IDIOT alert! this guy sounds like a teenaged boy talking! all that nonsense about how she should 'innately' want to parade around in his fantasy getup... honesly, most men who like women to dress up in 'fantasy' clothes in the bedroom do NOT want their wives/girlfriends parading around in french maid outfits on the street! they're thrilled if you wear it for them, but don't have expectations that you're dumb enough to dress like a hookup while going to work.

 

the getup he is describing really sounds a lot like what hookers and strippers wear, so he wants a woman who looks like a hooker but acts like a loving, caring wife? this is nothing more than a variation on the old wh*ore/madonna syndrome, where he wants a devil in bed and an angel in the kitchen making him cookies and can't reconcile the two in his own mind, so is on a holy grail quest to find some women who magically meets his conflicting fantasies. what that really means is that he is deeply conflicted about women and sexuality, and can't reconcile the image of a woman who is 'normal' and loving and doesn't dress up like a freak who is still able to be very 'naughty' in the bedroom...

 

and notice how he says he wants her to be able to express herself and talk about her innate desire to wear fishnets and hooker boots, but he HIMSELF can't even talk about it... this guy is just in LaLa Land, or else he is using all this nonsense as a really bizarre way to try to repel you so he can exit quickly from your relationship without you pleading to come back... most women would NOT want him back after hearing this mess of an ideology he's got going.

 

and the excuse about law school and inability to have a relationship is ridiculous too... i'm sure he has plenty of time to surf porn sites looking for his dream girl in fishnets, that he could spend that surf time with you if he wanted to...

 

this guy is just an idiot... run away from him, don't look back. i don't seen any future dating a guy who is this bizarre and unrealistic in his expectations. you could spend the rest of your life parading around in a french maid's outfit and fishnets, and he would one day pop up and say he's decided he now needs the schoolgirl look, and you're too old to wear a cheerleader's uniform and look authentic... c'mon, this guy is a loser... RUN!

[silky88]

ha ha... this rivals the ex i had who used to try to tell me that if i was "grown-up and secure with myself" i wouldn't mind bringing others into the bedroom. they wait around for us to change into the super-sexual being that they want, not even considering who we really are and were from the beginning, and then they dump us after awhile when we don't fit the bill.

 

idiots, i swear. we're better off without them. i, for one, KNOW i'm happier.

[friscodj]

Hey Peace-

 

I think you got lucky girfriend, really lucky that he set you free like that. Who knows what would have happened or the situation that would have materialized had you stayed together and built tighter bonds which were tougher to break free from. You got away clean from this one.

 

From what you've written, it sure sounds to me like this guy needs professional help. And that's not a disparaging comment, it's the truth. From the depth and detail of what you wrote, I believe he is being honest with you, which makes this situation even more disturbing. I believe this man to be delusional and incapable of fostering a healthy relationship with anyone at this point. What's even more disturbing is that there must be some apparent qualities of this guy which make him attractive, that lead you to get involved with him, which also makes a dangerous mix. And he's taking the circus right back to link removed! Put a tent over that circus buddy!

 

He's probably not a bad man, but it certainly sounds like he needs to start seeing someone regularly to get to better places with the perception and values of a relationship. We can specualte all day and all night about the how's, what's, and why's to this guy but the bottom line here is that he is gone and you are free, at any rate, better off now. A problem for him and his therapist to deal with now.

 

So now process the grief, see what it is you can do better in future relationships, and realize the next guy you meet probably won't be like this! Truly let this one go.

[blender]

Peaceofmind, please know the FACT here is this man just doesn't want to be "emotionally responsible" for himself.. that is where this 'fantasy" comes in.. no one woman will ever be able to fullfill all his needs, and no woman will be able to "cure him of himself" and draw out all his secret thoughts and desires to make him 'comfortable" with himself..

 

This is a lose lose type of guy to be involved with. This is HIS issue, and has nothing to do with you. When a man says he wants a woman to be "innately" his dream girl.. that is a huge RED FLAG that he does not want to do the work or make the effort true love requires in order for a realtionship to be fulfilling, mature, respectful, and AUTHENTIC.

 

So instead he chooses to be a "victim" (is there anything more UNattractive than this in a man?).. See as long as he says, "I don't feel I can be honest in the beginning, and I want a woman who is "already like this or that", then he is dealing with life and relaitonships in an unrealistic way...thereforeeee HE is not responsible for where his life is.. and believe me this is going to be one lonely screwed up future for this man...

 

Eventually ANY WOMAN in his life no matter how perfectly she may "fit the fantasy" will become "old news" to him and he will eventually seek something else, something "more" to stimulate him.. whether it be the internet or an affair...

 

He needs to not only be self aware in confessing to you in an email, more importantly he needs to MAKE AN EFFORT to seek therapy and change his CHOICE of behavior.

 

He would be behaving this way no matter who he was involved with, so the most important thing for you here is for YOU TO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY.. and instead be "grateful" that this has all been revealed to you and that you will no longer invest your precious heart or energy into an emotionally unhealthy man who has NOTHING to offer you...

 

So for now, it's normal for you to feel betrayed by his lack of honest early in your relationship, and for his talk of "marriage, love, etc".. take the anger you feel about this, combined with the REALITY of who he chooses to be, PLUS the unattainable fantasy he's addicted to, and say a prayer for him, and then let go and run in the other direction of him so fast until he is simply a "spec" in your past.. a lesson, a bridge to a better, more empowered, more self respecting YOU.

 

don't look in the rearview mirror too long on this one, it will only cause you to emotionally crash, instead look ahead, he's only a 'speed bump" you're moving beyond this, grab the steering wheel of your own life and drive forward into the wonderful classy respectful future you deserve.

 

I know you might miss what you "hoped he could be" in your life, but in time you will have clarity and perspective and be grateful to be rid of who he "revealed himself to truly be".

 

Trust me, you have been spared a lifetime of heartache with this mixed up, adult man who chooses to project what he's lacking in his own personal self respect and blame it on "waiting for the right, born that way, sexually understanding, mind reading, fantasy perfect lady, who will fulfill all his needs".

 

God forbid he ever loves someone who might become ill, or have a tough time, or need him to grow up and love her for her heart and soul and not just disregard her because HE lacks the maturity to spell out from the beginning what he's looking for in a woman, a shallow fantasy of a woman, a fantasy that no human woman will be ever to fulfill on all levels for him... that's an unattainable thing, and it's an excuse for him to not have to rise to a level of maturity and be accepting that in time a couple can work on, make an effort to encourage each others sexual desire within a committed, respectful, two way street of love, kindness, honesty, and realistic expectations of love.

 

this is the type of man who when and if he ever meets a woman who is sexually motivated enough to fulfill his needs, well, he's the type of guy who would "lose respect for a woman who is his fantasy in the first place"...yep, that will be his cycle..thank god, you are no longer involved in his "drama and fantasy of victimhood".... yuk...

[Beec]

Well, I think the real question is what do you want? And I think you need to think of a future with him, would you want a future with a man that wanted to live of the fantasy sexual life he described. If you want him and that life, well then, put on the costume, go knock on his door and take him. I think it might require a little planning, but if he and that life was fine with you, go get both.

 

If he and/or the fetish is not for you, then don't get either.

 

This desire in him is strong enough that he wants is so bad he is willing to end what was otherwise probably pretty good. The power of that is saying something. And it's much better to find out that power now, than in ten years when he is spending his money at some professional fetish brothel. The one person I knew who really had a strong fetish (I worked with him years ago) did not enjoy sex outside of the fetish. He wanted to service women orally, while he used his hands on himself. A normal sex life was never going to cut it for him.

 

If your now ex's fetish was something that could have been satisfied by you once a month putting on a costume and enjoying something different, then considering it is much more doable.

 

But this fetish does not seem to be that way. He seems to want it all the time. I don't think this is the most unuual fetish in the world, but it also seems to be something that is strong. And that is something you need to consider.

 

As a final note, the fetish also embarrasses him or he is ashamed of it. Something tells me there may be a little more to it than he has let on. It may be that he not only wants you in certain things, it may be that he also wants you dominating him, to some extent. As a fantasy, I think that's pretty common, but I also don't think many people want to live it all the time. It's a few times in a lifetime fantasy, if that, not a few times every week.

[WildChild]

I have read this post and reread it, and I have a few thoughts. First, I’m sorry that after 7 months this comes out. Regardless for his reasoning, those reasons should have been apparent to him far sooner than 7 months into it. It makes me wonder if there is more behind this. But that would be pure speculation unless something new has transpired since your initial post. When was the last time you did talk to him or hear from him? And also how do you know he placed a profile on a dating site so soon after your breakup?

 

Whether right or wrong, I think what he is trying to get accross is that he wants to find someone who would naturally do these things. I don’t think he knows how to put this into words so that it will make sense to anyone. Keep in mind, he has kept this to himself for that same reason i.e. should he mention this to someone who isn’t into those fantasy roles, he thinks he will come accross as looking like nothing less than a pervert, fetish freak or whatever he thinks his partner will think etc. I guess in other words, how do you explain this very private desire to someone, when you yourself can’t really put it into words or in a way that will make sense. Hence, that is where a woman who “naturally” does this comes into play. Words won’t be necessary, she will dress this way or whatever without nothing having to be said. That is where I think you are being hard on yourself as well. It’s not a matter of you being wrong or whatever, but because he has a difficult time expressing this, he is just hoping that he will find someone who will do these things without having to be told or asked. Does that make sense? It’s not a matter of you being a mind reader, I think what he may have been trying to say is that if this is something that someone gets into, no one would ever have to ask etc. it would just happen naturally. However, you or whatever other woman could fight the same fight and say the exact same thing his reasoning is: how do you express to someone that you have the desire to do these things without looking like a “freak” to the other person if in fact this is something you are into.

 

As for him going to online dating sites, I am wondering if he is doing that in the hopes to find someone he can role play with. He has admitted, or you are aware, that he has gone to great lengths to satisfy these urges. If the urge is strong enough, he will do what he has to in order to relieve this sexual tension until of course he finds someone who matches his desires.

 

Although it is hard for people to understand, and his logic does seem shallow, we all have an “idea” of who we want. You yourself mentioned there is a certain “style” you go for in men, although he does not fit that style. I think he has a lot of feelings for you, and I don’t think he was being dishonest in the things he has told you. I think he is actually being smart by ending this/telling you and another poster hit it right on the head: it’s better that you find this out now, than 10 years down the line when you find out he has been doing things behind your back or whatever.

 

I believe it was Beec that mentioned that you have to decide as well if this is something you can do. If it is, than you need to express that to him. What is private between a couple is private. It’s not something you have to announce to the world, or even to us.

 

His law school reasoning, I don’t even want to touch that. I don’t know if he is being serious, or if he is using that as an excuse.

 

I believe that something happened in his childhood. I’m not saying that he was molested or whatever, or he certainly could have. I think something when he was young has triggered this in him, and mainly because of what he has said to you. Listen to what he has said. With that, I think he is hoping to find someone who can live out these fantasies with him, and by doing so he will feel comfortable in expressing whatever it is that happened all those years ago. Maybe it was nothing major but an experience, or a movie, or whatever. But something triggered this desire.

 

If what you have told us is exactly what he said to you, then what he is desiring is someone who will know for themselves when to “behave badly”. Someone who isn’t a hooker or whatever, but a woman who has their daily life, work, independent etc. who when the time feels right, will slip on the stilettos. I think that his desires may have been misconstrued by some that he wants someone to dress like this all of the time.

 

Beec said it right. Figure out what you want. Don’t expect him back if these are desires that you internally want, because of the whole law school thing (if that is the truth). However, maybe he wanted to tell you this to see what your reaction was. That maybe he really does care for you, and is hoping that you like the same fantasies. Amazing how he said he can’t talk to women about it, yet he did open up to you even if it was during the breakup. Like he is hoping in a @ss backward way that by breaking up with you, and spilling the beans about this, that in the end he has every hope that you are into this fantasy and never intended on really breaking up, just used that as the opener to this.

 

And finally, you have to figure out if he is someone you want or not. Your signals are mixed. Don’t talk to him or broach this subject with him unless you totally and completely know that if he does want you two together, that you want the same thing.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

When he gets what he thinks he wants, he'll be devastated to learn it won't make him happy.

 

And he flamin' well deserves it. Thank God you're away from him.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Okay, there are several things that stand out in your post and I will do my best to address each of them....

 

 

"My boyfriend very callously sent me a dear jane e-mail telling me he could not longer be in the relationship with me..."

 

"A week later I get the details of the secret in an email."

 

"Now, he has not mentioned one word about this to me the entire 7 months we were in the relationship."

 

"and then he had a hard time asking for it in case they say no and he is stuck looking weird. So he didn't say anything when he sensed is was not in their nature, and then got frustrated."

 

"He said he sees women out and about all the time whose look is what he would go for that way, but he can't seem to talk to them."

 

Okay, I brought these parts out from your post to illustrate your ex boyfriend's communication skills are virtually non-existant. It is hard to say as to why this is so but I can speculate something happened in his formative years, from late childhood to pre-teen years. One thing that jumped out at me is that he is horrible at communicating his desires in the sexual realm. Perhaps someone made him feel ashamed when he was younger, maybe one or both of his parents made sex taboo and punished him for having urges to masterbate, look at pornography or what have you. Something or someone down the line made him feel alwful about sex and what his desires. Maybe he was laughed at by his first love, it is very hard to say. But usually when a person is so closed off like that in any sense, it can be traced back to upbringing or some kind of negative experience.

 

It is a vicious cycle. It seems that your ex fears to be forthcoming about what turns him on and somehow got into the train of thought that if the woman off the bat is not what he is looking for, instead of sharing his fanatasies, he cuts them off. But something troubles me about your ex, over the years, he has gotten emotionally "lazy." What I mean is that he expects or wants these women to be innately into wearing boots, lingerae, heals and when they don't...oh well, NEXT!

 

"and he will be able to talk to her about it as they both feel comfortable about it."

 

See, this to me is just laziness. Let her do everything and then he will step it up. I am not sure how this would work for him in the long run. And because your ex is not great a communcating, he has not had the opportunity to experience a loving, fulfilling, relationship because immaturely feels these women should innately be the way he desires and if not, they get cut off. And because of that, he has not had the "practice" of communicating effectively at all. Hence, this vicious cyle.

 

I don't think your ex is a jerk or insensative per sae; however, it is a darn shame his emotional IQ and commuication skills are pretty are non-existant. I am sorry to say that this man needs professional help...a lot of it. There are issues going on in his psyche that go far beyond some classy dame whom dresses in high-heeled boots can help him with.

 

As hard as it is not to, try not to take this personally. I am sorry you got into the likes of a person like this. I cannot imagine the pain and perhaps the humiliation you feel at this point. None of this is your fault. Please remember that. There are some peculiar people out there from all walks of life and one popped in your life. I would try to cease using your energies in trying to figure out this man and what can you have done differently...because you were in a lose-lose situation and women after you will lose as well.

 

I would try to take things one day at a time. And try to keep busy as well. Post here as much as you need. Hang in there and I hoped this helped.

 

(((hugs)))

[blender]

Some good point made here, but it's also important to remember it doesn't matter if you can "diagnose" WHY HE DOES WHATEVER HE DOES...

 

he is an adult and now makes an intentional CHOICE to be in this 'life pattern" do NOT let yourself become a part of his broken up life puzzle along the way, you can NOT save him from himself..

 

only HE can make that choice, and so far his "victim" status is not worthy of any of your energy.. stay away from him..

 

he's a "bad habit" no mattter how good it may have "seeemed" stick with the FACTS and separate your FEELINGS and move onward and upward and away from him..go through your withdrawal from him no matter how painful. he's chasing in a circle..

 

his own private, selfish, weird, immature circle, (for whateve reasons, being it his "childhood" or whatever "issue" from his life, he makes a choice to stay in "IT" and he'll be constantly running into "Himself"..and then look up only to blame whomever is standing beside him, and then he "runs" again.. the circle starts over, and each time another innocent victim is in his "wake"....

[kellbell]

Yes, I agree with blender, over the years, your ex has developed some really bad habits. Habits which satisifies his immediate needs and not what is healthy for the long run for him or the person he is romatically involved with.

 

I am not at all excusing or justifying his behavior and how he treats women, however, all human behavior have patterns and patterns can lead to possible reasons or answers. And when I read about situations such as this, I look for them and try to offer angles and explainations.

 

However, as I said before, this is not your fault. He needs a lot of help, help that only a professional can provide.