Workplace bully

[filmraven]

Where to begin...

 

I'm a student at the moment who is working in a coffee shop for extra money so I can pay rent and school etc. I've been at this job since last June and can mostly say that I really like my job since I've started up there. Recently though it's been a completely different story....

 

I work with this girl who I've been getting bad vibes from for awhile. Often when I go out of my way to be nice to her (I am, by the way, a really easy going, wants to please everyone kinda person) she'll ignore me or barely give me a response. It's like she chooses when she's going to listen to me or give me the time of day and the rest of the time I often find her staring at me in a sort of intimidating kinda way. Anyway, despite all that I've stayed friendly and continued on with my work. As of yesterday that all changed. I came to work and despite struggling with a cold for the last week and a half am still kinda sick. She got really pissed off at me for being sick and at work and told me she didn't want me to touch any of the food or coffee (which pretty much comprises of most of what we do!) so I told her, "Fine, I'll do cash." Then later in the evening started to get angry with me because she has to do EVERYTHING. Yet it was only because she refused to let me do anything so she totally set me up!! She then proceeded to tell me, "I don't know if something is going on in your life lately but you seem to be tired all the time...*and then under her breath* and then I do ALL the work." Which is ridiculous because I work reeeally hard every time I go to work! I felt so attacked and violated. I felt terrible.

 

Then to make things worse she said, "Either you go home an hour early tonight or....you wouldn't want me to tell *our boss* would you??" Which totally made me feel like she was cornering me. She's a co-worker, my equal, not my boss but I TOTALLY feel like she was bossing me around yesterday and I feel mad that I didn't stand up for myself!

 

What do I do about this situation?? I know I'm a hard worker but I feel like she always sets me up to make me look bad. Does she just not like me? Is she intimidated by me? I find when my bf comes in she's super friendly to him and then goes back to being mean to me. Is she trying to make me jealous??? I'm so upset by this whole situation.

[MissyM]

Go to your superior and get her dealt with!

[Siriana]

First, she's not your superior and if the're not related you have every right to stand up for yourself. But first I suggest going to the supervisor if you have some good examples of her behaviour. If not, next time she says something tell her who gives you the right to speak with me that way.

[Clementine orange]

You have to deal with this - it will never get any better. I think a chat with the boss would do it. Don't threaten to quit but just say it is an unworkable situation. It's possible people have complained about her before and the boss is looking for a last straw.

[bsp_kjm]

i agree with everyone and you should talk to a higher-up unless you know she has it in good with them too. your situation sounds a lot like one that was going on at my old workplace. there was a gal there who kissed the a** of all the higher-ups and started dating one of them. she was beyond rude to two of the others employees for absolutely no reason and those two employees couldnt complain to the higher-ups because the higher-ups would believe the rude girl. both girls eventually ended up quitting. the rude gal would try to boss me around as well, but i had a higher position than her

[Bethany]

Agreed. Speaking as a boss, you should all have a meeting together and talk about what is happening. In the work place from the bosses point of view, it's called a 'Nip it in the Bud' interview where all get to speak and put their point of view accross.

Speak out now and put an end to it. Bullies often use other members of staff to talk about you and run you down. Intimidation leads to victimisation.Don't be that victim.

[filmraven]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I've thought about going to my boss and telling her what happened yesterday but the only thing that's made me stop is my lack of knowledge regarding the relationship between this co-worker and my boss. I don't think they are friends but my work environment tends to be one where all the people who have been there for the last couple or more years seem to hang out together quite a bit and I'm scared if I go to my boss and she already takes a liking to his girl (hard to imagine for me!) then I might be the one to get the boot.

 

I do have some good examples on my side. She left me half an hour early one night so she could go on some date and left all her crap that she hadn't completed up for me to finish. I was really not impressed! A few weeks ago she spent a good portion of the evening not working but sitting at a table doing homework with her ex-bf so it's insane that she would even point the finger at me for taking "long breaks" or not doing enough (which is a whole lot of *hit.)

[bsp_kjm]

try to find out how close this bully is with the boss and if the relationship between the two isnt very close, approach her about the bully and tell her exactly what you are telling us. good luck

[Midgi]

Maybe you should talk to the co-worker first!

If she tells you that you dont work enough...remind her of the times she left all her work to you? Try to sort it out between you two first and if that does not work - tell your boss.

 

Maybe you could also test the waters before you talk to your boss and say things like... "do you think I should be allowed to touch the food if I have a cold?" guess thats how you can find out if she will share your viewpoint.

[New_Horizons]

The best way to deal with a bully's threat is to USE THEIR THREAT on them. Go to your boss (don't wait for her to do so first) and 'tattle'. It's not high school anymore. You have the right to do it for your sake.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I completely agree with New Horizons, I know when I had a coworker bullying me, I reluctantly wet to my boss and explained what had happened. My boss felt the coworker was out of line and ever since I haven't had a problem with my coworker.

[charley]

I do have some good examples on my side. She left me half an hour early one night so she could go on some date and left all her crap that she hadn't completed up for me to finish. I was really not impressed! A few weeks ago she spent a good portion of the evening not working but sitting at a table doing homework with her ex-bf so it's insane that she would even point the finger at me for taking "long breaks" or not doing enough (which is a whole lot of *hit.)

 

The problem with anyone giving advice is that it's impossible to know for sure what will happen as the result of any course of action you take. However, if you get to the point where it's intolerable enough that you feel you don't want to work there under those conditions, well then you have nothing to lose. When I get to that point, then I start fighting back.

 

Sometimes if someone says something insulting or attacking to you, if can be an effective method to return that with a challenging question that makes them think about their behavior. This can work for mild jerks who basically decent people, if they stop to think about their behavior. It doesn't work for hard-core jerks.

 

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For a mild jerks example, "Why did you say that?" What did you mean by that?" "Why did you do that?"

 

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For hard core jerks, the gloves come off and I'll get hard-core in self defense.

 

For example, I would have called the boss from the back room out of earshot and told the boss about her talking to her X-BF instead of working. Then, if the boss cared, she could have come there right then and caught her in the act.

 

For another example, when she left 30 minutes early, I would have called the boss immediately so that if the boss cared, she could have come down there herself and verified that your coworker left early.

 

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I would not make any accusation that cannot be proven. In the above examples, the proof is there, if the boss cares to show up onsite and see for herself.

 

I would not report those things now, after the fact, because this other girl can now deny it and you have no proof.

 

Jerks are always liars. So don't make any accusations, unless you can prove them. The above examples make the proof easy, if the boss cares to see for herself. If the boss doesn't care, then I guess it doesn't matter what you do.

 

Now obviously doing anything has some risks to you. Doing nothing has risks too. If the current situation is so foul that you feel ready to act, then do so in ways that can be proven. Then, once the proof is seen, any additional accusations of prior situations will likely be believed because you now have credibility.

 

I'm a nice guy and I want to be a nice guy, but sometimes that's not possible because bullies eat nice people alive. Then it's time to stop being nice and get tough. There used to be couple people at one of two places where I work who bullied me frequently. Guess what? Neither of them works there anymore. I still do. I don't want to fight, but if I must fight, then I intend to win. That requires proof, which requires timing.

 

If you decide to act, then bide your time and wait for the next opportunity, then act at the appropriate time when proof is available, obvious, and undeniable. That sounds mean, but it's really just smart self defense. If you must fight, then be smart and have evidence. The time she left 30 min early was your best opportunity so far. Another opportunity with evidence will come along for sure because bullies only get bolder and more aggressive until you successfully stand up to them. So wait until the next opportunity with evidence. That's if you decide to act at all, which is up to you. However, I suggest you decide in advance if you want to act or not. That way, if you do decide to act, you can act swiftly when the time comes because your resolve is already determined ahead of time.