Tell Kids "Some kids have 2 Moms"?

[jilligirl]

Hello everyone. Just interested on your thoughts about this topic.

 

I was talking to my 2 older sisters and mother last night (at my niece's birthday party).

 

One of my sisters commented that some schools teach their young students that some kids have "two daddies" and some have "two mommies." She said it in a disgusted way.

 

I said: "You wouldn't let your kids know that some of their friends might have two parents of the same sex?"

 

She's like: "No, I'm conservative . . ."

 

Another sister said, in other words, that she'd be worried that her kids will think that being with someone of the same sex is "OK." (Which, apparently, to her, is a bad thing.)

 

I said to them that they're crazy, and that when my kids are at an appropriate age (puberty?), I'd tell them all about it. This is life, some people do have two parents of the same sex, some people date/marry others of the same sex, and they (my future kids) have a right to know this. They need to be brought up as individuals who accept diversity and every person's differences and preferences.

 

I don't know why I'm posting this, but it bothers me that my sisters and I have such different views, considering we were raised by the same parents. (But everyone's still different, right?)

 

I am NOT second guessing my beliefs on this issue (when I do have kids, a time will come when I would tell them about homosexuality and help them develop a positive/neutral, rather than a negative, attitude about it).

 

But I'm curious to know: Will you/have you ever discussed homosexuality with your children? If so, when do you think it is appropriate to tell them? Why would you/wouldn't you tell them about it?

 

Thanks!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Children take their lead from their parents about what is 'normal'. So when I lived in a city where there were a lot of gay couples raising childen, the kids at school were taught this was completely normal. And they were 100% fine with it - it's not that interesting, to be honest. The nuclear family has changed - these days, there IS no such thing as a 'normal' family, it's a combination of single parents, step families, etc etc.

 

I was amazed at how cool the children were with this, though - they just accept that it's as normal as divorce and so on. And it really stops the bullying, when they learn that families come in very different shapes and sizes.

 

As with every prejudice, children learn it from their parents and later their peers. No child is born homophobic, racist, sexist. It's a learned response.

 

Cheers!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey jilligirl -

 

I think some people are afraid that teaching something means it's permission. That's why a lot of people don't want SEX Ed in schools. Because that might be telling kids it's OK to have sex.

 

I think some people just misunderstand the power of information. In MY opinion, it helps us ALL be less of the mindset that your sisters have.

 

As for how, when of IF we should tell our own kids....in my opinion - OF COURSE.

 

I use this a s a good guide....when my kids ask, they're ready to know.

 

When my daughter asked about where babies come from at the age of 3 - I answered her question with an age appropriate answer. You don't have to get into SEX between men and women when they're three, that's not whatthey want to know. They want to know where a baby comes from!

 

So I told her, a sperm and an egg. The woman has an egg and the man has the sperm and when they get put together, a baby grows.

 

It wasn't until she was almost 5 she asked HOW they got together. THAT was a little more uncomfortable - 'specially when she said..."YOU AND DADDY DID THAT??"

 

I've also talked with yy daughter about same sex partners. And that sometimes people who get married (or want to) are two women or two men. Some kids have two mommies and some have two daddys.

 

She had no reaction. Seemed perfectly normal and natural to her.

 

Its ALL in how you teach it. Unfortunately for your sisters children, they will grow up thinking its wrong.....

[jilligirl]

Children take their lead from their parents about what is 'normal'. So when I lived in a city where there were a lot of gay couples raising childen, the kids at school were taught this was completely normal.

 

Children do take the lead from their parents, true (but not in all cases, look at me).

 

I live about 15 min. outside of NYC. My mom used to work in the city, dad worked in the city for a couple of decades, one of my sisters (not the one's I mentioned in my first post) works in the city and has tons of gay friends. You'd think that exposure to such diversity (including homoesxuality) would've changed my parents' and other sisters' prudish views! But I guess it's because my parents are traditional - they're much older than me- I'm 26, they're 66 and 62, and they're pretty much set in their old-school ways.

 

I'm a teacher. I used to work with "typically developing" children (I now work with children with autism). I even did daycare while I was an undergrad. And you're right-- kids, especiallly the really young ones, don't attach stereotypes to people who are "different" from them. It's truly beautiful. I can't wait until I have children-- I'm going to help shape them into accepting, respectful human beings.

[jilligirl]

So I told her, a sperm and an egg. The woman has an egg and the man has the sperm and when they get put together, a baby grows.

 

It wasn't until she was almost 5 she asked HOW they got together. THAT was a little more uncomfortable - 'specially when she said..."YOU AND DADDY DID THAT??"

 

 

Wow, you seem to have such an open relationship with your kids! I envy that. My mother never had any of those talks with me-- I found most things out from my older sisters, and from TV (bad, I know). My mother didn't talk to me about a lot of things. She was even the type who caused me to fear telling her about certain things that I'd done. I never got pregnant at a young age, but in my mind back then, it was the worst thing that could possibly happen. I always used to think "If I ever get pregnant, I could never tell my mother--she'd KILL ME!"

 

It obviously affected one of my sisters, who, when she got pregnant in her early twenties, and wasn't married, she got an abortion and never told anyone in my family- not my mother OR my other sisters. Probably mostly out of fear of my mother rejecting her somehow. This same sister also got into another kind of trouble (I won't get into it)-- and of course, she didn't tell my parents.

 

I don't want MY kids to be like this with me, and I'm glad that even though my mom doesn't do well with reacting appropriately, and even though I never felt comfortable telling her about personal things, or things I've messed up on--- at least I have the mindset to be different when I have my own kids. I don't want to be like she was with my sisters and I, and I don't want my kids to EVER be afraid to tell me ANYTHING.

 

Wow, this post got way off-topic. Sorry.

 

The comment your kid made "YOU AND DADDY DID THAT?" had me laughing my butt off, here!

[annie24]

I think it would be appropriate before puberty to point out that there are many different kinds of families. Like some have a mom and dad, some only have a mom or dad, sometimes the grandparents raise the kids, or and aunt and uncle, or sometimes there are two moms or two dads.

 

I don't think that children would take a value judgment from that. you are just letting them know what are all the different kinds of families out there.

 

it's sad about your sister. it's not as if her kids are going to catch "gay" from their playmates.

[Batya33]

I've always lived in NYC and I used to be a teacher. 21 years ago I worked in a school with my sister and she would tell the kids if certain kids had "two mommies." They were accepting and all was fine.

 

These days there are some good children's books out there to help kids accept and be comfortable with the two mommies/two daddies.

 

i don't think it has much to do with being conservative - what about children who are being raised by one parent, by grandparents, in foster care, who are adopted? Children should understand that there are a variety of families and settings in which children are raised - it does not have to be about politics.

[itsallgrand]

Ignorance! The mentality seems to be "if I have an opinion on something, it makes it so".

 

Like you said jilligirl, this is life and in the world there are people who are homosexual. OMG, some even raise families! lol Not liking it doesn't make them go away.

 

I do not have children, but if/when I do, they will be raised to know that there are all sorts of ways to live out there. You can have whatever feelings and opinions you want about differences - so long as you show respect to your fellow man/woman/child.

 

Grow up with diversity without the toxic prejudices being drilled into you, and it becomes hard not to make a lot of different friends. Best way to learn tolerance, IMO.

 

Some people like to hide behind politics. God. Whatever. All it is a lame way of trying to give clout to their own personal stances/fears. They don't want to talk about it or see it: so the idea is to banish it from existence. Classic deadly stuff.

[Tigris]

I'm having problems at present with my two sisters because I've 'come out' as a lesbian. I've been married twice, 5 years and 15 years. Recently I realised I'd been a lesbian in denial for 30 years.

 

One sister has a son 16 and he understands. My youngest sister doesn't want to have to explain to her two children aged 9 and 7 about my fiancee and I. We're getting married next year and wanted all the children to be part of it. My eldest nephew was going to be my Best Man, unfortunately they'll be in Florida at Disneyland. The youngest children were going to be ring bearer and bridesmaid. My sister says they're not coming to the wedding. I was heart broken!

 

She doesn't need to explain anything I'm usually the person who ends up having to tell them things when they ask questions. Like the person earlier I give them enough information to satisfy their curiosity, but I don't go into the fine details. All I would say to my nephew and neice is that ours is a special wedding for people who love each other.

 

If they asked about us holding hands I'd say I hold your hands because I love you, it's just the same. If they asked about the kiss at the wedding I'd say that all people who get married kiss when the service is over. By the way my sisters are reacting you'd think we were going to have a snogging session than a quick kiss! If they asked about sleeping in the same bed and sex. I'd just say that we kiss and cuddle and then go to sleep. They don't need to know anything like that until they're much older.

 

Why can't they be as accepting as I've always been?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Thanks! Yes, this is exactly WHY I am open with my kids. Not only do I want them to know the truth of the matter and to have the correct information but I walso want them to understand and feel the openess so they ALWAYS know they can talk to me.

 

And I don't think you WERE off topic. Its all related. If you don't give your kids the info, teach them stuff, show them tolerance, they will NOT have it when they're older.

[FoxLocke]

Ta Ree Saw, I love the relationship you have with your kids! I wish I could have been that open with my mom...However, she laboured under the delusion that I would be ten forever...

 

Anywho, I don't care what someone's beliefs are...Gay families are a reality. There are going to be children who have two mommies or two daddies, and there is nothing you can do about it. I think the parents, no matter their feelings on gay parenting, should be respectful around their children...Because ULTIMATELY the child of gay parents will suffer, because he or she will be bullied or tormented...

 

I don't know if I want kids though...They are cute, but too expensive and time consuming! My hat is off to full-time parents gay and straight!