single and beautiful

[samantha01]

I'm 29-female-single female and to be honest I only had one bf ever. I'm very beautiful and get approached by bunch of men but I just don't connect with any of them so I don't want to waste time. I have a very unique personality that just does't click with too many people. On the other hand, I have bunch of male friends and some of them tried to date me, but the more I got to know them, the more I noticed they are not for me. I have no idea what I'm looking for- but I know I need to feel a connection - have things in common,- which I never have both. Nothing else is wrong with me I'm quite happy peson , life is good but I'm seriously wondering how I never like anyone. No I do not like women !!! Anyone else having this problem? Any suggestions?

[doyathink]

HA! You don't say!

 

well, lets see

 

1. Your beautiful

2. single

3. female

4. get approached often by a bunch of men

5. dont connect with men

6. dont want to waste time on them

7. you have a unique personality

8. dont click with men

9. male friends want to date you but you aren't into them

10. nothings wrong with you

11. life is good but you seriously wonder why you never like anyone

12. no, you dont like women

 

I think you are just too perfect for the human race... And, Your very modest.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I have no idea what I'm looking for- but I know I need to feel a connection - have things in common,- which I never have both.

 

You might not know what you're looking for because you've only had one boyfriend.

 

Time to get out there and start dating.

 

The more you date, the more you find out about what you want.

 

As an aside; do you think it's possible that your expectations are too high?

 

Another aside; being beautiful has little or nothing to do with being happy and finding someone to share your life with.

[samantha01]

Just to mention ..when I said I look good...I said it because I was explaining my situation it was not said for showing off purposes. I have always thought I just haven't met the right guy to feel the connection and attraction.. but Now I'm almost 30 and I still have the same issue...either I'm attracted to the guy but his personality turns me off or I feel some connection but I have no attraction. ANy helpfull relevant suggestions?

[friscodj]

Sometimes connections take time to develop, as such it takes time to get to know someone. Your view of "wasting time" as you describe is hindering this process I think. Give people a chance and enjoy just getting to know guys on a personal and eventually intimate level.

 

You might also try attending events or joining clubs that relate to your interests. That's a great way to meet people of similar interests.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If you know what attracts you and what doesn't how can you still say you don't know what you want?

 

Maybe its the men you pick to start with.

[doyathink]

Ok Sam, lets be frank here...what rocks your boat? Whacha lookin for in a man?

[forza2]

Ok Sam, lets be frank here...what rocks your boat? Whacha lookin for in a man?

 

She's probably looking for some one like me, but again I'm too perfect

 

 

jk, even I am not perfect

[Lily04]

Yup, I have the same problem. I just decided to date guys, even if I'm not that into them!! just think of it as a fun night to go out and see a movie. after a few dates of getting to know him, you can always say you only see him as a friend. not a big deal. that's what dating is all about...

 

On the other hand, I am an utter perfectionist so it was really difficult for me too. no kidding, check out my thread about seeing a psychologist who is going to diagnose me with it lol..I'm 21 and only had one bf who i wasn't even attracted to, I just dated because I wanted to have a boyfriend.

 

You will meet him eventually. And I have a feeling he might not even be what you expect. To be honest I find the combination of 'good-looking/intelligent/humble' (what i really like) to be very difficult to find in guys... so i won't expect all. I am willing to date a guy who I don't find so physically attractive anymore, but whose personality i really like. so, consequently, it will take some time to get to know people and go out for dates/evenings with friends may help in that process. or just getting to know people informally. you may just find that you'll gradually become attracted to them, even if the initial flaming 'spark' wasn't there at the outset.

 

I hope this helps, and don't stress about it. Reading your post really helped me in knowing that there's other people out there like me. but yeah i'm just accepting dates from guys who may not be '100%' initially but who still have something that's OK... attraction can develop, and soon enough you'll find him..

 

Lily

[Fisch]

I dont mean to make this about looks, and fundamentally it is not. But many attractive people have this problem. Often it happens because attractive people are approached SO often and have so much to pick from that they constantly believe that there is someone out there who is better. Thus, while a relatively unnatractive person may have only a few people to pick from and the few in their lot may be deemed special, an attractive person is used to having so many likely candidates that A) their being attracted to you is not special at all and B). Thus, it is not so much that an unnatractive person will believe that they have less options than an attractive person or vice versa (although I am sure that is true in the minds of many) rather it is this psychological conditioning that raises or lowers the uniqueness or whatever of the people that approach them. This combined with the rather lame courting process of human beings (In my opinion).

 

I mean in order to get to know someone, I mean really know them on the inside you have to get past a lot of nonsense and it takes a lot of time. That is why for example, when I am interested especially in a beautiful woman, I hold in mind that they probably are approached by tons of men who seem really non-unique even if they are worthwhile arent that original when it comes to that little time before the honeymoon period lol. Heck a lot of people probably get into relationships and dont have the convenience of having a "connection"... granted those relationships are probably unhealthy but its a good example of the conditioning. Yes people should look for people that they see something special in, but hey... we are also animals. Thats my shtick anyway

[friscodj]

You will meet him eventually. And I have a feeling he might not even be what you expect.

 

Exactly. Let go of your notions or images of a "perfect" guy or someone perceptually "good enough" for you, if you have them. I have fallen for women I never would have thought I would. Things happen like that I've seen...and you'll learn a lot in the process about life, love, and yourself.

 

Attraction is also pretty fickle and sometimes you can't generate chemistry out of thin air. I really think the suggestion of pursuing your activities and interests in groups or clubs will help out a lot.

[friscodj]

Excellent post...well done...

[Lily04]

Yeah, I agree. It's not about lowering standards but just being open to meeting people (and dating) who you'd otherwise never think of... case in point. last friday night. a guy i met campaigning approached me -- really good look asian (actually he's half-white, half-asian). As I am European, I am usually not attracted to Asians... and i'm not sure i'm that physically attracted to him actually, although he could easily be a model (he's probably 6'2" and muscular, etc.) but just not my typical 'type' I guess. However, his personality, his kindness and just consideration really drew me to him and even though there are still aspects I see where we don't relate, when he asked me out I said yes anyway.

 

Do I see us dating for a long time? probably not, to be honest. I don't know why, i'm not like totally attracted to him and can't get him off my mind every second type of attraction. actually i'm not even sure i'm attracted to him at all. but he's a really nice person and i could have a fun time just getting to know him and seeing a movie. and he is decently attractive.

 

that's enough for now... both with regard to dating and writing on enotalone lol.....i have to get to essay wrting!

 

lily

[Spugly Fuglet]

Hi samantha

here's my take on your post.

May I Ask some questions,

 

Age is of no matter, yet you tell us your 29 and looking down tne barral of 30, your you looking not just for love but also a feather for you children?

 

You say "I'm very beautiful" may I ask are you beautiful all the way thow, inside and out, what is your persinality like, do men like you for you, not just the skin deep?.

 

"I don't want to waste time."

 

"I have a very unique personality"

 

I begin to see here a self view that some how you have set your self apart from others.

We all have equily unique personalitys would that we but look. Here on ENA you have but to read some of the postd to see how rich and verid humans can be. Looks mean nothing, they are a passing part of age, but souls now there in is the beautiy of the world.

 

"just does't click with too many people."

 

that to is true of many,

 

"On the other hand, I have bunch of male friends and some of them tried to date me, but the more I got to know them, the more I noticed they are not for me."

 

May I ask are compearing them all with the way you felt with your 1st BF?

 

"I have no idea what I'm looking for"

 

Shoping list must haves

A man

Good Looking

Grate personality

need to feel a connection

things in common

A happy peson

A good life

Single

Strate

No problems

must won't a family and kids soon.

 

Is this list right?

 

me I was 35 when I met my wife who was 28, She is from grate city from China and a christian I'm from a fram in the wilds of the north of England and a taoist, she is stunningly beautiful with a grate and kind soul, wile me how ever, I'm an ugly mutt of a man, a biker who drinks, farts and fights, is moody (bi-pol) dyslexic a mess, but I also right poems, paint and cry at sad films, (i know I'm a big girls blouse)

 

and my wife makes my life and I know I make hers. There is aways laughter and jokes in our home.

 

Don't get me wrong I'm not just thankfull I'm with one butifull woman, I was that ugly guy who always hads a pritty gf, (im not braging I have photos to prove it) I don't know why, I never "chatted" up any one, ever and never with one liners, you are mre likely to get a get lost than a get here from me, I hate night clubs, don't go to see bands cuz I hate croweds. I would if taken sit in a corner looking t'ed off all knight yet I met some grate woman in my life some of whom became freands and later lovers.

 

why, I think it was becouse I was not looking, when I met my wife, she hated english men, hated england and hated english food, come on I was in love from day one, cooked her a meal to get her over her disliking of english food, I'm still working on the other two.

 

So could it be your looking for the wrong things in the wrong places.

 

Ask yourself who makes me laugh, who makes you feel confitabull, who lets me be me?

 

That's what realised about my old gf, I did not ask them to be any thing other than be who they where, so many men who see a beautiful woman need her to always, 24/7 be that image, when the truth is that image is not who they really are.

 

I realise now all I ever did was disregard the looks.

 

well that's my take

[Fisch]

Another point to make on the subject, is that people have little attraction switches in their heads and if you do the right thing there is nothing you can do but have them turned on or off. Attractive people often find these switches hard to turn on because people are constantly trying to flip em! I reiterate that it is sort of a sad courting process, because it really does not have anything to do with what kind of couple they might make, and is really rather misleading. Best advice I could give, search a little deeper, dont judge people to early, its the risk you have to take if you want to really get to know someone. Then again if even then people just aint clickin for ya, maybe the conditioning is deeper or maybe some people just have very special tastes.

[quietgrl]

The botton line is if you're a picky woman when it comes to dating men.Your but is going to be one lonely a** woman

[Dating Coach]

Can I see some pics?

[slacky b]

Why not just let the whole question of why you don't click with anyone ride for a while? Trying to figure it out doesn't seem to be helping much. It might be that the situation will resolve itself one day. Also, I'd say there's certainly no need to blame yourself in any way. It's not as if the world is full of kind, honest and fascinating people just waiting to be found. If you're holding out for someone really special, it's no surprise at all that you're experiencing a long wait. Most people settle for the best they figure they can get and let it go at that. You don't sound like you're in that mindset at all. Anyway, hope some of this is helpful. - Slacky B

[CluelessGuy321]

As I am European, I am usually not attracted to Asians... and i'm not sure i'm that physically attracted to him actually, although he could easily be a model (he's probably 6'2" and muscular, etc.)

 

If only you people knew how depressed these statements make me.

 

Being an Asian-American male is HARD. Even harder if I keep thoughts like that in my mind. *sigh*

[doyathink]

If only you people knew how depressed these statements make me.

 

Being an Asian-American male is HARD. Even harder if I keep thoughts like that in my mind. *sigh*

 

CG, I find Asian-Americans stunning! No need think you are any less than beautiful yourself...

[samantha01]

thank you guys for your advices and opinions

[TheRedQueen]

I have no idea what I'm looking for

BINGO!!! And therein lies your "problem".

[samantha01]

U know this might sound stupid, but sometimes I think the reason for my situation might be the area where I live. Living on the beach makes people act like they are on a lifelong vacation - walking around half naked, having one night stands,drinking, living the party life until they turn 40. I am a social person but I'm not sure I like that kind of a lifestyle.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Then move... That's not a hard solution to come up with.

[Lily04]

Actually it could be. Maybe she goes to school around there, has family, friends, job, etc... you could always find those things somewhere else though. My concern is that after I graduate I would love to live in the city but it's so damn expensive I don't think I could keep up with the standard of living! The lifestyle is awesome but... way too expensive in some places. Money may also be a thing, I don't know. But if it's not....moving might make you happier.

 

Also just with reference to the above post... I think that is *really* true. I remember last year around this time I made a post about having the biggest crush on the "perfect" guy who I never even met in real life. Afterwards I found out he was completely not my type. But I used to be attracted to the type of guys who were sorta egotistical for some reason... the type who like to have girls all over them. I don't know why, maybe for the challenge? But now I've decided that that type of guy doesn't appeal to me anymore. Your 'perfect' guy may change and after you meet more people and date, you may realize that what you thought you liked in a guy wasn't really what you should have. You may like the mysterious, handsome and intelligent guy (well i guess who doesn't?) but there may be aspects of his personality that come along with that (arrogance, elitist attitude) that you find off-putting. And ultimately you have to make a decision as to whether you want to be with that type of person.

 

Are you sure you're looking for the right type of guy? Maybe don't even have an 'ideal' in mind...just meet new people, date guys who you may not expect to be 'the one' but who are still interesting. Are you a perfectionist as well? As I have really high standards for myself (with regard to looks, goals, etc.) I tend to hold a partner to the same...maybe that may also be why you're having a bit of trouble with this. But don't worry. Just don't have preconceptions and be OPEN. That is most important.

 

Good luck,

 

Lily