My bf makes me feel like a

[lucia]

Hi everyone,

 

As some of you know I'm with my bf for 2,5 years now. We live together.

 

I'm feeling down right now and let me explain why. Well I didn't have sex with him for 2 weeks now. First week I was on my period and then I was busy with school and work and when I come home from work it's usually like 2 am and he's sleeping already(I'm a full time student and a batender). I've been really really horny these past 2 weeks, but I didn't masturbate, cause he gets upset when I do this. I gave him a couple of blowjobs while I was on my period. I figured since he's really horny and I can't have sex I can do that. But now when I can have sex he wouldn't even touch me. It was driving me nuts. And finally today he started kissing me really passionate and then he kinda backed off well I thought that maybe if I go down on him a little he would get more excited and return the favor. Well he came but he didn't do a thing for me. I tried hinting him that I'm really horny, but he's like I promise I'll make it up to you later on and it'll be great. So ok, I just lied down with him and we watched TV.

Later tonight he starts carresing my breasts so I got excited because I knew that something awesome is coming(I thought so, cause he promised earlier). He was kissing me and and it was good, but then he started touching me down there he didn't even put his hand inside my pants. He was doing it like he doesn't care. When I opened my eyes I saw that he's looking at the movie on TV, he didn't even noticed I was looking at him. So I got up and started kissing him and caressing his body. I just got really upset cause he wasn't really into it and seemed like he wants to watch the movie (I was schocked since he started). So again, he left me really horny and disappointed.

 

I am so frustrated. I didn't say anything because I knew he would say something like I'm making things up etc. So I stayed quiet and he's like is eerything ok and said yes. But when I was in the kitchen I just couldn't take it and started crying, when he came in and saw me crying he got very upset and just said something like "oh, F..." and left and went straight to the badroom. I couldn't believe that he didn't know how all of that made me feel. I felt like a used . I still do.

It's really hard for me to talk about such things, but I knew I should tell him what was wrong with me and I told him about it in the most delicate way I could, his answer was that he can't believe I was upset because he's not giving me sex and that's

 

I don't know what to do, I actuallu apologized him but it made me feel even worse. I feel so stupid and ugly...........

[AwdreeHpburn]

lucia -

 

you are far from stupid or ugly.

 

For whatever reason, this has been going on for some time between the two of you. Maybe it's time for you to find out why and for him to come clean with his reasons.

 

I honestly don't get it because if that's you in your avatar, there are a zillion guys on here who would swoop you up in a second and leave you wanting for nothing.

 

He has issues. What they are I have no clue. Could be boredom. Exhaustion. Guilt. Who knows, but it's time for a serious, "what the heck is going on" talk between the two of you. This could be something really detrimental.

 

Where is the relationship going as far as you're concerned? What does he think about the future of it?

[Daddy Bear]

i agree with T; you're not stupid or ugly, and you're not a , either. it sounds like the bf is being a little insensitive and takes you for granted, or maybe his job or something else in his life is keeping him from being his best self. i'm not saying that you should be confrontational or threaten to leave but, if i were you, i wouldn't be apologetic for something that doesn't sound like it's entirely your fault. that gives him more than his share of power in the relationship.

 

on a side note: every time i see your avatar, i thnk of the old "favorite sex positions" thread. that had to be the best thread of all time. *laughing*

[booberry]

I've been really really horny these past 2 weeks, but I didn't masturbate, cause he gets upset when I do this.

 

WHAT??????? why is that any of his business? He sounds like a selfish (and prudish) little boy who doesnt deserve a hot-stuff woman like yourself.

 

Tell him EXACTLY what is bothering you. If he doesnt put out emotionally and physically, cut him out, and masturbate to your hearts content. Be strong, woman!

[dawn515]

Hi lucia,

 

Like the above posters, I have to say NO, you are neither stupid nor ugly! It does sound as though there could be another issue here. Can't say what it is, but I would not automatically assume that it is you. There could be a million different reasons that he's not up to having intercourse with you.

 

However, perhaps, in the meantime, you should stop being so generous (the blow jobs, etc) without anything in return. It seems to make you feel let down and not feeling too great about yourself. Instead, stop working so hard on him and tell him your concerns in the most polite way as possible to see what's up. It's hard to know, in your position, how to proceed without much input from him on how he feels about it.

 

But, hmm, I do have to ask about him not liking your masturbating? Can you explain? That seems unreasonable.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry you feel bad. Do you think that maybe he's got something else going on in his mind, maybe he's tired or worried?

 

But I agree with the above, why can't you masturbate? That seems a little odd - most men kind of like to see women do this. And get involved, if you see what I mean, lol.

 

I think you need to sit him down and talk to him about this - because you MIGHT be reading it wrong, or he might be playing games with you, or he might have been equally hurt by you (although I'm not sure why). But communication has to be the key to this, especially as you're living together.

 

Good luck!

[FCTex]

I'm going to say something here, that might not be the case, and generally isn't a good thing in this case, but as a man who might be in a similar stance as your boyfriend, I can only try and shed a little light on what as made me be like that before.

 

I love sex, don't get me wrong, and I've never been like this but in the past I've just withheld sex from my girlfriend.

 

She loves sex, she used to be all over me and I liked it when we first started dating. But it slowly starting slacking off, and he wanting ME to initiate the sex. I personally don't think it's a big deal, it takes two to have sex, and I certainly leave her breathless wether she starts it, or I do.

 

However, I work a very stressful job. She doesn't have anything but school and a small part time job sometimes. And sometimes our relationships isn't that great.

 

Sometimes I don't like to be with her as much as I would, it's a day to day thing sometimes, where I just feel unhappy with my relationship, or I doubt it.. Any number of things could happen..

 

She used to try and flirt with me, but almost say, "if you make me mad, you can't take my pants off tonight".. I hate that. Do NOT use sex as a means of discipline.

 

But the bottomline is, my girlfriend has now shut down. She will not do ANYTHING, unless I start it now, and then she'll pick up and do her part. Sure it's a pain in my * * *, but when I get horny and she's available, why not..

 

I really just think that it's been a year since we've been together now, and while I don't think she's the one, and that we've lost some of the passion in our sex, I think the fact that she believes she has the power to control the sex, it makes me not even wanna care to give it to her.

 

But when I sat down and wondered why I'm dont have sex with her as much, I can't really explain it. I just don't feel the need for as much sex as I used to have these days. I also don't think I find her as satisfying, or the sex as fun as it used to be. She doesn't do anything to spice it up, or change it around to make it new, and when I do, it just doesn't fly. I also, don't think I find her as attractive sexually as I used too..

 

Basically, sometimes, I find sex with her, boring and mundane. But lately it's been getting better, and I can't explain why.

[rmpavlock]

Wow...first of all, Lucia, you are not stupid or ugly. You shouldn't feel like that. Have you actually tried just asking him what's up? I'm not sure about this guy. The fact that he gets mad when you masturbate is a little strange, but I would try talking to him first and see what happens with that. If he's not responsive maybe you need to think about whether or not you want to be with this guy.

[TiredMan]

Perhaps he doesn't get in the mood on your time schedule? Meaning when you are really horny?

 

Or maybe he just hasn't been in the mood in general.

[lman69]

No offense, but he sounds very selfish. Not the type you want to be in a long term relationship with. My advice is leave him.

 

P.S. You can have sex on your period, its just sometimes a tad bit messy.

[dragonzeyez]

Lucia, I am sorry if any of this sounds rude, I really do, but over the past months (maybe 4-5? not sure) I have seen you post about this guy more then a few times. Maybe consider seeing a relationship counselor would help? I am sorry, but from what I have read in the past and have read on this post, this guy does not seem like he is trying at all to take your needs or feelings into consideration. I mean, if I did not want to have sex with my gf I would atleast let her know the reason, and I would not make her feel like * * * * in the process, I hope you didn't take what I said as being rude, but you said in this post that you kept how you felt away from him because you knew it would make him upset, well maybe you NEED to make him upset, he sure seems to do it to you a lot. It sounds like you and him really need to talk more. Cheers, and if it makes you feel any better, you are a very attractive woman.

[gattsuga]

The guy sounds like he loves to be in control of you. Other than sex, does he control you in other ways as well? Like what you can eat, or when you are allowed to go out?

 

I don't think any guy who loves his girl would rather watch tv than have sex. He's using sex as a means to control you. He loves to see you squirm for it, but even tells you not to masturbate to relieve yourself. Very selfish, and very controlling.

 

It's time to step up yourself. stop obeying everything he tells you do to, and have some self respect. If you want to masturbate, just masturbate already!!

[FCTex]

I think everyone is being too harsh.

 

Sometimes peoples sexual wants and needs definitely different than their partners. Some people can make it work out, others can't...

 

The fact he doesn't like you masterbating is strange, but some guys think it's a sign that they aren't doing a good enough job when they DO, do the deed...

 

I think he's insecure about something. That and while you've posted this problem before, you've also seen some light at the end when some work is put into it.

 

 

I think you just need to decide how big of an issue this is to you, if it's worth holding on to, or if it's worth breaking a few feelings and working out.

[nadine_3110]

That is totally unexpected, a guy turning away from a girl who wants him. Sometimes, it's just that the guy doesn't realize that you are horny, no matter how big the hints you give him are. I agree with lots of other ppl's posts, you have got to talk to him about it. If you're not satisfied, sexually or mentally, this isn't a healthy relationship, you gotta work it out.

Good luck!

[lucia]

well he knew I was very horn, and he started pleasing me but then he stopped after like one minute. He made me even hornier and then he stopped. That was horrible.

[treefrogkate]

I feel like you and your boyfriend just aren't communicating clearly. Talk to him. Instead of saying everything is ok, tell him how you feel.

 

Explain to him that masturbation is as natural as anything else, and that he shouldn't view it as a threat to his masculinity (or whatever reason he has for not wanting you to do it). Explain that he might think it's fun to play with you during a movie, but that this builds up hopes and it hurts when he doesn't follow through.

 

If it happens again, why not just start taking things into your own hands, so to speak? Maybe he'll get into it?

 

P.S. Everyone else has said it too, but don't think that you're ugly or stupid. I've fallen into this trap before, and it's not worth it. You seem like a perfectly articulate, intelligent woman, and from your avatar, you're a cutie to boot.

[blender]

I'm sorry your having a tough time, try reading the book "Mars and Venus in the bedroom". I really think there are times where it's more important in a relationship to be "understanding of your partner" than it is to try to get them to "understand you". Right now take a deep breath and understand that you are disappointed but also understand that HE feels like he's the disappointment and that will always make a guy run away into "his cave" for a bit...

 

I think the solution here starts with you understanding YOURSELF and then understanding HIM. Starting with trying to get him to understand you will leave you chasing your own tail in a circle. so try a different approach and learn more about yourself and the effect you may have on others, and try to "understand" what his issues may be...

 

Also be careful of saying or believing that HE can MAKE YOU FEEL A CERTAIN WAY ABOUT YOURSELF, how you feel about yourself is up to you, and if you find that you are someone who is just not secure and stable in your own sense of self, then that is something you can work on, love is not only expressed sexually, it is kindness, taking time to understand, listen, talk, not accuse, saying how you feel, not playing games, sticking to your standards, yet openning your mind and heart to understanding yourself and him...

[gnabna]

Sweetie, you are neither stupid or ugly. I did not read all of the other posts but I am sure that the popular vote is that you look to be a lovely, beautiful woman.

 

I think he is not treating you fairly and that you are most certainly catering to his needs. What I read though was that when asked if you were ok you said YES and then said why could he not tell.... I was guilty of that when I was younger expected him to just know- but they are not mind readers. We have to communicate our needs and feelings.

 

I hope you are able to talk to him about it ASAP.

[unface]

You should masturbate as often as you'd like.

 

No one should be able to tell us not to masturbate.

[unface]

I've been really really horny these past 2 weeks, but I didn't masturbate, cause he gets upset when I do this.

 

I just read another post of yours that you made on the sixth where you said it turned him on when you masturbated.

 

Is it a turn on for him or not?

[lucia]

I just read another post of yours that you made on the sixth where you said it turned him on when you masturbated.

 

Is it a turn on for him or not?

 

That one time he said it turned him one, but it was only once. Any other times I tried doing that he would get upset, like I let him down or something. I'm not really sure. When I asked him, he said that if I want to masturbate then I should just leave and go to the other room, do it and then I can come back if I want. But it seems awful, I would feel like I'm doing something wrong and it also turns me on that he's with me...For example we're kissing and it gets pretty hot and then he doesn't want to have sex with me so I should just leave the room and masturbate? That seems so akward..I don't know what to think anymore.

[Amazongrl]

You are NOT stupid or ugly. Don't feel like you need to say that you are sorry for feeling the way you do. It sounds like he's getting a pretty good deal out of all of this. Stand your ground. If you have told him how you feel about what's going on, you have done your part. It's obvious that he's getting what he wants. Wonder what would happen if you gave it (his...ahem)a rest for a while? Looks like the shoe is on the other foot!

[sinas777]

Hey girlie,

 

Please don't say you are sorry anymore, for stuff that isn't your fault. By doing this, you are giving him permisssion to continue to treat you like sh**. Secondly, I think he wants to talk to you about something OR he may be going through something. Either way, you need to back off n focus on yourself (school and all) and he should come around.

[unface]

That one time he said it turned him one, but it was only once. Any other times I tried doing that he would get upset, like I let him down or something. I'm not really sure. When I asked him, he said that if I want to masturbate then I should just leave and go to the other room, do it and then I can come back if I want. But it seems awful, I would feel like I'm doing something wrong and it also turns me on that he's with me...For example we're kissing and it gets pretty hot and then he doesn't want to have sex with me so I should just leave the room and masturbate? That seems so akward..I don't know what to think anymore.

 

image removed

 

^^ That guy is crazy or stupid... or both.

[KellyWyndham]

GOD these kind of guys make me really angry..ditch him and hell come crawling back. do you know how many guys wud want to be in his position? and he's taking it for granted. u can do so much better