Women Spending Money!

[sandmander]

Okay, so maybe the title is a little sexist, but it got your attention, right?

 

It is common knowledge, or shall I be more politically correct and say "legend", that women sometimes spend more of their partner's money than their partner would like.

 

How do you all feel about girls and their plastic?

 

I'm asking because it can be such an extremely touchy subject, multiplied 10 fold when the spendthrift is your girlfriend and the money is her own as opposed to a spouse and your cash. In this case it should be none of your business, BUT what if said girlfriend then complains "I don't have enough money for *insert whatever*".

 

Or how about paying her way for things such as dinner and a movie? In my opinion it makes it a little less "special" for me to drop cash on her when she spent double what I spent on her earlier that day buying a purse that she absolutely did not need.

 

How can I possibly react with complete indifference to her $50 sweater when she complains that she hasn't enough money for simple little things with or without me.

 

 

Well, what are your thoughts on women spending money in a dating relationship? Butt out completely? Be indifferent, or even praise her ludicrous purchases? Praising is all fine and well, but I don't want to encourage wasting money, even her own. I live a VERY thrifty life, she is pampered to some extent by her father.

 

I'm going to take her dumpster diving with me until she learns to appreciate the buck.

 

Why are my posts always unnecessarily long? Thanks for the replies folks.

[annie24]

what is your question?

 

on the surface, it appears that you and your gf would not be compatible in a long-term relationship or marriage because you have different views towards money.

[sandmander]

what is your question?

 

on the surface, it appears that you and your gf would not be compatible in a long-term relationship or marriage because you have different views towards money.

 

Well if I could sum it all up into one question it would be:

 

Should I ignore when my gf spends money for no reason, considering she doesn't do it too often, or should I subtly hint that I don't really approve of her doing so since it is my manly intuition to not buy expensive things because they look good.

[rose2summer]

If it's her money that she earned herself, why should you tell her how to spend it?

 

I think coercing her into your views is manipulation and could be considered controlling by her.

[renaissancewoman101]

You guys are in a relationship. You are NOT her keeper. thereforeeee, you have NO right to tell her what she can and cannot spend on. You can make a comment but you really have no right to tell her what to do.

 

I agree with Annie, if this is causing such a problem, maybe you shouldnt be dating her.

 

My ex and I had issues with money. I made more than him and was more independent than him. There were times he criticized what I spent my money on. He didnt care to reflect on himself that he spent money needlessly on toys, booze, and cigarettes. Eventually our incompatibility led us to split up.

 

If she is spending money on herself and not asking you to buy stuff for her, than butt out.

[annie24]

Well if I could sum it all up into one question it would be:

 

Should I ignore when my gf spends money for no reason, considering she doesn't do it too often, or should I subtly hint that I don't really approve of her doing so since it is my manly intuition to not buy expensive things because they look good.

 

well... I think it's something that you should think about and look at. are you thinking about marrying her one day? it is important that your values are in line. does she pay her bills on time, buys the essentials first before buying her 17th purse?

 

you know, I know some guys who like that their gfs take care of themselves and buy nice things. I know one guy who buys his gf designer shirts and purses and jewlery. and then other guys who couldn't care less. I don't think one way or another is right or wrong, but you should be with someone who has similar views on money as you.

 

do you appreciate that she looks nice? or do you not care how she looks? or would you like a girl equally who bought a $30 purse instead of a $3000 one?

[ImThatGirl]

How often does she splurge?

 

Does she have her finances in check?

[SarahRose]

Why is it your business?

 

She earns it, then I would say she can do with it what she wants.

 

Do you ever spend money and how would it go over someone else telling you what to do with your money?

[Batya33]

I had a woman friend a few years ago. She was always strapped for cash and embarrassed about it. Since I was not, I often paid for things - a movie ticket, a meal, drinks, etc (sometimes I would pick up the movie tickets and she wouldn't offer to pay her share and I wouldn't ask). But then she would tell me how she went out drinking (where she paid), bought this or that (not expensive but definitely luxuries) and I admit I felt like "hmmm you're always strapped but you have enough for ______?" It was one minor factor in why we didn't stay friends.

 

You have no right to judge how your gf spends her own money unless she asks you to pay for her, claiming she cannot afford it. At that point you still have no right to tell her how to spend her money BUT you have every right to say - well, look, we seem to have different definitions of "can't afford" - seems like you can't afford to chip in for our dating activities but you can afford to go clothes/purse shopping. That's fine but I am not comfortable subsidizing your shopping expeditions by paying for all our dating activities. So, let's do something we can both afford.

[rocio]

 

Does she have her finances in check?

 

I'm curious to know this as well.

 

My ...(fiance, boyfriend, ex, baby-daddy, whatever you wanna call him, yes I'm confused)... used to laugh at me when I would buy new heels, designer purses, chanel makeup.. But he had to right to say anything. Because he had been financially supported by his parents his whole life (as a student), whereas I've been independent from the age of 17, put myself through school, and have just as much education as him. Haha!

 

To me, it's more about the results. If she pays her bills and accomplishes her goals, then I wouldn't worry about her spending habits.

[may55]

Arghhh money is one of the number one fights in ALL couples relationships! Been there done that too.

 

One thing that has been helpful for me is to try and make some rules together about money. If you feel she is spending more money than you would like and she feels the opposite try to sit down for a discussion on this.

 

I know with my ex that he really really did not want me buying things for the house. I would pick up little items here and there like candles, tableclothes etc. So we agreed that I could buy those things but only 2x a year and only spend a certain amount. At first it was hard, but we both ended up getting very close to what we wanted without any arguing.

 

I dunno, I think agreements up front are the only real way to go. And even if it is her money, tell her that this is an agreement between you as a couple and you are not comfortable with not having an agreement. It is in her best interest too becasue you will not be upset at her for spending so much on a purse.

 

If she needs to spend money on clothing, then talk it out about what would make it comfortable with you. You will not get exactly what you want, but you will feel more like you have a say and whatever she spends will not be a surprise, it will be just following the rules you already set up.

[renaissancewoman101]

May55, what you are suggesting, in a way, is like controlling her. If she has her own money and is not dependent on him, she should be allowed to spend money the way SHE wants to. If he doesnt like it, he can always leave.

 

Money is a touchy subject to me and I always hated it if someone criticized the way I spent money. If I wasnt hitting them up for money or making them always pay for stuff, then the way I spent money was MY problem. NOT THEIRS.

 

They are just dating and not married. Even if I was married and my husband constantly criticized my spending (even of MY money), I would be QUITE put out.

[annie24]

May55, what you are suggesting, in a way, is like controlling her. If she has her own money and is not dependent on him, she should be allowed to spend money the way SHE wants to. If he doesnt like it, he can always leave.

 

Money is a touchy subject to me and I always hated it if someone criticized the way I spent money. If I wasnt hitting them up for money or making them always pay for stuff, then the way I spent money was MY problem. NOT THEIRS.

 

They are just dating and not married. Even if I was married and my husband constantly criticized my spending (even of MY money), I would be QUITE put out.

 

yeah, I agree!!!

 

it is her money afterall, and it is up to her to spend it as she sees. After all, he is only her boyfriend, not her husband.

 

If he doesn't like it, he can leave her.

[may55]

I am sorry if I offended women on this board. I totally know it is her money. But if they are serious, and maybe sandmander is not, and if that is the case, then please sandmander listen to the other women on this thread not me!

 

But I do think it is important if you are planning a future with this woman, that you guys have money rules and you make these upfront instead of reactive. Like who pays for what and budgeting. I get the sense that there is a lot of resentment in sandmander's post. This is usually the result in my experience of not having money expectations set. When you have rules with each other then both parties can feel comfortable.

 

When I was married we ended up each giving ourselves our own spending money. I made more $$ than him, then I went back to school, he made more $$ than me. It felt good because we both compromised on how much we'd spend on personal things like clothes, video games, etc. Note the reason we ended was not becasue of money!

 

I dunno maybe I am out there and this is controlling, i dunno, I hate to thin that being a woman, but interetested in what everyone thinks.

[annie24]

well, I think that there is a big difference between the bf/gf relationship and husband and wife. as a married couple, you two have a huge committment to each other, romantically and financially.

 

However, bf/gf.... that is different. if he decides to marry her one day, this is definitely an issue that needs to be brought up and worked on.

 

I would definitely say, before getting married, a couple should work out their finances.

[itsthatguy]

Exactly what you said pisses me off to the Nth degree. I talked to my girlfriend last week and she went out and dropped 500 bucks that she doesn't have on a pair of shoes, a top, and a pair of jeans. So she bought some expensive crap, a lot of it with her Moms money. That's fine, because her parents are very well off, her and her Mom fit into the same clothes/shoes and both love shopping, so it's like a double dividend. No big deal, except she still gets $50 a month for allowance (what kind of 19 year olds get allowance?) and can't spend a dime of it on me when we go out together. We went out for a casual dinner with some friends, it was 70 bucks between 4 people. My share was 10, hers was 15, I paid for her share, she didn't throw anything down, said she didn't have any money when I asked if she could take care of the tip, but then when we went to the bar afterwards she drops 40 bucks on drinks!

 

Women are just too damn confusing, and my girlfriend is too much of a "yes" person for everyone but me, and gets sucked into crap.

[annie24]

itsthatguy - you know, not all women are like that! When I go out on dates, I try to keep things pretty equal. ie, either we take turns paying, or we split the bill. I can't ever imagine spending $500 on clothes, but then not buying drinks for my boyfriend, I am just not that kind of person.

 

next time she suggests going out to a fancy dinner or the bars, just tell her that you are sorry, but are broke, and you two can do something else, like go to a faire, or take a walk. See if that prompts her to buy you drinks or dinner.