sandmander

Well if I could sum it all up into one question it would be: Should I ignore when my gf spends money for no reason, considering she doesn't do it too often, or should I subtly hint that I don't really approve of her doing so since it is my manly intuition to not buy expensive things because they look good.

Okay, so maybe the title is a little sexist, but it got your attention, right? It is common knowledge, or shall I be more politically correct and say "legend", that women sometimes spend more of their partner's money than their partner would like. How do you all feel about girls and their plastic? I'm asking because it can be such an extremely touchy subject, multiplied 10 fold when the spendthrift is your girlfriend and the money is her own as opposed to a spouse and your cash. In this case it should be none of your business, BUT what if said girlfriend then complains "I don't have enough money for *insert whatever*". Or how about paying her way for things such as dinner and a movie? In my opinion it makes it a little less "special" for me to drop cash on her when she spent double what I spent on her earlier that day buying a purse that she absolutely did not need. How can I possibly react with complete indifference to her $50 sweater when she complains that she hasn't enough money for simple little things with or without me. Well, what are your thoughts on women spending money in a dating relationship? Butt out completely? Be indifferent, or even praise her ludicrous purchases? Praising is all fine and well, but I don't want to encourage wasting money, even her own. I live a VERY thrifty life, she is pampered to some extent by her father. I'm going to take her dumpster diving with me until she learns to appreciate the buck. Why are my posts always unnecessarily long? Thanks for the replies folks.

yes, feels great! I am very sensitive anywhere from my knees to my belly button, so any caresses there tend to get me pretty excited.

This may be true. However, suggesting this might be very touchy. Can you give me a reasonable way to suggest this, or at least tell me what kind of help is typically available for this.

Thank you both. I guess I am not of super human strength and have little worries of my own. I love going down on her, and she enjoys it (actually she LOVES it and tells me I'm the best thing ever heh). But, I guess I'm wondering if this pattern is something that she could let go on for, well, ever. I can't speak from her point of view really, but I can say that if I felt terrified to do something sexual to another, but they were more than willing to give me as many wonderful orgasms as I pleased, I would probably just sink into a state of receiving pleasure and become increasingly uninterested in giving. Although as I type this I realize how much trust that would build up over time and I definitely think that there is no harm in continuing things the way they have been going with my girlfriend. I guess I just have no real experience with sexual abuse of any kind, especially dealing with lingering issues. What is the best course of action? I know there isn't a damned strategy guide, but what worked for those that have been in her shoes? For now I will continue to move at her pace, and when she stops short like she does, I will touch the back of her head gently, kiss her softly, and whisper to her that I love and am okay with every part of her, and recline into a cuddling, wonderfully safe position with her, holding her and listening to us breathe. I think that I do love her very very much.

I need and would appreciate some help here. My girlfriend of 3 months has some very real issues with sexual activity that I am just starting to see surface as we are getting more involved. She was basically raped at a very young age (13 or so) and recently got out of a 3 year relationship that consisted of constant verbal abuse, and more important to the topic at hand, a very mediocre, to unsatisfying sex life. She has told me that she rarely enjoyed sex with her former partner, as it was "all about him" and she became used to him asking for things (blowjobs, sex, etc etc). That said, I am not the kind of man to ask her outright for a blowjob or anything else. I will and have hinted that I desire these things, and even encourage her when she touches me and takes charge. She rarely, if ever, actually initiates anything sexual, however, and when she has it has on both occasions ended quite awkwardly with her kind of smiling shyly and even kind of laughing a little in a very timid, and nearly scared way. She has described the feeling of wanting badly to just do certain things, but says she encounters a wall of sorts and she just freezes up. We've not has intercourse, as I both feel she is not ready mentally, even if she physically desires this (as she says she does), and also because I am planning to wait until marriage to have sex, although I am quite confident with her in bed, and could see myself making an exception for her if the circumstances were great. I have gone down on her a handful of times, nearly always giving her an orgasm, once giving her two. She often cannot believe that I am genuine in my outlook on sex as she has never had a lover (the one man she dated for 3 yrs) who had any real concern for her satisfaction. And I am extremely sincere in my desire for her complete and utter sexual satisfaction. I've gone 21 years without sexual contact of any real kind (as a personal choice) and honestly have great willpower and take a good deal of enjoyment out of seeing my girl orgasm. We care a great deal about each other and get more comfortable with each other every day, but I am a man and since things have been a bit physical, I do have my own needs (I have not orgasmed in her presense yet.) That is not even to say I need to get off. What I need is a receptive and open partner who WANTS to please me as much as I want to please her. I have no interest in an emotionless bj/hj and if she is not into it, I can simply go without. She is trying to get to that point and is very unhappy that she reaches the barrior she describes, but it seems that she is betting on time to get her there. It sounds to me like sex had become mechanic to her in her previous relationship, which in time had made her apprehension give way to complacency. Having a terrible, selfish lover probably only helped make sex that much more of a deluded experience for her, as opposed to the beautiful, satisfying, emotionally fulfilling experience it has the potential to be. I am set on achieving that place with her and helping her finally find sex as it was meant to be in her and my own life, but I am no psychologist, and on top of that have very little knowledge of sexual abuse, as has occurred in her youth. For the record I have known her, and saw her very very frequently, for nearly two years before we started dating. I love this girl very much and need advice on how to help in whatever way I can in the healing process regarding her traumatizing first time and current position towards sex. Please ask any questions you have, and thank you very much for reading this.

I feel like I'm in nearly the same boat as you my friend. I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now who had ended a 3 year terrible, emotionally abusive relationship to be with me. I know that we've not been together for very long, but I've known her for over a year before we started dating. A lot of the emotional baggage you describe as being present in your girl, I see also in mine. When we are together we are either clinging to each other, laughing hysterically, and we seem so in love nothing else matters... OR there is a very subtle, uneasy tension between us, like I'm still feeling this love, yet her brain has started clamoring and she seems distracted, aloof, and a little bit as if she's uncomfortable with me. And it's not always anything obvious. We'll be laying there in each other's arms and she's just kind of blank out, like she's drifted off to space. In regards to how I get because of this, I absolutely hate myself for feeling so vulnerable. I feel like a simpering idiot, unable to connect with her and the most I can do is kind of bend myself about her frame and wimper like a puppy dog, asking "what's wrong" or "is everything okay" which of course makes her shut off even more. I only assume that we are both falling in love with each other, but are both scared to give it our all. I have always insisted that I want to give the relationship 100%, but I am often frustrated at her response of inadvertent indifference. Kind of like when you tell someone their sweater looks nice and they either say nothing, or say "I know" or something similar. From my short experience thus far with her I can say that it is a delicate balance between "playing it cool" and wallowing in pitiful, weeping uncertainty at her feet. I try to be there for her whether she's in a good mood, bad mood, happy, sad, affectionate, or indifferent, yet it all comes down to one thing. That is my own need to feel loved. If I were a robot it would be easier, but as it is I need reciprocation or I feel like I'm being used. I know how you feel, man. I sometimes think that withholding my affection will make her see how much she actually wants me in her life, but it's simply not me to play games. I would rather hold her and kiss her, but then I feel lonely when she becomes distracted or distanct. ARGH I'm getting annoyed at myself for talking in circles. JEEEZ. On another note, I sometimes feel like she's blocking her feelings for me at random times. As if she's not allowing herself to get attached. It could possibly a mechanism to prevent herself heartbreak in the future. Sorry this seems to be strictly about my own situation, but I had to register and reply since your post hit so close to home. Hope you are able to take something from it.