Ladies; do girls really go for thin guys?

[Kevin T]

This is turning into a long-winded discussion which I'd like to avoid. I just wanted to hear from some females what they thought of scrawny guys like me. And now I know; more or less. I like to keep things really simple. And here it is:

 

With some very rare exceptions, most women are not going to find me physically attractive. (thereforeeee, I'm told to bolster my "attitude" so that I can win them over with personality.) That still does little to help my self-esteem. I don't want to admit to being unattractive.

 

But the evidence is clear. I can't live in denial. Basically, if I want to get someone really good looking myself, I'm going to have to work on my social skills to the point where I could persuade Castro into abandoning communism with my amazing skills. But the odds are much more heavily stacked against me than someone with much better looks and less social skills (provided I learned them, which could take years literally.)

 

In the end, it's really about self-worth and self esteem. If I have to acknowledge that I'm undesirable, then I won't be much fun to be around. Think I'm bad now? Hell, I'll be far worse then. Or maybe I've already started to acknowledge it and that is why I'm getting so down.

[SarCareBear]

a good friend of mine is 6 feet tall and 140 pounds, a very slender guy. he can beat on his sternum and make a pretty loud noise of it. we've been at college for 3 months and he's already had at couple of flings with girls, and i know he's had a serious girlfriend or two in the past.

 

so don't use your stature as your excuse for not getting girls, it is clearly a false position.

[Kevin T]

It's not clearly a false position. It's most likely the best explanation.

 

I'm glad things have worked out for your friend (though having "flings" doesn't really suit me.) But I can only assume why he has been successful and I have not. One exceptional example doesn't "prove" anything.

 

When I get a beautiful girlfriend, then I'll believe it. Until then...

[SarCareBear]

why sit around sulking about not having a beautiful girlfriend, then? why don't you try politely chatting up the next beautiful girl you see and then getting her number? if she doesn't like you for who you are, then you can just know she's not the one for you. worrying about something you basically can't change, such as your stature, will get you absolutely nowhere. as a matter of fact its a huge waste of precious time. everyone has something they are not satisfied with look-wise, whether it's height or weight or a facial feature, so welcome to being human. you are what you are, now deal with it and go get some happiness.

[Kevin T]

It's one thing not to be satisfied, it's another to be just downright unappealing. I don't even like the way I look. I could accept it if I knew there were others who at least accepted me, but what are the chances of that? Heck, I look nearly as bad as Bale when he did that movie. The only difference is I can't help it. (Not that it makes me anymore appealing since it's "not my fault.") My hands are so skinny that I basically look like Death. What woman (that I find attractive, anyway) is going to find that attractive? VERY few, if any at all.

 

You say just start chatting them up. Easier said than done. I see little point in doing something which is almost guaranteed to fail. The odds of meeting a beautiful female who is single (really attractive people are seldomly single for very long periods of time unless they choose to be; one more indication of my unattractiveness), attracted to me and in my path are second-to-none. And sure, if she rejects me then I know she's wrong for me. Of course. But I'm not too wild about the idea of rejection after rejection just to find someone who DOES accept me (which will certainly be the 350 lb girl at work with a beard and four chins - her name is Amanda BTW.)

 

Maybe I should just go chat Amanda up and get her number. It's that or my hand for the next 60 years... Ehh, I'll stay single actually, instead. lol

 

EDIT- This is in reply to Stinkweed's post. I know I talk as though I'd get some great chance to come back as someone good looking, but there's nothing to prove that isn't the case. I'm not saying I believe that will happen; if I did, I would've killed myself long ago. But it's certainly hope for guys (and girls) like me who hate the way they look and cannot help it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you should see a dietitian and have them help you gain some weight. I have know several people that had to fight to keep from looking like they were starved.

 

You complain about women not accepting you for your appearance but you just debased Amanda as a possible partner because of her appearance. Maybe you need to reevaluate what is really important in life. Being pleasing to a partners eyes and them to yours or finding someone who will truly care and love you?

[turqoise]

Oo, I have to point out something interesting. It depends on where you live, what is regarded as socially attractive. Go to Japan!!!! Girls generally don`t go for muscley or buff there. There are types of guys and fashion there, like:

 

1. Thin, quiet shy lone guy standing at the corner of the bar = interesting

2. Thin, fashionable arty/music guy =cool

3. Thin, dressed-in-a-suit, intelligent conversation guy = stimulating

 

There are more, you get the picture. Anyway, living in a Western country, Attractive in a guy is sort of defined by Western society as well-toned, tanned, out going (among other things). In Japan, it`s not. You`re attractive if you`re thin, pale-skinned (too much sun means ugly damaged skin there. There are even whitening skin lotions all over the place!), and thoughtful.

 

You`ve already heard from people on htis thread that there ARE poelpl out there who would like your physique. But just so you know, there is a whole society whose norms for attractiveness fit perfectly with you! Plus Japanese girls always go for foreigners. (PS. I can say this cos i am Japanese.)

[Kevin T]

One more that says it is indeed my appearance.

 

As for that woman, there are numerous other reasons I won't get into that make me unattracted to her.

 

In terms of my appearance, yeah, I do judge by appearance, like everyone else. I make no apologizes for doing so either. That's why I don't blame women for not liking me. It's not their fault, but nor is it mine. It is simply the way it is. If you're asking me to accept her or someone else of that proportion, you're asking far too much.

 

And I have to ask you: What is wrong with desiring both of what you said? Why must I pick and choose whether it be either someone beautiful OR someone who can love and accept me? Why can't I desire both? Why can't I have both? That's far from an absurd request.

 

And I KNOW I'd be a hit in Japan. Seriously. I love japanese culture. But the thing is, I live in North America, so I have to make do with what the women HERE want.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Well you obviously aren't getting both and you continue to complain, might be there was some change needed. Repeatedly going at a problem the same way over and over again is crazy, you can't get the goal you want, you have to find a new way. You aren't going to change the women, so that means you are going to have to change, either your attitude, your perception, your approach, which ever.

[Kevin T]

I have no approach when it comes to women. As for my appearance, that won't change. Truthfully, I would have no problem with myself (I know it sounds like I'm contradicting myself but I'm not) with how I look, except that I tend to compare myself too much with others. If I could stop doing that, I could love myself for what I am. One major problem though: I always got picked on for my weight, so it has left some very big scars which are still there to this day.

 

And when I think about the fact that I am single and women don't seem to like me very much, what else can I assume? It has to be my appearance. That and you and some others have clearly spelled it out for me. Nevetheless, I thank you for your honesty. It's so nice to hear the truth for a change! I hate it when someone tells me, "Oh you look fine. There's nothing wrong with you," etc. because I clearly know that is not true.

 

But if you're saying essentially, give up buddy and stop trying to get all that you want, I'd have to retort, then I'd rather be dead. If I can't have what I want, fine. But I'm not going to settle for second fiddle either. I know that settling will not make me happy in the end; I'm much to stubborn for that. With me, it's all or nothing. Looks like this time is going to be nothing.

[Kevin T]

One other question: For the two or three that said that it wasn't my looks, I have to ask, what IS the problem then?

 

It's very easy to say it's not, but no one is saying what exactly IS the problem. I'd like to know.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you have an attitude problem. Its not hard to tell if a guy is all about face value. If you harp on this subject and feel like this all the time it going to affect the way to are seen by women. Change how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself. Look at what you will have in the future, a pretty face doesn't last for ever, a great mind may get slow, but which do you think would be a more fulfilling aspect of a relationship. The mind or the body?

[Kevin T]

I want both. Simple as that.

[Haven]

it is absolutely human nature to make such comparisons. Why else would so many females (and males now) be so weight-obsessed if they did not compare? People are constantly monitoring themselves and making adjustments accordingly.

How do you know that many people are "weight-obsessed"? Seriously, do you have any statistics on that? I mean, to make such an encompassing universal statement like that, you have to have some kind of hard proof. Millions of people in Africa, China, Russia, and so on must all be weight-obsessed, for your argument to hold true. Not just people in North America. Otherwise, the weight-obsession is just part of the culture, and not human nature. And until you can find some kind of evidence that this "weight obsession" is global and is affecting the majority of human beings, then you can't claim that it's a product of human nature.

 

As for most people looking better naked... No, just no. Certainly there are some people who would look just plain... hot, in the buff, but others... just eww. I work with many people who are well over 300 or 400 lbs. I DON'T want to see them nude!

Actually, that was exactly my point. Most people don't look better nude. I was pointing out that you can't complain about looking worse nude, because, in fact, most people do look worse nude. It's not something you can list as one of your 'problems.'

 

One other question: For the two or three that said that it wasn't my looks, I have to ask, what IS the problem then?

 

It's very easy to say it's not, but no one is saying what exactly IS the problem. I'd like to know.

Your looks are not the problem. Unless you are so hideous that the sight of your face causes little children to scream and run away, your looks are not the problem.

 

Your attitude is obviously a major part of your problem. If you approach a girl, already believing that you're unattractive and you'd never be able to get a beautiful girl, then you've already defeated yourself. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether you realize it or not, your perception of the situation is affecting your behavior. Then when the situation turns out like you predicted it would, you just chalk it up to another girl rejecting you for your bad looks. When in fact, it's your behavior that's causing you to get rejected.

[turqoise]

Hey, I was just trying to be positive man. You asked whether skinny was attractive-I just wanted to point out that yes, in some cultures that`s the norm. Didn`t mean to offend or upset.

[turqoise]

One more that says it is indeed my appearance.

 

As for that woman, there are numerous other reasons I won't get into that make me unattracted to her.

 

In terms of my appearance, yeah, I do judge by appearance, like everyone else. I make no apologizes for doing so either. That's why I don't blame women for not liking me.

 

BTW my comment just now was in reference to this reply.

[turqoise]

Try again...oops

 

One more that says it is indeed my appearance.

 

As for that woman, there are numerous other reasons I won't get into that make me unattracted to her.

 

In terms of my appearance, yeah, I do judge by appearance, like everyone else. I make no apologizes for doing so either. That's why I don't blame women for not liking me.

[NoComply]

the scene kid crazy lately?

there all twig thin just about

its scary.

but yes lots of girls go for that look

just like lots of guys go for thin girls.

 

everyone has different opinions on things

[Stinkweed]

Your attitude is obviously a major part of your problem. If you approach a girl, already believing that you're unattractive and you'd never be able to get a beautiful girl, then you've already defeated yourself. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether you realize it or not, your perception of the situation is affecting your behavior. Then when the situation turns out like you predicted it would, you just chalk it up to another girl rejecting you for your bad looks. When in fact, it's your behavior that's causing you to get rejected.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say ditto on that.

[arwen]

I think if you are focused so much on THIS aspect of you, this aspect that you say you cannot change in ANY way... that yes, it will probably show in your attitude (negative selfimage). That is what girls (and guys) may generally not like.

 

Your life will be a lot easier if you learn to accept what you can't change. I am skinny and have virtually no boobs. They are very tiny and since I am over 6', I can look a bit boyish. I have never had problems attracting guys once I started to realize that I had a lot in me that could appeal someone. Not only on the inside, also on the outside. There are guys that like small boobs, there are guys that adore a tight 'behind' but no big hips. Etc! In the end it doesn't MATTER.

 

So in fact I am saying the same thing as in my first response. You do yourself NO favor by focussing on this so much and trying to generalize that most girls don't like it. Sofar, only the girls that don't like it themselves have confirmed this. Already here you can see that there are plenty of women who respond that they like skinny. But after all, it's just not about that at all. Heloladies had a great point: he observed his friends who are very diverse in many respects and had to conclude that there is no 'generality' there.

 

Ilse

[Daligal83]

It's so nice to hear the truth for a change! I hate it when someone tells me, "Oh you look fine. There's nothing wrong with you," etc. because I clearly know that is not true.

 

So if you already know this is true, then why ask for our opinions? Many people on here, more than two or three, have told you they find skinny guys attractive. Yet you are only looking at the ones who have said they don't. You won't acknowledge anything that contradicts what you have convinced yourself of. Like you said above, you don't want to hear that you look perfectly fine. What can we tell you then that you'll believe unless it goes along with your negative view of yourself?

 

I honestly do not believe that you being skinny is your problem. Like the others have said, it's your attitude. You have shot down every single positive thing that has been said to you on this thread. Maybe that is why you're having trouble.

[Beec]

So if you already know this is true, then why ask for our opinions? Many people on here, more than two or three, have told you they find skinny guys attractive. Yet you are only looking at the ones who have said they don't. You won't acknowledge anything that contradicts what you have convinced yourself of. Like you said above, you don't want to hear that you look perfectly fine. What can we tell you then that you'll believe unless it goes along with your negative view of yourself?

 

I honestly do not believe that you being skinny is your problem. Like the others have said, it's your attitude. You have shot down every single positive thing that has been said to you on this thread. Maybe that is why you're having trouble.

 

Kevin T,

 

Daligal has an excellent point. Why are you doing this? You sound like a woman asking for reassurance. Stop it. Any problems you have are not with appearance, it's in your head and in what you do. A confident elephant man, who was both absolutely broke and convered in manure, could get women faster, and quicker than a guy who look is insecure, even if he looks like Brad Pitt and has a bulge of hundred dollar bills. Confidence is sexy.

 

Figure out how to play the game, and stop asking for reassurance. Harsh? Yes, but you need to stop this, NOW. Frankly, you are being a wussy, and that will do for your dating life what a stake through the heart will do to Count Dracula. If you need guidance on how to learn the game, plenty here will help. Learning will give you some confidence, that will lead to a little success and more confidence.

[Kevin T]

Actually, I've read numerous studies which do back up my point about social comparison. Bear in mind, it is mostly only true for North America and Europe, so you have a point. Except for one teeny, wittle thing: I live in North America. So what is going on in China is all well and good, but it has NOTHING to do with what women HERE think!

 

And you cannot "prove" your argument about self-fulfilling prophecy. What, just because you say something I must accept it as true? That doesn't make sense. You can no more say for sure that it is my attitude that repels women than I can my looks. You say it's the chicken, I say the egg. Who can actually prove what came first; my bad looks which caused me to behave this way (I think so!) which then repeats the cycle inevitably, or my bad attitude which causes women to repelled. (One thing though; I'm a pretty sensible guy - I don't walk around feeling unattractive for no reason. So the idea of me just feeling bad for little reason doesn't make sense.)

 

 

As for the rest... if confidence were all that one needed and looks played NO factor, then more unattractive men and women would be in relationships and the attractive people (with bad personalities, etc.) would always be alone. How often do we ACTUALLY see this trend? I seldomly see it. A broke elephant man covered in feces could not get women easier than the insecure (all people are insecure to some degree) Brad Pitt with a 9 inch endowment. That's ridiculous and certainly not the way the world works where I live.

 

I can't believe that you people actually believe such a thing. That's so not the way the world works.

 

Just because I go by what I actually experience (none of you have walked an inch, let alone a mile in my shoes), doesn't mean I'm wrong just because you all say you are right. You can no more prove your beliefs than I can.

 

And in all fairness, how many of you have actually SEEN me in real life? None. So you can say it ain't my looks, but I beg to differ. I'm not looking for reassurance because I have already heard enough that goes along with what I already believe. I am entitled to voice my opinion and complain about a crappy situation I am in. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Pretty simple. Calling me names isn't going to make me change my mind nor will it somehow help me see your point. Guys' opinions in this thread mean nothing anyway. I was specifically asking the females here what THEY thought. I don't care what men have to say about how "wrong" I am. It's irrelevant because they are not me, nor do they attempt to understand me.

 

Lastly, if others avoid you before you are even given a chance; then I am to conclude that it's all attitude and none of it would be how I look? They can just "magically" sense my every thought? I don't always think this way, so what about times when I am feeling confident and upbeat? Women still ignore me then! What explains that then?

 

Oh, I suppose it's "all attitude" yet again. C'mon.

 

It's not that I don't see your point about attitude playing a role; I do. But the very fact that most of you seem to be downplaying the importance looks play on a woman liking a guy is ridiculous. I would be happy to simply have more people tell me, "It IS your looks (like some of you have)." Or at the very least, I'd at least be content for you people to acknowledge one thing:

 

Looks DO matter to women! (No, maybe not as much as they do to most men! We're even worse, unfortunately.) But they DO matter and to say it is "all confidence" or "attitude" is absurd.

[Daligal83]

Yes, people look for attractiveness. You can't be with someone you are not attracted to. Here's the thing though with women (and probably men too, but I can't speak for them), everyone finds something different attractive. And how attracted we are to a guy changes depending on our perception of him. A "typically" hot guy can become very unattractive if he acts like a jerk. Similarly, a "regular" guy who doesn't stand out can become the hottest guy to a girl if she's attracted to his personality too. So attitude DOES matter just as much. Yes there are shallow people out there who soley base things on looks and nothing else, but that is not everyone.

 

I bet you that there are girls out there who notice you, but you don't notice them. And the vibe you're giving off by being so negative makes them not want to approach you.

 

I still stand by my comment that you are only searching for opinions that match up with what you already think. You had commented on what I had said in an earlier post that you didn't like, yet totally ignored the part about me dating a skinny guy. Just to recap, I had always been attracted to "bigger" guys, but he is definitely skinny and no one is more attractive to me than he is. And it's not just his looks that attract me, it's his confidence and his personality that go along with it.

[Beec]

You're not as ugly as the elephant man, and what I said about him is true.

 

Have you considered that it might not be our looks per se, but your body langauge? A man with lousy body langauge is going to send women fleeing, even if he looks like a male model.

 

Kevin, you need to spend some time figuring out the game and how men who get women play it. I'm not a great looking man, I have a gut and a woman who gets cat calls.

 

And don't think I have not been without for a few years. I have.