So how much does a guys looks really matter to a girl?

[jammin_james61]

I look at it this way: Take a round marble, push it with a given force and it will roll a certain distance, then take a rough, jagged somewhat round rock, and push it with the same force and it will roll in a different way and end up on a different point closer to the origin.

 

The way the two objects are formed represent genes, and the force they are pushed with represent environment. Now it is entirely possible that the two objects will end up on the same point but something will have to change, whether it's the force they are pushed with or the way they are formed.

 

Simple analogy, but you see where I'm coming from right?

 

Now this is where it gets kinda tricky. If a person believes that they control their fate, they do seem to become more successful, this I can agree with. However, were they responsible for they're decision to start believing in themselves, or was it an experience they had. If it is the latter it would mean that their success and their attitudes are still a product of their environment, and that we are still at the mercy of fate.

 

It's a sad and somewhat bleak view to take, but it's the one I believe is true : /

[Salucious]

Most men aren't born insecure (although they may have a tendency to be pessimistic). Life events and a history of rejection convince us that we are undesirable. It creates a vicious cycle. Without confidence I can't attract a girl but I have nothing to build my confidence on.

 

This is true, most people who have confidence have it because they have had positive results in their ambitions. Those who don't get results or receive negative influences will lose confidence. Unfortunately it takes extra effort and personal growth for those people, and being "left behind" and seeing others succeed in their failures don't help.

 

It is all about staying persistent and accepting rather than worrying about your hurdles/negative results. I think the worst thing I do when thinking about my appearance and what girls think of me is to tell myself what they are thinking of me. Truth is I don't know, I can't get inside their head to know that. But you should have a positive outlook, after all, people won't reject you for being yourself unless you are a jerk.

 

These guys have to ask themselves: "Has a woman ever said, "I do not find you attractive" when talking to them for the first time? If they haven't you are worrying needlessly; and if they have then they were a waste of time and only they lose. I've found that rather than having a negative outlook going into a situation, that thinking positively makes you act more like yourself and definetely more honest. I can go to class or walk on campus, picking up on people's interactions. A lot of times it is easy to notice a guy who is nervous or uptight. What I have to work on is simply getting out there instead of waiting for interactions to happen. I've gotten past my negative thoughts and that is probably the best thing for people with low confidence to do.

[jammin_james61]

How should someone that is negative get over their negative thoughts? Is there anything you did Salucious or is it something that might just take time for some people?

[Juha]

Red Queen you are definitely in the monority with that attitude.....

 

 

[gotSPL]

monority? how's that even possible. care to elaborate on this?

[Siriana]

Hm, looks... IMPORTANT, at least to me.

I want my kids to be gorgeous, who cares if they're smart or not .

 

Now seriously, I care about the looks - but a guy who is handsom to me, is usually completely unattractive to my best friend. So defining who is good looking is subjective.

Even if we talk about celebreties, we tend to disagee who's good looking and who's not. Start a tread Brad pitt - good looking or not and you'll see how people have different opinions.

 

Than again if I find a guy attractive and I like him and than we start beeing in a relationship and he sudenly decides not to take care of his looks as he used to (according to his age, of course) for example gets a belly that he could avoid with some effort.... well my sex drive is gone. The fact is I fell for the whole package, so I expect him to have the same criteria as he used to about his looks. Again - taking his and mine age into account.

Let's just say I am a fan of health food and some minimum of physicall activity (at least walking)

[Miss M]

Red Queen you are definitely in the monority with that attitude.....

 

 

Those of us women who feel this way don't feel like we're in the minority, not at all. I find it's really easy to find other women like me. And even though I've also known women who swoon and scream over the reigning hot guy, they always know there are women like us who don't. Just like syrix mentioned, even best friends don't agree on who's hot or not, or even how high the "looks" priority is for each of us. I think that many women tend to matter-of-factly accept the others' perspectives, because it's easy to for us to see there are different kinds of women. And it's also been written in many threads all over this board where women say the same thing, but the guys disbelieve. That's why I say just look around, shift your perspective, and you'll see us. But you won't find us in the crowd of the swooners and screamers, so don't look there for us, because that's simply not where we hang out.

[Carl5000]

Its one complex area. For me its the whole package and yes it is one huge game and playing the women, if you want success. Every women is different so its difficult to gauge what is important to them, its best to try and work them out fast.

 

I;m reasonably attractive, tall and i sometimes go out for a few beers with an ex-model. Now, he's quite shy and quiet around women, yet knows how to play them- with flirting, eye contact, body language and it comes easy to him he's very subtle in his approach. I've seen him pick up some really classy women within 10mins of meeting them- high statues women teachers, lawyers etc.

 

Of course looks matter, its just advantageous the better looking ur and its worth putting it into a scale. My friend is say 9/10 catalogue model type and pulls for fun. I'm say i'm a 6 and i could do reasonably well, i'd have to work at the personality side of things. Its very straight forward, if some guy was like 1/10 he wouldn't even be able to get into a conversation with a women.

 

Everything matters though- but firstly ppl weigh up ur looks(first impressions) but after a while the whole package; Looks, body, wealth, car, willy size, bedroom skills, intelligence, sense of humour and more. It all comes down to what the women value if they want looks over wealth at their current phase of life- then ur wealth will be irrelevant.

 

ahha i suppose its like they could rate ur whole, the beautiful; looks 6, wealth 2, intelligence 5 although it isnt so straight forward; i'll give him 22 out of 40 and i'm willing to settle for that- other have higher standards, r fussy!! the higher you score on their values and better you should do. First and foremost though, its about approaching many women, making the firstmove, confidence, self-esteem and having the traits to assist you in pulling.

 

lets be honest about it, relationships are quite shallow and ppl brag about their conquests, but to be its no big deal. In some respects, its a human weakness, not being able to feel complete and happy within urself and requiring happiness with something external to you. Then again sex = the best feelings, sensations so its understandable. peeps saying its terrible that men treat it as a game, but life is like one huge game and the search for power- relationships are a good analogy.

[Carl5000]

lol syrix, you'd be most guys nightmare in relationships aka high maintence in some ways, nothing wrong with looking for perfection, aren't most ppl seeking a form of perfection. Most women would agree that brad pitt was good looking, they'd have to have in their eyes, if they thougth he was ugly.

 

I've got away from looks in recent years as relationships are nothing but a long friendship and i'd settle with a very ordinary looking lady with a nice personality, soul etc. I find the culture's obsession with looks, wealth, breast size lacking- its stale and boring. I would want a girl to date me for who i am as a person fundamentally, not bs like my appearance or my earnings.

 

Also low maintence is vital, nothing more of a turn-off for me then a demanding women. Give me 10 orgasms tonight darling, why haven't you rang me, sort your appearance out you've put on a few pounds. What a turn off. Give me a laid back women who is quite chilled out and doesn't expect too much off me heh.

[Siriana]

Re read my post. You got it wrong. It was not about beeing perfectionist when it come to looks.

 

Bye,

 

Your worst nightmare syrix

 

[Salucious]

How should someone that is negative get over their negative thoughts? Is there anything you did Salucious or is it something that might just take time for some people?

 

You just have to be rational. You have to realize that your negative thoughts are yours, no one is putting them into your head but you. You control your thoughts, not other people. You shouldn't prepare yourself for failure, that doesn't do any good for your confidence if you have failure in mind.

 

And I have to be honest, I don't like people saying that picking up women is a game. I think this concept just came from men who are exceptionally good at manipulating women. Yes, they may be able to pick up women like clockwork, but most of the time just to use them for sex or to make themselves feel important by picking up as many women as possible. They usually do it for reputation, and think that it is the be all and end all of life. They are playing a role, and eventually women will see through that, they may be attracted to the role and not the real person. Unfortunately many of these guys are good at what they do and outshine the honest guys being themselves. But there are guys who can pick up women by just being themselves, they don't choose the women the women choose them; those are the guys to envy.

[krissbrown]

It depends on the girl, How old she is, how hot she is....

 

The younger and hotter the girl, the more she will want to be with a a guy with great looks. The less hot the less important.

 

Also as a girl gets older, the hot ones, over 25, she will care less about a guys looks and look more for stability, career, stuff like that.

 

Just my 2 cents from personal experience.

[Carl5000]

Being overly positive, borders on natively at times and isn't being realist. I prefer realism over positive thinking. I know many superfluous positivists and they border on the disillusional. Its valient to be positive, but you have to keep it in check and be realistic about your capabilities.

 

I just feel the lion's share is from the environment on wether you can be positive or not- everyone has a mixture of positivity and negativity its just a oneness for me. Its like ying and yang ahah i still border towards pessimism which is wrong, its like a safety net, playing safe is how i lead my life, i feel in control. When i start to lose control, i get anxious.

 

I should put myself into more uncomforable scenarios or weaknesses, to overcome them like you mentioned in an earlier post.

[Miss M]

It depends on the girl, How old she is, how hot she is....

 

The younger and hotter the girl, the more she will want to be with a a guy with great looks. The less hot the less important.

 

Also as a girl gets older, the hot ones, over 25, she will care less about a guys looks and look more for stability, career, stuff like that.

 

Just my 2 cents from personal experience.

For some girls/women this isn't ever an issue. For others it's always an issue. The last time I chose a guy based on the cuteness factor I was about 12-13. The friend of mine who still finds it immensely important is educated, stable, intelligent, accomplished... and she's 41 years old.

[baby_yn]

personally its not the looks that builds attraction. its definatly the attitude. looks are good just for first impression. BTW i think your first impression would be pretty good

[gotSPL]

You're post is misleading FYI. Thanks.

[CaptainPlanet]

Dear peoples,

 

I know the answer. I am right. No more discussion please. Because I am right and you are all wrong. The whole package = how you perceive the person. People perceive you the way you look. Especially when in love you need something to make the hormones go all hormonal. Sorry, but the stimulus is how you look.

 

Thanks

I win

CP

[Carnatic]

This isn't the first time that a thread like this has exploded into a massive argument, but seriously I don't think there's that much difference in people's opinions and attitudes deep down. Just differences between people who are feeling negative and those who are in positive moods... and maybe some people who feel argumentative and extremise their views.

 

I mean does anyone here really think that looks matter not a jot, and that even the ugliest guy in the world, if he had a nice personality would be on level standing with the best looking guy in the world if he had a similar personality... or that looks are the only thing that matters and no matter how charismatic, kind, intelligent, fun to be around a guy is, if his looks aren't perfect then he may as well give up.

 

I think we all congregate around the view that looks are of some importance... they make someone more sexually exciting to be around and they certainly draw attention to begin with before we know someone's personality; but if you haven't got the personality to back it up then you will fall short no matter how good looking you are, and if you don't quite have the eyecatching looks, but are able when talking to someone of the opposite sex, to be charismatic and draw them in, then some people, if not everyone will find that attractive. But we vary depending on how things are going... if you feel you're not that good lucking and you are struggling then you will feel that looks are all that matters and that is why you are struggling. If you aren't struggling then you will be more inclined to take a positive viewpoint that looks don't matter... espeically if you don't see yourself as good looking.

 

Personally I think the same... I know a lot of people on these forums deny that they they attach any weight to looks whatsoever. But I think most of these people are probably exaggerating in order to seem more righteous/take the moral high ground because they think finding someone attractive is some great sin; in either case this forum isn't really a cross section of society, it attracts those who are less superficial.

 

Like other people have said, I wish it were true that looks didn't matter, and ordinary Joes like me had just as much chance as all the 'gorgeous' guys out there, but it's not. But at the end of the day, whether you look like me, Brad Pitt or the elephant man, we all have to have a personality to fall back on... being better looking will get you more chances but it's still perfectly possible you can screw them all up... or you could be ugly, get one chance and take it perfectly.

[Stinkweed]

Of course looks matter. They just aren't everything. I see more "ugly" girls going out on dates than "ugly" guys though, that's for certain. I asked this girl to prom man, and all my friends thought I was crazy, lol. I sorta found something about her attractive, though and she was very intelligent. I sorta knew she was no looker, but still thought she was attractive in a way. She turned me down cause she already had a date (well I did ask her 4 days before prom, lol). After her I've asked out a couple more of the same type of girls, but I could easily tell they weren't interested (maybe they already had boyfriends or something? or maybe I wasn't their type) and yeah they turned me down too. Then I started flirting with yet another girl of the same type but I noticed I have lots of competition. Lol, I'm starting to think it's a trend now a days for guys start to go for that type of girl more often or something? I would say it's cause I'm in an engineering school where the female population is pretty limited, but that doesn't explain how it also sometimes happened in my high school, which was a HUGE high school, and like half of the population were girls. So I dunno about that.

 

Anyway, I'm a decent-lookin guy (just look at my picture... JK, I'm nothing like that. But I do notice when I get looked at by girls and at least a couple of times I've had girls act pretty funny around me... I blow it by doin nothing, though, mostly because I dunno what to do in such situations or just because it feels like they expect something and I don't wanna blow it, yet I end up still blowin it, lol. The irony), yet dating requires a lot of effort in my opinion. But other guys, regardless what they look like (although being good-lookin does help them), but have confidence make it seem like it's piece of cake. So yeah, confidence is key.

[CaptainPlanet]

I disagree; I definitely think looks are at least 90% of the equation. I see it simply that the way we see a person is the way we perceive them. And people perceive you the way you look. If you are a nice looking person, the things you say will be shed in a better light. If you are a sexy person, the things you do will be seen as sexy and alluring. All the women will say, there’s just something about him, I don't know he’s not even that good looking.

 

One of my flat mates, who by the way is a jerk, happens to be friends with one of the sexiest women I’ve seen. She visits him all the time, they talk for frigin hours, and they go out places. They get on like a house on fire. But they are not together, and likely never will be. She was single for about a year, and now has a boyfriend, who, guess what? At risk of sounding like a homosexual, he is a lot better looking. No one questions this, my flat mate doesn't even think he should be with her; she’s far too good looking for him. It is just generally accepted that she will go out with a similarly good looking guy. I see too many scenarios like this, where two people get on perfectly, they have everything in common but all that is lacking is that sexual attraction. Cleary it is the ultimate ingredient for a relationship; otherwise these people would be together. But they're not. All these packages, the importance of personality, and the paling of looks as you get to know someone doesn't stand a chance unless the person is hot to begin with. The physical attractiveness of a person, or looks if you will, seems to be a switch, on or off. It allow the current to flow, and the other parts of the person make up its strength, but without the switch being on in the first place the rest of you may as well be dust.

[Carnatic]

Of course though, if this boyfriend of hers had absolutely no personality then their relationship wouldn't last. If your 'jerk' friend maybe had a better personality (you did say they get on really well but you also say he's a jerk so it can't be that perfect) then she might have wanted to go out with him earlier on... I'm not saying she would now cos they have probably been friends too long but maybe when they first met.

 

It can seem like looks are 90% of the equation, but in truth it's probably nearer 50%. It seems like looks are everything because it's looks that get you the chances to begin with. If you aren't that good looking and your chances are limited then since most encounters with the opposite sex don't get beyond them deciding whether or not you are good looking, obviously it's going to seem like looks are everything. But if you have a great personality then when you do get a chance because someone has decided they like the way you look, you will be more likely to make something of it.

[CaptainPlanet]

Thats a very subjective way of looking at it. You can always work on your personality but looks are pretty much final. Thats why I say it is more like 90%. He is a jerk to me, because I have to live with him. He gets on terrifically with most people, the guy has a good personality.

[Sheyda]

My boyfriend and I must be freaks then since we met online and started falling for each other before we even knew what the other looked like.

 

I think looks matter a lot, looks matter a little and that looks don't matter at all to some people. It all depends upon the individual as to whether looks are at the top or the bottom of their list. As for how many are in each group: I have no way of knowing that and neither does anyone else.

[CarnelianButterfly]

My boyfriend and I must be freaks then since we met online and started falling for each other before we even knew what the other looked like.

 

I think looks matter a lot, looks matter a little and that looks don't matter at all to some people. It all depends upon the individual as to whether looks are at the top or the bottom of their list. As for how many are in each group: I have no way of knowing that and neither does anyone else.

Yep!

 

And the people that looks matter the most (or insecure with their own) but pretend they don't matter are the ones that get the most upset when others say they don't particularly care.

 

There are those who prefer a vapid eye candy partner and those who base their attraction on more cerebral qualities. We are not all cut out with the same cookie cutter, so our views will all differ based on what we hold important to us.

[CaptainPlanet]

I often make a woman perform an aptitude test before we go on a date.