Bad Morning

[tara3720]

Hi Everyone,

 

I guess I'm just having a hard morning, and needed some encouragement to stay strong.

 

 

 

My ex and I haven't spoken in a week and a half, and haven't seen each other for 2 weeks. Last Halloween we had such a fun time together, and I find myself thinking of those good times.

 

I've told a lot of people about his good side and the good things he's done for me, as well as his bad side, and they still told me he is not "normal." That's helped me to hear an outside perspective from friends and you all here, but it's still hard.

 

He emailed me Thurs asking if I was ok and how I am, but I haven't heard anything since. We did this one time where we broke up for 3 weeks, and got back together. That's not my intention, but I don't really know whether to still stay silent, or be friendly with him now.

 

Anger is starting to build up too since I've told some people some of the cruel things he's said and done and realizing how cruel it was. He treated me so horribly sometimes, ignored me, locked me out, screamed cuss words at me, and it seems this time he just gave up on me. It just angers me. The last time we talked, he said he really missed me, and we could try counseling, but the conversation ended because I said something he didn't like and he hung up on me.

 

I guess I just wanted to vent, and hopefully get over missing him today, because regardless of his "nice side" he isn't worth the grief.

[kellbell]

Hey Tara,

 

Stay strong. We know this guy is bad news and treated you horribly. The holidays will be hard because they will remind you of the good times, the special memories and so forth. But remember, holidays come once a year and he should have been treating you well every day of the year.

 

I would not respond to any of his emails or any form of contact for that matter. He blew it, plain and simple. You deserve to be with a guy whom will treat you will respect and unconditional love.

 

 

(((hugs)))

[rose2summer]

Hey tara -

 

This guy screams abuse and never treated you right, maybe you can find a few positives about him, but imagine how many negatives there are, you could not even count them on both hands.

 

With time, you will heal but you need to allow yourself space from him to do so, don't reopen your wounds that are just now beginning to heal.

 

Hugs, Rose

[tara3720]

You are both so right. He should be treating me good all the time, and the bad outweighed the good in my case.

I think once I meet a good man who treats me right, I will be laughin at myself for staying so long and trying to love and be a good girlfriend to a man who chose to focus on my mistakes WAY too much.

Thank you all. You've made some great points, and I will try to go on today with a smile. =)

[Juliana]

You know, it's funny, I was just thinking about you this morning, and wondering how you were.

 

Please don't even consider counselling. All the experts say that going into counselling with an abusive man is a huge mistake for women. It's just classic that he would say that, and then hang up on you within minutes because he didn't want to hear what you are saying. He's so full of cr*p.

 

This man is abusive. He cannot tolerate you doing or saying anything that he doesn't want you to do or say. Anytime you talk to him, or have any contact with him, he will use it as an opportunity to assert his control and dominance; in this case, by hanging up on you. If he is nice, it's simply a tactic to bring you back so he can continue to abuse you.

 

There are lots and lots and lots of guys out there who would never do that, never. Believe it or not, this guy you've been involved with is rare. You have to make it an absolute rule that if someone doesn't treat you respectfully, you won't have anything to do with them. You're a nice girl, and you deserve that as a bare minimum.

[tara3720]

wow. thanks for the great insight and advice. it's funny that you say he's actually rare, because i've told a lot of people (people I trust) what he's said and done, and they are shocked. there are some people I've told that have been through a lot with an ex, but they said their ex NEVER did some of the things mine did. That's scary....

 

He is abusive in so many ways, and I see that more and more now. it just gets hard sometimes, but coming here has REALLY helped.

Thank you all again. I'm greatful for the friends I have on here. If he ever contacts me again, I'll know what to do.

[kellbell]

Stay strong Tara. You can do it!

[tara3720]

Thanks everyone!! I feel much better and stronger.