Whats the point in marriage???

[ghost69]

and lock it on the way back, right?

[SummerGirl38]

and lock it on the way back, right?

 

Damn right!!!

[ghost69]

well, i look at other women when i'm with a girl. i don't cheat, talk to other women, or do anything bad. nothing wrong with looking. i don't stare either. if some chick didn't like it, she can grab her stuff and leave. i understand the wanting though. it would be my flaw if i was that way.

[redboots]

Riggz, why so hostile and bitter? What's the real story here?

 

You aren't just saying, "hey, marriage is an archaic institution and I choose not to participate in it. I think it provides unfair economic advantages for women and I don't want to be a part of that."

 

You're pretty much saying that ALL women are gold-digging jezebels who look at marriage as nothing but a means to get their claws into a man for life. These claws seem to be centered on the financial gain you seem to believe all women get out of marriage.

 

What about women who leave their careers behind to care for families? What about the woman who has helped her husband build a life and a career, only to be left for the secretary who's 25 years younger and who, undoubtedly, IS only looking for money?

 

Are all women then to deduce that all men are cheating scumbags who will leave them for younger women once house is paid off and he's making the big bucks? Are all women to assume that most men are callous pigs who care more about the way a woman looks than who she is?

 

Both my generalization and yours are silly and downright insulting to the intelligence of anyone of either gender, and especially those who choose to marry.

 

Not all women are looking for a piggy bank and not all men are looking for a throwaway wife. You'd do well to figure out where your anger is coming from and to try to make peace with it. It's not healthy to be this bitter about ANYTHING, especially an institution that you say you have no interest in.

 

-------

 

So, tictactoe, let me get this straight: You were the perfect husband, right? And, in spite of your immaculate track record (perfectly loving, perfectly supportive, the perfect listener/lover/companion/partner), your wife still morphed into a money-grubbing adulteress?

 

Wow. Either you're one of the few true martyrs to ever exist, or you've allowed your negative experience cloud the fact that you probably didn't conduct yourself perfectly, either. It seems like you view all relationships thorough the lense of the last one - not healthy, my friend.

 

Let me be clear: Adultery is never excusable. I don't care how inattentive you might have been, or how much or how little of anything you did or did not do, she didn't have the right to cheat. But surely you held some responsibility for the demise of your own marriage. Surely you did SOMETHING to contribute to the fact that your marriage to this woman imploded. There are always two sides to a story, and there is always an opportunity for us to learn how and why we ended up where we did.

[redboots]

1) I love your Buddha quote. Have you ever read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh?

 

Tictactoe, but I'm a huge fan of Thich Nhat Hanh's writing.

 

Not to be flip, but I'd like to suggest that you read his book, "Anger". There are some wonderful techniques in there for helping one deal with and heal the underlying causes of our anger. It's a wonderful book, and I can honestly say it helped me look at anger in a whole different way. Anger is generally a manifestation of hurt, according to Hanh. It's a great read, at the very least.

 

Namaste.

[Wedgewood]

I actualy feel sorry for you too guys, Riggz and TicTacToe: you two probably had the bad luck to run into deceptive and dishonest women. Fortunately, not all women nor men are bad.

 

There are many inconsistencies in what you write. First, the fact that women only have to gain with marriage. I am not young, so I have seen a lot. And what I have seen is women take a big beating with divorce and have their lifestyle diminished considerably. Maybe you guys are thinking of celebrity divorces, where the women get millions sometimes, but the guy usually ends up with a lot lot more than he can spend in a lifetime. Statistics show that men's income goes up with divorce while women's goes down 1/3. Child support often times is not enough since there are many hidden costs of having a child and a teenager.

 

Secondly, property divisions nowadays consist of dividing only what's built after the marriage. Assets before a marriage are individual, as are inheritances. The period a marriage took place even if the man made more the women also contributed, many times foregoing their careers to raise their kids. Sorry boys, but reality is very different from the paranoid picture you are painting. I often hear this kind of rhetoric from ugly men who cannot land a decent woman and become bitter. Or men who made the mistake of marrying vapid and selfish women (not saying it is your cases).

 

The women I know are hardworking, honest and contribute to the household in many ways.

 

I am married and marriage gives a couple a sense of belonging and family. It makes you be more concerned about each other and many other advantages.

 

Divorce ratings are going down in the last decade, it is not 60%.

[Wedgewood]

Ah, this had to come from a republican, neocon and maybe a radical christian..

[spinstermanquee]

May I humbly offer up a few of my experiences?

 

After we decided we were in love, I told my husband that I respected his opinion regarding marriage. He saw it as a meaningless piece of paper and a waste of time.

 

My opinion, however, was that it is the highest commitment any person can make to another and really means something. I told him that while I really cared for him, someday I wanted that highest commitment (but hey, no pressure, and I really meant it).

 

About 10 months later we got engaged and moved in. We waited 2 years to marry. I do not regret our decision. Although we do have challenges and the occasional disagreement... that is life!

 

Choose well, love well, forgive a lot, but don't sell out.

 

Hope this helps!

[MissyM]

"He saw it as a meaningless piece of paper and a waste of time."

 

 

I always think that if they feel like that, then what's the problem in doing it? If it means nothing, why not just do it for the other person?

[booberry]

Traditions of ritual and ceremony are behind the purpose of the wedding. It is completely and logically unnecessary to have rings and white dresses and witnesses and boquet tosses, but these little rituals and others like it are things are part of our society, are part of long standing traditions of hundreds of cultures around the world, and are important to many people because it is something tangeable that marks their commitment to each other, for each other and those close to them.

 

You can pray without rosaries, you can meditate without incense, and you can commit yourself to a lifelong partner without the ceremony of marriage.

 

It's just comforting and special for a lot of people, and that is the point.