I am losing it - when will it end

[this2willpa55]

5 weeks since we broke up almost 4 weeks of NC, and i am not feeling any better. i want to call him so bad, just so i can get the questions in my head answered.

 

why did he lead me to believe that i was the one and that he wanted nothing more than to have me in his life?

 

why did he give up what we had for a maybe? someone in another state?

 

why did he lie to me when he told me he needed someone with a boisterous personality? didn't i deserve the truth? just tell me you met someone else you JERK!

 

why hasn't he called to at least see how i am doing? does he not care about me anymore? did i mean absolutely nothing to him?

 

5 weeks and i still am waking up with major anxiety. i have no control over my body, and i feel like i'm slowly dying inside.

 

when will this pain go away?

[rocio]

 

when will this pain go away?

 

That's partially up to you. What active steps are you taking to move on?

[this2willpa55]

That's partially up to you. What active steps are you taking to move on?

 

my friends have been very good to me throughout this whole ordeal. i have been spending most of my weekends with them. it is those times that i am alone that drive me nuts.

 

i thought NC would help. i am doing all that i can to move on. i guess it has been so hard because i did not see this breakup coming.

[Captain34]

time heals as long as you make the concerted effort to use the NC time to move away from him. you cant expect to wake up one morning and be over him - you have to work through it.

 

go get some male attention in the meantime!

[rocio]

my friends have been very good to me throughout this whole ordeal. i have been spending most of my weekends with them. it is those times that i am alone that drive me nuts.

 

i thought NC would help. i am doing all that i can to move on. i guess it has been so hard because i did not see this breakup coming.

 

You are right. NC does help. I have a friend whose bf broke up with her over a year ago. They are still sleeping together on occasion and it is destroying her from the inside.

 

Keep yourself busy and distracted and don't make contact. You will get over i when your heart is ready to trust again.

[Derailed]

did i mean absolutely nothing to him?

 

 

Much as I would love to demonize your ex for you, I would have to disagree with this. You meant something to him. You can't stay that long with somebody without caring for them. But he's decided to move on, and as hard as it is, you will have to as well.

 

I am going through the same pain as you. Its hard, and for me its over a month as well. Things have gotten slightly better, but I still cry and miss the person. The false hopes still drag me down. I guess we just have to take it each day, and leave the rest to time. Maybe one day we will simply get tired of feeling miserable.

 

In the meantime, lets do what we can to keep ourselves occupied. Even little things. How is that? We will get through this. Keep posting, keep ranting, people want to help.

[robowarrior]

unfortunately some guys just want girls for sex, then afterwards they dump them. 9/10 he only used you to forfill his selfish desires.

[this2willpa55]

unfortunately some guys just want girls for sex, then afterwards they dump them. 9/10 he only used you to forfill his selfish desires.

 

i wish it was that easy but definitely not my ex.

[this2willpa55]

Much as I would love to demonize your ex for you, I would have to disagree with this. You meant something to him. You can't stay that long with somebody without caring for them. But he's decided to move on, and as hard as it is, you will have to as well.

 

I am going through the same pain as you. Its hard, and for me its over a month as well. Things have gotten slightly better, but I still cry and miss the person. The false hopes still drag me down. I guess we just have to take it each day, and leave the rest to time. Maybe one day we will simply get tired of feeling miserable.

 

In the meantime, lets do what we can to keep ourselves occupied. Even little things. How is that? We will get through this. Keep posting, keep ranting, people want to help.

 

i was doing so well last week, for some reason this week has been very hard for me. i know there are some things i need to stop doing (checking myspace is a big one).

 

i guess the realization that he has moved on is bringing me down as well. you and i share the same brain.

 

it is also eating me up inside that it is so easy for him. he moved on with another while i am here suffering. i didn't even get a chance to tell him how angry i am about his lying and cheating.

[Scout]

thistoowillpa55, I've been through all your threads and something is perplexing me. How do you know for sure he's with someone else? You haven't given any information on how you know he's with someone.

[this2willpa55]

thistoowillpa55, I've been through all your threads and something is perplexing me. How do you know for sure he's with someone else? You haven't given any information on how you know he's with someone.

 

i found all the information i need on myspace. comments and pictures.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I have that too where I'm fine for a while and then I break down. It comes and goes, but you should know that when it comes, it will eventually be over, so just hold tight.

 

In the long run if your ex has found someone else right away he won't be doing himself much good by relationship hopping from you to the new person. publicly it might look like things are great but privately it may be that isn't easy for him, and he won't be doing any healing or making the progress that you will because he's distracting himself with someone new. He's dragging his suffering out and dragging down this other person with him where you're working through the pain and will come out a stronger better person.

 

This too, will pass

[Scout]

Is his relationship status changed to "In a relationship"?

[this2willpa55]

Is his relationship status changed to "In a relationship"?

 

i haven't checked in a while, but it was still single last time i checked. i am trying my best to not check anymore because each time i do, i find something that hurts me even more. in fact, i can no longer check because a friend came and blocked the site from my pc.

 

i also recently became aware that there are profile trackers and do not want to look like a stalker.

[Scout]

You were with this man for nine months and planning to move in with him. This was a serious relationship. Do you not think you deserve to hear the truth directly from him?

 

I don't understand what is stopping you from asking him flat-out if he indeed got involved with someone else while you two were together and if he is with someone now. Because if he did, you deserve the truth, not be left thinking it's because you're not an "aggressive and boisterous" person.

 

Otherwise, this will drive you crazy conjecturing and wondering based on MySpace pictures & comments.

[this2willpa55]

You were with this man for nine months and planning to move in with him. This was a serious relationship. Do you not think you deserve to hear the truth directly from him?

 

I don't understand what is stopping you from asking him flat-out if he indeed got involved with someone else while you two were together and if he is with someone now. Because if he did, you deserve the truth, not be left thinking it's because you're not an "aggressive and boisterous" person.

 

Otherwise, this will drive you crazy conjecturing and wondering based on MySpace pictures & comments.

 

i already know the truth. the pictures and comments leave nothing to the imagination. there are specific dates and everything.

 

what is driving me crazy is the why. why would he do this to someone that was nothing but wonderful to him. i already have heard the answers from everyone here. i guess i'm just having a bad week and needed to vent with others that are in the same situation as me.

[Scout]

Ok, you'll have to do what you feel is best for your emotional well-being, of course. If you feel that confronting him on this and asking HIM why he did this would be too upsetting for you, then don't.

[Hope75]

This is one of those situations where I don't think you are going to get the answers you are looking for from him, and so you must find closure within yourself, based on his actions.

 

I don't know if any reasoning for his actions would actually make you feel better or help you to move on, but I think you are just not coming to grips with how devestating this was for you and trying to understand his rationale is trying to cope with the situation yourself.

 

Many times when a relationship ends in an ugly way due to infidelity or lying we do not get the answers we feel we deserve, so the best thing is to know that it is not something we could control and our best course of action is to move on, knowing that we deserve better.

 

And you do.

[JoeWho]

Confronting him is most likley to only cause you to feel worse as he will not give you any answers you are looking for or will flat out lie to you. You already know the truth from his myspace page which you should avoid checking ever again. Bad times are unavoidable and the best thing to do when they come is to stay busy and distract yourself with activities. Dont think about what he may or may not be doing, it is not your concren anymore. You will probably never understand why he did what he did.

 

You are going to feel better! Just remember that! Keep venting on here if it helps you too! I can see you are making progress even if you cant see it yet. You are on your way!

[Scout]

This is one of those situations where I don't think you are going to get the answers you are looking for from him, and so you must find closure within yourself, based on his actions.

 

I don't know if any reasoning for his actions would actually make you feel better or help you to move on, but I think you are just not coming to grips with how devestating this was for you and trying to understand his rationale is trying to cope with the situation yourself.

 

Many times when a relationship ends in an ugly way due to infidelity or lying we do not get the answers we feel we deserve, so the best thing is to know that it is not something we could control and our best course of action is to move on, knowing that we deserve better.

 

And you do.

 

I agree with this...as long as you know absolutely 100% for sure that his Myspace comments and pictures reveal infidelity. I don't wish to cast doubt on your conclusions, but you've revealed no information about them, so I myself can't form an opinion on whether you're right or wrong that he cheated. For example, you haven't said that there are pictures of him with this girl during a time you two were still together.

[Derailed]

In her case, the pictures on myspace were put up after they have broken up for some time.

[Scout]

In her case, the pictures on myspace were put up after they have broken up for some time.

 

Thanks. I also don't know what the pictures actually are of, who's in them, etc.

[this2willpa55]

Thanks. I also don't know what the pictures actually are of, who's in them, etc.

 

I know for a fact that he saw her the day before we broke up (comment on myspace). I even made him dinner that evening when he came back home from his "business trip". No mention of meeting up with a "friend".

 

It's time for me to STOP it. Stop wondering if he…. why did he…. ??? I need to realize it is over and stop obsessing over his new relationship. I need to also regain back my confidence that I lost because of this whole mess. I am an attractive, intelligent woman. I may not have a boisterous personality but I have a great personality and most importantly a good heart. I have an awesome job that I love and own my own home. I have the greatest friends and family that anyone can ask for. I know one day I will make a great wife and a mother. He blew it big time when he let me go. If you guys knew me, you would say the same.

 

I felt really bad for all the snooping that I did after we broke up. But I'm glad I did what I did because now I know that he is not the man that I thought he was. This breakup has really changed me into a person that I do not want to be, but I will get the old me back.

[Scout]

this2shallpa55, it's not that I don't realize you're probably a great person. My questioning is not meant to make you feel defensive, inferior, negative in any way.

 

But I have to be very frank here. I'm actually very perplexed by several things about your situation. It just doesn't make sense to me that you wouldn't question your ex about him leaving you for someone else. I mean, I could understand if when you two were together, he constantly cheated on you and gave you reason to mistrust him. But you said yourself this was totally out of the blue. The impression I got was that you two had a pretty solid relationship. Yes, you fought and broke up at the end, but you have said nothing that indicates this was a consistent pattern.

 

I guess I just don't see how you couldn't naturally want to know straight from your ex the following: "Ok, I realize we must have had problems or we wouldn't be where we're at now. But some things have come to my attention that have me thinking you were getting involved with someone else while we were still together. I am having a very hard time understanding how this could be, because whatever our issues were, I definitely trusted you. If our relationship meant anything to you, I need you to be honest with me and tell me if what I suspect is true. This will help me move on."

 

And, I know what I'm about to say is probably not going to want to be something you want to hear. But...I strongly feel it's something worth examining. Your ex said you weren't aggressive enough. Is it possible that you have difficulties communicating, and that's what he meant? Because I sense that you probably suppress your thoughts and feelings a great deal.

 

I feel you're suppressing the desire to get the truth from your ex because you're afraid of confronting him. But what is the worst that could happen if you do? I guess I'm really concerned you are going to suppress your anger and hurt in this situation, but down the road it's going to resurface in some other way.

[this2willpa55]

The week after we broke up I called him a couple of times to discuss our relationship. I begged him to give me a better answer than needing an aggressive, boisterous personality type (he describes as the life of the party). I even said if you have met someone else please tell me (even though I had no idea). That's all that he would give me. He said he needed that type of person to make him feel complete. I made him happy, but he thinks there is someone else that can make him happier.

 

I guess too much time has passed now, and I fear that contacting him will only hurt my progress.