how to dump someone without hurting him?

[midnight_blue]

The more I know my boyfriend, the more I feel he and I aren't compatible at all. I don't think this relationship will work out, so I want to end it. The problem is, my boyfriend is still passionately in love with me. I don't want to hurt him. Although I no longer have romantic feelings for him, I still regard him as my close friend. What can I do? How to dump someone without hurting him?

[WantToBeLuved]

I don't think there's a hurt-free way dump anyone. I think the best thing, at least for me is to be honest. Yea, I'll be upset with you for a while, but eventually, I'll get over it and I'll respect you for caring about my feelings enough to be completely honest with me.... Then again, thats my view. Dunno if you're bf will feel the same.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'd agree with the above.

 

You still like him as a friend, so you owe him at least a private, IN PERSON, *honest* breakup.

 

If he is still in love with you, expect some possible pleading, maybe even crying. Be ready, and be compassionate yet resist it. Stick to your guns.

[DN]

I agree with the above and also suggest you do not give 'practical' reasons for the break-up as he will try to argue that he can change those things for you. Simply tell him that although you like and respect him and enjoy his company you do not have the sort of love for him that you should have for a relationship to work.

[BlueCoconut]

I concur... ain't no painless way. But the longer you'll drag on, the worst it will be. The best thing you can do is be honest with him and tell him, the sooner the better.

[KileOriginal]

1. Break up with him in person. (some people have no idea how much over the phone, email or letter is a totally horrible way to dump some one and is cowardly.)

2. Be completely honest as to why your breaking up with him. (He deserves to know for his own future benefit.)

3. DO NOT offer any hope for the future. (As bad as it sounds, kill it as fast and as painlessly as possible, but be sure to kill it.)

 

I would also say that being friends afterwards may be a bit of an unreasonable expectation. Not everyone can do that and let go of how they feel. There's a rule of thumb regarding how long after a break up you should wait before talking again, but in the case were he is still madly in love with you, I would say to give him alot of time alone, as in months if not more.

[rocio]

I wish I knew the answer to this.

[bighair]

All I can say is that your BF will be hurt. So, the goal isn't about doing it in a way that won't hurt but ending the relationship in a way that is respectful and honest.

 

Also, make sure that you are clear that you're ready to break up with him. Be certain that it's over for you. You know that people go back and reconcile. People divorce and remarry one another all the time.

 

So, if you're ready to end it, tell him that the rel. is not working for you, and it's time for you to move on. It will suck, tears will be shed...you might even cry...you're about to hurt someone and that will hurt. tell him that you care about him but the time for you two to be together is coming to an end and it's not meant to be. Good luck

[shikashika]

See my opinion differs than some ... i would say GIVE him the reasons why you do not love him... you DO know.... you just may not want to to admit them...or you do not want to say anything because is may make you look bad

 

I can't stand when people say things like "I'm just not into you"... there is a reason why I'm not into anyone... it may take a little work to think about what it is.. but he deserves the truth, and I would rather know... if you do not want to hurt him... or you want his grieving period to be shorter then be specific... if may make you look like a ... but then at least he has a reason not to grieve over you.

 

Don't be a coward... tell him specifically why you do not want a romantic relationship with him. good luck

[rocio]

Actually, if you don't want to hurt him, you could make him break up with you.

 

Start acting clingly and scary and he will run for the hills (although this could backfire if you don't do it right.)

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Actually, if you don't want to hurt him, you could make him break up with you.

 

Start acting clingly and scary and he will run for the hills (although this could backfire if you don't do it right.)

 

I respectfully disagree. Some people have an inhuman ability to withstand this kind of thing, and all that she would be doing is cementing her position in a relationship that she wasn't fulfilled in and has now turned sour. Too risky and a bit immature when telling him honestly how she felt would accomplish the same thing in less time and with less bitterness.

 

I’m with the other posters, gently cut him lose. In the long run it will be best for everybody.

[Dako]

Tell him quickly, and leave.

I agree that a list of reasons isn't needed.

 

A list of details will only start a debate on what he can change, and give him hope. Simply tell him it's over and you aren't happy anymore. Seems cold, but it's better than a long drama, and the sooner he accepts it, the sooner he can rcover.

[Dako]

Hazey_amber

 

What about honesty?

At such a critical point, doesn't a person you once loved deserve more than phoniness?

[rocio]

Hazey_amber

 

What about honesty?

At such a critical point, doesn't a person you once loved deserve more than phoniness?

 

Sorry, it was more of a joke.

[Kevin T]

The more I know my boyfriend, the more I feel he and I aren't compatible at all. I don't think this relationship will work out, so I want to end it. The problem is, my boyfriend is still passionately in love with me. I don't want to hurt him. Although I no longer have romantic feelings for him, I still regard him as my close friend. What can I do? How to dump someone without hurting him?

 

Imagine! A way to "dump" (lovely term too, BTW) someone without trouncing all over their feelings...! Impossible.

 

There will never be an "easy" way to discard someone in your life. It's not SUPPOSED to be easy. God help us when it becomes "all too easy."