mynatahsa Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I broke up with my last boyfriend by email. He said that I lacked class doing this. I am just wondering.....what is so bad about it? Oh yea, I made a big long list of all the things that I didn't like about our relationship on there too. But he was such a jerk, I didn't feel like I could say it all to his face. He probably hates me and didn't want to be friends or even have me contact him ever again.....oh well.... Link to comment
xblondyx Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 It just seems cowardly...like you're too scared to do it face to face. It is a bit harsh as well. It's like...you don't care how the other person feels. One of my ex's finished with me over text and it just seemed so childish, the fact that he couldn't do it to my face hurt me even more. It's like I was nothing, I deserved no respect. I hated him for it. So yes, I suspect he does hate you! Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 imo.. it is VERY insulting if someone would do that.... it pretty much is telling the person that you won't give them the respect to talk to them IN PERSON. In situations where you are unable to see a person I can understand.... but if you have the oppurtunity to meet with someone to talk about it... or at the very least use the telephone, you should do it... If I were him I probably wouldn't want to talk to you.... Link to comment
rocio Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 It is cold and doesn't offer the respect that someone would normally deserve after giving his heart to you. It also doesn't offer him closure. Link to comment
blender Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Well, what is done is done, if you have learned from this experience, then that is a good thing. Breaking up via email is a cowardly thing to do, but it's okay, you did it, it's done, and if you feel like you don't ever want to do that again, then this was a valuable opportunity for you to learn more about yourself. As far as him "wanting to be friends", more importantly why would you even consider being friends with him, if he is such a (to use your words) "jerk?" Let him go, move on, learn, grow, become who YOU want to be.... Link to comment
mynatahsa Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 well....he was too defensive and always took me wrong anyway....so it wasn't like we could have a real conversation about it without turning into a misunderstanding. Not cowardly.....just didn't want a confrontation, and didn't want to be interurpted or yelled at. He was big on yelling at me for nothing at all. I agree it could be childish if the relationship were mature, but it(the email) was all it was worth to me. So why would he say it was classless and to never contact him again??? He wanted me to move in with him.....wanted me over every night and if I said I was busy....he would be irate. ???? Just really confuses me. Link to comment
shikashika Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 it is very bad imo... always do it in person... if you have any humanity in you! Link to comment
Dako Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 But he was such a jerk, I didn't feel like I could say it all to his face. You chose this guy at one time. You made a decision to enter a relationship with him, I presume not through email. Someday it may be you getting dumped in a flaming email. What goes around really does come around. Link to comment
Lanterna Magica Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 It is very cold, callous and insensitive, it shows no respect or gratitude for the love they have for you. And to be complacent about Love is a very foolish thing to do! So if he says you lack class, I think what he means is you used a cheap method to give him a life changing message! I just feel for him in this situation. You seem to just want to hear 'yes its great, the perfect way to do it and how dare he insult you!'. The fact is it is not, it is complacent and you should apologize for the way you did it. as Dako says 'What goes around really does come around.' Link to comment
blender Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Perhaps it is best that this relationship is over, maybe you are both at the wrong emotional time in your lives to be a couple. If there was so much "anger, fear, confrontation, yelling" well then, it's time for you both to move on. He was simply hurt and disappointed that you chose to break up via email, and I understand how he feels, breaking up is so painful for both people, and perhaps he felt a bit blindsided because he didn't get to "discuss" it with you..that's all. From now on, breaking up is not about the person you are doing it to, the "way you choose to break up" says more about you then it does the other person... so next time have the self respect to be in a safe place (if the guy is scary) and let him know in person that you want to "end the relationship as it is"... and then let go with love... that's the best way... and next time you are in this situation you can do just that.. lesson learned... Link to comment
New_Horizons Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 How would YOU feel if someone broke up with you over email? As for the list of bad things, you're making this sound like a business deal gone bad. This is a relationship. Even if you don't love each other, there is a graceful way to end it. And if he loves you (perhaps not this guy but any future guy), and you want to break up for any reason, it's insulting, hurtful, cowardly and callous to break up over email or text messages. Link to comment
mynatahsa Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 Well in this case he deserved it. I don't think it is a nice thing to do. But you can't break up nice. Honestly, I had 1 guy in my life break up with me to my face.....and that was in high school and I still remember how painful it was. I would rather have gotten an email. I just wanted to cry. He said "I know you really like me....and that is why this is so hard to do....but I'm getting back together with my ex girlfriend (a lie)....... Link to comment
shikashika Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 you can still break up nic-er... i would never want anyone to break up with me via email! Link to comment
Dako Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Well in this case he deserved it. .... What did he deserve? Link to comment
mynatahsa Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 He didn't deserve me. So I broke up with him, via email....because he wasn't treating me right. He was on Crystal Meth and totally irrational...... Link to comment
Dako Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 That's hardly a small detail. Call me silly, but in that case I see your point. Link to comment
mynatahsa Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 Ya, I didn't even want to say it.....(type it..... whatever) The thing is....I did really like him but....that's too big of a butt. Link to comment
betrayedgirl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Dumpers who break up via emails are very DISRESPECTFUL, COWARD and CRUEL! I was dumped via email and it really hurt me. It is ALWAYS BEST to break up IN PERSON NO MATTER WHAT THE DUMPER IS FEELING! It shows you have class and respect! Link to comment
betrayedgirl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I broke up with my last boyfriend by email. He said that I lacked class doing this. I am just wondering.....what is so bad about it? Oh yea, I made a big long list of all the things that I didn't like about our relationship on there too. But he was such a jerk, I didn't feel like I could say it all to his face. He probably hates me and didn't want to be friends or even have me contact him ever again.....oh well.... I am curious why do you have a happy face at the end of your message? that is very rude! Link to comment
melrich Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 That's hardly a small detail. Call me silly, but in that case I see your point. LOL. Allow me to tweak my advice a tad.... Link to comment
Jordan5571 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Yeah, this is a loosing battle here on this site. This site is for recovery and support. Your post whether warranted or not, has been perceived by most who commented as down right rude. However, the tone was set by your original post. It basically said, oh well, f*** him and his feelings, then worse, you smiled as if you were planning to do this out of spite. Which may be true, but com'on, this is the wrong place in my opinion if you are looking for support. Most everyone here are either going through a breakup and needs help getting over their situation, or they have been through this and want to help others get over their situation, OR... the occasional who ask advise on how to breakup gently and cut ties. The message, even if warranted, seems a bit inappropriate here. Never mind telling you my opinion about how you did it. I am not trying to sound like a jerk, but if you are wondering why people are not warm to you on this thread, it is because you are coming off as the opposite of what this site stands for. (If any doubt, read the threads, and wonder why so many people are on this site at all times, because we all believe and truly care)... Good luck! Also, on a not so nice note, be careful of Karma... I have seen her wrath many times. Link to comment
betrayedgirl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 AMEN to Jordan!!!!!!! Link to comment
need2bme Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 it means that they are not worth a face-to-face and THAT hurts. I got my breakup, confirmed on the phone. She did not want to finish it off face-to-face. Link to comment
Setter5 Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Phone calls are bad enough. Going to email says a lot about the "dumper." And it's not good. Put it this way, most professionals would resign from a job in person - to the supervisor. So by phone or email, you're saying that you would give a supervisor/boss more respect when going separate ways than someone you've been intimate with....?????? Hum. Link to comment
Deserted1 Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 My ex didn't even have the guts to call it a day. Even after I found out she cheated on me. I had to be the one to call the break up, (over the phone) and then she agreed. Talk about cowardly! Sheesh! I was her first real relationship, and I know she went about many things the wrong way, but c'mon, have some respect for someone you once loved! Link to comment
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